I'm seriously psyched for the Battle of Trenton tomorrow( well later on today!) It turns out that, due to family stuff, I wasn;t able to go down tonight, to sleep in the Old Barracks(last year they let us sleep both Fir and Sat nights in the Barracks; this year only Fri) but will be leaving bright and early with another reenactor from Paramus for the Battle and some of the activities( MIGHT stay overnight in a hotel in Trenton, not sure). Of course, by not sleeeping in the place, some of the magic's been diffused, but it's still a wonderful experience..... the one weekend/week where most all of Trenton is transported back to the 18thc. I'm also doing interpretation work during the Battle itself.. basically we  women and some male civilians are going to be helping to describe the battle for the semi informed public.. My usual case of nerves is starting to assert itself, since I;ve not reenacted in close to six months, but once  I've again "donned the linen" and have taken place among the throngs of "18th c for a day" folk, I'll be back in my element, back to my alter ego once again. To say nothing of visiting the numerous sutlers!  ;)

A bit strange I know, but I FINALLY found the artist/lyrics of a movie soundtrack: "Haunted" by  Poe, from the Book Of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 soundtrack.  I've been enthralled with the song since I first saw the movie, at least 5 years ago, but never knew who performed it. Thanks to Youtube, I finally discovered the artist.The song is very  amibent and eerie because the lyrics seem to mirror my own psyche and life...
Haunted

Ba da pa pa ba da pa pa...
Come here
Pretty please
Can you tell me where I am
You won't you say something
I need to get my bearings
I'm lost
And the shadows keep on changing

And I'm haunted
By the lives that I have loved
And actions I have hated
I'm haunted
By the lives that wove the web
Inside my haunted head

Ba da pa pa ba da pa pa...

Don't cry,
There's always a way
Here in November in this house of leaves
We'll pray
Please, I know it's hard to believe
To see a perfect forest
Through so many splintered trees
You and me
And these shadows keep on changing

And I'm haunted
By the lives that I have loved
And actions I have hated
I'm haunted
By the promises I've made
And others I have broken
I'm haunted
By the lives that wove the web
Inside my haunted head

Hallways... always

I'll always love you
I'll always need you
I'll always want you

And I will always miss you

Ba da pa pa ba da pa pa...

Come here
No I won't say please
One more look at the ghost
Before I'm gonna make it leave
Come here
I've got the pieces here
Time to gather up the splinters
Build a casket for my tears

I'm haunted
(By the lives that I have loved)
I'm haunted
(By the promises I've made)
I'm haunted
By the hallways in this tiny room
The echos there of me and you
The voices that are carrying this tune

Ba da pa pa...

Totally describes in a nutshell how I can;'t seem to exorcise the ghosts of certain loves and memories from my head, the way I keep reliving them, and torturing myself with what would have been... this song is now on my list of  "Maggie's Mecurial Mood Music".. something that sort of cleanses my soul by the very act of listening.

Oh and got a nice new camera for Christmas,, Kodak 8.2 megapixels( not too high tech but decent for my purposes) so I;ll be posting Battle of Trenton pics!

I'm so wound up I know sleep will be a Holy Grail tonight, but I'm going to attempt to mellow out

Mags

Known to almost every Irish traditional Folk Music buff, this song's also very commonly sung @ Rev War/Civ War Reenactments! The music is bittersweet for me, because it reminds me of growing up and of my Irish nana. Slan Maggie

*dusting off the cobwebs* It's been so long since I've written in this thing that I think it's grown virtual mold. However the time's come to dig it out . So bear with me, this could be a bit long and rambling.

Truly, I don;t think I've ever felt like I was "of" the modern century. Even when I was a wee girl, I felt a connection to all things antique and old fashioned. I was the little girl who would dress her Barbies and Kens as 18th century folk( and this was BEFORE they had the 18th century type character dolls), rolling up Ken's pants or cutting them off to make knee breeches( told you I was bizarre!).

