Gender: Female
Status: Single
Age: 26
Sign: Taurus
City: JaCKSoNViLLe
State: Florida
Country: US
Signup Date: 6/29/2005
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Friday, June 05, 2009
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Current mood:  blessed
i am half awake fighting sleep like i'm still in diapers, sort of wishing i was bc i am too lazy too get up right now...depends at 26? sounds about right ;) ................... under the milky way-the church Sometimes when this place gets kind of empty, Sound of their breath fades with the light. I think about the loveless fascination, Under the milky way tonight. Lower the curtain down in memphis,
Lower the curtain down all right.
I got no time for private consultation,
Under the milky way tonight.
Wish I knew what you were looking for.
Might have known what you would find.
Wish I knew what you were looking for.
Might have known what you would find.
And its something quite peculiar,
Something thats shimmering and white.
Leads you here despite your destination,
Under the milky way tonight
(chorus)
Under the milky way tonight.
....... the warmth-incubus I'd like to close my eyes go numb but there's a cold wind coming from the top of the highest high-rise today. It's not a breeze cause it blows hard. Yes and it's wants me to discard the humanity I know Watch the warmth blow away. (Chorus) Don't let the world bring you down Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold Remember why you came and while you're alive experience the warmth before you grow old Do you think I should adhere to that pressing new frontier and leave in my wake a trail of fear? Or should I hold my head up high and throw a wrench in spokes by leaving the air behind me clear? ...... sunday-sia For those who've slept For those who've kept Themselves jacked up How Jesus wept Sunday Sunday For those in need For those who speed For those who try to slow their minds with weed Sunday Sunday For those who wake With a blind headache Who must be still Who will sit and wait For sunday, to be monday Yeah, it will be ok Do nothing today Give yourself a break Let your imagination run away For those with guilt For those who wilt Under pressure No tears over spilt milk Sunday Sunday Sunday Sunday Sunday Sunday Yeah, it will be ok Do nothing today Give yourself a break Let your imagination runaway Yeah, it will be ok Do nothing today Give yourself a break Let your imagination runaway ..... by your side-sade You think I'd leave your side baby You know me better than that You think I'd leave you down when you're down on your knees I wouldn't do that I'll tell you you're right when you want And if only you could see into me Oh when you're cold, I'll be there Hold you tight to me When you're on the outside baby and you can't get in I will show you, you're so much better than you know When you're lost and you're alone and you cant get back again I will find you darling and I will bring you home And if you want to cry I am here to dry your eyes And in no time, you'll be fine You think I'd leave your side baby You know me better than that You think id leave you down when you're down on your knees I wouldn't do that I'll tell you you're right when you want And if only you could see into me Oh when you're cold, I'll be there Hold you tight to me Oh when you're low I'll be there by your side baby Oh when you're cold, I'll be there Hold you tight to me Oh when you're low I'll be there by your side baby ...... ave cruz-ceu ....this is translation from portuguese bird cross virge crispim - does not feel sorry for me bird cross virge crispim - does not feel sorry for me still did not I see third still did not I see fifth of the novels of tv what do there is of be there is not sign in the end for the see my toilet still is not equipped do not I have jacuzzi neither shower to my vapor god do the favor of return the message bird cross virge crispim - does not feel sorry for me bird cross virge crispim - does not feel sorry for me still did not I see third still did not I see fifth of the novels of tv what do there is of be there is not sign in the end for the see my hair insists on wake up mussed do not I have jacuzzi neither shower to my vapor god do the favor of return the message bird cross virge crispim - does not feel sorry for me bird cross virge crispim - does not feel sorry for me ..... future of the future-ebtg The future of the future will still contain the past Time goes slow and time goes fast I can feel you looking back at me To see how I've done What is it inside you that makes you want to be my god Well it's so bright tonight Do you see those cars, those lights? The future of the future will still repeat today Time goes fast and fades away And you say think of the old days We could have them back again Well I thought about the old days They'd go bad like they did then Well it's so bright tonight Do you see those cars, those lights? The future of the future will still contain tonight The passage of day the passage of light I'm not going home again Tomorrow will never come Well it's so bright tonight It's so bright tonight Do you see those cars, those lights? Do you see those roads, these skies? What ya gonna do about me now? (Repeat 8x) It's so bright tonight
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Wednesday, November 19, 2008
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Current mood:  fascinated
How Thinking Can Change the Brain Published: Monday, 29 January, 2007 20 Jan 2007 (Sharon Begley, Wall Street Journal) Dalai Lama helps scientists show the power of the mind to sculpt our gray matter. Although science and religion are often in conflict, the Dalai Lama takes a different approach. Every year or so the head of Tibetan Buddhism invites a group of scientists to his home in Dharamsala, in Northern India, to discuss their work and how Buddhism might contribute to it. In 2004 the subject was neuroplasticity, the ability of the brain to change its structure and function in response to experience. The following are vignettes adapted from "Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain," which describes this emerging area of science: The Dalai Lama, who had watched a brain operation during a visit to an American medical school over a decade earlier, asked the surgeons a startling question: Can the mind shape brain matter?
