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Inside My Mind

Code Name: Anomaly., The Byronic Hero



Last Updated: 4/16/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 25
Sign: Aquarius

City: Davis
State: California
Country: US
Signup Date: 5/20/2004

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Tuesday, May 06, 2008 


Check out my recordings and let me know what you think!

much better than I am anyway

Tuesday, May 06, 2008 

Current mood:  bummed
Well, I started to write my book as I've been extremely bored...and well...other things going on as well...so I cope with my artwork, my music, my writing and of course liquor...and some extremely fucked up recent situations and I mean extremely fucked up...regardless, here are the first two chapters of my new book...I hope you enjoy cause I'm enjoying writing it...
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Chapter 1. The Byronic Hero.

 

Ilex quickly sat down in his favorite chair.  You know; the ones that spin and go up and down, the ones that can make even the most arthritic person as comfortable as he was in the womb.  Ilex, however, did not have arthritis; in fact he was an athletic mid 20's with the spirit of a crazed 2 year old whose had nothing but candy all day.

 

He forcefully spun his chair clockwise so as not to bash his knee on the steal filing cabinet to his right.  This was learned after the last time he tried to explain how he fractured his shin to that sexy bartender at Cloony's in the Northern Shades district.  As his chair came to a stop, while still recalling the laughter that ensued that night, he slowly glanced at his terminal.  "Something's not right…" he thought to himself as he slid on his data gloves.

 

His monitor as black as night as he always left it, his massive stack of Flaire drives still scattered about his desk as usual, but something was still bothering him.  "Where the fuck is my HUD!", he screamed as he frantically searched, scattering his drives onto the floor.  "It was right the FUCK here before lunch!", his eyes shifting quickly to the left and to the right.  "That damn thing was 8,000 credits and if I find the asshole that took…."  His words trailed off as suddenly, something of interest, caught his eye.  Something was lying on the floor amongst the drives he had so carelessly swatted off of his desk in a rage.

 

He carefully leaned forward as he reached for the device, being extra cautious of his surroundings, just incase someone was watching.  Though, who could possibly be watching in a dimly lit 8 by 8, with no windows, in the back of an old liquor store; and in the Southern Sunrise district no less!  No one ever ventured there for fear of stray bullets and gang wars.  Of course Ilex, being the shrewd business man that he is, had an understanding with the gangs, but that's another story and I hate reminiscing.

 

Ilex grasped the device and swiftly threw himself against the backrest of his chair, causing him to spin slightly to the right.  He kicked off the file cabinet and spun back around in the other direction, eyes shifting, again scanning his surroundings for signs of life other than his own.  "Why am I so fucking nervous all of the sudden?" he said quietly, still worried that someone may be near.

 

Fairly certain that he was alone; he glanced down at the device in his lap.  "A HUD?" he muttered, quite confused at the situation.  Unlike his personal HUD, this one seemed a bit strange.  Two display optics as apposed to the usual one that you would see outside of the military.  No retinal scanners set at the top of the displays.  "How the hell does this thing track your eye movements??" he wondered as he continued to study the HUD.  "…and what the hell are these things?..." he questioned as he noticed two silver, beer cap sized, pads hanging down from the head frame.

 

At this point he had completely forgotten about his beloved missing HUD and his fear of prying eyes, as his mind became completely enveloped with this strange new device in his possession.  Intrigued, he said out loud, "I gotta check this shit out!"  Again spinning back round in his chair, he faced his terminal with an excited devilish grin on his face as he paired his machine with the new HUD.  Ilex tapped a few fingers on his desk and his monitor lit up.  With a few more taps his custom spec search app was up and running, analyzing the device with lighting speeds.  After a few moments Ilex's jaw dropped.  No specs.  This was to be expected with a commercial spec search app, but this was his own custom coded app.  Puzzled, he ran the app again, but still nothing.  "Whatever." He sighed as he began to put on the HUD.  As the he pulled the head frame down over his head, the silver pads rested snugly on his temples.  Unsure of this new technology, he began searching the head frame for size adjustments.  "That's strange.." he though to himself as the adjustments were no where to be found.  Still excited, he presses the power button on the top of the head frame.  The pads on his temples start to tingle and suddenly the head frame adjusts to fit his head perfectly.  Startled, Ilex quickly pulls the HUD off of his head and stares at it blankly as it lies on his desk.  "That's some freaky shit." He says as he leans back in his chair.  "I need to figure out where the hell this came from."

