so...i took a nap yesterday ....and woke yup to my tonsils feeling like they were six times to big.... fucking great... i still have my cough...and now i have a runny nose. FUCK. i got to see my mom this weekend... that was really nice. i miss her. dead hipster was so much fucking fun on thursday! i got WAY to drunk. HAHA. damn the pita pit was so very good tho... lol. the drag show sucked. Matt was good... but they are just so dull. There was a girl who was preforming as a girl...which makes it dull...she was just pretending she was a stripper but left her clothes on. sigh.....i hate humans. I didnt get drunk enough friday... although i think i was drunker than i thought i was because bits and pieces of my night is missing... not like dead hipster where almost all of my night is just a blur....
My life has been so strange lately. I have been getting everyone out of my life who pisses me off... and it feels pretty good. Im sick of being the one who apoligizes first and who is all submisive and used. Im fucking done. Im sick of having fat bitches in my life who think they are hott shit, im sick of being embaressed for them, im sick of having liars in my life- and believing them, cuz... i dont know.. call me naive, but i believe in being honest and i thought other people did too. turns out i was wrong. At least i learned my lesson. im changing my phone number today or tomorrow (whenever im not to sick to move more than ten feet) so i can make sure everyone i dont want in my life is out of my life for good. so.... good ridence to the morons, and the assholes and the liars. Oh...and btw, for the few of you who have sent me stupid text messages assuming i care enough about you to be pissed off at you- you arnt that important to me...thats why i was ignoring you, because i dont give a shit about you. :). ok. Im done being a bitch and a cynic... im going back to bed.

so the first few days of it were uneventful.... i guess... i got to read some robert browning for class and he is now one of my fav authors! hes fucking epic!!! i have a german test on monday that im not looking forward to..... lets see.... i did the bettys divine fashion show on thursday at dead hipster! that was fucking fun! i got my hair and makeup done and got to wear amazing clothes!! It was kinda awkward cuz my german prof was there.... lol. I had a math test on fri that determines a quarter of my final grade.... i hope i did well, lol. I do really like that class!!! I had a job interview on thursday too..... and they called me yesterday and offered me a spot!!!!! i am now a new employee for bath and body works!!! yay!!! I went to dark dreams on friday and i looked EPIC!!! i was wearing all pleather... it was HOTT!!! yes. lol. I played some beer bong on wednesday.... nothing to great about that. Just watched pat get drunk...and got all distracted by my mostly naked partner... im glad he was on my team... otherwise i may have not made a cup, lol. meh... im lying... hes one confusing boy, but im pretty sure im giving up and trying to figure out where the line is drawn between flirting and seducing.... ill just pretend that everything is flirting and that will make my life much easier... lol. I went to Zombieland last night!!! that was an AMAZING movie!!! it was so fucking funny!!! lol.... so that was my awesome week!!!! now i must do homework and clean! woots.

i cant remember when i wrote last...and im to lazy to check, so im sry if i repeat a few things. shane and i split it off...mainly because i know he isnt over jamie...so today he compared me to gabi about how i just wont leave it alone... i guess im supposed to just trust every word that comes out of his mouth....especially when he wasnt going to tell me he called her. cuz he wanted to deal with her alone.... even though he wanted me to be there for him. im all confused. lol. now i know how he feels. since he apparently cant understand where im coming from or why i need alone time. maybe its cuz im an only child...or maybe its because im behind in my homework.... hmmm. tough choice there, i know.

had a shoot today... got stephanie naked... found out dan got into a car crash.... didnt care. im almost shocked at how little compassion i felt for him when i found out what happened. by little i mean none. maybe a really am a cold heartless bitch... enough silly boys have told me so, so it must be true. of course. there doctors. they know these things. lol. well... most of them just think they are as important as doctors in a cancer ward to me. sigh.... people know so little about me. except lis. she knows everything. thats why i loves her.

i met my soul mate. i shall post pictures soon. she is the most beautiful thing alive. i hope i see her again. but it is doubtful... i feel like i have lost a bit of myself. aw well... i have been in such a funk lately, that nothing really matters anyway.... yay apathy!!! well... i guess its not complete apathy... its more just contained rage. the labyrinth made me feel a bit better, or perhaps it was the beer.... or the company. who knows... but that was pretty fun. i love singing to it. Lis said i have a pretty nice voice when i just started belting dance magic dance outside of craig. again... i loves her.

my hair is getting sooo long... ill try and post pics of that soon too. ugh. it be past my bed time.