Over the years, he said, neuroscientists had explained to him that mental experiences reflect chemical and electrical changes in the brain. When electrical impulses zip through our visual cortex, for instance, we see; when neurochemicals course through the limbic system we feel. But something had always bothered him about this explanation, the Dalai Lama said. Could it work the other way around? That is, in addition to the brain giving rise to thoughts and hopes and beliefs and emotions that add up to this thing we call the mind, maybe the mind also acts back on the brain to cause physical changes in the very matter that created it. If so, then pure thought would change the brain's activity, its circuits or even its structure. One brain surgeon hardly paused. Physical states give rise to mental states, he asserted; "downward" causation from the mental to the physical is not possible. The Dalai Lama let the matter drop. This wasn't the first time a man of science had dismissed the possibility that the mind can change the brain. But "I thought then and still think that there is yet no scientific basis for such a categorical claim," he later explained. "I am interested in the extent to which the mind itself, and specific subtle thoughts, may have an influence upon the brain."
The Dalai Lama had put his finger on an emerging revolution in brain research. In the last decade of the 20th century, neuroscientists overthrew the dogma that the adult brain can't change. To the contrary, its structure and activity can morph in response to experience, an ability called neuroplasticity. The discovery has led to promising new treatments for children with dyslexia and for stroke patients, among others. But the brain changes that were discovered in the first rounds of the neuroplasticity revolution reflected input from the outside world. For instance, certain synthesized speech can alter the auditory cortex of dyslexic kids in a way that lets their brains hear previously garbled syllables; intensely practiced movements can alter the motor cortex of stroke patients and allow them to move once paralyzed arms or legs. The kind of change the Dalai Lama asked about was different. It would come from inside. Something as intangible and insubstantial as a thought would rewire the brain. To the mandarins of neuroscience, the very idea seemed as likely as the wings of a butterfly leaving a dent on an armored tank. Neuroscientist Helen Mayberg had not endeared herself to the pharmaceutical industry by discovering, in 2002, that inert pills -- placebos -- work the same way on the brains of depressed people as antidepressants do. Activity in the frontal cortex, the seat of higher thought, increased; activity in limbic regions, which specialize in emotions, fell. She figured that cognitive-behavioral therapy, in which patients learn to think about their thoughts differently, would act by the same mechanism. At the University of Toronto, Dr. Mayberg, Zindel Segal and their colleagues first used brain imaging to measure activity in the brains of depressed adults. Some of these volunteers then received paroxetine (the generic name of the antidepressant Paxil), while others underwent 15 to 20 sessions of cognitive-behavior therapy, learning not to catastrophize. That is, they were taught to break their habit of interpreting every little setback as a calamity, as when they conclude from a lousy date that no one will ever love them. All the patients' depression lifted, regardless of whether their brains were infused with a powerful drug or with a different way of thinking. Yet the only "drugs" that the cognitive-therapy group received were their own thoughts. The scientists scanned their patients' brains again, expecting that the changes would be the same no matter which treatment they received, as Dr. Mayberg had found in her placebo study. But no. "We were totally dead wrong," she says. Cognitive-behavior therapy muted overactivity in the frontal cortex, the seat of reasoning, logic, analysis and higher thought. The antidepressant raised activity there. Cognitive-behavior therapy raised activity in the limbic system, the brain's emotion center. The drug lowered activity there. With cognitive therapy, says Dr. Mayberg, the brain is rewired "to adopt different thinking circuits." Such discoveries of how the mind can change the brain have a spooky quality that makes you want to cue the "Twilight Zone" theme, but they rest on a solid foundation of animal studies. Attention, for instance, seems like one of those ephemeral things that comes and goes in the mind but has no real physical presence. Yet attention can alter the layout of the brain as powerfully as a sculptor's knife can alter a slab of stone. That was shown dramatically in an experiment with monkeys in 1993. Scientists at the University of California, San Francisco, rigged up a device that tapped monkeys' fingers 100 minutes a day every day. As this bizarre dance was playing on their fingers, the monkeys heard sounds through headphones. Some of the monkeys were taught: Ignore the sounds and pay attention to what you feel on your fingers, because when you tell us it changes we'll reward you with a sip of juice. Other monkeys were taught: Pay attention to the sound, and if you indicate when it changes you'll get juice. After six weeks, the scientists compared the monkeys' brains. Usually, when a spot on the skin receives unusual amounts of stimulation, the amount of cortex that processes touch expands. That was what the scientists found in the monkeys that paid attention to the taps: The somatosensory region that processes information from the fingers doubled or tripled. But when the monkeys paid attention to the sounds, there was no such expansion. Instead, the region of their auditory cortex that processes the frequency they heard increased. Through attention, UCSF's Michael Merzenich and a colleague wrote, "We choose and sculpt how our ever-changing minds will work, we choose who we will be the next moment in a very real sense, and these choices are left embossed in physical form on our material selves."