Maybe some of the historical love I got from my parents, especially my mother. On her side, we have an ancestor who fought with the 69th NY in the Civil War. Because of this Mom  became a bit of a historian on said war. One of the first large books I remember reading is Andersonville, McKinley Cantor's moving historical novel of the interaction between  and survival of Union prisoners in the GA prison camp of the same name.  Although I didn;t really get into the CW until much later( my teen years) the seed was planted.

The folks and I made the usual Mid-Atlantic trips to Philadelphia, Ticonderoga, NYC, Morristown, Trenton, Monmouth, and always I was enthralled. The costumed reenactors I saw there completely piqued my interest... made everything come alive. Then came 5th grade.. we were studying the Revolutionary War, and my teacher let me borrow 2 books.. I still remember the titles. One was "Silver For General Washington" a fictional account of a boy's involvement in Vally Forge during the winter of 1777-78; the other was "The American Heritage Golden Book of the Revolution".. I was gone and from that point on.. my soul belonged to the 18th century( I think in a way it always has, and I'm actually going to be getting a past life reading to see if this is in fact the case). I ALSO realized then and there, that I wanted to be a history teacher, to inspire my students and possibly lead them to love of learning, of historical discovery as my teacher did..or at LEAST to keep them awake and somewhat interested during class!

What I'm going to say might sound strange to some, but here goes: I formed a very close "relationship" with the historical figures in the books I read. I was always a fairly shy lass until I got to college, was always uncomfortable socially. Books became my world and solice, history/historical fiction books in particular. Reading, I became immersed in the 18th century world, releasing haunting dreams and possibly memories, and literally feeling myself there.. I froze with Washington & his troops @ Morristown and Valley Forge, felt the searing heat and stench, experienced the frantic sorrow and anger which Molly Pitcher must have felt as she took up her fallen husband's gunner's position @ Monmouth. At Philadelphia, as the founding fathers were agonizing over the perminent and bloody break with England, sacrificing all they held dear, I felt I was with them.  These people, these events, were not meant to be consigned to some dusty textbook, but to be brought alive, to be seen, felt, experienced.

Enter reenacting:

From the time I started attending events at the different Rev War historical sites, I knew I wanted to be "one of those funny dressed up people".  But somehow that never happened until recently.  At a spring 2006 event in Morristown, I chanced to talk to one of the reenactors of the 2nd NJ Regiment, Helm's Company( a member of the Continental Line)....he was animated, articulate and fun, and I knew this was something I really wished to do... these were  my hazy dreams, my visions brought into life.

Unfortunately life has a nasty way of altering plans.Due to a lot of complications and issues, including life threatening surgery to repair the detached retina in my eye, I wasn't able to join until fall of 07.

My first event was the Dey Mansion in Wayne, NJ @ an 18thc mansion in which Washington resided for a short period during the war( Yes old George DID "sleep around" all over the state! lol). I borrowed clothing from a fellow group member and took the leap back in time. It blew my mind.... the members of the group were warm, funny, ribald and as totally enmeshed in the 18th c as I was. They are a diverse bunch: teachers, students, office workers, waiters, archivists, the retired, even children. Some are interested in the artillery and weaponry of the Rev War, some the uniforms and army itself, some the sewing, crafting and cooking, still others, the "delicate arts" of dancing and social graces, but all share the same love of the time period and the desire to bring it to life. 
I was soon set to 18th century prep work and cooking. LOL believe me, when you finish a reenactment the only thing you can be thankful for is some of our modern conviencies. But long story short, I had found my niche, part of my completion . It dosen;t hurt that I've made some very good friends along the way( this means you Viv!) and found a second "family" of ecclectic, weird and very special people to whom the past is as important as it is to me.Indirectly, because of my interest in reenacting, I've actually met  a VERY wonderful and important person in my life who's also a reenactor!  Heck, this hobby's even helping me to overcome my viceral abborhence of sewing so I can start making my own garb. My mother saw me heming a petticoat the other day and nearly died of shock! lol

