I am tired tonight
Haiku instead of the bed
Now I go to bed

If there's one thing I respect about frat boys it's that they keep up Marley's legacy of smoking a whole lot of pot. I think it is often misunderstood exactly how much pot he smoked. This man smoked a lot of pot. Just go into a trendy store selling posters. If you see Bob the chances of not seeing him smoking pot is exactly 0 out of 10. That's just how much pot he smoked. Let's go over a little bio.
First off, he was born in Jamaica. Everyone knows that Jamaica is the pot haven of the world. That should be your first clue.
His dad was a military man, turned plantation overseer. You know what was on that plantation. Yep, mounds of pot for little Bobby. Lots of pot.
His mom was black and his dad was white. His dad's family disapproved of the mixed-racial relationship and left the family, but continued to offer financial support. Now imagine this, you are mixed-race in the mid-1900's. You don't see your dad much, kids at school are picking on you, and you got this steady pay coming from pops. You bet Bob was spending that money on some good ole dope.
Now, it's important to note that this wasn't regular pot smoking. This was revolutionary pot smoking. Through his master, Joe Higgs, he learned the Rasta connection of world peace and pot.
Some might find it important to talk about how he was also a musician who taught radical ideas of peace and unity in a land that was violently divided. It's really not that important, unless you are listening to the music as an excuse to get laid.
Now that's something to talk about. If you drink lots of bear, get chicks to come over to your house, get them high (they are already drunk) to some Bob Marley you will definitely get laid.
This is the genius of Bob Marley. Not only does he want you to get drunk and stoned all the time, but he also wants you to take advantage of girls at bars. I really can't stress the importance of this too much. If Bob knew how many girls you have date-raped to his music he would be really proud of you. REALLY PROUD!
Once some America-haters saw Bob really stoned on some killer weezy. They got so jealous they shot at him, his wife Rita, and his friend Don Taylor. He was about to play a concert for free with the sole purpose of getting a lot of guys laid. Despite his injury and his seriously injured wife and friend, he was so stoned that he played the show anyhow. That's just how stoned he was.
In 1980 Bob Marley was diagnosed with serious cancer. Because of his Rastafarian religion he couldn't take any drugs. You see, marijuana is a jealous drug and doesn't like you to cheat on it. Even though he died he was able to stay stoned during the whole process and he didn't really notice that much.
An old man with one eye on the city bus once told me he got a-hold of some of his ashes and smoked them and has been high ever since. I'd love to get hold of some of that.
In honor of Bob's great legacy you should smoke lots of pot, drink lots of beer, and take advantage of girls at bars. You should also wear shirts and put up posters in your room of Bob Marley smoking pot. This will impress people a lot and will honor his legacy. It's only the honorable thing to do.