 

Ilex grabs his phone from the desk and quickly runs through his contacts, stopping dead on the name San.  "San…she'll know what this thing is."  Ilex slips his ear bud in and waits impatiently, ring after ring, for San to answer.  "What?!" shouts a slightly unhappy sounding voice in his ear.  "What do you want Ilex!" she shouts again.  "I guess she's still pissed from the other night." He chuckles to himself as the conversation continues.

 

~"…San, someone took my HUD…sucks for you…yea no shit, but that's not what I'm calling about…then what the hell is it?...it's what they left in its place…and that is?...another HUD…ok, soooo..whats the problem? Why are you bothering me about it?...Well, it's kind of strange..look you really need to see this…DAMNIT Ilex..you damn well know I'm furious with you…shit…fine, I'll be there in 20 minutes and you'd better fucking be awake this time…"~

 

With that the phone went silent.  Ilex thought back to last Thursday, he had been drinking with some associates at the shady pub around the corner.  In the midst of drunken laughter he had answered a call from San in reference to a job she was working on.  San was having some trouble and Ilex, being the egotistical horn ball that he is, invited her over to have a look at her code.

 

~Ilex's ego, however, is no reason to doubt his abilities.  That ego stems from years and years of coding and service work along with binge drinking and loose women.  Of course, he's "retired" now, but his skills are as sharp as ever, and unfortunately so are his habbits.  San, a 20 something, simply stunning apprentice security engineer from the Northern Shade district, was somewhat of a catch.  Intelligence, an amazing body, and she just so happened to work at Cloony's, that small bar in the Northern Shades district.  San had been tending bar at Cloony's for a little extra cash while apprenticing at the Data Reserve in the Northwestern Winds district.  Obviously, that didn't pay very well hence her nightly adventures with handfuls of drunken pricks and skeavey assholes.  After an afternoon at the local medics, Ilex decided to head for a drink.  By chance, he just so happened to make a wrong turn on his way home and ended up outside of Cloony's.  In he hobbles and takes a seat at the bar.  After a quick glance around, he spots San, an extremely sexy black haired goddess.  A dark complexion, yet untelling of nationality, deep jade eyes, luscious pink lips, and a body that would make a brothel give up and go into basket weaving.  San turns and spies Ilex's bandages.  She slowly walks towards Ilex and asks what happened.  Ilex, struck with seduction, blurts out two words. "cabinet…fuck."  San stares blankly at Ilex and asks, "what the hell does that mean?"  Ilex collects himself and began to explain how spinning in his chair he managed to slam his shin into a steal filing cabinet, knocking it backwards which forced it back towards him.  The cabinet fell directly on top of him, and he lay there helpless for 3 hours until his landlord found him and brought him to the Medic.  San thought this was hilarious and so spurred up a conversation with him.  Gradually, they became friends.  Well, San wanted friendship anyway.  Ilex, although happy with the friendship, was obviously still interested in more.~

 

…Ilex stumbled out of the pub and headed back to his run down shit hole of a liquor store he called home.  Spending most of his credits on electronics tends to prevent one from affording suitable living quarters.  But Ilex didn't care, his home was the conspace.  That shit hole he paid rent on was simply a place to put his shit.  Ilex tripped through the door way of his 8 by 8 and sat down in his favorite chair where he proceed to pass out.  San showed up at his door exactly 20 minutes after hanging up the phone.  She knocked over and over, called him numerous times, but Ilex was down.  San left after about 15 minutes or so, furious at that waste of flesh for inconveniencing her…..

 

After exactly 20 minutes Ilex heard a knock on his door.  After what must have been the 5th knock Ilex shook off his daze and abruptly shot up from his chair.  He quickly ran over and thrust the door open to see San standing there with her arms crossed over her chest.  Ilex, stared at San, drooling over the site before him.  "I was just thinking about you." Ilex said with a smile.  "Well, let me the fuck in, I don't feel like getting shot!"  Ilex swiftly stepped aside as San walked in.  "Ok, where is this thing?" said San with an irritated look on her face.  "It's over there.." said Ilex, pointing to his desk.  San strolls over and picks up the HUD.  "Wow, this thing is hot.  Have you tried it?"  She asks with a gleam in here eye.  "Well, sort of, but its kind of weird."  Said Ilex with his head tilted to the side.  "What do you mean?"  questioned San.  "Here, I'll show you."

 

Ilex walked over and took the HUD from San's hands.  Placing it on his head he said, "Ok watch this."  Ilex went through the motions again, pairing the device, running his spec search app, and powering on the HUD.  San watches in amazement as the HUD conforms to Ilex's head perfectly.  "What are those pads for?"  asked San.  "I'm not sure; I haven't figured that out yet.  I thought maybe you might have an idea."  Ilex always asked San about new technologies since she was apprenticing at one of the most advanced data storage and security facilities in the world.  "I have no idea Ilex, but I don't have a good feeling about this."  She said in a slightly concerned tone.  "Fuck it!  Lets do this shit!"  Ilex shouts as he taps the desk and launches the custom conspace interface app he has been working on for the past 8 years.