The experiences I've had are beyond explanation and compare and I'm sure fellow reenactors can relate...sitting on a hillside @ Morristown in the hush of early morning cold...feeling the spirits of those who served before and who we honor right next to you....sleeping in the log huts on a frigid Dec night, feeling absurdly honored that that I was even able to experience a modicum of what those brave lads, some little more than boys, had to endure, cooking the regiment's dinner over the campfire with your fellow campfollowers, learning from them and trying new activities, enjoying the camradere around the campfire, the sometimes bawdy sing alongs, the grave-quiet night in camp,listening to the sounds of the fiddle, the harpsichord, the duclcimer as you dance an intricate minuet one minute, a rollicking country dance the next,  the intensly moving experience of sleeping in the historic barracks and forts in which these soldiers lived and fought....the feeling that they are indeed there with us in spirit, as many of us can attest to.

True, it's been a bit diffacult due to the fact that many of the  reenactments are somewhat distant to where I live. I;ve not been able to drive yet because my eye's slow progress of regaining sight,  so some  events I've had to miss. But thanks to friends, family and Unit members I've made it to a good number of them, and intend on becoming a total "history whore" when I'm back behind the wheel( in the next month or 2 hopefully). I'm halfway there already.. I've gotten to the point where I measure time in increments of "how long till the next reenactment".. obesses much? ;). My next endevour is finding a CW Unit to join.

Thank you too, to those friends who've supported me and come out to witness my "history weirdness" and put up with my incessant chatter about reenactments,corsets/stays, my bizarre excitement whenever confronted with a fireplace or open fire and my usual comment on hearing fireworks "This is NOTHING compared to artillery fire"

I know this has been an exceedingly long blog, dear reader, but I'll end by saying that reenacting has given me a deeper feeling of who I am, and a gigantic rise in my self esteem.  That in itself is truly a historic occurance! ;)

Borrowed from a sweet Mexican friend, here’s a bit more about me than you probably wanted to know... Join the fun , do your own, and post it!

Name: Margarita Ophelia Pulgar

Nicknames: LadyMaggie, Mags, Magster, Maggot, Maggie-May, Margaritaville
Gender: Female
Age: *gulp* 31 1/2
Date of birth:September 28th, 1976
Grade: Senior in College( YAY
Location: East Rutherford, NJ( soon to be North Arlington)
Do you have a job? If so, what and do you like it?I teach English to 3-10 yr old kids as a tutor and I LOVE it, though I am a decent bit vexed with my company!

Hair color: auburn w/blonde highlights
Eyes color: hazel green
Height: 5’3
Weight: not gonna say much on that score YET, except that I am 140 lbs lighter than I was  18 months ago( and still losing) I hope to be @ my goal weight by next summer for my best friend’s wedding!
Introvert or extrovert? Extrovert
On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the highest obviously) how outgoing are you? mostly a 9 or so
Do you have friends? Yes
Is quality or quantity of friends more important? Quality
Would you die without your friends? Yes
When in a conversation with you, what should we expect? lol long discourses on history, music and politics!

Do you act differently around your friends just to fit in? Not anymore, I am who I am!!
If you were someone else, would you be friends with you? sometimes
Why do people like you (if they do)? I am empathetic, loving, intelligent and non-judgemental

Do you fit into any kind of cliche (goth, jock, prep, etc)? most comfortable w/nerds and geeks!(proud history geek!)

Do you prefer talking in person, on the phone, or online? person and phone
Do you hate anyone? not HATE but dislike a few
Do people ever get the wrong impression of you? sometimes they think I am more introverted that I am
Are you straight, bisexual, or gay? bi curious
Single or taken? taken
Are you romantic? How romantic are you on a scale of 1-10? 10( hopeless romatic)
Are you a chick/guy magnet? heck no
What do you find romantic? surprises, spontaneously
How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you had in your life? about 5, including my ex husband of nearly 8 years

Define love: one word.. TRUST
Have you ever been in love? yes
Is love important to you? yes
Do you believe in love at first sight? it CAN happen, but it’s more lust usually

