Who is Gsherrell? Well I'm not that hard clubbing/drinking chic that you could catch out 4 or more days a week. It's hard to catch me anywhere on a regular basis other than the crib now-a-days. LOL! I use to feel weird sitting at home on the weekend. I thought I was a loser if I was at home instead of out in the streets being seen. Having that mentality got me speeding tickets (almost a DUI), making bad decisions, and losing the respect of my family and friends. I will admit that I was lost for a few years. I got tired of crying to my friends because I was embrassed by my actions the previous nites. There were days when I felt I couldn't make it. I was so unhappy with the path my life was on. At the time I didn't know how to stop it from the train reck it was on. It didn't happen over night, but it did happen. I always knew that I wasn't making the best decisions and thanked God often for watching over me. Cause their are so many that didn't make it. Life is a hard road to travel. Nobody ever told me it would be this hard. The person I am today is okay to go out without getting completely wasted. Without being in the lime light all the time. I know and enjoy what it feels like to sit my ass down some where. LOL! I have new interest like religion, politics, and traveling. Oppose to hitting the clubs up and getting into VIP to see what celeb was in the building. Life is so much more, but you won't know until you allow yourself to go with the change and not fight it. My motto is "Too much of anything is not a good thing." I'm happy to be alive with a roof over my head, a car to drive, and food to eat. I'm greatful to have family and friends that worked with me through my transition. I now appreciate my life more than I ever had in the past.
Much Love,
G
 

So I'm watching my favorite movie Purple Rain when my home phone keeps ringing and ringing. Normally it's always someone trying to sell me something, but I felt this call may be about something else. I picked up the phone and realized it's was Channon's sister telling me Channon died last night in a car crash. I was like quit playing around, but her sis was far from joking. When I realized what her sister just told me I instantly felt like a part of my heart just died. I couldn't hardly breath. No this couldn't be true. I couldn't have lost my bestfriend. I must have been in a bad nightmare! After I got off the phone with her sister I started calling my family and friends. Just sobbing uncontrollably. I tore my house up looking for any images I had of Channon, so I could have something to hold on to. I checked old voicemails just trying to hear her voice one last time. I was so angery and couldn't understand why God would take her of all people away. This went on for days. Luckly I went home to Champaign, Il. to visit my lil sis's new baby, so I was not alone. At night though I would cry myself to sleep still thinking of Channon and how scared she must of been that night. As the days neared closer to her funeral I started getting nervous and crying off and on throughout the days. Thinking how could I ever say goodbye to someone I thought I'd know til I was old and gray. She always worried so much about me and I never really worried about her cause I thought she'd always be there. How I loved my BFF. I told her as often as I could. It's so hard to even write this blog now without tears pooring down my face. The drive to Maryland was hard, because I knew what was to come. The city seem so dark and cold to me. I walked in Channon's house, meet Channon's friends, and went to Channon's job feeling like I was betraying my friend. I felt like Channon should have been there with me to introduce me to everyone. I felt I should have made time to visit my friend, instead of finding excuses not to.  The day of her funeral I woke up at 6am. I could hardly sleep knowing I had to see my friend for the last time. I wore a long black dress with blue tights and black stacked shoes. I made sure my hair and make-up was just right, as if I was going for a job interview. I drove with her sister and her kids to the funeral. I walked in to see like a hundred people in the funeral home. I was like WoW! Channon knew and touched so many people.  Boy was I lucky to have had her in my life for 16 years. Walking up to see Channon lying in the casket lifeless was hard. I wanted her to jump out and say okay, okay I'm just playing around, but she never did. I touched her hand and it was ice cold. I looked at her and thought how beautiful she looked in her wedding gown, and how I wish I could have been there to see her in it when she was alive. As the funeral service went on I cried and began to shake uncontrollably. Just realizing that death is apart of life and I too one day will be lying in a casket while people talk about me and what I meant to them. It got me thinking about things that needed to be changed in my own life. How finincal issues and relationship issues are just that issues, and I shouldn't consume my life around them.  How I should stop and appreciate the simple things in life.  Enjoying my family and friends more, and quit stressing about things I have no control over. At the time of Channon's passing I really was angry at a few people that I would have expected to step up to the plate and had been there for me. I now realize that death effects people in different ways. Some people have never experienced death before, so they shy away from it, and some embrace you because they know first hand how it feels to lose a loved one. I have grown so much through this process. Death is a kind of pain that I cant explain. It is something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. If you know someone that is grieving over a loved one just be there for them. It's not about what you can buy them, but just knowing your there for a shoulder to cry on is all it takes.  I want to thank all the people that reached out to me with kind words of hope and faith that I'd make it though. I'm doing okay, but everyday is different. Sometimes when I think of Channon I smile and other days I cry still. I often find myself looking at a dark skinned girl and thinking boy she sure looks like Channon. It's weird I know, but I do. I miss you Channon and will never ever forget you! You will always be with me until the day I leave this earth and be reunited with you in the Heavens. Love ya Chan-Chan!

G

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