The discovery that neuroplasticity cannot occur without attention has important implications. If a skill becomes so routine you can do it on autopilot, practicing it will no longer change the brain. And if you take up mental exercises to keep your brain young, they will not be as effective if you become able to do them without paying much attention. Since the 1990s, the Dalai Lama had been lending monks and lamas to neuroscientists for studies of how meditation alters activity in the brain. The idea was not to document brain changes during meditation but to see whether such mental training produces enduring changes in the brain. All the Buddhist "adepts" -- experienced meditators -- who lent their brains to science had practiced meditation for at least 10,000 hours. One by one, they made their way to the basement lab of Richard Davidson at the University of Wisconsin, Madison. He and his colleagues wired them up like latter-day Medusas, a tangle of wires snaking from their scalps to the lectroencephalograph that would record their brain waves. Eight Buddhist adepts and 10 volunteers who had had a crash course in meditation engaged in the form of meditation called nonreferential compassion. In this state, the meditator focuses on unlimited compassion and loving kindness toward all living beings. As the volunteers began meditating, one kind of brain wave grew exceptionally strong: gamma waves. These, scientists believe, are a signature of neuronal activity that knits together far-flung circuits -- consciousness, in a sense. Gamma waves appear when the brain brings together different features of an object, such as look, feel, sound and other attributes that lead the brain to its aha moment of, yup, that's an armadillo. Some of the novices "showed a slight but significant increase in the gamma signal," Prof. Davidson explained to the Dalai Lama. But at the moment the monks switched on compassion meditation, the gamma signal began rising and kept rising. On its own, that is hardly astounding: Everything the mind does has a physical correlate, so the gamma waves (much more intense than in the novice meditators) might just have been the mark of compassion meditation. Except for one thing. In between meditations, the gamma signal in the monks never died down. Even when they were not meditating, their brains were different from the novices' brains, marked by waves associated with perception, problem solving and consciousness. Moreover, the more hours of meditation training a monk had had, the stronger and more enduring the gamma signal. It was something Prof. Davidson had been seeking since he trekked into the hills above Dharamsala to study lamas and monks: evidence that mental training can create an enduring brain trait. Prof. Davidson then used fMRI imaging to detect which regions of the monks' and novices' brains became active during compassion meditation. The brains of all the subjects showed activity in regions that monitor one's emotions, plan movements, and generate positive feelings such as happiness. Regions that keep track of what is self and what is other became quieter, as if during compassion meditation the subjects opened their minds and hearts to others. More interesting were the differences between the monks and the novices. The monks had much greater activation in brain regions called the right insula and caudate, a network that underlies empathy and maternal love. They also had stronger connections from the frontal regions to the emotion regions, which is the pathway by which higher thought can control emotions. In each case, monks with the most hours of meditation showed the most dramatic brain changes. That was a strong hint that mental training makes it easier for the brain to turn on circuits that underlie compassion and empathy. "This positive state is a skill that can be trained," Prof. Davidson says. "Our findings clearly indicate that meditation can change the function of the brain in an enduring way."
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Wednesday, April 02, 2008
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Current mood:  amused
so we have gotten back from our week trip to the greatest parties on earth. it was nutso let me tell you.. all in all nothing too terrible happened, there were alot of springbreakers this year i heard from one of the locals and they can be quite testy at times but that was only at the biggest parties. the people could be quite annoying, you could tell that they just couldn’t get comfy and dance so instead they would try to walk through the crowds and bump into everyone and everything in their paths... ahhhhhh ;)
our hotel was in like a three block radius of one after another awesome hotel party which came in alot of handy at times, like when you are too hungover to make a trip to a further destination what’s the big deal when countless dj’s are spinning right by where u are staying..
our first party was at the southseas alot of locals on open bar recordings and excellent house vibes, then we went across the street to the catalina to get our free drinks on and headed back over to the southseas bc the party was a little more our speed... after countless drinks and endless dancing we decided a change of scenary was in order, so we decided to trek down to opium garden to catch dj heather’s set which was amazing. both the clubs and the music were def my speed.. i was pretty drunk and ready to party but it seemed better to go sleep it off since i wasn’t too comfortable with my sense of direction just yet it was only 4 in the morning tho what was i thinking... ;)..
on wednesday we woke up and went over to the wetgrooves party where donauld glaude had just gone on, oooo woah is me ... but the crowd was pretty freakin awful there, drunk crunk and funk...things i usually enjoy, but maybe with a little more clothes and lot more balanced dancers..haha... the vonyc party was starting so i ofcourse, had to check it out. well guess who is greeting people at the door, oh yeppers you guessed it pvd, it was pretty cool he was just hanging with everyone, i was kicking myself in the ass for not saying anything but i realized i didn’t have anything to say...lol... so i finally had enough balls to go dance by him but a girl came and got him so oh well, we left for a bit back to the hotel, to get ready for the get salted party ... we stopped back by vonyc and he was there again hanging i was drooling at this point but still nothing to say.. it was kind of early but we decided to head over to the fifth... that party far exceeded my expectations, even if the crowd was full shove crew i had a great time and the performances were very impressive. lisa shaw did the live thing twice, julis papp had a guy singing still can’t find his name but he was def worthing catching. first time seeing miguel was too freakin awesome....
