This Girl

This girl is amazing

Sometimes she doesn't

See it, but she is

This girl is tough

One of the strongest

People I know

This girl is too hard on herself

She doesn't give

Herself enough credit

This girl has

Changed my life

And really opened my eyes

This girl is one of

The best friends

That I have ever had

This girl knows me

And understands me

Better than anyone

This girl has so much to offer

I wish that someone

Out there would realize it

This girl has had it bad

I want to see her

Get what she deserves

This girl deserves

Happiness

This girl is smart, kind, loving,

Caring, beautiful inside and out

This girl is funny, has a quick wit

And very much a smart ass

This girl may be a redneck

But you can't help, but love her

5-8-08

Jennifer

My Friend

My friend so beautiful to me
Gives me hope and lets me be me
The connection we share will last forever
With every memory that I will treasure
Your one of a kind and a very true friend
My love for you has only deepened
As each day passes I will miss you,
Think of you and love you
Your amazing, beautiful
And very thoughtful
You understand me better than anyone
I don't know how, but you do
You make me laugh, you make me cry
You make it hard to say goodbye
I couldn't ask for a better friend
I will be here for you to the end

I wrote this poem for someone that I care for a lot. It's not much of a poem, but it came from my heart.

You

Everything feels right when I'm with you
Then you leave and I begin to miss you
I love your smile and your laugh
You're the one that's always on my mind
And the reason why my heart beats so fast
In your eyes I can see your soul
Their so beautiful to me
Your one of a kind
With you I see something great
Something that I've always dreamed of
With you I see happiness
In the past Iv'e been fooled by love
I thought I found the one
Then you came along
And opened my eyes
To what I want and deserve
And what I want and deserve is you
I once was a fool to let you go
Now I want another chance
To show you that we're for real
I'm asking you to trust me
That I'll never hurt you
I'm asking you to give us a chance
Take a risk and just see what happens
I know we're going to have to take it slow
I'm ready for that as long as
It means that I'm with you

How could I be so stupid and
blind not to see your lies?
Not to see you for who you
really are. In the end I'm
the one that got made a
fool of. How can I ever trust
again? How can I ever
trust my heart again?
Was any of it real? It
sure doesn't feel like it.
Sometimes I feel like
I have nothing in this world.
I wish I could die so I can
be happy once again. Or even
go to a place where I don't
know anyone and just start
over. I feel like I'm
disappointing everyone.
I need to leave and start
living for myself. I'm not
good for anyone.

This isn't complete. It's something I found when I was looking through a binder of my poetry and works in progress. I read it and was amazed that I wrote it. I absolutely love it and I hope you love it as well. So here it is:

The doors of heaven's gate
have opened up into a land of dreams.
Where you can achieve the impossible
and be all you can be.
A land that holds no boundries
and test the limits of whether you can believe.
A place that excepts you for who you are
despite race, color, age or creed.

There it is, tell me what you think. Tell me if you think it is finished or if it needs more. I hope you liked it and I await your comments.

    Things I Love    

1. Making people laugh
2. Seeing a smile on a kids face
3. Kids imaginations
4. Making people happy. That is one of the greatest joys in life. Making people happy. I love making people happy. As long as their happy then I'm happy.
5. Family
6. Friends
7. My dog Riley
8. Talking and playing on the internet
9. My niece and nephews, the loves of my life
10. Working on sudoku and word jumble puzzles in the paper
11. Spoiling my friends, family, niece and nephews and my significant other.
12. Running/Jogging/Walking-about the only time that I'm by myself and it gives a chance to think about things.
13. Watching movies
14. Listening to music-gets me through the good and bad times
15. Sleeping-i love dreaming
16. Going to sporting events. I.E. baseball/softball, indoor football, hockey and basketball.
17. Playing basketball and softball
18. Latch hooking-when I do it. I'm still working on one for my oldest nephew Cole. He's ten now. That's how long I've been working on it. I'm almost done though.
19. Texting-come on who doesn't love this
20. Writting poetry-I have all of my poetry on here in my blogs, but if you ever want to hear one sometime just let me know. I love sharing.

That's all that I can think of for right now. If I had to pick the one thing that I love the most on here, I would say that there isn't just one thing. There's two. One Making people happy and two making people laugh. Actually there's a third one, writting poetry. I hope ya'll enjoy it. I thought about writing this blog as I was running/jogging/walking today. I got the idea from a little kid that I came across as I was running/jogging/walking. LOL. As I was walking I saw that these kids were playing with these bouncy balls and they accidently threw or hit on the opposite side of the street. So I went to retrieve it. As I went to give back to one of the kids, they just had this big smile on their face. That made my day. Well I gotta go and take a shower. Let me know what you think.

