t*Ime is getting cLoser. to our end. i feel the demOns creeping inside, peeking and putting things off to the side. my time is up, in a couple of months. iVe livEd the best i can, and done what i could not a bit shY . i can feel the hurt surfacing inside her nOw. it is not inevitable, bUt its nothing I can change. the truth Must be told, and death muSt win, i shall fall tO my knees,cRy,and beg of anotheR way. there's onlY one way. deaThs soldiers must Have pre-dominAtion. i must carry ouT my duties. people are Welcome to weild my signature apon tHem unknowingly only to be kept for the elderly (you shAll be salvaged). you can join me on my quesT never knowIng What i speak off, neveR comprehendIng my objecTive, tag along for thE rIde of your life, and The end of the woRld. 18 is so close, i wished it were fUrthEr. the success In his ways will be disturbingly effective. i claiM thiS, and that, when there is nOthing, in eveRything. and eveRYthing, In nothing.iF you lIsten as i speak, Hear what yoU know. and ingnoRe whaT YOU think. i feel you should fallow your plans. and let me fallow his. ours Will not cHange. thE goal is Not mIne, noT mine to ChOose rather Myself doEs it or him. ive been Shoved in a corner. for so long, my life is yoUrs. my soul is hers. my mind is his. Pleading, Ill forever be thankfull to everyone Whos cared, and for everyone who has ever trIed to heLp or has heLped. i love you. i hate you. becauSe I dont want to hurt you. but i will hurt you. My master, hes taking control, i feel a lack of Power, ive tried to fight for so Long, onlY to be ripped apart, by my own failure and his power. its Destiny.
    my fInal wordS before i go iS. thAt i wished i could Proove to you my lovE. i wish thAt i could win and they leave me alone. but they need it, i want it, and it will be foR* the greater good. im changing under my skin. Im feeling beneith the abyss. and hearing the calls of a power i can not challenge. this is not goodbye... its far from it... they will always keep me around. im their perfect mask. their my dirty little secret. but whats done is done. for past is future present is both. and future is our past. thissickness is what i wish to be gone i wish their was a cure. but the poison is no longer a foriegn substance. but my very own blood. im cold. im hot. im everything that is nothing and nothing that is everything. this world is over since the begining of start, and is re-animated since the begining of its end.  all at the same time we feel it, know it, and cant understand it, their is no past present, future, there is no time. other than begining to end. no middle. it starts the same time it end's. this world has been cruel, yes. but the humen race has been Crueler. it must end.
DEATH HAS TAKEN ITS TOLL ON ME, MY ALTERNATE EGO HAS CONSUMED ME, IM HERE NOW BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.  BUT I DO HAVE TO CHANGE THE WORLD. I DO. I WISH IT COULD BE SOMEONE ELSE. BUT I DONT THINK SHE'S BLESSED ANYONE ELSE WITH MY DAMNED CURSE.
I LOVE YOU
FOREVER AND EVER.

"My Virus"
How do you know?
Whats real or not.
If Nobody can prove it.
GOD,PSYCHIC,ME!
Like a desiese ill seep into your mind.
Im so very iNfectious,
Its Fucking oUtrageous!
I will pierce your soul,
Slashing away,smoking 1 more bowl.
Youll bleed a bright red glow.
I will make shure its fucking SLOW.
Your blood runs cold now,
The king of 21 will fold,
Cant you feel the sickness in my lyrics arnt they so BOLD!
I am bad,I am sick, twisted and almost Dead!
But i can be good, as a Fallen Angel,
My thirst to treat women,
treat them good, make them feel...
Feel the "Great Sickness"

BORDEM STAGE 2

This heat its got me beat
as i fry in it i find my self about to cry.
because my feelings for you bring me to my feet.