 

Ilex goes silent and motionless for a few moments.  "ILEX!! ILEX!!!" screams San.  "What the fuck is going on!"  Almost as suddenly as Ilex had gone motionless, he springs to life.  "San..?  This is incredible, but I'm afraid of where this may have come from."  "What? What do you mean you're afraid?"  Says San softly.  "I've only read of this technology when I was in service."  says Ilex with a strange look in his eye.  "You can't be serious.." says San sternly.  "I am, this has got to be military."  Says Ilex as his face turns as pale as Northern Shades snow fall in the dead of winter.  "Then there's only one thing we can do.." says San in an even softer voice.  "We need to contact him.." says Ilex in a shaky almost prepubescent voice.

 

Note: Data gloves are a set of glove like devices used to interface with your computer in place of a keyboard and mouse.  These gloves come in many types with various functions.  Ilex, the bastard that he is, finds it necessary to have the most expensive and versatile set on the market.  Jet black, with a titanium exoskeleton engraved with the name Lex on the spine of the middle finger.  Multi-ball spine joints, wireless terabit full-duplex com connection, full-force finger print recognition system, and nice little, black satin lined titanium carrying case.  Special ordered of course.

 

Note: A HUD is a Heads Up Display used in place of a monitor when navigating the conspace. The conspace is a massive worldwide network with 4 standard realms, Military, Data Storage, Public Domain, and the Under plane.  Flaire drives are a type of holographic storage that creates an image of the data and layers it on top of other holograms.  This allows for massive amounts of storage.  Unfortunately, this comes at a price, but as we know, Ilex is a prick and has to have the best.

 

Note: A spec search app is used to analyze hardware for specs.  Commercial versions are quite expensive and not very thorough.  Ilex, however, would rather write his own apps.  Their usually much better than the commercial versions and tend to keep him out of trouble.  Or, put him smack in the middle of trouble.

 

 

 

Chapter 2. 1's and 0's are The Only Emotions he Has

 

 

San quickly turned away from Ilex and hung her head in silence.  "I know..I'm not to fond of him either..He's an even bigger asshole than I am; though I have to give the bastard credit, that's one hell of a feat." Chuckled Ilex as he placed his hand lightly on San's shoulder.  San shrugged it off and said in a quiet trembling voice, "yea…I know he is…so….."  Her voice trailed off.  Ilex raised a brow and leaned slightly closer to San's ear.  "What the fuck is up with you?  Every time I bring him up you get weird and quiet…fuck, its not like you slept with the guy right?"  San spun quickly to her left almost catching Ilex's chin with her shoulder, stared him dead in the eyes and said sternly, "I DID NOT SLEEP WITH HIM!  SO JUST DROP IT AND FUCKING CONTACT HIM!"  Ilex's eyes grew wide, "SHIT!!! FINE…but I don't want to call him here, I've been getting this odd feeling that someone's been watching me."

 

Ilex lead San to the door and grabbed for the handle.  "Aren't you forgetting something?" said San.  "oh yea the HUD." Laughed Ilex as he walked to his desk and grabbed the device.  "Honestly, you'd forget your pants if they weren't the same pair you've worn for the past week." Muttered San.  Ilex gave her a tempted look, "You know you'd enjoy that." "Only if you got hit by a bus as you walked out the door." Said San with a devilish grin on her face.  "HAHA Very funny…bitch…alright lets get out of here, my bikes around the side."  "You still have that thing?" said San in a skiddish tone. "Yea…And I even have TWO helmets now." Commented Ilex with a smirk as he slammed the door behind him.

 

As they rounded the corner San sighed at the look of that two wheeled piece of shit he called a motorcycle.  There was nothing to admire about that ugly piece of metal except for its mechanical stability and raw power.  Sprayed in a flat black with the obviously annoying "Lex" brushed on its side in bright red, she stared at the massive, strikingly silver, exhaust and slowly followed it with her eyes until it met with the rest of the engine.  She watched as Ilex started it up and rolled the throttle, reving the bike far past what would be considered safe for its internals.  "Hop on." He shouted over the 10,000 RPM's of screaming titanium.  "idiot…" she thought to her self as she mounted the bike behind him.  San quickly slid the full face helmet down over her jet black hair as Ilex slammed the throttle, his bike screaming up the street with San's hair swept back in the wind.