Do you believe in soul mates? Yes(still looking for mine) but it’s a term too lightly bandied about most times
Is love a mistake?it Can be, if you choose the wrong person
What is the most important aspect to a good relationship? Love and Trust
Do looks matter? no, but you have to have an initial attraction to the person
Ugly and sweet or hot and mean? Ugly and Sweet
Do you want to get married? been there, done that,not sure if I would do it again 
What is your favorite music genre?folk, Celtic/new age
What is your least favorite music genre? probably rap

Name some of your favorite bands: so many: Great Big Sea, Ben Folds, Bon Jovi, Black 47, Soulfly, Dicey Reilly, Medieval Babes, Dead Can Dance, Enigma, Incubus Succubus, Flogging Molly, The Clancy Brothers, Anuna, Indigo Girls, The Roaches, Joe Morris( not a band but a close friend and singer/guitarist),Solas

Name some bands you hate: most rap

What’s your favorite song....or are there too many to list? Too many to list.. right now,tho I’m in a violent love affair with Al Stewart’s "The Year of The Cat" both his version and a cover version by a close friend
How many concerts have you been to? about 10 or so I think

What was your first concert and how long ago was it?back in.*GULP* 1989 and it was Motley Crew/w Warrant(the days of the hair bands)
Bands you have seen live: Black 47, Great Big Sea, Anuna, Metallica, Guns and Roses, Motley Crew, Warrant, New Kids On the Block( 3 times!!!) Bon Jovi...
What bands did you like when you were little? SO embarrassing, but I was a "New Kids On the Block" girl... also liked 80’s freestyle( since I grew up in the 8o’s) and a lot of my mom’s Celtic and folk music

Do you prefer cds or mp3s? Mp3s
Mac or Windows? windows

Coke or pepsi (ahh..such a classic): diet pepsi!
Hot or cold: Cold
Black or white: Black
Rock or rap: Rock
video games or computer games: Video games
card games or board games: board games
McDonalds or Burger King: none because I don;t do fast food

Johnny Depp or Orlando Bloom: Orlando Bloom! :D
TV or internet: Internet
Physical pain or emotional pain (which is worse?): Emotional
Green Day or Linkin Park: Linkin Park
Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera: neither, though Christina has a really decent voice

Britney Spears or Madonna: Madonna!
Beach or mountains: Mountains
Bush or Kerry: Kerry
DVD or VHS: DVD
Beauty or intelligence: intelligence
Love or money: love, but can I be really selfish and have both??
Punk rock or metal: rock
Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
Burgers or hot dogs: hot dogs
Nickelodean or Cartoon Network: Cartoon Network
Dogs or cats: dogs
Do you have any obsessions? in a word.. HISTORY!!...
When’s the last time you cried? Fri night @ a wake for a friend
Ever cry over something stupid? yes
Do you believe in God? yes
If you do, what is your Religion? Catholic, but partially wiccan
Have you ever been on stage or a play? when I was a kid, and  acting wasn’t for me
Do you like yourself? at times
Do you hate yourself? hate no, but I’m pretty hard on myself often
Do you believe in yourself? somewhat, a bit more than I used to
Do you get bored easily? no
Have you ever wanted to die? yes
Do you cut yourself? hell no
Do you smoke? no
Do you drink alcohol? socially
Are you a sensitive/emotional type? heck yes!
Ever been drunk or extremely intoxicated? yes but moreso when I was young and stupid

What’s the worst physical injury you’ve ever had? Hit by a car when i was 15,internal injuries, concussion and shattered right leg(have pins in it) and detached retina in right eye

Are you a good person morally? I try to be
Have you ever had sex or made out with a stranger? when i was young and stupid
Are you lazy? not usually
Do you feel lonely? not @ the moment, though sometimes I do
Are you talking to anyone right now? aunt and parents
Describe your life: talk-in a word.. In transition!!