Its a defeat ive yet to conquer.
i try so hard in the begining,
to not like you like i do.
but im not one to lie. even to myself
and your to AMAZING for anyone person,
to keep to thems self

But im up to the challenge. cause
you bring me streangth to keep going
i feel by end ill be going,
but with a more solid stronger heart, but
feeling something lost.

Cause NOMATTER what happens to us
I want you to know if im ever to experiance love,
its because YOU showed me how!!!

                                           SPAZ

All The Time Away From You: by Steven Fraser..

The sight of rain,
brings me a great deal of pain

Today is different,
I feel so indefinent.

Its so quiet,
but it feels like a riot.

An unknown presence,
disturbs my essence

This darkness is creeping,
like death is reaping.

I open up for few,
I opened up for you.

I feel like im tripping,
but its just my blood dripping.

My heart beats slow,
I love your glow.

A flawless chill runs up my spine,
I just wish i could feel fine.

But without you,
my lifes set on a que.

Fuck The World: by Steven Fraser.

Time is relentless,
as i lay here restless.

My world is being pulled apart,
as if i didnt do my part.

Twisting and turning,
Fuck ur learning.

I know that love bites,
but im not afraid of heights.

So i need a new fear,
something that will keep me here,
for just one more year.

dunno dont have a clue:by steven fraser

This world is moving way to fast,
Its just like my fucking past,

I cant keep up with the pace,
You weep as i beat ur face. but u hit me with disgrace

This chill that u feel makes u pail,
but its just my drill under ur nail.

Im fucking insane,
and u all think its in vein.

Live my life,
and ull be glad that ur alive.

Because im fucking insane,
and none of its in vein.

Heart warming; By Steven Fraser

My heart is
beaten & torn

Its
ripped and worn

But
you always seem to make it warm.

muahhahhaha.... hmmm the body is rated the the favorite place to draw, and write. on.. multiple. thing.. .like with a pen. carving... scarrification tattoos.. oohhh its all beautifull.. and ive just recently found 2 ppl who will cut me up.. well 1 for shure the other one is still pending... but none the less.. its fucking awsome cause their both cool as fuck... im even lableing brandy my TTF....muahahaha... if u only knew what it meant... the first person to knkow what it means gets 2 of the following...well...more like im gonna give a list and u can pick to...hmm actually if u guess what it means ill go out and spend 15 bucks on u what ever u want me to get with it....yay... hmm ill give u a hint... the "F" stands for Forever.