My grandma passed away last friday. After school on friday I went up to the hospital to go visit her. When I got to here room I thought she was sleeping, but ten minutes later the nurses came in and pronounced her dead. How could I not realize that she was gone. The nurses said that she must have just passed away. I think she died just before I got there. I still can't shake the image of her when she was lying there in bed. I still can't believe she's gone. No one was expecting her to go this quickly. We thought be a couple months or so. I wish I had the chance to say goodbye one last time. :( The funeral is this Thursday, its really going to hit that she's gone. Her and I were so close. She's happy now, she's in a better place where she doesn't have to feel pain anymore. RIP grandma I LOVE YOU!!!!

I HAVE BEEN THINKING...........THAT AFTER I GET EVERYTHING PAID OFF AND HAVE SOME MONEY SAVED, THAT I MIGHT JUST PACK UP EVERYTHING THAT I OWN AND JUST MOVE AWAY. MOVE AWAY FROM EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. START OVER IN SOMEPLACE NEW AND START LIVING FOR ME. I NEED TO FIND MYSELF, FIGURE WHO I AM AND WHO I WANT TO BE. AS MUCH AS I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS BEHIND, I HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT ITS WHAT I HAVE TO DO. JUST GET AWAY AND REALLY SEE WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT. REALLY GET A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE ON IT. OPEN MY EYES TO A WHOLE NEW WORLD. I WAS THINKING OF MAYBE MOVING TO CALIFORNIA OR NEW YORK, A PLACE THAT IS GAY FRIENDLY, A PLACE WHERE I DON'T HAVE TO BE AFRAID TO BE ME. NOT THAT I'M AFRAID NOW, I GUESS A PLACE WHERE IT'S MORE ACCEPTED. I REALLY NEED TO TRY TO BE THE PERSON THAT I KNOW THAT I AM AND THE PERSON THAT I KNOW THAT I CAN BE. I DON'T FEEL LIKE I'M REALLY LIVING LIFE RIGHT NOW. IT'S THE SAME THING DAY IN AND DAY OUT AND FOR WHATEVER REASON I CAN'T GET MYSELF TO TAKE STEPS TO MOVE BEYOND THAT. AS MUCH AS I WANT TO, I JUST CAN'T. I KEEP FALLING DEEPER AND DEEPER BEHIND IN BILLS, AND YET I CAN'T MYSELF TO GO OUT THERE AND LOOK FOR A BETTER PAYING JOB. I'M NOT READY TO SETTLE DOWN RIGHT NOW. I FEEL I NEED TO GET OUT THERE AND JUST LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. I NEED TO DO ALL THE THINGS THAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO AND SEE THE THINGS THAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE. I NEED TO GO AFTER MY DREAMS SO THAT LATER ON IN LIFE I CAN LOOK BACK AND NOT HAVE ANY REGRETS. I BELIEVE THAT I WILL BECOME A BETTER FRIEND, DAUGHTER, AUNT, SISTER, ETC, WHILE I'M OUT THERE FINDING MYSELF.  I'M HOPING THAT BY THE TIME I TURN 30, I WILL BE READY TO SETTLE DOWN WITH SOMEONE AND BE ABLE TO START A FAMILY. I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT OLD LADY AT THE END OF THE BLOCK, WHO'S MEAN AND BITTER AND HAS A MILLION CATS. I WANT TO FIND THAT ONE PERSON THAT I'M MEANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH. I WANT TO FIND MY SOULMATE, MY BEST FRIEND, MY LOVER. I WANT TO FEEL COMPLETE. I BELIEVE THAT THERE IS AT LEAST ONE RIGHT PERSON OUT THERE FOR EVERYONE. EVERYONE HAS A SOULMATE, THAT ONE PERSON THAT THEIR MEANT TO SPEND THE REST OF THEIR LIFE WITH. I KNOW THAT PERSON IS OUT THERE FOR ME. I JUST HOPE THAT I'M NOT TO BLIND TO SEE IT. I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO ONE DAY HAVING KIDS, BECOMING THE BEST MOTHER THAT I CAN BE. I HOPE I'LL MAKE A GREAT MOTHER. I LOVE KIDS MORE THEN ANYTHING. FORREST GUMP ONCE SAID, "LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES, YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOUR GONNA GET."