This dark mark on my heart
now and then it comes to the fore
aching when I see weddings
wincing at remembrances
but I try
not to do that
anymore
This dark mark on my heart
when you gave it to me
I wasn't sure what I'd do
Thought I'd lay down and die
or come after you
but it certainly won't go away
anytime soon
This dark mark on my heart
it has changed who I am
I've gone from carefree maid to widow
though you've frozen my heart
with your thoughtlessness
I've seedlings of hope
that my soul will survive
deep inside
despite all the iniquities
the real me awaits
to be loved
again.
______________________________________________________
Copyright 2007 Tracy Mellor. All Rights Reserved

fragments of moonbeams
shimmers of stardust
happy landings
nothing's changed
yet everything's remained the same
no, you'll never go
this enchanting melody
resonating deep inside
sunsoaked violet blossoms of my soul
I would stretch out and wait
10 thousand twilights
just to gaze
for a tenth of a second
to be transported
to the sparkling loveliness
that is you
walk with me
breezes at our backs
as our laughs scatter lightly
like pearls on clouds
you are in everything
and such there is
my love for you.
______________________________________________________
Copyright 2007 Tracy Mellor. All Rights Reserved

Welcome to the lagoon of sorrow
some dip their toe in
afraid of what they'll find
I see them run away
into the pitch of night-time's shadow
others in the middle of its thickness
where they are certain
they can still plant feet in clay
while the water laps up around them
in a serenade of stillness
the moon is on sabbatical
the blackness a return to the womb of the other side
a commune with spirit
nothing is lost or displaced here
water surrounds
a gentle pull
I am here on the deepest end
mocking a final release
I am submerged
I can see you
at last on the edge to the other world
you swim with ease
fearing nothing
and no one cries
the angels take our hands
I awake with a gentle tear
and all is as it ever was
you are not here on this mortal plane
but it is not "goodbye"
only "see you in a little while"
______________________________________________________

Copyright 2007 Tracy Mellor. All Rights Reserved

He gardens now in the dappled light
content amongst his menagerie
I see his smile at the scent of lavender
and he dances as the music pours forth
I hear his laughter pealing
all the ocean's roar is not enough to contain him
He holds court amongst the seraphim
no longer moved by the worries of Earth
Though he will always be missed
it is a comfort to know he is at peace
and to know someday we'll all be together soon
eternally in golden bliss.
____________________________________________________
Copyright 2007 Tracy Mellor.  All rights reserved.

torture my name
so that it doesn't mean
anything
anymore
no flesh
just ashes
another love taken in vain
its shade scattered to the cool March wind
the devil himself
assaulted my senses
enveloping me in murky flames
dancing slowly
arms encircling
post-mortem of a heart
that gave out from Giving.
you refuse to let me exist
my wishes
desires
stow-aways in your moldy cupboard of regret
pills stand vigil
attending my grief
as I slip deep into blue-Nile slumbers
it's only in blackness
these fragments remain.
__________________________________________________________
Copyright 2007 Tracy Mellor. All rights reserved.

whisper...
unlock your heart
under night-time's shade is when we meet
your soul is true and steadfast
the purest gift of a guardian angel
a glimpse into paradise

whisper...
speak your desires
let each star's shine promise our tomorrow
as we embrace as one
lovers forever

whisper...
look into my eyes
your gaze says all I need to know
as we walk our path of destiny
hands entwined
as we melt into this burning sunset
ever this, it always was.
________________________________________________

Copyright 2007 Tracy Mellor. All Rights Reserved

When I was there for the taking
I loved you more than anything
You didn't want me
You turned away
You trashed my name
Squandered me
and all those vows that were supposed to mean something
my heart bled
night after night
I passed out in a flood of tears
but you turned away
locked in a sheet of unfeeling ice
rat bastard
it meant nothing to you
all this a blank slate
Now you're back
cornering me in the kitchen
grabbing my hips hungrily with that look
saying "you're so sexy....."
not now
it's not there
the only tit you can suck now is Mama's
You come here talkin' 'bout
"I need you..."
all you need is yourself
wake up
all this ever was was a nightmare
God damn you and everything you ever stood for
get on that plane and never come back
you're a hangover I never asked for
get out of my life
It's not there
___________________________________________________

Copyright 2007 Tracy Mellor. All Rights Reserved.