so, i woke up early to take a shower....i couldnt get my ass out of bed to do that...at least i managed to put clothes on. I miss shane, i didnt get to see him yesterday, which sucks.... but i got some of my reading done for today....yay dickens....ugh.... hard times isnt bad, but it isnt good either. i slept like 10 hours last night to...i dont know why im so freaking tired. ugh.... maybe its allergies.....im afraid to get my food allergy test done.... i dont wanna cut stuff out of my diet... my mom is convinced im allergic to wheat....which would suck....cuz i eat ALOT of it. she thinks im allergic to potatoes too....which means i would no longer be able to eat anything i like. pasta and potatoes are really the only things i like to eat...........
but...i am excited for my photoshoot this weekend.... we are doing a modern eve theme. its gunna be supa cool! i hope anyway. lol. the other photographer was a god damn dick. so im not going to shoot with him. i hate assholes..... i need to find a guy to shoot with this weekend. idk if shane quite fits what we are looking for.... i have a friend i could ask... but... idk if he would be ok with it.... i just need someone clean cut who smokes (maybe). lol.
well...i must go to class now.... ugh..... only 4 more hours, lol.
oh, ps....i applied to something that i really want.... send me good vibes.

well....im doing pretty good... my alergies are sooo bad right now tho...its so weird. I wrote a really good poem last night. im excited. if i can get it printed out, lol.
my set went up on SG yesterday....and had a great response... its 86% loved, which is great for how shitty the quality is....everyone is being very supposrtive...its very possible my next set may go live....and i have two SG shoots this weekend.but i still need locations....ugh.... one... we might have...but i need an urban one for the second one... so.... idk.... maybe somewhere in the northside by the tracks. im gunna go for a look soon.... i wanna smoke a cigar in one of the sets, lawlz. hopfully things will all work out. 
I have a bf. hes awesome.
my classes are ok... they are a little drab and not all of my teachers rock....but.... ill get through.

well....time to get my butt in gear and go to math... so i can study for german. lol....

So, my classes are all going really well so far....im a bit worried for german and dont like my poetry teacher, but math and brit lit are great! And well, belly dance of course, well, its awesome....my first class has some REALLY bad dancers. lol! (i shall not name names). Im so glad alissa is back! she is the best person in the world. Im pretty sure she in my none-romantic soul mate. lol. Shane and i are getting along swimmingly now...which is nice. hes a good guy....its to bad what he had to go through with jamie. he didnt deserve any of it. on a lighter note....sam and his GF are pregers!!!! lawlz!!! and they are keeping it! hahah! Im sorry, its just funny to me to see someone who i had hated so much life fall apart. but perhaps they are happy...im not one  to judge. lol. Manson was amazing!!!! I DONT HAVE CLASS ON MONDAY!!! YAY!!!! that makes me very happy..... but...i must go to class...im about to be late. update soon!

So, the last week i was in bozeman was epic.....so much drunkeness......sooooo muuuccchhh.....lol. im gunna miss playing pool at the molly. im just not that into missoula bars....which i suppose is good. no fucking around once classes start.

I havent started my VTA thing yet...i went to oriantation....but it has been so slow, there hasnt been any jobs for me. which kinda blows... but maybe tomorrow...since everyone is moving in today, tomorrow and sunday.

Lis comes back tomorrow!!!! yay!!!!! im so freaking excited!!!!!!!!!

i have been pretty bored lately, just hanging out with nathan and shane. i lead such an exciting life i know...perhaps it will pick up once classes start!

ok.....thats all for now.

well....i was born 21 years ago today....i feel old. i went to the bars last night. not that exciting. im going out again tonight. i hope to see some of you there.... although im not expecting it. my bday doesnt matter to many people it turns out... lol.

I finally finished my geisha on my side. its bitter sweet. i want more....maybe ill get another tattoo today....or sometime this week. Zanes out of town, so i would probably go to tattoo ally. is that place even still open? idk what i want though.....i want something to do with the used....but idk what. we shall see...i mean...i did just get one in thursday, lol. It is so freaking beautiful! im so happy with it.

Im going back to school a week early (hence me staying in bozeman for my bday). I got the VTA thing that i wanted so i get to move in on the 22nd insted of the 28th. and i get to move in for free!! yay!!! im excited to be back in missoula. assuming my finacial aid goes through that ted almost got me screwed out of....at least he said he would write a check for it if he had to after i told him very seriously that he COULD NOT take school away from me. It means to much, and im doing really well. i have a great scedual this semester, and im reall excited to get back to writing! yay!!! This year is gunna be so awesome. i cant wait for it to start....and only 2 weeks till i get to see Lis!!!!! yay!!!! i miss her guts!!! It will be nice to be able to hang with matty to. i miss him. I dont see cait much...and shanes gf will be there, so he and i wont be hanging out at all. whatever. so, missoula kids...ill be back the 22nd and bored as hell for a week, so drop me a text.