I'm tired of being considered a second rate parent.  It's not that I act like a second rate parent and people judge me thus.  It's that as a male everyone assumes I'm second in line to my children as a parent.
Listen to this crap found at the Florida's homeschooling website:
"...encouraging the homeschool dad with practical tips on how he can support his wife through the homeschool years."
Why the assumption that the wife will be doing the real work and dad's just need to support her?
I see this everywhere.  It's like people assume I'm retarded or something.  "Mom, you do this with the kids.  Dad, here's how you can help."  I guess it doesn't occur to people that I like to take responsibility for my kids also.
In my house I do a lot more than the typical male roll of discipline.  I also spend about an hour a day with my daughter going over reading, writing, counting, the calendar, geography, etc.  I also show her how to play the guitar.  If my younger daughter's diaper is stinky, I have no qualms with changing it out.
I hate seeing in "comedy" shows where the male makes this big deal about changing a babies diaper.  It's not funny, it's stupid.  I'd equate it to making fun a black man for not being able to read, and the joke is that he's black AND he can't read.  That's not funny, it's stupid and offensive.
What really irks me is the male's who feed this stereo-type.  I ran into one the other day.  I was taking my girls to have their pictures taken (by themselves.)  I had spent a lot of time doing their hair up real nice and making them look nice for their photos.  When we showed up, their hair was messed up so I put it back up.  During the picture session a kid showed up with his parents.  The little boy was not into having his picture taken today.  When we were done they tried getting him to be on the stage and he wasn't having it.  When we were getting ready to leave the photographer was telling me a did a good job with their hair.  The little boy's mother was surprised that I did their hair.  I told her since I was a stay-at-home dad I had to learn how to do girls hair.  She told me she wanted her husband to be a stay-at-home dad but he refused.  She took on the job.
What an idiot.  Stay at home and be your own boss with your kid (YOUR kid) or be some jerks slave 40 hours a week.
I encounter these kind of people all the time.  There's nothing special about it.  It's a very natural thing for a man to be a part of his kid's life.  An equal part, just as the mother.  Not the part that doesn't inconvenience you.  Sheesh.
It's because of these people I have to deal with a sub-parent stereotype.
I mean, people don't even wait to see how I respond before judging if I'm man enough to take an equal part of parenting.  They assume I'm incapable of leading my kids, and just ask me to support mom.
Dad's you aren't mentally or physically challenged.  You are as good as your wife (or babies momma.)  You can do all the things she does.  You can be just as inconvenienced from time-to-time as the mother is.  You have to take an equal part in raising your kid.  Don't play to stereotypes that only certain parts of parenting are your job.  All parts of parenting are your job equally to the mother.  If you aren't up to the job, find a real man, have him marry your girl, and get out of the picture.  Elsehow dive right in.  Don't be luke-warm.

So Bush decided to not cut his vacation too short to be inconvenienced to visit New Orleans, but to add insult to injury he craps on the situation. How could he, with all his money, power, and influence, tour the areas hit by Katrina and have the gall to just sit around give speeches? He even took his dog to Mississippi and walked around holding it as if to say he didn't want his dog to get dirty in the Mississippi mud.
Bush is always talking to us about "hard work" but when his country needs him most (second to 9/11) he doesn't have what it takes to rip the shirt off his back and get to work. Junior, pick up a chain saw and start cutting up trees blocking roads keeping people from leaving the area. Fill up a semi with those lobsters and wine you were going to eat for dinner with your good buddy Condoleezza rice were going to have for dinner and deliver it to those people that were locked up in the stadium to rot. Grab a buddies helicopter and start looking for victims. Most importantly, be a leader. If I wanted to listen to someone talk I'd call one of my friends. If I wanted to listen to you talk I'd just scratch my finger on chalk-boards to dull the pain of your monotone uncaring voice.
You had an opportunity to really shine and instead you sat around and festered like the feces in my cat's litter box. Good job. Thanks for staying the course of indifference and tolerance to a job poorly done. Even your buddies on the Hannity and Colmes show couldn't pretend that your administration handled this one properly. Geraldo was on the verge of tears and language that would get him in trouble with the FCC as he held up that poor black baby who was locked in the stadium with no help and not allowed to leave to find it. Even Shepard Smith was compelled to report that our government had told a large group of primarily negro people to wait in the middle of the road and then blocked off their ability to walk to a nearby city that had running water, electricity, and food. Our government Junior, not yours.
Shame on you Junior. Shame on your rich friends. Shame on your lack of compassion. Shame on your money. Shame on your presidency. Shame on all of us for allowing you to coup our democracy. Shame Junior, shame.

Today I start myspace.  Woot!

