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I will extol the LORD at all times;
       his praise will always be on my lips.

My soul will boast in the LORD;
       let the afflicted hear and rejoice.

- Psalm 34:1-2

This is from the daily bible verse. I liked it a lot.

At all times it is on my lips, and my soul is so boastful that the humble rejoice. I wish this were always true about me. But it is not.Faithfulness is what I need.

I've also learned that there is a good side to almost everything. Boasting in the right things, angry in the right context, etc...

That is all.

I thought I would post a new blog... I just felt like it.

I wrote this yesterday. Explains my unwanted tolerance of myself, others, and plainly, everything else.

It seems I'm not changing the world, I'm wanting too, but I'm not. I feel like I'm in prison where I am at. I want to go somewhere where someone needs me, and I don't want to have to depend on anything other than God. I don't want a hot shower, or a nice bed (cement is fine to me, I sleep better on the floor anyways), and I don't want anything materialistic. I want to change people's lives. I don't want to be a popular pastor who is well known and respected, a pastor who travels around the world preaching the gospel and then going back to the nicest hotel in the area, goes to the most expensive restaurant, and then have a tv broadcast telling about the people eating garbage and how they don't have a home, and children are homeless and without a family, wondering around like zombies without an ability to speak a language or have a bed to sleep on. If they could find leaves, that would be luxurious, not that they would know what they meant. So basically, "I'm finished..."

Fighting this belligerence,

Can I be "Gone from the wind",

I can't seem to fly past this phase,

It seems too ablaze for me to see,

This prevalent gaze I need to see,

But do I want to be taken away,

I'm fighting myself, my mind,

Twisting and turning,

Twisting and turning,

Where do I place my foot print,

Do I take a risk and make a mark,

Like a child painting with ink,

Should I spread it on the bottom of my shoe,

So I can make an imprint, never to fade, never to move,

I don't know how to tolerate this intolerance,

It seems to far to break the fense,

I'm finished.

emotions exploding,
caught in a loss,
deployment to another nation,
planet to be exact,

it looks like a mess,
but emotions are now dead,
you have nothing left,
as it seems to be,

but you need solitude,
and you need simple love,
crisis sometimes not understood,
but savior, you're at hand



Heading to a viewing tonight. A woman in our church died of cancer. It was the sadest story - 42 years of age, perfect health, but for the past 3 weeks she had a fever of 104.5 and went to the hospital the second week, but she asked to go to UVA, and when she got there, the next day she died, and she was married to a man who was paralyzed and in a wheelchair.

Please pray for Randy, the husband, and the rest of the family. It is a hard situation...

Also today I had a meeting about my youth groups new plan to move forward and grow. I'll tell more about that later.

Chao!
-Stephen

I don't think people know they are brilliant. They drug themselves up and take their life and don't give a damn about other people. They only care about themselves, but deep down they know they are lying to themselves. What does drugs, alcohol, and sex get you - nothing. Nothing but pain, nothing but guilt, nothing but disatisfaction. Not only that, but it will scare your children, just like the ones I've seen in the Inner City.

There are 200 homeless children in Charleston, alone. And that is only children! I can't understand how they got to these places, and that is not for me to judge. But to look at the area, to look at the amount of crime in those areas, I assume that drugs, alcohol, and sex are the main reasons for these problems, for these children being hurt.

It's not that they sinned and are homeless and without food and without proper education and parenting. It is because from past generations, their parents sinned, and it all added up.

They were lazy, and didn't learn what they needed.
They were poor, and so they couldn't feed their families properly.
They were drunks, and so they couldn't control themselves.
They were killers, and so their children were abandoned and fatherless.
The mother couldn't take care of them anymore, so they went hungry waiting on their mom to return home from a full time job.
They wonder the streets.

This is not just those in the inner city. Where was the source?

The source is the lack of wisdom. They made themselves stupid. The source can come from anywhere. If someone is doing these things, drinking, doing drugs, having sex multiple times, your children will suffer. If someone would ask you if you thought what you were doing would hurt someone else, you would probably say no. But after an amount of times in sexual activity, your lover will become pregnant. Or your lover made you pregnant. Then either you lose your "lover" and have to drop back on your parents and "friends" to help you. Then after having the baby, you get a full time job and your child is left alone to learn things on their own. For the other "love," the "man." You will always be guilty about doing those things, yet you will try to find a way to get away from the pain and the torment of thinking what you did. You will work, and lose jobs, and you will live in what it would seem a pit. Only 4 walls protecting you from the outside world.

This is what will happen to you when you do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol. You will lose yourself, and after a while, you will know that you made yourself stupid, and that no one else did.

Then you will look back and remember that guy in church who was following God, and who was always smiling and who had it all, yet you never thought so. You were prideful, but the root of pride is jealousy. You will see them and be even more jealous. You will wonder why you couldn't have ended up like that, and the only reason you didn't is because YOU were lazy, you were druged up, you ignored the truth and did what YOU wanted.

With all respect, YOU will destroy your life if you continue these things.

I'm not talking to any specific person, but to all people. This was something I was thinking about, and I decided to write. So this is my blabing...

The end.





-stephen