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The Dangerous Relationship Institute |
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A Relational Harm Reduction & Public Psychopathy Educatrion Project
Sandra L. Brown, M.A. Director
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By now if you have been trying to heal from a pathological love relationship and can't find effective and knowledgeble counseling you have probably figured out what we have...that the pathological love relationship is NOT widely understood.
Frustrated women hear unhelpful advise from family, friends and even therapists who label their attachment
to pathological men as "codependent" or "mutally addictive" or merely "emotional abuse." Women jump from counselor to counselor and from group counseling experience to group counseling experience looking for someone, ANYONE, who understands this intense attachment to a dangerous and pathological man.
She looks for some understanding at 'what' is wrong with him. Labeling him an 'abuser' doesn't quite cover the extensive array of brilliant psychopathic tendencies he has. Why was SHE targeted by him? Why does she feel both intense attachment and loathing for him at the same time? Why do her symptoms more resemble 'mind control' than mere 'abused woman syndrome? 'Why is the bonding with this man more intense and unshakeable then any other man? Is it abuse if he never physically harms you but has the mental infiltration of a CIA operative?
What we are finding out from our research about women who have been in pathological love relationships is that all the normal dynamics of regular relationships DON'T apply to these types. All the normal dynamics of addictive relationships, codependent relationships and dysfunctional relationships DON'T apply to these types either. No wonder women can't find the help they need...it hasn't been taught YET! Our research is pointing towards women who DON'T fit into the stereotypes of women we normally see in shelters, counseling centers and in abuse. These are not women who have the kinds of histories we normally associate with abuse nor do they have the kinds of current lives that fit the d emographics of most counseling programs and shelters. Their personality traits and behaviors fit no other 'typologies.' And their current symptoms don't match the simply 'dysfunctional' love relationship.
Could it be that the dynamics in a pathological love relationships really ARE different than other types of relationships? Could this be why women in these types of relationships aren't helped by the more prevalent types of intervention offered to other types of abusive relationships? Why does the Power & Control Wheel model seem ineffective with these types of women? Why are these women LESS likely to seek traditional counseling? And if they do, why are they less likely to be helped? Why are these womens personality traits so vastly different then shelter women? &nb sp; Or abused women?
Too many women have been through the ringer of counselors-not-understanding-psychopathology,
family-lumping-all-relationship-types-together, friends-saying-'just-get-over-it' and counseling- programs-telling-she's-just-codependent. Too many women have stopped seeking help because they are tired of too many people 'not getting it.' Psychology has to allow itself to grow beyond a one-size-fits-all approach when dealing with women emerging from pathological love relationships because all relationships are not created equal, especially when one of them is pathological. Not understanding the effects of pathology on relationships, self concept, and recovery deters a woman's ability to heal. Understanding the DIFFERENCES in these types of relationshi ps is critical.
The Dangerous Relationship Institute developed grass root support group materials exactly for this reason...so those who have been THROUGH these kinds of relationships and figured out the dynamics of them can help others. Who better to understand the unique features of these kinds of love relationships? We also developed our telephone counseling program for women in immediate need of validation of their experiences. And then most recently we have developed our treatment/retreat programs specifically geared to 'Healing the After math of the Pathological Love Relationship.' We added to that our Therapist Affiliate Program training which provides other &nb sp; therapists nationwide the clinical training to help women heal from these types of
relationships.
Why? Why all the effort in treatment related issues? Because the absense of trained counselors is
screamingly evident. Our mailing list writes us week after week asking "Can you recommend someone in Florida, Michigan, the United Kingdom, Canada, California, Oregon...? Why don't other counselors understand this? Why can't anyone explain to me what is going on!! If one more counselor or family member suggests I am codependent or a relationship addict, I'm going to scream! Why is this so hard to understand?"
Much like the beginning phases of the addiction field, the pathological love relationship field is feeling the same 'misunderstanding phase' that other theories of counseling have gone thru. When the field is new or the knowledge is groundbreaking, there is an overt lack of trained responders. Unfortunately, those that suffer the new phases are the victims/survivors that wish there were more trained service providers.
