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What annoys you more than anything else? Maybe the bus is constantly late, or those evil volunteers who hand out flyers at the mall, determined to waste as much of your time as possible while you're just trying to go about your business, or maybe MacDonalds are selling Coke Zero to accommodate for the more health conscious individuals, who by drinking it reduce their sugar intake from 0.5% to zero, but ironically still order a Big Mac and large fries with extra salt.
Me? I discovered the visceral horror that is children's product advertisements.

For some random reason, we recently acquired the Cartoon Network channel for the purpose of receiving mass quantities of mindless entertainment in dangerously high dosages, a notion which I now realise is just as likely as Siegfried and Roy tearing the head off an orangutan and drinking it's fresh, spurting blood for sustenance. Regardless of the original intentions, I found the shows entertaining for the first five minutes (the reason for that being that I am an animation enthusiast and decided to give them a chance) but was quickly engulfed in the evil realm of the commercial break. Commercial after commercial after commercial... over and over again in the exact same order for every mind-numbing break, broken up by five minute portions of a crappy kids show. I can now flawlessly recite the entire Cartoon Network advert line-up, a fact that I am ashamed at myself for knowing, and am haunted for life by their contents.

I never realised until now how annoying and exploiting these advertisements are. The worst breed are the commercials for girl's baby toys such as T.I.M ('This Is Me' if you did not know) and Baby Annabelle.  "Look, she knows her mummy" exclaims a six year old girl, to which another more mesmerised girl replies with an elongated "Wow!"  Yes, wow! Kids really want to buy a baby manufactured from recycled condoms that pees and craps at their command. It's actually quite sick and sadistic when you think about it like that.

Another commercial advertises a Barbie Girl digital camera and "real MP3 player!", what an utterly pointless combination if you ask me, and is presented by three slutty American teenage girls acting like six year olds who use the words 'wicked', 'cool' and 'totally' way too often. That is what they are brainwashing young girls into acting and thinking like. What next? ... "With every Barbie you will get a wicked cool tampon and totally awesome training bra for free!!"

So what is the answer to this growing epidemic? My solution is to burn the douche bags that run the programs and bury them in my basement, along with all the rotting cigarette company owners, drug dealers, Gwen Steffani and professional footballers. Hate me if you will but at least revel in the obvious points that I have made before you reach for the axe.