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Livin' N Learnin'



Last Updated: 12/1/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Single
Age: 20
Sign: Cancer

City: Akron
State: Ohio
Country: US
Signup Date: 7/4/2005

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Thursday, November 26, 2009 

slowly falling apart before my eyes
the life I left and the life I live
torn between what was, what is, and what could be.
return to the past and leave your present..
but the what ifs
can't leave get past  them.

what is what is what if.. what was..
so run. keep building. keep it in. keep composure.

pain is temporary. and so are you. so am I.
hello,
 goodbye.
 I love you.
 i hate you.
i miss you. i'll forget you.
before the blink of an eye I'll be gone.
 building. creating. restoring. what was what is what will be.
I'll be gone. but i'm still here. Never was, but always will be


M. Korsgen
11/28/09
Sunday, September 09, 2007 

 

"Daddy"

You do not do, you do not do
Any more, black shoe
In which I have lived like a foot
For thirty years, poor and white,
Barely daring to breathe or Achoo.

Daddy, I have had to kill you.
You died before I had time---
Marble-heavy, a bag full of God,
Ghastly statue with one gray toe
Big as a Frisco seal

And a head in the freakish Atlantic
Where it pours bean green over blue
In the waters off the beautiful Nauset.
I used to pray to recover you.
Ach, du.

In the German tongue, in the Polish town
Scraped flat by the roller
Of wars, wars, wars.
But the name of the town is common.
My Polack friend

Says there are a dozen or two.
So I never could tell where you
Put your foot, your root,
I never could talk to you.
The tongue stuck in my jaw.

It stuck in a barb wire snare.
Ich, ich, ich, ich,
I could hardly speak.
I thought every German was you.
And the language obscene

An engine, an engine,
Chuffing me off like a Jew.
A Jew to Dachau, Auschwitz, Belsen.
I began to talk like a Jew.
I think I may well be a Jew.

The snows of the Tyrol, the clear beer of Vienna
Are not very pure or true.
With my gypsy ancestress and my weird luck
And my Taroc pack and my Taroc pack
I may be a bit of a Jew.

I have always been sacred of you,
With your Luftwaffe, your gobbledygoo.
And your neat mustache
And your Aryan eye, bright blue.
Panzer-man, panzer-man, O You----

Not God but a swastika
So black no sky could squeak through.
Every woman adores a Fascist,
The boot in the face, the brute
Brute heart of a brute like you.

You stand at the blackboard, daddy,
In the picture I have of you,
A cleft in your chin instead of your foot
But no less a devil for that, no not
Any less the black man who

Bit my pretty red heart in two.
I was ten when they buried you.
At twenty I tried to die
And get back, back, back to you.
I thought even the bones would do.

But they pulled me out of the sack,
And they stuck me together with glue.
And then I knew what to do.
I made a model of you,
A man in black with a Meinkampf look

And a love of the rack and the screw.
And I said I do, I do.
So daddy, I'm finally through.
The black telephone's off at the root,
The voices just can't worm through.

If I've killed one man, I've killed two---
The vampire who said he was you
And drank my blood for a year,
Seven years, if you want to know.
Daddy, you can lie back now.

There's a stake in your fat black heart
And the villagers never liked you.
They are dancing and stamping on you.
They always knew it was you.
Daddy, daddy, you bastard, I'm through.

Written by Sylvia Plath.

prehaps one of the greatest and well known poets to put her pen to paper.

Thursday, July 12, 2007 

So today was Stephanies funeral.. Obviously I couldn't go.. which hurts because I think part of me wanted that kind of closure.. but at the same time I really didn't/don't want my last memory of her to be like that. Grossly thin, probably a bad makeup job because from what I was told, the rigor was not pretty.. I don't want to remember her like that..  Though she and I weren't the closest in the world, she was my friend.. and it fucking hurts so bad to know I'll never see her again.. I think part of me is still in denial about it all though.. Only time will tell..

On another issue.. People and their mother fucking drama.  Everyone talks about everyone, which isn't always a bad thing.  An opinion is like an asshole, everyones got one, and they are going to voice it.  Plain and simple.

I hate it when people act like they don't talk about whoever behind their backs whether its good or bad, they do. and if they deny it, I'd have to call them a goddamn liar.

So please bitches, anyone who feeds off the drama of starting shit, feeling like dwelling on stupid shit, singling people out of groups, closed minded, and have selective defness, shut the fuck up. 

My shitlist is getting full

Sunday, July 08, 2007 

Current mood:  confused
Category: Life

"For the Pederast"

 

"I wish I could have you.. Here.. in my clutches.. To remove the excuses from your mind.. To part that haze and slice your soul into pieces.. To sing a lullaby as I tied you to the slab.. To shave your head with a dulling razor.. As u watched.. in the splattered mirror above u.. To break your ribs individually.. With a rock hammer.. To shatter your shin bones with a shovel.. To burn your fingers & toes to a  necrotic black with liquid nitrogen.. To crack your teeth with a splintered club.. To pierce your limbs with a nail gun.. To silence your cries.. To laugh in your eyes.. To sharped my favorite cleaver and take your arms at the elbows.. to keep u alive for a few moments longer.. To smell your fear.. To cover your body with kerosene.. To watch u burn.. As a human sacrifice.. To hear you scream in agony.. The popping of your flesh crackling as it cooks.. To feel your child smile.. The one u murdered.. The one u betrayed.. For nothing..  For your selfishness.

In a decent world my wish would come true."

This is a poem by the one and only Otep Shamaya from her book of poems, "Caught Screaming".