thursday was a pretty crunk tastic and evetful day.. we started out with some ppl from our hotel inviting us to a doc martin party at this really posh hotel, + they had VIP i can’t argue with that so we got lunch at a really good bbq restraunt can’t remember the name and headed over... wel ofcourse they were giving our friends crap at the door but luckily bon’s friend pete was there and got us in for free!!! hack yea... inside they had free food and then a fashion show, and to make it 10x’s better it was an all vinyl party yaaaay.... we left there to head over to james zabeila bc who can resist right?well he was killing it ofcourse but then the next dj was suposed to be nic fanciulli, well who shows up instead? deadmau5...yess free deadmau5 is always a crickle friendly event ;) so then we realised we had to get over to the idma’s and it was beautiful, and fun plus free drinks which was a rare occasion in southbeach...haha so we are waiting for it to start and who walks by? yeppers once again, well this time i have my liquid courage in me so i atleast got my new and improved pvd pic, no more strangling the man for me...lmao... the performances were outstanding from pvd to crystal waters and blake lewis, i even enjoyed "the love is gone" and i got to see david guetta who is my new fave raver btw, he could hang with the crickle....jk... the afterparty turned out to be a bust but i did get my pic with dj pierre, that was cool... so we had to go check out the om party and that was def the right decision there, the venue was sick cobblestone jazz was sick...all around it was sick but i was drunk and might also get sick so we left, ended up picking up some dudes and had a sunrise breakfast so sleep was most def scarce on the trip... (i don’t think i slept more than 4 hours in one night)
friday was def a rough one, hangover hangover hangover so we didn’t actually make it out until we went to space that night, pvd played house so i was in heaven, not all house but a few tracks, the fusion was what i needed bc trance was def making me fall asleep...... sander terrace... should i even elaborate? not necessary...
saturday. ultra was beautiful all around, armin, sasha digweed moby underworld pvd... how many ppl can say that honestly? armin just makes me smile grin from ear to ear got a pic of the hawt ass, yes indeedy i did...then over to sashmo and diggers, they are still alive and kickin btw... moby i just don’t get?, where do you get the energy, do u have an red bull injection before shows? you are sick my man i love you for what you do, u impress AWAYS! underworld wow i have to say the same about, where do you get the energy? i was hanging with you for a bit i loved dancing with you it was just wow!! something made sense, you just make sense!!! and obviously alot of ppl agree ;) i can’t believe i didn’t cry more during pvd, that was crazy he had everyone come out and perform the songs from the new album.... i mean geesh, i was tickled by that, wayne wasn’t there and he is hot but time of our lives was absolutely amazing ashley and corinna i love you too. after that we had our one bad experience they wouldn’t let us to dave seaman for free so we went to blue instead which was really small and retarded hot inside but it was fun just the same and the dj’s played some good tracks so i was pleased...
sunday is usually my lazy day to get some drinkage going, well did i ever holy crap... beatport was fun, starkiller and austin leeds who spin on vonyc alot so i was happy, chris and thee-o from lastyear showed up and invited us to see thee-o play so we stayed for dirty south and the begining of kaskade and then we headed over to the marseilles to watch theeo. who i was really impressed by, then we went over to a break party (i know) but the was a band bio deisel there who i was very happy to see. i guess they are supposed to be drum and bass but they only played one drum and bass track out of the 5 or 6 i saw i was freakin blown away by them! good show mates... so then we were on a food mission from hell but we finally found our spot and got our grub on, and off the B.E.D. we went, awesome club beds insid, so cool... but i got really wasted rockstared out and lost my phone along with any recollection of the night before... and before i knew it it was 11am and we were supposed to be checking out but i was still up to my eyes balls in sleep drool...haha
it was smashing i would recommend it to everyone, so i will ;)
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Tuesday, July 24, 2007
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Current mood:  creative
feeling naked right now w/out my clothes on... <3
missing eternity yearning for inevitability to just simply be, caught up in a jam of who & me suspended in a moment of escape with bliss will find your thoughts in eternity. trapped in the thoughts of who and me and no ability to see. only the animations of dreams stream, sing to violently tear through the walls that bind me to a heartless consumption of yet another threatened instinct to turn a smile to a frown. i pronounce that when these other eyes have found clutched from fear of the opposing apparition it shall emerge in a wave so fiercely fought that a world of peace shall follow it's valor. these moments of escape for bliss will remain inevitably in eternity.
ok ok ok just remember that i'm just writing freelance, i basically just sit down and spit on paper..(computer) so it may not make sense or even be good, but i am bored and a pretty good at rhyming, soooo... -shivers- she shutters as she shivers as the rivers shift, her mournful glow will cover lands and will relieve you of your breath, she often sighs when someone cries and lays them down to rest, and never failing or even trailing her voice sounds always best, i hope oneday i'll meet her too for the stories are tall and wide, her footsteps linger on every dance floor on which she has taken stride. i envy her i envy you i envy my own pride, and on the echoes of the shivers she will always ride. i have come close i have been told i could still feel her presence stink, and of her voice her sweet breath and her sharp eyes i began to think. i love her i thought that's insane her acquintance i have yet to make. but i still did and still do and will always feel her shivers' shake :) -fin- not sure what it means but i like it :) i think it's poe inspired...lol this is also freelance, that's why it may suck....poop :P emancipated and exonerated and like it was you i hated i still can't explain it stars come to my eyes emotions turn to lies trying to protect it we allow sacrifice just to make it it's all so damn shameless as our faces remain nameless our fears become painted as the lights become faded our hearts feel so jaded stick with this plan and you think we'll make it? sometimes i want to fly today push my soul further from gay make my heart surcum to grey pushing my thoughts through the unobtained searching for that light on this plain so many things remain unchanged what can i do to heal this pain? this burning intensity life still won't explain an unexpressed notion i still won't obtain when there is love left there is still love to give even if at some moments it seems better short lived so please excuse if i come across rude it is happening unconsciously no more a matter than you are yourself even if some compared it of less wealth i know of that which have actually helped i'm just as bitter as i am sweet but i am less poor even without an accomplished defeat funny how things turn out in a pattern i guess there is still life left burning in my paper mache lantern and for peace as for peace i have given my heart love just one love i have worked hard i know it seems careless i know i assume put me to the test and i'm sure to consume it's only my fault of that i will say i'm sure there is paved a more richeous way there i go again getting out of place when did i forget the cardinal rule of always saving face all is fair in love and war if your life is sparred but if you've fallen victim do the colonels really care? it's all a game it's all for gain and political at that do they still care if they get paid and fiction is passed off as fact? the shameless ranting of a subconcious mind is all this victim's ever had.... wow that was from awhile ago..i think i am scaring myself....lol
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Thursday, May 24, 2007
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Leave your name in my blog comments. Once you do that, this is what I'll do for you...
