It's Lou Gehrig's disease, also known as ALS. It's a disease where you gradually lose all the use of all your motor skills, this includes your heart and your breathing and you generally die basically from a heart attack or from you lungs colapsing. It is a very frightening disease as it is hard to diagnose and there is no cure and no way to slow down the course of it's movement. You just don't know what is happening to you, one day you are fine and then all of a sudden maybe it's a hand, maybe it's a foot, but whatever a part of you just stops working correctly, first it gets sort of pins and needles then it gets sort of numb and then just nothing.

Well, I am getting a test done for this disease soon. The doctor thinks that he may have misdiagnosed me. M.S. is very similar to Lou Gehrigs and can show the same symptoms. Either way I have one or the other, but I pray to God I have .M.S. and thought M.S. is a long painful road, I wont to be here longer than 3-4 years (which is the lifespan for one who has Lou Gehrigs). Im missing my friends and family and I want to spend time with you all. I want to make wrongs right and be there to see you all.

I will never take my life for granted again and worry about petty shit. This is my life, all I have. I can say I have been cheated, but I havnt. If this is what it took for me to open my eyes to the amazing things in life, then here I am and I will cherish every breath. Im scared and numb, but I have to go on.

M.S. I will be here till I am 45 or so and I pray I get that long with you all. I want you all to know I do love you very much and Im glad you were all put in my path. G thank you for being my best friend and sister...I would have never gotten through this if it wasnt for you.

Ive always known my whole life that I was dealt a different hand and I have accepted that. I can be sick and still live my life, and I have had a great life...

as i stand here amongst the grey mist, rethinking my life and the decisions ive made lately. do i stay or go? though my life hasnt been easy i came here thinking id find a way out and ive learned so much. but im feeling this emptiness like no one understands me or gets me and the one person that does doesnt want anything to do with me. i met this person a few months back and they are smart and kind and deep and that level they are on makes me wanna ve a better person, makes me want to do more. i think of them often and maybe if i pray or meditate hard enough this person will see me for the beauty in my heart and not on the outside. thats the only thing ive wished for in a long time but if its not meant for him to see me that way, i pray he is happy...

ok, so have you ever wanted something so much you push it away? well there is something i want and i cant say it. i seem to run it out of the question before i give it a chance..if i want something i cant seem to get it. but for the 1st time ever in my life i want something so bad and im not sure how to get it. i have to say something even if i dont recieve the answer i hope for because the better outcome will be to see the thing that i desire, happy. this is something like any other. its amazing and smart and deep which i like the most. i feel at peace i feel calm, i can be myself with this thing...

So by now you know my number 1 passion in life is metal. I have been in band after band after band and I have ended up with asshole, old dickheads who were past their prime, unmotivated and not driven like they lead me to believe. It all fell apart before it began and I lost the flame I had going in. Also, Ive always felt I settled for less in every single band Ive ever been in and the day I got the cd of Violent Hands music, Im not at all ashamed to say I cried. This was the feeling Id been waiting to feel my whole life as a musician. I love this band and Im so ready to give all I can. I feel so lucky these gentlemen gave me, what I call the best opportunity Ive ever been given in my lie. Cheezy I know but Iam so proud of this band and that Im in a phenominal band with a talented and professional group of dudes. I just cant wait for the first time we grace the stage with the awesomeness in which I believe we have. Im so fricken excited and Im so happy I met you all so lets go kick some major metal ass! Ya!!!

well, another new year and new band in a new place. moving from cali to mass was the best thing i could have chosen for my life. i love the new music i am doing and the people i am meeting. I couldnt have asked for anything better at this point. if it is meant to happen it will happen. My life is singing, people dont tend to have much faith in you until they see it, but that pushed me more and you know who your real friends are...

this new year i am stoked because i am writing harder and better stuff than i thought possible by my hand/head and it is coming together beautifully. I cant wait for the new people i get a chance to meet and befriend and I have so much hope for this band over the next year....this is it for me....life is wonderful and the more i struggle the more i love life because once you find something worth dying for is when you really start to live!!!

everyone look out for youeselves and have a safe and happy new year...do something crazy this year...if you are afraid if heights, go skydiving, if you are afraid of the dark, chill in a haunted house and if you love someone....just tell them....be yourself and get flippen crazy this year!!! Live like this is your last year and pursue what you can...you never know your last day here. Make a mends and make new friends!!! Be nice to everyone you cross, you will never know who you'll meet!!!

 HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!!!!!

 

RHIANNON MARIE!!!!!!!

So, I am lovin life right now, i just moved from cali to no ho and found a super great band, met some wicked cool people and just beat my buddies ass at Halo 3!! Marshmello23 has defendend her honor again,,,,next plz? Well, this is a good time of year and this is a great move for me. If things get any better, I could be singing on stage one day with some of my idols and fav bands from western mass!!! Thanks to everyone who has really really befriended me and have shown me around and have given me a chance to come into your life...I love it here in mass and couldnt have made a better move. Thank you!!!

 

-Rhiannon Marie