The Dangerous Relationship Institute operates as a public psychopathy education project which means we try to train anyone and everyone in the issues of pathology--that includes the women in the relationships AND those who are likely to be emotional supports to women recovering from these relationships. Please bear with an entirely new emerging field of psychology that is trying to race to catch up to the knowledge of what is needed for this population of people. After all, until us no one had even bothered to STUDY the female partners of psychopaths and partners of other pathological types. No one created research projects to study the personality traits, histori es and chronic vulnerabilities of women who have been in these relationships. So to that degree, we are virginal in our exploration of these issues.
As an Institute, we try to be immediately responsive to needs. In the last year we have exploded in growth in our outreach--creating our weekly newsletter, our blog, our chat forum, our list of e-products, our audio series, our expanded conference format, the shelter support program, our treatment/retreat program and now our Affiliate Therapist Training Program. As needs are repeatedly identified by our mailing list, we try to quickly ascertain how to develop a program to meet the need. That's because we recognize that the services available out there are slim. We provide what we can knowing that we are a drop in the bucket to the need that exists. So unless we duplicate ourselves many women will go untreated.
I know for many women who are struggling to recover from the diabolical after math of a pathological relationship that it seems that too few services exist. Please remain hopeful that not only this Institute but other therapists and agencies hear your cry and are reaching out for training so they can help you. We too are always looking at how we can expand our scope and reach. If you have ideas about how e can help you further, please give us your thoughts.
In the meantime, if our brand new treatment program can be of help please use it.
(www.SafeRelationships.com/treatment_center.htm) Or if you are a therapist, please come to our
trainings. If you are a survivor, we’d love for you to start a dangerous man support group in your community.
The fact is, the more we learn the more we can teach but we can only do so much. If each of us does a little, we can do a lot. One agency like ours can't heal the world. But we can teach what we know and heal those who come for it. Don't lose heart that there are few services that understand your unique situation with a pathological. But remain hopeful that in a new field of psychology, we're growing as fast as we can!
For those who can afford to make a small donation to a scholarship fund for those women needing treatment
but not able to afford it, please do what you can. The list who wants treatment is LONG and we need help to be able to provide what only we are currently providing. Watch with us vigilantly as we see a new field of psychology emerging!
Stuff
HERE'S OUR RETREAT/TREATMENT SCHEDULE:
Healing the After Math of Your Pathological Love Relationships-- A 7 Day Intensive Program
(30 hours of treatment!!)
Saturday August 11 - Saturday August 18 ** HURRY! This one is coming up fast! ONLY ONE SLOT LEFT
OR next sessions is Saturday November 10- Saturday November 17
Understanding Pathology and Your Patterns of Selection
Thursday August 23 - Monday August 27 (4 nights) ** OPENINGS AVAILABLE
How To Spot a Dangerous Man
Also: Grieving Your Pathological Loss
Saturday September 15 - Tuesday Sept 18 (3 nights)
Therapist Training "Treating the Pathological Love Relationship"
(Become one of our national referral network providers after the training)
Satruday September 22 - Wednesday Sept 26 (4 nights) GROUP IS FILLING UP NOW!
(** Therapists, just stay over from the above training and roll it into
the Group Facilitators Training starting the next day!!)
Group Facilitators Training (2 nights)
Thursday Sept 27 - Saturday Sept 29
** For any persons wanting training for running
Dangerous Man Support Groups GROUP IS FILLIING UP NOW!
Healing Sexually
Tues Oct 9-Friday Oct 12 (3 nights)
Spiritual Retreat: Praying it Through--A Restoration Process for Women
Thursday Nov 1 - Monday Nov 5 (4 nights)
INDIVIDUAL TREATMENT
Accommodations + 3 hours of individual sessions per day.
Closed the Month of December
Check back for our 2008 Schedule
** Other therapists, you can rent our facility in the beautiful mountains of western NC. Ask us how!
WEST COAST RETREAT PROGRAM IN THE EARLY FORMATION STAGES
Keep checking back...we are working with a therapist in Oregon who may be providing a similar
program for women on the west coast of the U.S. who would like to focus on resolving addictive
relationship patterns. If you are interested in a program on the West Coast, please email me for more
info! We will post new updates as they come available.