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me. (if possible!)
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.
8. If you do this you MUST post this on yours. You MUST. It is written.
Also be sure to come BACK and check out what I wrote in response for you!
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Friday, September 02, 2005
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this is the book i'm writing, let me know what you think, it will get better as the story unfolds more...i promise :)
Chapter One
Arrival
This was no ordinary vacation spot, and rightfully so, it was built to accommodate people who were generally atypical. This was a place that the whole family could enjoy, and if things went smoothly here these would be popping up in chains across the country within months. My aunt had chosen this place in particular not for the exclusive advertising or illustrious entourage of people that would flock, but rather for the programs and activities it had to offer. I hadnt even known about it until she called and only chose to join her to work on my thesis and because some of my friends would be vacationing here as well. Upon our arrival I hadnt much prior knowledge of what would be here. I knew my aunt came because it supported programs such as painting, art classes, a gymnastics, swimming, all things the kids would enjoy, along with the biochemistry projects, the reason my aunt came in the first place. When we arrived, the outside didnt look much different from any other hotel or resort, maybe a little bit larger but no significant difference. Once inside we saw the vastness of what it had to offer, huge dining rooms, pools, beverage counters, galas, show rooms, a small casino like area(since gambling is illegal in Florida they dont use real money, but you can get prizes), and lots of other scheduled activities, the activities being the biggest reason people came. Knowing my aunt and the kids would be busy most of the time excited me because that meant I could spend more time fraternizing. I hadnt come for the activities, and most of my friends were also going to be here this week, so I starting scouring the room for friendly face. I almost instantly spotted my close friend Joey and went over to greet him. I started asking him where he was going to be spending the evening but he said he hadnt really thought about it. My aunt walked over to the counter to check us in, the bag boy took my luggage and I knew I was going to love this place, especially with me being the one that was being served for a change. I asked Joey if had noticed how great the little town was on the way in and he agreed,"This is probably just the type of thing they need to build the economy" he said. I agreed. "We should go get a drink somewhere and get familiar, well probably be here awhile"I suggested. He agreed, "Let me put my stuff away and grab something, Ill be right down," he said and took off down a corridor. "Sure thing" I said back, he turned around,"Keep your eye out for other attendees"he said. " No problem" I said and walked over to my aunt. "Who was that" she said, being that my aunt was actually from Maine she hadnt met any of my friends before. "Oh, youve heard me talk about Joey before weve been friends since we were kids" I responded. "I dont recall" she said,"but he is handsome"she winked. "I didnt even know he was going to be here. We don talk much since he started going out -of-state." What are you kids getting into tonight?"she asked "Not much, probably go find something to eat and check out the college." "Dont stray too far, I dont want you getting lost." "I wont get lost thats what Im here for "I explained. When I found out she would be spending almost her whole summer here I agreed to help her settle in the unfamiliar surroundings of central Florida. "Things can get tricky being so close to Disney World if your not familiar with that type of industry", I joked with her. Well were going to the room to get the girls ready for super, and Ill see you when?" she asked "Probably in the morning" I responded. "I thought you two were just friends" she chuckled. I laughed and she kissed me on the cheek,"heres a room key and the number to the hotel, call me if anything goes wrong, an attendant will give you directions if you get lost." she said "Thanks", I responded and kissed her back.