I entered this world not out of love
But out of carelessness
Pain
Confusion
Regret
That which could never be
When I emerged
I screamed at the top of my lungs
And I cried
A river of blood
I was passed from one to another
Covered in a white-hot rash
That refused to go away
I grew
The angry sores went inside and festered
Each proud hair on my head a Celtic flame
I would not do as I was told
The rules did not apply
Other children hated me
Teachers were perplexed
Dad was English
"remember Bannockburn" all over again
I want to grow up!
I'm not a Toys "R" Us Kid!
I thought all'd be solved when I turned 17
But it was only another puzzle to trifle with
Still the hurt remained
Knives twisting deeper into virgin flesh
Intellectualizing rollercoaster deception
And now it's come to this
I need to release it
I should hate you all for what you did to me
But "hate" implies I'm weak
"hate" would suggest I let you win
"hate would say I let you lay your rotten eggs within my skin
I survived to tell my tale
I am the Diva
Wielding my broadsword
And all I have left for you
Is Apathy
I burn you
And release your ashes
Shades of the past
I set you free.
_______________________________________________________
Copyright 2007 Tracy Mellor. All Rights Reserved.

Blue light special
limited time only
assistance needed
to reach
the love on the shelf
that was never mine
I was always told
if you shop on the outside aisles
you'd never hunger
for the sweetness within.
______________________________________________________
Copyright 2007 Tracy Mellor. All rights reserved.

the stale scent of half-man
and tobacco confetti
cling to the crevices of stained, cracked paint
with each inhalation
a toxic two-step
he exhaled as my tears spilled forth
I fumble to find the misplaced lighter
it's dark now and there are no matches to strike
just
stolen Dreams
stolen Self-Worth
and a
stolen Soul.
stub-toed
narcoleptic
cockeyed gargoyle
tattooed on the underbelly
of my Life's affliction.
__________________________________________________________
Copyright 2007 Tracy Mellor. All rights reserved.

Death isn't grim or a reaper
when you think you're ready to plan your exit
and leave this coarse carbunkle of a world behind
this mortal coil becomes a slithering serpent
emerging from the dark shadows of Evil, her ever-watchful pimp
Edgy
Seductive
tempting you toward pools of nothingness
but all you see is shimmering eternal beauty
deaf to the screams of the Light
and those on Earth you thought nothing of
If you give in to her hollow charms
there is no price too high
to redeem your soul
All you will do is replay your actions...
that pull of the trigger
that slip of the noose
the inhale of the car's exhaust while the wife and kids were gone....
The final solution looped again and again on a blank screen
You spit on the One who knew you
before you knew yourself
Who cries now as you seal your fate
There is a script of your life that was written
and it is not for you to force the ending
Action
Reaction
put down the pen
and step away.
_______________________________________________________
Copyright 2007 Tracy Mellor. All Rights Reserved.

A year has come and gone
since the wild mustangs in my brain were shot and left paralyzed
They say now I am "normal"
but I feel in slow motion
like the seconds before an earthquake strikes
If only I could grab the remote
and tune things to my liking
instead of others imposing their will on me
instead of being an automaton
All my life I was never allowed to be free
to be fully me.
Now people run as fast from me
as fast as they would from
One who is deformed on the outside
I am a pariah
a nonconformist
society wishes to shut its eyes to
I bleed silently from the inside
til the blood crystalizes into tears
that cascade from uncomprehending eyes
I have the strength to walk
but I need You.
____________________________________________
Copyright 2007 Tracy Mellor. All Rights Reserved.