 

Within ten minutes of weaving dangerously around traffic both machine and pedestrian, Ilex turned onto the driveway of Gingo's Fast Burgers.  He stopped the bike once he was behind the giant fiberglass thumbs up hand that marked every fat slobs lunch hour destination.  Ilex pulled off his helmet and looked back at San.  San, still pulling off her helmet, glared at Ilex with discontent.  "What???" questioned Ilex.  "Nothing…just call him.." demanded San.  Ilex nodded and pulled the bud out of his pocket and shoved it into his ear.  Phone already in hand, he began to scan through his contacts.  Ilex lifted his thumb when he saw the name Kade scroll by.  He tapped twice on the top of the screen to highlight the name and pressed the green glowing send icon to initiate the call.  There was no ring, only silence.  A few moments later a voice quietly penetrated Ilex's mind.  "I've been waiting…" said the voice patiently.  "Kade???..is that you?" asked Ilex with a bit of concern.

 

~…Yea, it's me Ilex, what took you so long…Huh?  What are you talking about Kade??...The HUD that I gave you, do you like it?...What the FUCK Kade..when the FUCK did you do that?!...When you were on your lunch break…at Gingo's…I'm not even going to ask how you got in..I have more important shit on my mind, such as where the hell you got this thing…That's not important, what is important is what I need you to do with it…What you need ME to do with it?...Thats what I just said asshole, YOU…I'm listening Kade, but I don't fuckin like this…Ilex, just do what I tell you and you'll be fine...I'LL BE FINE?!....I KNEW THIS SHIT WAS MILITARY, WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU GOTTEN ME INTO KADE?!...Ilex..shut the fuck up…I don't have the time to deal with your shit, this is what I need from you…~

 

As Ilex and Kade continued their conversation, San had already hopped off the back of Ilex's bike and wondered over to the base of that fiberglass monstrosity they call visual marketing.  She sat down quietly on the edge of the crumbling concrete base of the thumbs up.  Kicking the concrete with her heal, she began to think.  "Kade..I..I'm not sure.  Why you, why does it fucking have to be you?  Why did you have to leave us?  Why did you leave ME?  Wasn't I strong enough?  Wasn't I special enough?  Wasn't I cute enough for you to….?"  Tears began to well up in San's eyes as there beautiful jade hue faded to a deep grey.  As they began to roll down her cheeks Ilex looked over, "San we need to get…HEY, SAN!..Are you listening to me?  Wait, whats wrong?  San, look at me."  San looked up at Ilex and wiped the stream from her face.  "You need to tell me what the fuck is going on with you and Kade.  I'm not leaving until you do." Said Ilex insistantly.  San stood up and walked over to Ilex slowly.  She looked into his eyes and said, "Ilex?"  Ilex looked up at San with a confused look on his face, "Yea?"  No sooner had he looked up, did he feel the breeze through his hair following a sharp pain and with a thud, hit the ground hard.  San turned and walked over to the bike and saddled the back.  "Did you just fucking slap me?  I can't believe you just fucking slapped me?!  What the fuck was that for?!"  Ilex shouted as he rubbed his cheek to console its throbbing.  "Hurry the fuck up, we need to go." Said San lacking all emotion.  Ilex dusted himself off and hopped on the bike.  He throttled the engine and sped off in the direction of his quarters.

 

As Ilex sped down the road, San began to think about Kade once again.  She began to think about the first time she had met him.  Only a few years earlier, Ilex had been involved with a cycle club and had dragged her along to a few of their little get togethers, flaunting her as his own as a possible means of status and glory.  It was at one of these meet ups that she first encountered Kade.  Ilex and San had just arrived at the Pub.  They began to walk up the rickety cracked staircase while deep in conversation about the latest trends in social engineering and what those pud bags in the military realm of conspace were doing to combat the situation.  As Ilex reached for the door it quickly swung open with such force that it knocked Ilex off balance causing him to fall backward.  Thinking quickly, though not intelligently, Ilex grabbed firmly onto the arm of a very confused San.  As you could expect, San flew backwards along side of Ilex's falling body.  In an instant she was back on her feet with an arm tightly wrapped around her waste.  That was when she heard a voice.  A voice with questions and answers, a voice with power, yet restraint.  A voice that could stop a bullet in its tracks with confusion and pain.  "Are you alright?" said Kade, looking directly into San's astonished eyes. Kade looked over to Ilex who was rolling along the ground in pain, "I know he'll be fine."  "What?" said San with an astonished look.  "I said, are you alright." Kade repeated.  "yea, I'm fine, thanks." Said San.  "My name is Kade, and who might you be?"  However, San had no answer.  She couldn't speak.  She was to busy ogling Kade to death.  Midnight black hair about shoulder length tied back with only a pair of sharp bangs to the sides of his eyes.  One Steel Blue, the other as gold as the setting sun.  A slightly deep toned complexion, obviously that of previous asian decent.  A black leather riding jacket unzipped to showcase a fitted black button down that accentuated his wonderfully toned build.  Complimenting his already structured physique were a pair of fitted black jeans.  Not to tight, but just enough to display what San would call a hot piece of ass.  To say the least, Kade was Jaw Droppingly handsome.  San was helpless in his presence.  That was the first time they met, the first time she lost herself in a man, and possibly the first time she ever felt happy.