Ever been so scared that you were sweating and breathing hard or screamed? heck yes
Do you believe in ghosts? yes, and have had numerous experiences with the paranormal
How about UFOs/aliens? somewhat
Have you ever had a crush on a cartoon character? Ummm, yeah I fantasize about a 3some with Eric Cartman and Peter Griffin,,,, the answer is NO!!!

Do you think you’re hot and/or sexy? usually no, I’ve lousy self esteem but lately I’ve been noticing the pretty things about myself

Do you make fun of yourself? lol all the time1

Direct to you from the famous website of the"Thirsty Jersey" regiment.. this is the projected schedule of events for the 2nd NJ Helm's company! :).

I know my obsession with history is a bit puzzling for some people ( or as one of my close circle puts it, sad! LOL) but if you can, come out to the local events to support

I remain

Your Most Humble Servant

Maggie

..> ..>

1st	Mount Holly, NJ	Mile long parade 1 mile down hill. St. Patrick's Day. PAID
8th-9th	Washington's Crossing, PA	Civilian impresion of British occupied town. 18th cen dinner
15th	New York Historical Society, NYC	Public interaction inside and outside of museum. PAID
APRIL
5th - 6th	Historic Richmond Town, Staten Island, NYC	Skirmish in and around the village. Hosted by the 1st NJ.
19th - 20th	MNHP Jockey Hollow, Morristown, NJ	75th anniversary of the park and proposed MAD school of the soldier
MAY
17th - 18th	Boone Homestead, PA	Continental Line event.
Mem Day	Hanover and Parsippany NJ	Memorial day parades. PAID and PAID
JUNE
1st	Oxford Furnace / Shippen Manor, NJ	One day event.
8th	Washington's Crossing, PA	Reenactor recruiting fair.
21st - 22nd	230th Battle of Monmouth, Monmouth, NJ	2NJ Host Unit. 22nd Foot hosting British Brigade.
JULY

..> ..>

5th	Randolph Freedom Festival Parade, Randolph, NJ	PAID
19th - 20th	Stony Point, NY	Battle of Stony Point
26th - 27th	Red Mill Museum, Clinton, NJ	Annual mid-year meeting.
SEPTEMBER
6th - 7th	Fort Ticonderoga, Ticonderoga, NY	2 day event.
20th - 21st	Jerusalem Mills, MD	Continental Line mid-atlantic event in Maryland. Frocks/Regimentals
OCTOBER
12th	Columbus Day Parade, East Hanover, NJ	Start time is 2pm. PAID
17th - 19th	Battle of the Hook, Gloucester, VA	Tabled for July meeting.
25th - 26th	Dey Mansion, Wayne, NJ	Come and see the mansion. Frocks/Regimentals
NOVEMBER
1st - 2nd	Hope Lodge (MAD meeting), PA	Whitemarsh encampment, earthen redoubt, tug-o-war and battle
8th - 9th	Ft. Mifflin, Philladelphia, PA	231st anniversary of the siege of Ft. Mifflin
15th - 16th	Ft. Lee, NJ	See the blockhouse, huts and activities at Ft. Lee
DECEMBER
6th - 7th	Jockey Hollow Hut Weekend, Morristown, NJ	Working in period dress on huts.
Pending	Battle of Trenton, Trenton, NJ	Battle in the streets of Trenton

Lately, I've been trying to streamline my clutter, the accumulated jetsam and flotsam of the past 14 yrs. This polyglot includes high school and college papers from the year one, books in varying states of deschelvment, and large folders full of papers both typewritten and hand scrawled. It was these last items which gave me pause as upon dragging them from the back of my closet the other day.

These binders contained my early writing career: essays, journals and most importantly, the beginnings of the short story/novel I worked on from the time I was about 12 or so.  I spend a good part of the following night in both laughter and tears, re-reading my work, marveling @ the person I'd been when I set  those words upon the page.

