After a huge sigh, Eddie said, "Why does gravity have to keep pulling me down?  I want to fly!"

Eddie is 3 years old.

These prints are for sale as framed.  Many people prefer to have their art custom framed (so that it matches the home decor) so, I am also selling prints.4x7:  $55x7: $68x10: $2511x14: $3516x20: $55

Hopefully, they are priced to sell in today's economy.


Here's a sneak preview of a gallery wrap that should arrive on my doorstep any moment now!

Those in-the-know tell us that there are approximately 100 tribes world-wide that have never been contacted by 'civilized' humans.

I don't have permission to show you the images that where released on May 29, 2008 by Survival International.  They show uncontacted Indians on the Brazil-Peru border who may have never had contact with the outside world.  You can read an ABC news report here and view the pictures.

Anthropologist say that they "had" to take these photos in order to prove that these tribes existed.  They have no intention of contacting these tribes except in the case of a last-minute effort to save their lives or habitat.  Apparently oil and logging companies are trying to exploit this land and have denied the existence of these tribes in order to justify enormous profits.

According to one report, out of the thousands of Amazonian tribes in the last 500 years, none have adapted well to society in Brazil!  Zero.  Nada. 

Another report told me that typically half to two-thirds of a newly "discovered" tribe will die of disease within 3-5 years.  These people will often die of the common cold because they lack an immunity to it.

With such grim realities that face these tribes if we contact them (or any other tribe), what do you think about telling them about Jesus?  What about "...go into all the world and preach the gospel..."?  Do you think that we should send missionaries there?  I don't necessarily mean white/American missionaries (currently Brazil sends more missionaries than America). 

What if missionary contact brought death via disease along with the gospel?  (this is more common than you might think).

How important is it that these people hear the good news of Jesus Christ?  After all, I've heard it said that no person can come to Father God except through Jesus.

This photo depicts what my front yard looked like on Wednesday morning.

Apparently one of Josh's "Friend(s)" thought they'd T.P. our house in the middle of the night.

I think they did a terrible job. 

This kid (or kids)  seemed to lack the motivation to do a good job.  What's up with kids these days?  Don't they take pride in their work?

Dear Joe,

Thank you for the time and energy you have invested in pursuing the Student Ministries position at our church.  We've had a large response to the position, and we've narrowed it down to one candidate who seems, for a variety of reasons, to be the best fit for our church culture and this particular role.  We've decided that this role would not be the best place for you from our perspective.

I pray that you will find the right ministry match where you'll be able to joyfully serve God and His church.

Gratefully,

My last blog produced some of the most vulnerable discussion that I've ever been involved in while blogging. My E-mail box was flooded with responses that (rightly so) weren't exactly appropriate for a "comment". I'm still sorting through them.

The discussion sparked some additional thoughts that I'd like to share before I post my next blog in "My Journey".

The Setup:

As I mentioned in my last blog, I had some good friends who left Axis because I did something that was hurtful to them.

Bare with me as I try to be extra clear:
1. What I "did" to them was not immoral, sinful or otherwise devious. But I DID hurt them.
2. Both parties agree that what I did was inadvertent.
3. Once my offense was explained to me, I was immediately understanding and apologetic.
4. They immediately left their church responsibilities and never returned to Axis.
5. The friendship is over.
6. Personally speaking, I expect that authentic relationships will involve being getting hurt by other people. I endeavor in friendships even when I'm hurt by them because that's what I would want from them.
7. I feel like there was no grace from them and that they expected their pastor to be perfect.

I think it's situations like this that pave the way for pastors to abuse their wives, get addicted to porn, have affairs or leave their God-given calling altogether out of heart-break.

Ultimately, the situation that I described in my last blog (and summarized above) isn't about, "poor Joe" or simply feeling sorry for myself. Ultimately, it's the pressure for perfection that hurts me deepest. Also, I see the damage this does to pastors world-wide.

Let Me Explain What I Mean:
I've known countless people who have left their churches because the pastor said, "fill in the blank". If it's not something they said, then it was something that they did. I think there are literally thousands of people who will go to a different church next week because a pastor "said" or "did" something that wasn't good.

I'm not talking about the pastor saying or doing something sinful, immoral, or devious. Simply that he did something that wasn't good, great, or beneficial.

I think that things like this begin to mold a pastor into someone he never thought he'd become. I think that the majority of pastors learn quickly to be VERY concerned about who they allow to know the REAL person that they are. Pastors become guarded very quickly. Pastors learn that there are very significant consequences to the "church" when they are anything less than perfect. This pressure is enormous.

When pastors become guarded, then they isolate themselves. Isolated people always develop any one of a hundred different problems. Isolated people don't deal with the real issues that life brings our way. Isolated people are lonely people. Lonely people do desperate things.