Standing around waiting for Joey opened a window of opportunity, I already spotted the cute guys working the counter and needed directions, on top of that I could keep an eye for others that were arriving. I walked over to the counter and asked the guys if there were any cool spots to grab a beer in town, they werent helpful though they just referred me to some of the beverage counters inside, he said "theres not much in the town but the college, where I will personally be graduating from after this fall term," he responded to the other clerk, "a couple of mom & pops, and a small bar about 10 miles down the road." "Other than that theres mostly old houses and neighborhoods"." If you need anything Im sure that you can find it here though" he responded. "No Im fine, I just dont like confinement."I explained. "I cant argue there" he said."But do be careful on these back roads the police will get you, theyre always patrolling to catch the college kids who try to race at night." " He only works here to pay off the tickets from that" the other clerk said and started pointing at the other guy and laughing,"hell its not like you got away, would you like a fresh towel with that Mrs. Daisy" he chuckled. " I couldnt help but laugh " I said to the other clerk. Now more people were arriving and I noticed my friends Davie and Chris, "Hey I didnt know you guys were going to be here," "and neither did we you" they gave me a sort high-class cheek to cheek "smooch" " I already saw Joey, were going to check out the town." "Well call the room if you find something" " I will". I heard Joeys voice down the hall and started towards the door waved at the desk clerks they waved back"Be careful" one of them winked. "Oh he is too gorgeous" I started telling Joey as we walked to the car "You want me to hook you up, I know I can, hook you up" he started poking at my sides. "Dont poke me there I hate it when you poke" I started tickling him, we started to scuffle I wiggled they keys from his hand and he started running after me. I got to the car ran to the other side and paused for a second he started running over and I threw the keys under the car to the ground. We both looked at each other and with equal opportunity for one to successfully obtain the keys form the other both made a mad dash to the other side of the car. "Whoever gets the keys gets to drive," we both of course reached for the keys at the same time and like a couple of kids in the sand box after preschool daycare fell to the ground and started struggling again with one another. Joey grabbed my head and started to noggie the keys away rubbing the top of my head back and forth until I got a hand free and I started tickling him again, Joeys infamous weak spot. He couldnt resist and like a tired cub slouched to one side and gave in to his fit of laughter. We went on this way for a couple of minutes, sitting on the ground of an adult resort laughing like a couple of wild dogs, when someone started pulling in. We decided to shuffle to our feet and I decide
d it would be best if I drove under Joeys condition. "My condition" he said, "and that would be?" " Joey , my man, you cant even jiggle keys away from a girl" I laughed and started running around the car again."How about your condition thinking the desk clerk was cute. He couldnt even get a date with medusa!" Now I told you that jealous behavior isnt going to get you that PHD at Harvard" Seriously though, Ill drive, the seriously unattractive desk clerk gave me the directions, so I nominate me to direct!"All in favor step on Joeys toes, just kidding". "So do you think we should stop to get a picture of these houses, I mean this is the most unique architecture Ive ever seen. I would bet some of these houses date back to the late 1800's?" "Yeah, I know and there all still in perfect condition, you can tell they really tried to preserve their originality here." "Im sure they all think it as wonderful as we do, lets turn down here and see if we can get a close up." We became so enthralled with the houses we drove around until well past nightfall and kept talking about them and how we thought life was when they were originally built we loved the ideas of the British settler that probably originally invested their time in the creation of this amazingly almost like new, re-vamped site. "I would bet these people originally intended to cover the whole Appalachian countryside with these houses. If so I wouldnt blame them"As we were started approaching the end of a cul-de-sac we noticed a house that was dramatically different from the others. The roof was collapsed on one side and it was practically condemned. "Hey Joey, look at that one." Dont you think its odd that its all the way down here and completely run down when none of the others look this way?""Even stranger is that iridescent glow coming from inside." "Yeah, it looks like a black light." I said "Lets get a closer look". We pulled in front and parked. "Lets get out and take a picture. Im sure noone lives here." " I think it will make a great scene, the collapsed roof with the night backdrop." These houses were truly like nothing I had ever seen, they had a gothic sort of colonial theme, with high tipped roofs, almost like steeples. They were all massive in size but were built up rather than out. Most of them over 3 stories and no one house resembled another, other than the unique shape. The people who built the first most have impressed the rest because there were well over a thousand still in tact and all preserved in their originality. But this one, completely condemned it looked like it had been for awhile. "Lets walk around to this side. I think well get the best angle with the moon in the back round." As we approached I noticed the door half open and could smell something from inside not a bad smell it was actually familiar, reminded me of an Indian scent that people often use in meditation rituals, nag champa. As we got even closer I could make out a faint noise, almost like tribal transcendental music with modern additions and peoples voices. Joey looked over at me,"Should we see whats going on inside." "I dont know maybe we should walk up on the porch and see if we can see anything from there, the people probably own the house. Should we leave?" "I dont know. Ill make something up like, I think Im lost do you have a phone, and knock."Before we even ascended the first stair someone came out to greet us. "Finally visitors"she exclaimed. Joey and I were puzzled."Please, come inside." Were really very sorry." I started to explain. "We were driving around looking at these magnificent houses." " They are wonderful arent they." she said "Yes, gorgeous." "And we were wondering if we could go around back and get a picture." "Of course but first you must come inside to meet the other guest to have a drink."" Well actually," Joey began to explain," We were staying at the resort up the road and went out for a drink or to find a place to hang out when we decided to get some pictures of the houses, and didnt mean to intrude but my friend has thing for 18th century gothic and black and white photography. So she wanted a picture of your house for her thesis." Most of which was made up."So we didnt mean to bother you." "No worries" she said. We looked at each other puzzled. "I wonder what she means" I said to Joey as we followed her inside.