I'm not sure what the problem is that faces politicians so badly but for some reason they just can't figure out this budget balancing thing. Here's where my video game expertise comes in.
See, in Dragon Warrior if you want money you go out and fight some monsters. Then when you got the money you want you go to town and spend it. Here's where the education part comes in. When you run out of money and go to the town and try and buy something the guy tells you no dice. You see, if you don't have the money the guy at the store won't let you buy anything. Nobodies about to loan money to some chump who goes out fighting dragons all day. Chances are you're going to die soon and they'll never see that money again.
So, when the government goes to spend money and they run out of money to spend they should simply stop spending it. None of this borrowing crap that leaves us in a deficit. The real problem is that we don't have the money but we spend it anyway. Then we have to pay interest on the money we borrowed so we could spend money we didn't have. Then we have to find more things to tax, or raise taxes on things we already are taxing. This costs us more money and makes us have to borrow more.
Future ballots should read like this:
The roads are crap and I want to raise gas taxes to fix it...........[ ]
The roads are fine and I want gas taxes to stay the same...........[ ]
The roads are overfunded and I want to lower gas taxes...........[ ]
The ballots would just go straight down. Schools, raise or lower property tax; Water; raise or lower utilities, etc.
Last of all, to make this work, newspapers would have to get off their butts and start reporting on things more real than Michael Jackson and Martha Stewart and would have to really report what's going on. Year round they would report objectively on how things are going around town, state, and nationally.
This will never be brought up publicly by anyone with real power because this system would eliminate the strong hold they have on us. The ball would be back in our court and the goalie would have a gimp leg.

I heard an interview with Laura Bush the other day and much to my surprise she isn't the idiot her husband is. She was actually making sense more or less. She was yaking on about some education agenda she wants to push and she was asked about how she plans on doing this in the middle of her husbands proposed cuts to education funding.
Now if her husband was in this position he was have said something stupid like, "Don't mess with Texas" or "Let's roll." Then you could tune in a couple hours later to Rush to hear his jealousy of such stupidity and would make an effort to be a bigger dumbass. He would succeed.
Instead Laura went on about how the tax cuts were actually cutting out old decrepit programs that aren't working and the money is being diverted to successful programs overall leaving less money spent.
I don't know if what she said is true or not (probably not) but at least it sounded good. That's more than you can say for any response Bush has ever given.
Why the hell isn't she the president?
The same was true when Clinton was in the White House. Clinton was, of course, a great speaker but he couldn't wipe off the bullshit. When his wife talked she actually sounded sincere.
I think that no matter what women was put on the ballot I would vote for her because the chances are really good that she is 10 times smarter than any of the other candidates. And even if she wasn't you'd never know it. The same goes for any black candidate.
This excludes Condoleezza Rice and Colin Powel. Condoleezza should get a sex change and they both should ask Michael Jackson for some skin care tips. Condoleezza's "compelling" story is the biggest crock. Guess what. I don't care. What good does coming from a poor racist society just to move up and get in bed with the same people that raped your people? None (just in case you couldn't find the answer yourself.)
If I could choose between burning down Disney and burning down Condoleezza Rice I'd choose Condoleezza.
When she was explaining her decision to back the Iraq war it's hard to tell her apart from Bush. Her lies and avoiding the question are indistinguishable from Bush's.
So the point is we need a women (any women) on the ballot next election, except Condoleezza rice who probably has posters of General Lee in her bedroom.

Today NPR reiterated one of the most ridiculous claims the republicans make, which is that they don't trust the government. What a crock. They are more than 50% of the government, but they claim to not trust the government. So they essentially don't trust themselves too much. I think I should join the republican party because I also don't trust the government, which is primarily republican.
Here's a list of things the republicans don't trust themselves to do right:

1. Help the poor.
2. Help people whos medical bills are way beyond anything they could ever pay off.
3. Run social security for the elderly.
4. Protect the environment.
5. Stamp out racism.
6. Educate our children.
7. Fairly tax the rich.
8. Regulate commerce.
9. Regulate unfair business practices.

The republicans are right. They do a terrible job at all of these things. So they spend lots of time trying to take away the power for themselves to handle any of these. I am a socialist, but I am also in concordance with the Republicans. I do not trust the government, that is primarily republican, to do much of anything right. So I've decided to compose a list of things I also don't trust them to do right. I hope they will join me in my fight to reduce the size of government by supporting legislation that will take away their power to do these things.

1. Run a drug war that is moral and fair.
2. Execute only guilty murderers.
3. Regulate marriage.
4. Protect United States citizens (via cops and military.)
5. Rate movies, music, and video games.
6. Promote decency, morality, and religion.
7. Conduct a war that promotes freedom.
8. Regulate and protect intellectual copyright laws.
9. Review and deny/approve permits for protest rallies.