At times I was a fairly withdrawn, melancholy tween and teen, often prefering my own company to that of others,often bullied, and my life, my solice was my books of Revolutionary War history, and my writing. Christ, I considerd Washington, Jefferson, Nathenial Greene  and that lot closer to me than a lot of my contempories!! So I suppose it was a natural outgrowing of that passion, plus my interest in all things Irish, which led me to start writing in the historical fiction genere.  At the very least it filled a number of lonely nights/weekends.. the characters came alive to me, and became part of my family

The story concerns an Irish Catholic couple, barely in their twenties, who immigrate from Ireland to join the small but still active Irish Catholic community in Philadelphia. The husband, Dennis McGee, eventually ends up as a merchant sailor, and in time, joins fellow Irishman John Barry in the Continental Navy.  He and his wife, Kathleen eventually have six children,the oldest of whom is eighteen years old in 1776, and the sadness of war and fate will touch each of these offspring's lives. 

I began this work as series of short stories which I was intending to put together as a novel.  My intention was to continue a family chronical, along the lines of the Kent family chronicals written by the "Granddaddy of the historical novel", John Jakes.  But two things happened: firstly, life and drama reared their ugly heads and the work was forgotten, consgned to the back of my closet.  The second thing that happened was a  combination of laziness and fear that my work wasn't "good enough".

So now, armed with what I've learned through numerous creative writing classes and with a large arsenal of resources at my disposal,I've decided to pick up where I left off and see if I can bring my beloved characters alive once more. This time,however, they will not be for my overcritical eyes alone, but shared with the world

Periodically I'll be posting samples of the story, so I would be indebted to each of you to read it and give me your HONEST feedback.

Here's to the wonderful new journey!

Maggie

Sometimes in our lives, we REALLY need someone to stand up and all but shout out the obvious to us. Certain things that friends say, certain things that you find out, really make you think and consider how you've been acting.A number these red flags which showed up this past week have brought me to an ephiphany of sorts.. I've realized my behavior of late is more befitting a whiny twelve year old than a thirty-one year old woman!

Part of it has been family stress and tiredness, being sick and  overworked , but that's technically no excuse. The sad truth is, I've been less than pleasant to be around lately, and dwelling WAY too much on the past, as is my wont. My friends have been understanding it about it, but to put it blunty, I;ve been an Uberbitch!

A dear friend of mine posted a comment today that really opened my eyes,something to the effect of "don't focus on what you DON'T have, but be happy with what you DO have". 

I might NOT be a size six yet( or hell even a sz 16 for that matter) but I'm over 100 lbs lighter than I was when I moved back to NJ. Weight loss continues, albeit a bit slower( probably a sign that I need to step it up with some more working out). I might not be in a steady relationship at this time, but I have awesome prospects(they know who they are) and have friends who lovingly kick my arse when need be and who love me for who and what I am. I might not have achieved my teaching degree yet, but I am fortunate enough to work at a job in which I am involved with children and which provides me with much needed educational experience. I might not be able to drive yet due to my poor eyesight, might have lost 40-50% of my vision, but at least I can SEE.

  From now on, I control MY OWN destiny, I make my OWN luck. I stop focusing on the wrongs in my life and try to give thanks for the blessings which I have been given.  I try to remember to stop  and smell the flowers every once and awhile, instead of worrying about the next great catastrophy. Yes I might be hurting now, but I have to realize this is but a fraction of a second of my life and that something greater awaits me out there, if I have the gumption and guts to reach out and take it.

To everyone, near and far, who's put up with my often mercurial moods the past year or so, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Maggie

Soul

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You took my soul when I looked into your eyes,

That first cold night in February,

In your bed I laid that night, my soul joined as one to yours

You held it in your hands, to have and to hold always,

On that humid hazy dreamy day in June

I let you in, I let you know all of me, my hopes, my dreams, my being

You were the keeper of  all that I was,

The other half of my soul, breathing life into me.

But then the storms came, the thunder of argument and lightening of accusations

And on a dreary November day, you gave my soul back to me,

Battered and bruised , like a storm tossed bird.

Now I move on, striving to glue the pieces together, finding my soul anew