I've been reading this book lately, Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb, a Christian psychologist... It's really good so far.
Just that... last year's depression has left me in what he considers as a dangerous condition. I stopped feeling. Something is so absolutely dead in me that I know it. I don't know how to go back to feeling. How do I feel love? How do I feel anything other than resentment and anger... towards someone who hurt me so bad? And how do I get back to being that good person who loved everyone and wanted their best? I have no idea... God, this is really something that makes me think... Any way out?
So far Larry Crabb does not say what one can do if s/he is in such a condition. He only says that if your dreams are shattered, tell your friends how you feel, be honest, feel the pain, don't stop feeling... Because it's bad. And I know he is right. I know this is just another phase of my depression. I can't stop it from being so. How should I convince me to feel again when the pain could come back? How? It's already been like this for a year, and my spiritual life is totally affected... How can I love God when I can't feel love or when I have forgotten to love? He loves me, this I know, but how long will He be able to love me when I can't love Him back? He is said to have a great love for me... I hope He can maintain this love while I don't respond to it as well as I should.That is why I chose as a video Barlow Girl's I Need You To Love Me video. I think it so utterly expresses the deepest feelings in me... that no other song has ever expressed before.

My cat just died.... He left an empty place in my heart and in my life... He was my cat for 7 years.

Well, typical day for me... Staying at my computer doing stuff - a subtitle for my teen group tomorrow...

But there is something different that I just wish I could keep the same. There's something I've been missing terribly, the knowledge of what it means to be a child of God. The knowledge of the FACT that I am protected by the greatest Person in this universe, that I am not alone no matter where I am or how far I am from where I want to be (home, which is only a concept for me). I did forget about that... I've asked for God to remind me how it feels like. And He has. Mmm.. I have to go back to the subtitle.

Wow.... Today I got my driver's license AT LAST!

I love how God loves me!

Hey there people... This is my blog and this is the first of (perhaps) many others... I've been blogging on Yahoo!'s 360* and I'm thinking of moving here... So I'm starting with this blog...

Life goes on, as one of my fave songs says, and my life is definitely moving forward, no matter what happens... I've had depression in my life, and it's gone, I've had really good days, too, but they went too...

It's like in the story about Solomon... David once puts his mind to give his jeweller a hard task... so he tells him, 'Make me something that will make me both happy and sad, or I'll have your head cut.' So the jeweller thinks about it, day and night, but can't figure it out... What should he do? The last day David gave him he asks Solomon, since he was a wise kid... And Solomon tells him to make a ring with an inscription reading 'gam ze yavoh.' The jeweller gives that to David who is very satisfied...

Gam ze yavoh means this too shall pass.. Everything passed in this life, even friends desert us, but God will always remain... And life will always go on!