my my stomach hurts again tonight she says:
and crashes on her floor
cuts what she can't untie
ties it to a door
if mercy was a cattle call
she didn't hear
she didn't want to play the role
of the fool again
won't be fooled again


indifference as my witness
I think she'd take me back
she tears down my front door
just to see my photograph


my my head is getting so confused she says
what's she trying to do to me?
put my sticker on her car
bought a CD
if mercy was a cattle call
she didn't hear
she didn't want to play the role of the fool again
won't be fooled again


indifference as my witness
I think she'd take me back
she tears down my front door
just to hear my phonograph
it spins....


I ain't too proud to beg sweet darlin
don't you leave me baby don't you go
I ain't too proud to beg sweet darlin
don't you leave me


my my skin can't take much more of this, she says
you're scaling over me.
every time I wash it off, I find you underneath
and if mercy was a cattle call
she didn't hear...
she didn't want to play the role of the fool again
won't be fooled again...

I've been going insane in my own head. I've tried not to tell anyone cuz i'm already weird enough. But damn i sit there and imagine the worst things that can happen to me. And i feel like i'm being followed all the time. Maybe i'm haunted. I don't wanna be. My body's falling apart. Oh and i keep having weird dreams where someone tries to kill me or cameron cheats on me. And i can partially figured out what they mean but aside from my trust issues, of which i'm completely aware, i don't know what the dreams could mean. Everyday sucks cuz i think such obscene and ridiculous thoughts that just shouldn't enter my mind but i can't stop them. Hence, this blog. Have fun. Haha

Write what you're thinking. I'm pissed off right now. Wal mart decided to go electronic. My check didn't deposit according to the bank but according to my soon to be former place of business it did. I owe atrium $275 in two weeks for nothing. They didn't do shit when i was there. At all. And i have about ten bucks in the bank right now. I don't have a car and i work my ass off so i can buy one but i always have to pay for shit. Sometimes i wish i could have one little thing handed to me. Or at least get the fucking money i earned. Ok speaking of which, this is what i do for a living for the time being.... Fold clothes. That's it. HOW THE FUCK am i doing anything or using one ounce of all the potential or intelligence that i have? A monkey could do my job. And i never see any of my friends anymore. Hardly ever get to see my sisters or my boyfriend. My boyfriend shaved his head after we spent two days on his dreads. I'm not mad about it cuz we didn't get them done but i wish we could've finished them cuz that's what he really wanted. I just really need a new job. I'm sick of my life not going anywhere.

i'm gonna clear some things up.

if i've been a bitch to anyone for the past few months, i'm sorry.

the truth is, i don't know who i am half the time anymore.

i don't know what thoughts are running thru my head.

i don't know what's happening to my body.

i'm destroying my most important relationships.

all because i'm lost.

one minute i'm a total bitch, the next i'm just chillin.

it sucks.

it hurts me and the people around me.

so i've decided to stop taking birth control in efforts to save myself.

you'll have janice back soon.

step out the front door like a ghost into the fog where no one notices the
contrast of white on white.
and in between the moon and you the angels get a better view of the crumbling
difference between wrong and right.
i walk in the air, between the rain, through myself and back again where? i
don't know
maria says she's dying, through the door i hear her crying why? i don't know

round here we always stand up straight
round here something radiates

maria came from nashville with a suitcase in her hand she said she'd like to
meet a boy who looks like elvis.
she walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the land just like she's
walking on a wire in the circus.
she parks her car outside of my house and takes her clothes off, says she's
close to understanding Jesus.
she knows she's more than just a little misunderstood, she has trouble acting
normal when she's nervous.

round here we're carving out our names
round here we all look the same
round here we talk just like lions, but we sacrifice like lambs
round here she's slipping through my hands

oohhh sleeping children better run like the wind, out of the lightning dream
mama's little baby better get herself in out of the lightning

she says "it's only in my head."
she says "sshhh...i know it's only in my head."

but the girl on the car in the parking lot says: "man, you should try to take a
shot. can't you see my walls are crumblin?"
then she looks up at the building and says she's thinkin of jumping. she says
she's tired of life, she must be tired of something.

round here she's always on my mind
round here (hey man)i got lots of time
round here we're never sent to bed early and nobody makes us wait
round here we stay up very, very, very, very late.

i can't see nothing, nothing round here (oh)
won't you catch me if i'm falling?
won't you catch me if i'm falling?
won't you catch me cuz i'm falling down on you.

see i'm under the gun round here
oh man i said i'm under the gun round here
and i can't see nothing, nothing round here.

sigh.
Here I am, kids.  Posting another pointless blog.
I've been filling things out online for hours and those girls are still in the hall.
I swear to Wes, I could have died and been reborn and those girls would still just be sitting drunk in the hallway.




ugh.
I guess they're not that bad.
Not yet anyway.
I think they're plotting against my friends.
But enough about them. Let's talk about life.



