1. Do not walk behind me, for I
may not lead. Do not walk ahead of
me, for I may not follow. Do not
walk beside me either. Just pretty
much leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles
begins with a broken fan belt or a
leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn , so
if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that's the
time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't
be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're
unique. Just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
7. If you think nobody cares if you 're
alive, try missing a couple of car
payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you
should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them,
you're a mile away and you have
their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed......
skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat
for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink
beer all day.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't
have to remember anything.
12. Some days you're the bug, some
days you're the windshield.
13. Everyone seems normal until you
get to know them.
14. The quickest way to double your
money is to fold it in half and put
it back in your pocket.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It
has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.
17. There are two theories to arguing
with a woman - Neither one
works.
18. Generally speaking, you aren't
learning much when your lips are
moving.
19. Experience is something you don't
get until just after you need it.
20. Never, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.