My last day of work was amazing. My manager chris pulled some bullshit last weekend when i was hanging out with him, so by the end of the night on my last night of work, i almost had him in tears. dont fuck with me, or i will fuck with you. it was kinda funny. he was so freaking flustered. aw well. i told my GM about it, and threatened to go to corp. so, hopfully he will take that into account. lol. why is it almost all guys are d bags? and all women are bitches? i dont get it.

i found out that the person writing that hate blog is a girl who has never met me. well.... thats awesome. i find it funny that someone who has never met me has the time to produce a blog as well as a news letter......its really just pathetic. she knows sam, i think...because she deffened him in one of her posts. i have a few ideas as to who it is, and a few ideas as to how to find out. but i dont care as much. the new cop i was assigned to was a god damn douche bag.

well....shower and food time. see you guys later!

the last week has been hellish.... i worked 26 hours this weekend...had a 12 hour photoshoot on monday and now i work 30 hours and have sunday off.....ugh....my grandparents just got into town too.....its always stressful with them around...
Anyways...i finally get to use my new computer!!! woot!!! my photographer from monday bought me a new hard drive for it and put all of my pics on it!!! im not a huge fan of the artisic nudes we shot for him but... The set we shot for me is pretty amazing. some of the lighting is a bit off, but thats easy to work around!! Its an "affair" theme...its really fun. i got to drive his cadilac too!! I love the way my hair looks! its all long ish....and natural. lol. none of my friends from school will recognize me!! ok...thats an exageration, but still....lol...its very different.....its very....normal...lol! I like being able to pull it back into a pony tail....its so much easier to take care of!!!
My bday is coming up! im pretty excited!!! my mom is getting me a hotel in missoula and a pair of ed hardy sunglasses!!! yay!!! my mommy loves me, lol.
I also get a freaking puppy!!! yayayay!!!! i have to go to the DSS place on campus and talk to them about my depression and how i wont take meds cuz they suck and i dont ever wanna take them and then they will let me keep a puppy in my dorm room... i already found a pomeranian breader about 40 miles away from missoula!! i think i am going to get a red one with dark tips and name her brunhild or valo. i think valo would be a bit better, its pretty. thats what i want for my SG name...except i wrote "zizzy" in one of the pics in my newest set....i could always take those two pics out...and i think it would still be good. it alll just depends in how i feel when i submit it... im still waiting to hear back about my other one. i know it will get accepted into member review...i just dont think it will get accepted through that...but my second one has a pretty good chance! it might even be good enough to get accepted though staff review...its really creative!
Im going to g and talk to the modeling agency in missoula when i get back. they have some butt ass ugly girls at the agency, so i really shouldnt have a problem getting represented and getting more paid jobs.... which will be nice
my life has been filled with more drama....punkchin said sme shit that wasnt true and when she was found out she flipped shit....hence, she is not in my life anymore. im done taking shit from anyone...i decided its just easier to get them out of my life then deal with the stress...and all of it was because of a boy she thought i had a crush on, lol....sigh... i dont want to work today.....sorry for the long update.....but my week has been exciting!

So.... first off... i got my tix to marilyn manson!!!! so...much dancing is going to be done there!!! im so freaking excited!!!!
second.... i fucked with my schedule for next semester and drop a bullshit english class im gunna try and test out of and i picked up intermediate belly dance and trible belly dance! much dancing is to be done there as well...it will be nice to get up two days a week and just dance for two hours!
third off..... im going to be 21!!! which means i can actually do all the fun things i want to (well... within reason....school comes first!)
so this semester is going to be very very fun!! im super stoked! I have a ton of photogs who wanna work with me which is awesome..and a few artist!!! yay! at least i will be making a bit of money that way! not much... but enough for coffee and stuff....and SG pays 500 a set..and i should be able to send in several by the end of summer/ first few weeks of school!!!! and i figure if i send in 6.....one has to be good enough to get accepted!!! lol....maybe. its seems photogs are being more demanding...."drive to great falls" "i can only be in missoula for this one day" "you have to shoot for me first" .....its just kinda strange... i mean... i dont mine trading for a project.... but... idk....i dont have the money really to travel.... nor do i want to.... plus they all seem to assume i dont have a job......it may be part time... but i still usually work 5 days a week.....sigh.....aw well... once im in missoula things will be much better! i will be able to get a better job....and ill be around my friends...and in awesome classes!!! im sooo excited!!! a month left till i move and less than a month till im 21!!!!!!!!!!!!