Here is more information on any of these upcoming retreats.
www.SafeRelationships.com/treatment_center.htm
RISK ASSESSMENT: Testing Your Own Risk for More Pathological Relationships
** EXCITING OPPORTUNITY!! So many of you have asked to be 'tested' to see what in you r personality 'attracts' dangerous and pathological men. Well, Dr. Leedom did it!! We used the instrument we had developed for our research survey and some other clinical tools AND produced a way to offer you a typed report about your test results! Have you always wondered what put you at-risk? Did you want to know if there was something about you that you should really watch out for in the next relationship? You don't have to guess any longer! This test will give detailed info on what parts of yo ur temperment and personality are testing too high in areas that pathologicals are picking up on. Here's the link:
(Thanks Ladies, the risk assessments have been very popular. I'm glad to see you are interested in your own traits and risk status!!)
COUNSELING AND SUPPORT GROUP TRAINING
Are you a therapist, clergy, social worker, psychologist, psychiatrist, addiction counselor, mental
health counselor or worker? We are offering training regarding Pathological Love Attachments (see
our retreat list above). For those willing to get trained we offer a free subdomain link to SafeRelationships.com AND referrals from us when we get inquiries about counseling in your area or region. This is a PROFOUND issue out there---many women are saying that counselors don't understand the dynamics of pathological attachments. They assume it's 'co-dependency' or 'passivity' when there is an entirely different dynamic in play. There is a BIG population of women out there and this is a speciality area needing more trained therapists. If you already work with women, please consider taking this training so next time around the woman who has been with a narc issist or a socialized psychopath will find the help they need. It will also grow your practice!
OR, are you a survivor who is interested in running support and educational dangerous man groups? We have a facilitators training coming up (see above) that will teach you everything you know to confidently run your support group. This training will kick start your ability to develop your own support group or give guidance to those already running one. Don't wait until you started one and run into problems--preplan and get your training now! This is the ONLY facilitators training this year.
** NEW PRODUCT FROM OUR FRIENDS AT BEAUTY FOR ASHES! Are you with a faith-based program or has your church wanted to develop a Domestic Violence program within the church? Want to avoid all the leg work--our friend Margurite Lee a minister has started a successful DV program at her church and has written a manual on how to begin your own faith-based DV program! Buy it, print it, out, take it to your minister--it has all the step in it, budget info, etc. All you have to do is hit the ground running! It's now on our shopping cart (proceeds go to Beauty for Ashes program). The m anual is called 'How To Start a Domestic Violence Ministry In Your Church' and of course, the dangerous man materials are a great way to teach the concepts about violence and pathology. Get her manual at:
www.SafeRelationships.com/Books.html
The Dangerous Relationship Institute is a research-based program. Our current research project is
'Women Who Love Psychopaths.' This is the first it's kind research project to study the women who
have been in relationships with psychopaths. This informational survey will help lead the way in prevention
and intervention with at-risk women. The results so far have been FASCINATING. We plan on publishng a book and ebook on the results later in the year. We have extended the survey deadline so if you want to be involved email us.
ALSO--women's agencies we DESPERATELY need a cross comparison study group so if you work with domestic violence survivors we would like for you to give them our survey.
Just contact us.
LATEST PROJECT: ~ ~ Is your man charming, aggressive, carefree, impulsively irresponsible, but good at handling people and looking out for number one? Do you think he may have cheated on you? We need you both for a survey of temperament in relationships. EMAIL us to have the survey emailed to you free of charge! ~ Let us know if you and him are willing to take this survey. THANKS
EDUCATIONAL WORKSHOPS & CONFERENCES
HEALING THE AFTERMATH OF WOMEN'S PATHOLOGICAL LOVE RELATIONSHIPS CONFERENCE:
Dr. Leedom and I are mapping out our 2.5 day conferences on this subject. There is so much great info that will be packed into these conferences. If you want to be a conference coordinator for your area, contact us. The conference will be split into: survivors tracks and professional tracks (for those who treat the survivors). We are booking until early November--so HURRY if you want to be put on the schedule.
DANGEROUS MAN WORKSHOPS: These are 2.5 HOUR workshops taught by me on the concepts
in the Dangerous Man book, workbook, and break up book. Want to be a conference coordinator for
your area and bring a workshop to your community? Email me for a workshop packet about how to
get the ball rolling in your city!