The girl was around our age, probably a student attending the college. Roughly 5'10,long straight brown hair, blue eyes, extremely milky white skin, extremely thin, with a straight narrow nose. She wore mostly black clothes that looked like they could have been made in the same century that the houses were built, she wore a long smock with embroidery up the front in purple velvet, a hippie with and sort of gothic-vampiric style. When we got inside most of the thirty or forty people with in looked about the same, gothic sort of vampirial styling with brown or black hair, all sitting in different groups usually in numbers of three or four mostly keeping to their own groups. We noticed that the people liked to move around a lot but usually just one from a group would go join another and then someone would follow behind in their place, keeping a nice cycle going through out the room. Spider webs hung from the ceiling and instead of removing them someone actually took the time to label them with individually hanging signs all with different quotations, "beware of spider" or "Ive come to suck your blood", and some didnt say anything just had pictures of spiders with smiley faces or strange symbols with glitter trimmings. I had never seen anything like the decor with in either, velvet draped over every wall. Even the window boxes had been lined by one piece velvet clothe gathered to a point at the top of the window and cascading down with in the box and then on to the floor. One piece of un tailored velvet over another until the entire interior of the house was literally covered in it. There were people sitting on top of the velvet in the window boxes as well, three or four people could fit inside easily since the windows were so large to accommodate the obesity of the house. The front area was huge like in most houses of its era and was probably used mostly for entertaining. "So whos house is this" I asked the girl but she didnt hear me. Joey leaned over to her, "Are you the one orchestrating this shindig?" "Yes sir and you are more than welcome to a beverage." "So, you guys say you just stumbled upon us while driving around? Arent you the lucky ones"she smiled a sly little grin and winked "Yeah" Joey responded "We understand if want us to go, we just dont want any trouble." "No worries" she repeated. "Please, come in meet people, have a drink, take a look upstairs as well, I think you find it to your liking. I have to go tend to somethings, meet me back here in a little less than an hour. Then I will show you whats next." "Whats next?" I asked Joey. "Ok" he called back. "Free beer" Joey looked at me"lets just stay here for a few more minutes, Im sure these sorority chicks found this old house and thought they should christen it."he chuckled "Can we stay here long enough to see what shes talking about?" I asked him. "Sure, let me go lock the car." When Joey left I started to check out the house and see what sort of people were there, and what they were doing. Whomever set this up went to great lengths. And I could tell these people werent your usually sorority girls most sorority girls wouldnt be caught dead in place like this. They had all kinds of gadgets I had never seen and the layout was very unusual. The people had five or six mobile wet bars each with its own attendant and two or three people standing around. You could tell the people in this town really appreciated their individuality and seemed like a friendly bunch. In the middle of the room was a huge oak coffee table, it was probably in the house when they found it. Around the coffee table were nine or ten people all with flat hand held computers and all of them seemed to be linked to an interwoven network. The way they were conversing was very unusual, you would see one of them working on something, and the one next to them would be waiting to receive a message usually while working on something themselves. From what I could tell a message mostly consisted of colors, shapes, and abstract graphics with a couple of messages that would pop in during a streaming of sequences. Once one was finished almost immediately it would stop someone elses computer and transfer over then that person, the one being intercepted would watch and wait until it was done. Once the message was received they would send back a counteracting message, usually it would say thank you and add in modifications to the graphics from the previous message, distorting it a little or changing colors, writing in colorful phrasing or uplifting paraphrases seemed to be popular among them. Immediately after they completed a message they would be put back on whatever they were working on. The graphics on their computers displayed they were not much like anything I had seen before. I thought I would go chat with them awhile while I waited for Joey. I walked over to one of them and started looking on to his screen, he looked up, paused a second," Hey" he said, he was very handsome "I saw you watching over there, you can look on with me if you like." " where did your friend run off to?" " Oh he had to lock the car", Sorry, I just realized how rude I am leaning over you like this, I was just standing over there waiting for him to return and thought I might come over to get a better view." Ive never seen graphics like this before." "Do you like it?"he asked " The network I mean, I invented it myself." " Well I actually invented this," he showed me a splicer, almost like the ones people use for stealing cable. " With this I can link people via internet and noone can ever trace me." "Really" I exclaimed. " thats really revolutionary." " I dont know about that he said. If we were ever capable of starting a real revolution someone would probably shut me down before we succeeded and once we made for the public Im sure people would find ways of tracing it." " So far though somehow I have managed to stay untraceable." " So is this just something you do to show girls at parties or are you some kind of drug lord using to smuggle drugs from Columbia?" I said and he started laughing. "Actually" he started to explain, " With this network I can keep in contact with people all over the world just like you can on the internet." " The people at this party are members of a nomadic "community" we call the Obloxigenaries or for short The Oblox." We keep in contact through the network and help each other find one another. Since were nomadic, we find sites like this one and fix them up. We usually stay awhile, until we are done or have found a new party to travel with. Then we just move on." We stay in touch with and recognize each other through our faith." I was a little puzzled by these statements so I its always in my nature to clarify. "So you guys travel around living in houses you dont own and when your done you just go out and find a new one." No t entirely true" he added "We mostly live with the others that we meet at functions like these. For example, I arrived here at three oclock today and most of what you see had been already finished, as far as the drapes, candles, little flower arrangements, spider trinkets, goblets, a few other things. Mileako is the type of host that keeps things to herself, and as do most people of the Cantro-Ex-Harma Oblox its against their pledge to do so, for instance I may never know where she just came from, and Im also obliged to never ask. When I got here only a few people had arrived. Most of these people arent stationary yet, and most of them will never be, it would be against their faith. I for one am not a stationary Oblox. People ask me if I think of converting and I respond with an over dramatic, Never! So people come to events like these to find other Oblox to travel with. The job of an Oblox is to spread their faith and to share in the faiths of the others to achieve what can be explained as "full enlightenment." I have only come here seeking refuge because once again I have stirred up trouble in the Nether region, my native home land, and was banned for several months until I can get there system running properly again." "Uh-huh, so this is basically a cult?" I asked "Not exactly, we dont like the indirect harshness thats associated with a word like cult, so we refer to it as a new religion. The way we see it is why because man starts to calculate time should he have to conform to an old religion? It wouldnt make sense for me to be born and not have the authority to disagree with someone 3,000 times my elder. " Looking at him stunned I conveyed no body language to him at all and sort of remained stifled in our conversation. To be quite honest I think I may have been a little scared. At that time he informed me that my friend had returned. "Please" he implored "stop back by before you leave I want to show you something."I agreed but wasnt sure that I would stay much longer. I walked over to Joey he was walking in with a group of people with whom he had been conversing with outside. " So, he said what did you hear so far." "I dont think I could begin to explain." I said back to him. "Do you still want to stay." he asked " To be honest Im still curious about whats upstairs."I said "Me too." So we agreed to go up and check it out.
