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xoxo
Leon
http://www.afantasticnightmare.wordpress.com

I know it's wrong. I surely do. I know that if there was a heaven, and if there truly are guardians of the righteous kingdom, then they will bounce my ass down to the basement of you know where.

Well, if that's the price I have to pay for snatching some awesome digs and French lace lingerie, then so be it. Because this is the only life that counts for me right now and if I don't have any money, then the least I can do is look bangin'.

It's like Xmas time, when one leaves something(s) behind. No, not Santa this time. Carlos and I were like little kids under a christmasless tree ripping apart our brand new presents. He didn't get much, but whatev. I threw a couple of fruit-scented body fragrances his way while I rummaged through the finer things, old records and tons of funky clothes. I took anything that fit me and headed into my bedroom. I was a troll picking amongst silk treasures, naked one moment and dressed up the next. I literally spent the entire weekend performing this fashionable exercise. I saved the pastel-colored bras and stockings for last. Sweet Jesus, I creamed in my new lavender bustier.

I asked myself "Should I be doing this? Is this the right thing to do?" But if you in indulge too much in moral dilemmas, you'll miss out on the decadent details of life, I believe. Besides, this entire wardrobe's going to waste... and someone needed to desperately save it.

No matter where I am when Springtime arrives, I'll still have on my pretty little dress.

I just watched A Dirty Shame again and, man, every time I watch it I just want to rub against something. You know, while movies aren't always educational, this particular flick contains some valuable knowledge that touches me here... no, not there... well, yes.. right there... right there... yeah... do it, oh... awww... YES!

Oh, excuse me... I meant my heart.

John Waters certainly has a way of brainwashing me in all of the right places with this movie. As soon as it was done, I was so revved up I had to hump something...

...which reminds me... don't watch this film unless someone is already inside me, er, um I mean you... or vice verse
::cough::

That's one thing I learned already.

Another fact I learned is that sex bores me to death. Recently my sexcapades have just been... well, blah. And I'm a pretty sexual person...

...Yes, I know I hide it well...

But lately I'm just not responding the way that I used to. And that is because I learned some fundamental truths about myself:

1) The sex can last as long as it needs to, though I prefer it be under 10 mins (I got things to do)...
2) ...But, I need to have some fun first.

And what do I mean by fun? Foreplay... Lots of foreplay.. and hell let's mix the foreplay and the sex together...

...That's a good time...

So what kind of foreplay would satisfy me? Good question. Actually a number of things satisfy me... weird things. Strange things. And while some of them might be cruel and unusual they certainly do the trick. And I'm not doing it enough.

So, to all of my former lovers out there... sorry I hadn't spoken up before. I guess I didn't really know what exactly hit the nail on the head for me... and even when I thought I did it took some more playing and masturbating for me to realize that some fetishes work better than others.

But, should we ever have sex again... just be forewarned... I am a pervert and will not hesitate to act on my perversions.

Contrary to popular belief, I'm not really into BDSM anymore. Not that I totally turn my back on it - roleplay in that sense is fun. But I guess I've done it enough to lose its magic. Though I do enjoy wearing my corsetry... and my dog mask, well, I'm not retiring that anytime soon.

I would have to say there are at least 5 fetishes that I know can make me a complete and utter animal in bed...

...And if you want to know, then you'll just have to ask me...

Because I'm a lady...

Okay, fine! I will clue you in...

I must admit I'm into at least 5 fetishes, all of which include the following:

-Wet messy food
-Underwear
-Bondage
-Sleeping
-Soft, plush surfaces
-Stuffed animals
-Frottage
-Tickling

That's all I'll disclose for now. However, I do like my wo(men).. but it must be creative...

Very creative :)

ps - When I write about sex, all my Zemanta gives me are articles about how masturbation can kill you... what a bummer!

Okay, let's be frank here. Our generation has not had the pleasure of having good-looking people running our country. Right? The closest was Clinton - we could all agree on that. However, he was only sexy after he stuffed Monica Lewinsky's snatch with a cigar...