PRINTED AND CYBER SPACE EDUCATIONAL MATERIALS
FREE E-BOOKLET: Our most recent educational material is 'How to Spot a Dangerous Shooter'
written just after the V Tech Shootings. Since our organization is a 'public psychopathy educationa
' project' we strive to give free educational materials on the issue of dangerous symptoms. Here is the free download link, please copy this link and email it to your address book. We WANT this report to be handed out freely : http://www.HowToSpotADangerousMan.com/dangerousshooter.htm
NEW BLOG: Check out (and send your friends to) our new blog!
www.HowToSpotaDangerousMan.blogspot.com. If you are looking for previous newsletter topics, go by the blog. I am loading it up with all of our previous newsletters (topic info only). THANKS!
SURVIVORS HELPING SURVIVORS
Our own recovery is strengthened when we give back to others when we are ready-----here at the Institute, we have alot of ways you can give back, heal yourself and serve others. Here are some ways:
1. RUNNING YOUR OWN DANGEROUS MAN SUPPORT GROUPS!
Every week we are welcoming NEW FACILITATORS on board to The Dangerous Relationship
Institute! Women all over the world are now bringing Dangerous Man groups to their communities.
Are you ready to step forward and be a mentor in your community? Want to run your own support
group in your community! We have made it so simple with our Facilitators Guide. Just open the book
and GO! We need women like you to step out in their own communities and help other women.
If you have already signed up previously to run a group and your have turned in your book order
for your first group, please email me so I can give you an e-copy of the guide book that goes along
withyour support group set up.
If you haven't made your book order yet for the group, your guide book will be given to you at the time you make your bulk print book order for your group.
2. DONATE A BOOK FOR THE TEXAS WOMENS PRISON: To do it email me at
sandrabrownma (at) yahoo (dot) com.
3. BE A CONFERENCE COORDINATOR AND BRING OUR WORKSHOP TO YOUR COMMUNITY
Bring life-saving information to your own community by help organizing a workshop (2 hours) or a
conference (2 days) in your area.
5. If you're a Therapist, get trained and become part of our Referral Network.
* How to Spot a Dangerous Man--main book
* How to Spot a Dangerous Man workbook
* How to Break Up With a Dangerous Man E-book
* Signs of a Bad Dating Choice E-book
* Quizzes
* Our Audio Series:
'Understanding the Face of Dangerousness'
'Personality Disorders and Pathology'
'Red Flags'
'Dangerous Man Categories: The Permanent Clinger, The Parental Seeker, The Emotionally Unavailable'
'Dangerous Man Categories: The Man With the Hidden Life, The Mentally Ill Man
'Dangerous Man Categories: The Addict, The Abusive/Violent Man, The Emotional Predator,
The Combo Pack Man'
'The Universal Signs of a Bad Dating Choice'
'How to Break Up With a Dangerous Man' (2 audios together)
'Relaxation Techniques for PTSD'
'Getting a Great Life'
'Spiritual Effects'
'Healing Sexually'
This is so important--Loneliness IS A a trigger for many women! Loneliness is a defined risk
factor in exiting dangerous relationships and a risk for returning. Therefore, have a plan what to
do if you get lonely so you don't do the disasterous "Drink & Dial!" Or you don't do the 'Daydream & Dial.' HE'S NOT DIFFERENT! Nothing has changed! Learn to build a great life and avoid the risk factor of loneliness.
Email me some tips that you find that help you get thru the weekend and avoid loneliness so I can
share them with others.
Here are some of The Institute's suggestions:
* Get some reading material--somewhere
* Do something you ENJOY this weekend: focusing your mind heals the intrusive thoughts of the relationship
* LAUGH: It's a great joy-buzz! Get those endorphins going!
* Get outside if it's pretty where you're at! Nature is soothing.
* Listen to one of our audios like "Get a Great Life" and then do what it says!
* Practice your relaxation techniques and skills
* Book a retreat with us or somewhere else
* Pick up the phone and call someone and ASK them to go do something fun with you
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Ladies: I'm proud of all of you who are doing EXTRAORDINARY things in order to heal!
Here's a Cyber Hug!!
sandrabrownma (at) yahoo (dot) com