Anger can't be dealt with in isolation and often turns into bitterness or rage. I once knew a youth pastor who went to jail (and lost his job) because he attacked his wife with a baseball bat. They both, obviously, once had manageable problems that turned into some something destructive. Most pastors won't admit when they are having marriage problems.

Why don't most pastors admit that they are having marriage problems? I think the number one reason is an unwritten expectation that they must "have it all together". I do not think that pastors put this unwritten expectation on themselves. I think you/we put that expectation on them.

I knew a pastor that had an affair.

I've heard that 20% of pastors are addicted to pornography.

I remember hearing that over 80% of pastors say that they have few or no "close personal friends". After my brief try at being a senior pastor, I can understand why. They leave you over the stupidest things.

To Reiterate:
The point of my last blog was about hearing God tell me that I can't control what other people do or don't do. I can only control my own actions and reactions. God isn't promising me a life void of close-personal upheaval.

I must fight to stay vulnerable. I must and I mean MUST resist the need to pretend. (although I do think people need to be appropriate - being honest/vulnerable doesn't mean people have a license to air dirty laundry in inappropriate places or times).

My fear is that I will never find a church that agrees with me or would want me to be their pastor.

Here's What I Think:
1. I think that you should become committed to what God is doing in your church. I don't think that your commitment should be to the pastor of your church.

2. Expect your pastor(s) to screw up.

3. If a pastor appears to be perfect, he's far from it... there's a real person in there somewhere who longs to be vulnerable... accepted just as he/she is.

4. Don't commit to your church out of some "consumer" mentality. Church isn't a PLACE. Church isn't as much a place for you to get something as much as it is a place for you participate. Don't go to church and rate the sermon, worship, and activities. When you go, participate in the sermon, worship, and activities. Do you show up, sit, stand, sing, sit stand, watch, pick up your kids and go home? That sounds lame if that's all it is. Participation might be what you're challenged to do.

5. It's hard to be overly critical of your church or your pastor if you view church as YOU. As US. If church is viewed as US rather than a place we go, then any criticism is easier to lace with love and gentleness because you're talking about yourself... about the body of Christ... about the Bride for which He's coming back.

The next blog is written and is coming soon... "About Clouds and Manna"

Since the agonizing death of *Axis, I've been on a slow journey to wrestle with and understand several things.

In order to speed up the process, I recently took a trip to Chico,CA for some concentrated "away-time" in order to pray alot and listen for God's voice with fewer distractions.Welcome to Part One of my journey!

If you're still interested, I'd advise you to grab your favorite beverage and get comfortable, because I may ignore the unwritten "keep it brief" rule for blogging. This is my Web-Log of my recent physical and spiritual journey. I'm hopeful that this will be part therapy and partly helpful to those who may take the time to read beyond the words to discover something significant for themselves.
 
Prologue:Once in Chico, I turned right on Richardson Springs Road and headed down the 4 mile, bumpy, winding road creatively dubbed, "The Springs Road".  It felt like I was coming home.

At the end of the road stood "The Hotel"(built in the 1920's).  On this property I spent 4 years of my life mainly organizing missions trips for teenagers around the world.  I met my wife here.  It felt like I was coming home.

I checked into a Letter Cabin, "K" and I was certain that God would meet me here... that He'd hear my prayers and I would have the luxury of listening without the normal distractions.

PART ONE:
WRESTLING WITH SIGNIFICANT RELATIONSHIPS:

Among the many subjects to discuss with God was the subject of certain close personal relationships.

The background: 
While building Axis, we were determined to live out the mantra, "Come As You Are".  We all talked about it at length - especially at the beginning.  We knew that each of us would be tested in this area sooner or later.  Together, we talked about True and Real community.  The kind of community that would become vulnerable and transparent with each other.  We all wanted a place that we could "loose the need to pretend".  We understood that this kind of community would inevitably become "messy" as people began to be free(er) to show their true colors, confess their sins, or their struggles or pain.  We didn't have to be rocket scientists to know that people aren't perfect and that at some point one of us would do something that hurt someone else, yet we were determined to take our chances.  We were determined to let grace be our response.

If we could respond with God's grace toward one another, then we figured people would be more likely to "Come As You Are".  We joked about having a slogan or marketing campaign titled, "17% less judgmental".

Then, one day in January, 2008 I did something that inadvertently hurt some dear friends who were also 'movers and shakers' in Axis leadership.   They didn't respond with grace.  They were very angry, they felt "screwed", they lost respect for me and determined that I had no integrity.  They immediately withdrew from all leadership and responsibilities.  They never returned to Axis.