...Mind if I segue for a moment to speak about this sex act? Imagine for a second you're with your boo. You're making out, moisture is collecting on the windows, the room smells like sweat and sin. Then, he pulls out a cigar and asks if you smoke... no, not you. Your vag. What's a lady to think then?

Okay, now imagine it's the President of United States. And, honey, you're not wearing the hot little number with the black satin bows you purchased at Agent Provocateur. No, you have on the tomato red business skirt suit that was on sale at Marshall's.

Bill Clinton is a sexual sadist. Seriously. Do you think he would do that sort of shit in his doc martens on a Sunday at home? NO. He was in the oval office with this sweet American Pie serving on his every word... he liked cigars... not rocket science. I bet he made her do all sorts of other strange shit too... I bet you he made her wear that sperm-soiled dress to the grocery store. Hm.

So, to me, Bill Clinton may have been sexy because he could get some on the side, but he just wasn't sexy. No way... and the president succeeding him... well... I don't need to elaborate, do I?

I recently saw a picture of Obama and Michelle on Yahoo!. It was a candid snapshot of him embracing her, looking into her eyes, real romantic. And I thought to myself, Man! We are lucky to have such a fine-looking president.

Okay, if you're saying to yourself, "Well, Jeez, Christina, does that really matter?" Then you're not considering the foundation of this great country and what we are known best for: Appearance.

Appearance is just a general term that vaguely describes the essential components of what makes a nation awesome. In order for our President to have that... spark... he needs to possess the following qualities:

-Articulation: The President must learn not only to speak well, but learn how to speak to everyone. At parties, he's the type of stoic guy who could sit in with any crowd and join in on the conversation. This type of guy is also very gifted at sweet-talking the ladies.
-Posture: So overlooked and yet so crucial. The President's posture must signify strength without intimidation. He must learn to stand upright in the face of danger and, yet, be limber and casual during times of jolly and whim. That way you know he's easygoing, but he means business!
-Facial Expressions: Another detail sometimes overlooked. The president must have a relaxed face. A good example of this is just by looking at random photographs taken throughout a President's career, photographs where the President doesn't really know he's getting his picture taken (or doesn't care). A look of worry, exhaustion, etc. is unsettling to the American people. And, most importantly, unattractive! Now, if the President looked happy, relaxed, or even like he's thinking, then the American people feel at ease. (Imagine Clint Eastwood: Does he ever look worried or tired? No, he has that dignified sneer that makes me feel safe and protected)
-Fitness: Our President doesn't have to be Lance Armstrong to run our country successfully. But, he must have the stamina of Harrison Ford. Seriously. If you can't imagine our president saying, "Get off my plane!" then kicking ass with brutal Russian terrorists, then what the hell kind of American President is he? Not a good one.

And that is why we are very fortunate to have Obama as our President. Because he is super hot. He is articulate, he's physically fit, he has excellent posture, and a very pleasurable face to look at. I must also say that Michelle and Obama introduced two new necessary qualifications to being an awesome prez, thus raising the bar for the sorry sonofabitches to succeed him:

-Style: They're stylish people. You may not like what they wear, but you won't forget it. Remember Michelle's pea-colored, glittering inauguration gown? It looked like she stole that ensemble from a Wizard, BUT I won't fucking forget it. It's flashy, trash meets class, I dig it. The outfit is staying on my mind forever. Obama's suits are well-tailored with a punch of intensity... man! Just brings a tear to my eye.
-Badassedness: Sort of under the physically fit category, only it's all about attitude. So far, Obama has been straightforward and honest about the choices he's made, wants to make, or wishes he had more time to make. Love him or hate him for that, you cannot deny that's badass. Also, he looks like he could get into a fight. Literally, he will throw down if he has to for our country. It's a Chuck Norris, Keith Carradine, Steven Segal type of quality that he owns and embraces. And for that, I salute him.

And I doubt Obama's the type of guy to stuff foreign objects up my vagina... he would probably want me to lick his asshole... but I would. I trust him enough as president to do that for him. I mean, who wouldn't want to have their salad tossed? Anyone?

Now I have a question for you. Would you lick McCain's asshole to save our country? Would you lick Bush's? Didn't think so. 

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