This is the funniest one I have read all  summer!!!! 

CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out  loud...I laughed until I cried as I
could
just see this  happening! 
All hair removal methods have tricked women  with their promises of
easy,
painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors,  Nair and now...the
wax. 

My night began as any other normal  weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
play
with the kids. I then had the thought  that would ring painfully in my
mind for
the next few hours: 'Maybe I should  pull the waxing kit out of the
medicine
cabinet.' So I headed to the site of my  demise: the bathroom. 

It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No  melting a clump of wax, you
just rub
the strips together in your hand, they get  warm and you peel them apart
and
press them to your leg (or wherever else) and  you pull the hair right
off. No
muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm  not a genius but I am
mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.  (Ya  think!?!) 

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's  two strips facing each other

stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together,  my genius kicks in so
I get out
the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees (cold  wax, yeah, right). 

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the  skin tight and pull. It
works!
Okay, so it wasn't the best  feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do
this! Hair
removal no longer eludes me!  I am She-Rah, fighter of all wayward body
hair
and maker of smooth skin  extraordinaire. 

With my next wax strip I move north. After  checking on the kids, I
sneak
back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair  fighting championship. 
I drop my panties and place one foot on the  toilet. Using the same
procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of  my bikini
line, covering the
right half of my 'hoo-hoo' and stretching down to  the inside of my butt

cheek (yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace 
myself.....RRRRIIIIIPPPPP!!!!!

I'm blind!!!  Blinded from pain!!!  OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! 
Vision returning, I notice that I've only  managed to pull off half the
strip. CRAP!!!!
Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!!  Everything is whirly and spotted. I
think
I may pass out...must stay  conscious...Do I hear crashing drums???

Breath, breathe...okay, back  to normal. 

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered  strip, the one that has caused
me so
much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to  it. I want to revel in the
glory
that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up  the strip! There's no hair
on it.
Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE  WAX??? 

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still  perche! d on the toilet. I see
the
hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I  touch. I am touching wax.

CRAP!!! I run my fingers over the most  sensitive part of my body, which
is
now covered in cold wax and matted hair.  Then I make the next BIG
mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the  toilet? I know I
need to do
something. So I put my foot down.

DANG!!! I hear the  slamming of a cell door. 'Hoo hoo'?? sealed shut!
Butt??
sealed shut! I penguin  walk around the bathroom trying to figure out
what to
do and think to myself,  'please don't let me get the urge to poop. My
head
may pop off!' What can I do  to melt the wax? Hot water!!! Hot water
melts wax!!

I'll run the  hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,
immerse the
wax covered bits  and the water should melt and I can gently wipe it
off,
right???  WRONG!!!!! 

I get in the tub - the water is slightly  hotter than that used to
torture
prisoners of war or sterilize surgical  equipment - I sit. Now, the only
thing
worse than having your nether regions  glued together is having them
glued
together and then glued to the bottom of the  tub...in scalding hot
water. Which,
by the way, does not melt cold  wax. 

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub  as though I had cement
epoxied
myself to the porcelain!!!

God bless the man  who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone
put
in the bathroom!!!! I  call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed
before
and has some secret of how  to get me undone. It's a very good
conversation
starter.

'So, my butt and  hoo-hoo are glued together to the bottom of the tub!!'

There is a slight pause.  She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal
but she
does try to hide her  laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where
the wax
is located, 'are we  talking cheeks or hoo-hoo?'

She's laughing out loud by  now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown
and
she suggests I call the number  on the side of the box. YEAH RIGHT!!! I
should
be the joke of someone else's  night. 

While we go through various solutions, I  resort to scraping the wax off
with
a razor. Nothing feels better than to have  your girlie goodies covered
in
hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super  hot water and then dry
shaving
the sticky wax off!!!

By now the brain is  not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm

pretty sure I'm going to  need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this
event.

My friend is still talking with me when I  finally see my saving
grace...the
lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.  What do I really have to
loose
at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!! The  scream probably woke
the
kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo  painful, but I
really
don't care. IT WORKS!!! It works!!!

I get a hearty congratulations from my  friend and she hangs up. 

I successfully remove the remainder of the  wax and then notice to my
grief
and despair...THE HAIR IS STILL THERE...ALL OF  IT!!! 

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm  numb by now. Nothing hurts. I
could
have amputated my own leg at this  point. 

Next week I'm going to try hair  color... 

1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

  
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

  
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

 
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."

  
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

  
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

  
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@ kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

  
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

  
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

  
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

  
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

  
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

  
16. You take naps.

  
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

  
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

  
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

  
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

  
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

  
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."

  
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

  
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

  
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh S*$ what the hell happened?"
 And An extra one for fun!
    
26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.