Im not confused about anything i do,see,hear,want,or need. im one of the most single non confused person ever. Before i can fall asleep i plan out my day in a sequence of of webs. if something doesnt go how i expected it, my mind will reconstruct it in a matter of minutes. This causes me to forget whats happening though ive got great recovery skills and can be back on track almost instantly. However though im confused about my mental stability. And i realy cant tell if i want the confusion to go on. Or if i want it to stop. One side is that im very random. Which i like and so do alot of other people im "unpredictable" yet if anyone new me at all they could pin my every next move down. My multiple personality disorder...true... or one of the few lies i lie?. im not shure. im genuenly unshure. sometimes i tell myself that its just bipolar ness or what ever which has a good reputation in my family. but its not just my emotions that change rapidly but instead my whole fucking personality. Except one thing doesnt fit. somewhere in my personality change. im aware of it. thats not normal for multiple personality disorder. i say i dont ever cry but thats a lie. i find my self crying at night sometimes simply cause i dont know who i am or why i did or do the, things that i do. for along time people call me a bully.. cause i pick on alot of people. that r smaller than me but they dont ever see me picking on people bigger than me. bully's pick on people to make themselfs feel better. when i do it im disgusted withmy self cause i know im better than that but i do it any way. im realy mean to alot of people even people who try to be nice to me even though i treat them like shit. but i i. just dont know. like just the other night.. right casue i have a second profile on myspace. and sometimes i talk to the same person. on both at the same time.. yeah its me but its not me. when i go to that profile. im completely differnt. what confuses me the most is maby becasue i cant tell the differnce when im lieing to my self. for most people they know my favorite colors r black and neon green. and thats 100 percent true. but at the same time when i go to that profile my fav. colors r purple and red. and thats 100 percent true to. if somebody hooks me up to a lie detecter they would be confused cause if they asked me my favorite colors their would be six adn all the truth. so i think to my self that maby i just like all of them so its true but its not. i cant stand red!! yet i like it sooo much at some times. i find my self abusing myself when theirs noone else around ill be happy. and ill start to seriously hit my self in the face real hard. and i cry sometimes cause i hit hard. and its even worse when u dont even know why u hit ur self. my cult on VampireFreaks. when im on that site i realy truely believe the shit im talking about. but the second i think about it i tell myself im fucking retarded cause its not logical just like all of the other religions casue i believe in nothing after death. i dont even believe in the grim reaper. but at the same time i do. i realy do. and i worship her.i do lie about my medical illnessess cause ive never been evaluated. i just assume thats what its closest to and i possibly have it. but people rnt suppose to be able to be aware of it with out u know people telling them.. my mind is truely a labrynth. u know im able to find out so much about so many people they have no idea how much i can know. ive just always KNOWN things kinda like im half psychic but i dont fucking believe in psychics. and then their r people who say that yeah im harder to figure out then most. but NO ONE can figure anything about me.maby at that moment but i change to often and to rapid for my self to know what im thinking. thats why i started smoking weed cause it slows me down i get hyper casue my personality will be triggered by something and ill stay in that personality. thats why i get hyper cause i know that im differnet and ive got an hour or 2 to figure alittle bit about myself. now also a few of u ive told the reason of smoking has a big thing to do with my death belief and thats true to. i guess maby im not as smart as i think cause i would think that ok so thats logical for numerous things to cause a person to pick up a bad habit right? well thats not my case when i to me i had a 6 time first experiance with weed.. alright. im soo confused and more and more people think that their figureing me out. and ive realized the more people that seem to know or think they know anything about me. my changes become more frequent and rapid. and its realy making it harder on me.. its even harder when people dont believe me. cause i question my self about it. ive come to several possible conclusions only truely leaning towards one at different times like right now. i truely believe that my problem is that my imagination has caused me to think i have these problems and cause my imagination is so vibrant and vast it will go on forever. but then 10 minuetes later ill think to my self that my problems r becasue or my skills in three areas.. my skills in problem solving,stratagy,and lieing surpass most people who are above average joe. so i think that maby im soo good at those that i lie to myself that i have these problems and then when ever i here something or see something it will cause me to come up with a bunch of different strategys to solve the problem, thus this is where i think my self abuse come frome cause one of my strategy to everything is violence. last resort. but its still a stategy none the less. then ill think that i genuenly have these problems. then almost instantly i think if i had these problems for real i wouldent know. and im soo fucking confused when it comes to my mental stability. im not confused about anything. else. i titled it confusion or adventure because sometimes its fun trying to solve the problem and i assume thats the optimistic part of me. i tell people for certain people im very forgiving. like haley i tell her that cause i forgive her for everything she does. even if its something that realy realy if i were anyone else they woulednt talk to her ever again. i forgive her cause a part of me likes her alot!!! thats the part that talks to her.. cause realy ohnestly i hate her with every bit of my soul except one obviously. that like is strong enough to keep me from changing so rapid and frequent..like sometimes when u here people say ur gonna push them over the edge well for me the same thing just ur pushing me into another personality.. i cant right poems. at all. so when i write poems and their good its cause somebody made me in either my evilness my saddness or likeing someone. .like when i thought she was gonna commit suicide, i wrote this phenomanal poem that alot of girls realy liked alot of them said that they wished other guys could be able to care about someone that much.. 2 days later she set me off and i wrote a realy good poem that only she would understand basically telling her i could care less to what happens to. her... i just dont knkow where im at who i am at time. i mean i always no who i am. but i dont know who i am..