Coming soon....Chapter 2!!! duhn-duhn-duhnnnnnnn!
Chapter 2
Upstairs
As we ascended the stair case it was quite a magnificent sight. Through the hole in the roof shone the moonlight in a bright yellow glow, it was more than marvelous. You could see the whole sky, it was breath taking I almost slipped on the stairs because I couldnt take my eyes of the sky. "Its really wonderful" I looked over to Joey finally to find his mouth completely agape as well, "it really is" he responded in a sort of low monotone voice with a hint of complete wonderment. When we got to the top of the stairs it was more like being on the roof than on the second floor of a house, the ceiling looked almost too perfectly decomposed to match the setting of the rest of the house, and to be honest the rest of the evening up until now. "So who did you meet outside? Any hot sorority chicas?" "Haha. No but I did meet very interesting people though have you noticed how nice they all are?" "Im starting to think you might be becoming a little smitten with these people" I grinned at Joey to poke fun, he never really liked "eccentrics", especially at this degree though. He seemed oddly taken by them, and I say oddly in an overly fitting context in this situation. "I dont know I think maybe they could grow on me, they seem to have a good ora. Something about them makes me feel excited." I looked at him with my mouth open, "you can get excited!" I cheesed him a flashy grin and chuckled. "And by people none the less. Im in shock." he stuck out his tongue at me. Suddenly we noticed something in the shadows and just then we saw a lighter lite and could see that there were people all over in the shadows that we hadnt even noticed for the last five or ten minutes. We got quiet and still, the people seemed to not even notice us though and just kept on talking and joking, some were just staring up at the sky. The tension quickly faded between Joey and I so we got back into our conversation. "So does it seem to be getting closer to us and bigger even" he pointed to the moon. "You know I was just going to say the same thing to you" "Very interesting" he responded in an almost Freud inspired tone. " not just the moon though" I went on" its almost like the whole sky is getting closer to us. And its almost hypnotic like no one can stop staring at it and its making feel so tranquil and at peace, its entirely consuming my every whim" "I know I feel like Im in a complete state of euphoria" I started to take notice of the situation, it was striking me as odd that Joey and I were sharing these kinds of feelings with one another, or I guess just in this situation. "So are we really going to stick around for, whatever next she was referring to?" I asked. " well the way I see it," he said. " This could go either way, I didnt here you leaning one way or the other and considering you didnt even take your eyes off the sky and neither can I . It would be safe to assume that we will most likely both want to see the whats next she was speaking of." "So what should we do until then" I agreed, we should probably stay to check it out. There was some kind of energy in the air there was something else going on here, and even though when I really thought about the whole situation I mean, we didnt even know these people, we hadnt been invited until we showed up on the porch, the woman who let us in seemed certain we had been invited when we hadnt, but we still just went right in like it was nothing. We hadnt even wanted to see the inside of the house but now we were with friendly unfamiliar faces surrounding us and looking at this beautiful portrait that the sky was painting right before our eyes with the moon and a endless sea of twinkling stars for our delight, and the harder we gazed the more drawn in we would become, it was extremely out of the ordinary thing, in fact nothing like this had ever occurred before in my life and took me for being the most out of the ordinary thing I had ever done to be exact. I was still none the less completely enthralled by the entire situation. I found myself not wanting to leave. I felt like I belonged here and this happened for a reason. Then suddenly I realized what I said to the man I spoke with downstairs. I exclaimed right to him "Uh-huh, so this is a cult." In those exact words, and I became frightened for a minute. I realized that I felt exactly like I was being sucked in by mind controlling people and that must be why I was feeling thee feelings of euphoria. Had I been drugged by them? I hoped not, but I didnt feel the side effects of drugs, just maybe like I was hallucinating a little. Then I realized that I could probably control myself long enough to at least see the illusive "whats next" to which we had all referred to.
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Wednesday, July 06, 2005
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i guess a blog is like a blurb with more feeling? not sure anyone agree? disagree? or just wanna go kick somebody's freakin ass..lol....whew glad i got that off my chest  
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