I hope the republicans will recognise that these are areas that government isn't doing too good of a job. They are just wasting our tax dollars on inflated programs that need to be just scrapped all together.
Now that I look at this it's anarchy. But republicans are anti-anarchy. I wonder if this makes republicans some super-hip paradigm. Like, my favorite color is clear, my favorite number is zero, and my favorite political party is the republicans. I'm so Gen-X super cool guy. You can find me at Hot Topic if you want to comment.

Are you feeling insecure about your breakfast? Wife mysteriously working late shifts? Nutrigrain bars not fulfilling your masculine needs? Let the old pro set you on a straight course.
Make a bowls full worth of grits. Most of you north of the Mason-Dixon line might not be too familiar with grits. If this is the case find a local grocery store that has an American flag hanging out front (beware of any grocery store sporting a crescent moon and sickle, they won't have grits.) Make grits according to instructions and add lots of yellow cheese. American cheese works best. Eat with fish, preferably cod or pollack. Once you have acquired the taste of blue color hard work it's time to move on.
If you aren't up to the task of full manliness or just aren't in the mood for it for the day (don't worry it happens to the best of us) then scramble two or three eggs. If you drive a diesel or Mac truck you must use three. Mix this in with your grits. Add salt and pepper to taste and enjoy.
For those of us that keep a spittoon next to the Jon this option is for you. Make two eggs either sunny side up or over easy. Heavily butter some toast. Put the eggs on top of the bowl of grits. Dip your toast in the yolk until either the bread or yolk is gone. Cut the egg white up and mix it in with your grits. Add salt and pepper to taste and enjoy.
Use your imagination. There's nothing wrong with still adding cheese if you prefer. Crumbled bacon works too. For the second option you can skip the bread (this is great for those on the Atkins diet) and use the yolk as a sauce for your grits.
After eating such a breakfast it's always recommended to watch a man movie like the Predator or Rambo. Movies with Kevin Costner are never manly. Chuck Norris is only acceptable if you have a mullet and ripped jeans.

I think I've got a solution to resolve the gay marriage conflict. Most of my ideas here came from a thread in a non-public forum about the issue.
Consider this question, why do we go to the government for marriage? It's my guess that this dates back to pre-US Constitution days when the idea of separation of church and state had never been conceived. The purpose and role of marriage is a religious thing. Christians believe "one man, one women" because of Adam and Eve. Their basis for the role of man and the role of women in a relationship is all based on the bible. Other religions have different ideas based on how their religions dictate the union. So people have always gone to their religious leaders in order to initiate their marriage. In the past their religious leaders where also their government so that's to whom you went to get married. When the US Constitution was written, despite the separation of church and state, it seemed obvious you had to write something in there about how to handle marriages.
So to get married we go the government and get a license and then we go to our church for our pastor to ordain it.
But there is one more reason to go to the state for your marriage. When you are married your property becomes your spouses property. Your taxes are filed jointly. In critical situations (such as in the hospital) it becomes your spouse who makes legal decisions about your fate. And in the event of your death your spouse resumes your estate. This is all legal stuff and can only be handled by the state.
So my proposal is this, why not take the hand out of marriage entirely and leave only state recognised civil unions. So if two people were living together and were planning a future until death together they would go to the state for a civil union so they could enjoy the legal benefits that only the state can grant. But if the two wanted to get married (a religious function,) they would have to go to their church. It would be up to the church to decide what was normal, natural, and healthy.
This could work out in many ways. If a mother and her daughter where living together and the daughter planned on taking care of her mother for the rest of her days they could enter into a civil union so that they could enjoy the legal benefits and so the daughter could properly make the decisions of property and over her mothers fate in the hospital. There would be nothing dirty or incestial about this. It would be a purely legal convenience.
Think of how everyone wins. The government is now smaller and is more out of our lives. The government is now no longer dictating "morality" for us. Since the right wants "smaller government" and the left wants us "to all just get along" and we all want more civil liberties we all win.