 

San's thoughts quickly went back to pain.  She thought to herself again, "Why did he go?..Why?...Why?...WHY?!"  Tears began to roll from her eyes again, she let out a sigh.  San's emotions were so intense that Ilex was having trouble concentrating.  "What the fuck is going on?" he thought to himself as he sped on.  "Kade, what did you do to her?"

 

As Ilex rounded the corner of the liquor store, his thoughts immediately returned to the device.  "I can't believe this is really happening..I need to get a grip…I need a fucking drink."  Ilex got off the bike and walked towards the door.  San had only managed to remove her helmet before Ilex said, "San, I need to fill you in, get the fuck over here."  San walked over to Ilex quietly and passed by him through the doorway into the dimly lit crap hole.  Ilex followed again, slamming the door behind him.

 

"Kade is on his way…are you going to be alright with that?" Ilex asked San with concern.  "Yea, I'll be fine.." said San softly, trying to hold back whatever tears she had left. "I wont let him see me like this." San thought to herself as she headed for the bathroom.  "Alright San…and so ya know, Kade needs your help as well."  "What did you just say?!" said San slightly frightened at the thought of working with that man again.  "He needs your help too San!" said Ilex with a stern glare.  "Fine…." San said as she closed the bathroom door behind her.  Staring at herself in the mirror, directly into her own eyes, she said quietly to herself, "I'm not letting him go this time….not without a fight…not without..a fight."  San quickly pulled out a compact and began to touch up her eyeliner and lipgloss.

 

Ilex sat down at his desk.  This time he didn't spin his chair.  He stared at his terminal for a moment and then reached under his desk.  He pulled out a glass bottle with the word Samison printed in gold lettering across it's black label and placed it in front of his monitor.  Beside the bottle he placed a small cobalt blue shot glass.  Ilex unscrewed the cap of the bottle forcefully and quickly poured a stream of brown 92 proof whiskey into the glass.  Once the glass was full he carefully placed the bottle on the desk beside the glass.  He stared for a moment at the dark liquid that sat infront of him.  Ilex closed his eyes and in an instant, grabbed the glass and pulled it to his lips. Caressing his bottom lip slightly with the glass he said in a firm voice, "This is going to be one hell of a fucking night."  With that he threw back the shot and slammed the glass firmly on his desk, pulled on his data gloves and sparked his terminal to life.



Wednesday, April 30, 2008 
please make it stop
Monday, April 28, 2008 
well...im...not really quite sure why...but, well, I feel kinda.....sad. I dunno, maybe I'm a little home sick. maybe I'm a little lonely. whatever it is, I'm sure it will pass....but for now i'm just going to go to bed
Thursday, April 17, 2008 

Current mood:  optimistic
I'm sitting in my car outside of my office at my new job in California and I'm a bit early for work. it's 7 am (10 am Pennsylvania time, yes pizon I'm dumb) and I feel strange. After everything I've been through in my life, I never thought for even a second that this would happen. I never could have imagined ending up in Cali working for a big company in the security industry, and on the internet side of things no less. It feels almost like a dream. Is this really happening? Am I going to wake up in a cold sweat 10 minutes from now? Am I going to be back in my apartment in West Chester depressed and sick of it all? No, not this time. This is the real thing. I don't feel like I've given it all up and I don't feel like I'm leaving my past behind me. I feel like I'm adding to my life and experiences. I feel like I'm finally understanding myself and my life more than ever before, and its fucking amazing. I'm finally becoming the man I've always wanted to be. I haven't forgotten those that have helped me get here and I never will. I love you all with all that I have and all that I am and will carry your words and hearts with me no matter where I am , no matter where I go. Everyone is more than welcome to come visit me, and I would love to see all of you as soon as possible. I've decided that I'm going to start a video blog to keep everyone up to date and informed on the happenings in my life. I'll let you all know as soon as it's online. For now I take my leave and will head into the office for my first real day of the second beginning of my life. Again, thankyou to everyone that has helped me out and been there for me. I love you all.