I ate entirely too much today.
I remember back in the day man... I used to eat like 6 tacos and like triple cheeseburgers and shit.
And now I have one burrito and some pretzels and I feel like the apocalypse may take place in my digestive system.
And I'm fat now, but I figure I was supposed to be fat for a reason.
And I'm fine with that.



When I type the word apocalypse, I have to type it really slow.
hmmm.
I keep hearing my phone beep... but when I go to check it... NO MESSAGES.
Could it be that I'm going crazy?
Yes.




I wish I were cool enough to have something to blog about.
But I don't have anything that's necessary to share with the public.
Which is why I will talk about public restrooms and showers.



I think I have leg herpes... and acne because of the showers in the girls' dorm.
It really sucks.
And using public restrooms is just really creepy.
Especially when you have to shit.



I've seen a plethora of signs about women getting raped around campus.
Men get raped too so I crumbled up one of the signs.





I smoke entirely too much for someone who's not addicted.
But god damn. I'm so on edge most of the time and I try to make myself calm but then everyone asks me what's wrong.
So I guess that by acting ok, I'm really making myself more tense....
That's a heavy thought.




I remember when I used to blog about how in love I was and stuff.
I want someone to love me.
But at the same time... Why bother when I have no respect for the human race?
I guess I'm just bored.




Really bored.


I almost feel sorry for myself and how bored I really am.



I want to watch repo....



Possibly the first good musical I've seen in a long time...


I gave it an eight.

Fight Club gets my only ten.
There's a special place in my heart for that movie.


Oh... and I have a renewed obsession for Dave Grohl that just came completely out of nowhere but look at this guy....







He's beautiful, he's an amazing musician.
He's intelligent.
His writing is unique.
He's just a wonderful artist and I'm convinced he's a super hero.
Sigh.
I've taken a strange interest in boys lately.
I'm not sure why that is.
I thought perhaps it was because I'm usually the protective one and lately more of my guy friends have been protective of me. Like I'm so used to being the "man" that maybe sometimes it's nice to feel like a "woman"...
It scared me for about a day, but I don't really care.
I like who I like.
No matter.






PHOTOBUCKET is dumb.
It's doing some stupid maintenance thing and I really wanted to post a pic of Dave Grohl....

sigh.
Can't win 'em all.




:{ haha.
That looks like a face with a mustache...

Oh my.

10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong:




1. Homosexuality is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.


2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.


3.
Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy
behavior. People may even wish to marry their dogs because they can
legally sign the marriage documents.


4. Heterosexual marriage has
been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still
property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.


5.
Straight marriage will be less meaningful if homosexual marriage were
allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage
would be destroyed!


6. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they
produce children. Homosexual couples, infertile couples, and old people
shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet,
and the world needs more children.


7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.


8.
Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours,
the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's
why we have only one religion in America.


9. Children can never
succeed without a male and female role model at home. That's why we as
a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.


10. Gay
marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to
new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the
service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real

To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold utopian dream

You do something to me that I can't explain

So would I be out of line if I said I miss you?

I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine
You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wasting away

I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon

But I need you to know that I care

And I miss you





(this isn't for who you think it's for)

Alone in the dark surrounded by the clouds i wouldn't touch until i left you.
Now it's the only thing that kills the pain.
That relief, much like you, is only temporary.
You took your turn to leave me and i'm the one who pushed you there.
I can't say those words to anyone anymore.
You've ruined me.
Or have i ruined myself?
I'm dead.
Every single night that conversation takes place in my head.
A constant blur of words.
I couldn't have said anything to make you stay.
You said you would and you cut me off.
And i know it's because you're afraid of being in love with me.
You're not afraid of being selfish.
You probably should be.
I dream of your face in front of my picture and all you can do is smile.
And i'm still killing what hasn't been alive since August.



..