This isn't the place to discuss specifics, but I assure you that my actions were 1) unintentional 2) clearly hurtful to my friends and 3)not immoral or sinful in any way (no cheating, lying, stealing, immorality, fornication, etc)

(even if those people read this blog, I'm certain they would agree with what I've written)

I was caught off guard and felt like I had just been hit by a truck.Here's what I wanted to talk to God about... here's where we catch up to me in the small cabin in Chico -  trying to make sense of things.

Joe, to God:  (with attitude) "What happened to "Come as you are"?  What happened to Grace?"

God:  Silence

Joe, to God:  Is it possible to be part of a church community that really lets people come as they are without running away once they do?  Is it possible to love each other even when we screw up?

God:  Silence

Joe, to God:  (using a whiny tone) I thought they were committed to YOU and what YOU were doing in Fresno.  Why does it seem like they were committed to ME... until I proved that I'm not perfect?  Sheesh - I'm SOOO FAR from perfection!  I don't even think that I'm even good, let alone perfect.

I rambled about how hurt I feel personally.  I ranted about the devastating effects their departure had on Axis (as a church and organizationally).  After all we were so very small already!

God:  Silence... and then He helps me be honest with myself.

With God's help, I am beginning to recognize something about myself that I don't like.  I've noticed that I often lack the internal qualities needed while struggling with significant relationships.

Let me say that another way:  I have a hard time functioning, producing, or moving forward with real-life while there are significant relational struggles.

Confession:  During deep struggles with significant relationships, I tend to be emotionally unavailable to my kids.  I don't call my friends.  I work long hours, just because I can't focus enough to get things done in a normal amount of time.  I do less helpful things around the house.  I don't blog.

The Conclusion:I can't control what happens to me.  Even if I do A, B, C, correctly I'm not guaranteed that I will get perfect results.

I was reading about Moses (something I often find myself doing in times like these).  One time, Aaron and Miriam "spoke against" him about his Cushite Wife (she was from Ethiopa - a black woman?).  They were jealous.  (Numbers 12)

Later, 250 well known community leaders began to give Moses grief.  (Numbers 16)

I'm beginning to re-understand this:  Even when we do it right, like Moses was doing, there's no guarantee that our significant relationships won't cause us great grief.

I cannot control the relationships around me, but I can control my response(s).

I sub-consciously thought that if we dreamt the right dream about true and real community, then we wouldn't have relationship problems.  For some odd reason, I thought that if I/we taught about Grace and Forgiveness, then people would dispense both.

God, to Joe:  Own your own stuff, Joe.  You have alot of valid questions, but don't minimize your outward reactions and your inward responses.  You are the only thing you can do something about.  Your response(s) is the only thing worth working on.  Lean into ME.

"The Springs Road"


The Hotel


My Letter Cabin, "K".  Yes, that's how big it is.


*AXIS: Axis Community Church. We officially started meeting publicly in October of 2006. We closed the doors in the end of February of 2008.

FAMILY:  Everyone is doing well... healthy.  Eddie plays his first T-Ball game tomorrow morning.  Nothing like 3 year olds with bats!

DEATH:  An old friend of mine died.  Tragic.  It was a result of brain swelling which was a result of a malfunctioning liver.  I am going to Santa Rosa tomorrow (saturday) for the Memorial/Funeral.  Jason Presley was amazing... he always lived life to the fullest.  He will be missed.  But I’m very glad he knew and followed Jesus.

JOB: 
I still don’t have a job.  I will resume talks with People’s Church (for College Pastor position) on Monday. 

I got a job offer for something non-ministry related, but $13 per hour doesn’t feed the kids... so, doubt I will take it. 

A Worship Pastor position is about a 90% possibility for me, but I REALLY don’t want to work at that church.

I put in a resume at a Presbyterian Church today!  If I ended up working there, then I will have gone from Assemblies of God to Southern Baptist to Presbyterian.  I’d be a Penta-bapti-rian?!

If you’re the praying type, would you mind praying about this for/with me?  It’s crunch time.

MOO CARDS: 
I finally got my Moo Cards.  I’m very excited.  They’re pretty cool.  Check ’em out.


PHOTOGRAPHY: 
I’ve sold a couple of prints.  I’ve just added a few more florals to my online stores:  Etsy Store and Imagekind.com. 
 

Do you need anything/body photographed?

I just printed two portraits of my kids... I am going to do one of Josh soon and hang them all prominently in my house.
 

AMERICAN IDOL:
Here are my top 4 favorites (not in order):  Jason Castro, David Cook, Brooke White, and Michael Johns.  I am so very glad that Ramielle went home.  I was about to pack her bags for her.

Who’s your favorite? Or are you one of those the "doesn’t" watch the show?

MUSIC:We just bought Lenny Kravitz latest CD.  I love most of it.

AXIS:  Still makes me sad.

That’s it for now... hope to see you soon.


---joe