i dont cut my wrists... becuase i already know i will bleed. I dont wear black and alianate everyone because i dont feel like loosing my friends. i am not always alone, because i need people around me or i might go insane. i am either happy or mad, and a very simple person... if you know me, or if you dont. i dont cry on the outside, because that is not who i am. i cry on the inside because that is who i am. i dont need to show anybody my pain, because i dont want to spread it. my parents are heroes, risen from the depths of hell. my mother a sister to demons, and my father a son and brother of them. if they come from that, than what do i come from?
life is not fair. the good die long and painful deaths, and the evil get what they want and enjoy watching the just suffer. god is real, yet he doesnt pitty and love all like he says he does. god is a cruel, cruel ... thing. his gift to humanity, free will, is what destroys EVERYHTING.
i am forced to watch an innocent and helpless woman die, everyday of my life. not just that but i have to watch my family torture her and my mom and dad. what the fuck is family anyway? all it is is blood, that i would gladdly shed to rid myself of the demonized parisites that i am forced to say i am related to. how is it fair that my father, who has done wrong things (not evil, not like many MANY others), has to leave the ones that he loves to watch another loved one fall to pieces? and even the one person in my family who i thought was a good person, with is faults mind you, is horrible, and disgusting inside? i dont care what he is going thru, but he is putting my father, grandmother, and my grandmothers family in a much worse postion than he is in.
and u know, i acutally realized why i am so upset school is almost over. without school i have to face this shit 24/7. it is my escape, a giant distraction. i am only 15 i shouldnt have to deal with this kinda shit already, i have the rest of my whole fucknig life to grow up, which i hope and pray with all my soul is not like this forever.
now my life is not that bad really, but i dont even know how to describe what i am feeling inside. i wish it would all end, and everybody would be happy.. but with everything going on now, and a few very real seeming epidodes of television i have come to realize that LIFE SUCKS! there are no happy endings, only happy times! people can be happy and love, but as long as there is scum such as in my family the world will be eternally damned to hell.
and thank you to all who have read up to here, it means a lot to me that you listened.
once again thank you
-jon