Gender: Female
Status: Divorced
Age: 43
Sign: Leo
Country: KR
Signup Date: 7/4/2007
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December 20, 2009 - Sunday
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Category: Life
There is a fear sweeping the world right now. The fear of original thought. Too many do not want to raise their heads above the crowd, but find the safety of mediocrity. An inward journey is used to open us up to our full potential, a potential that is beyond our dreams.
Many are observing the trends to repackage what has already been created. Here in Korea, it is no different. As a teacher, I first encountered a startling lack of imagination when I handed all of my students a blank piece of paper and told them one word, CREATE. I did this throughout the day. The pencils were still, the color pencils (crayons) were silent, the paints went untouched. They wanted to parrot to my expectations. Their fear kept them immobilized. They visualized a blank sheet of paper and it remained blank.
Our lives are those blank sheets of paper. Fear keeps us from creation. It takes courage to move forward in our own voices, to create our own music, our own words, our own pictures, and not even worry about the acceptance of others. Too many are too afraid to share their work, and downplay what they have rendered.
It takes work to make your arts and talents grow. It takes dedication to your craft. The first audience you must please is yourself. When you look at a soup can, what do you see? A soupcan or art? When you dream are they blurs of your unconscious mind or are they a vivid painting that doesn't exist in this dimension? When a stray thought hits your mind...do you follow it and find a wonderful trail of verse or prose? When you look at a person in the street, do you ignore them or do you see the person's life before your eyes? Do you imagine?
There are limitless possibilities right in front of us everyday to create. We need to see with our own eyes and open ourselves to seeing beyond what is being thrown at us in a largely mediocre fashion.
A man in South America created a video for $300 and posted it on YouTube. Hollywood threw $30 million at him because they are stumped for ideas. Why? Because people are too afraid of making a mistake. When you have nothing to loose, you gain by being true to your voice. When you are too afraid of making a failure, you generate the same crap over and over again.
I am handing you a blank sheet of paper, a canvas, a pen, a pencil, a brush...and asking you today to look at your center of focus.
Are you trying to be like someone else?
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December 13, 2009 - Sunday
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Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
 Who is the Divine One? You are possibly wondering why I would ask this question. I don't follow any religion, though I have studied many belief systems. I would not even consider myself spiritual. I would even go one step further and tell you that I wish that all religions could be abolished because I have examined the leadership closely, the history of religion, and the things that have been done in the name of all religions...to realize how religion has been used for personal self interests, to promote fear, to cause hatred and most importantly...to keep us divided.
So who is the divine one? You are. Why is there such an effort to keep us divided? Think about this. Really think about how there are so many ways we continually divide ourselves, until we get down to the basic unit of family. This need to belong to something common is not a bad thing, but we have forgotten along the way our need to be able to coexist with each other.
This is beyond merely tolerating each other. Our religions have taught us how to hate ourselves. They have taught us to fear God. They have taught us that women were the cause of sin. They have taught us that we are weak. They keep us powerless and from realizing the beauty and potential that resides within each and every one of us. Has anyone stopped and just looked at how religion tries to define God? Has anyone taken the time to cross refrence the stories within each work and how they all seem to each the same themes of treating people like sheep.
Sheep are stupid creatures. Yet, time and time again, people are lowering themselves to be nothing more than livestock. Livestock with free will. What will sheep do if they exercise free will?
So then, there are those that declare they need a purpose in life. OK, purpose is good. This is the kicker, they want someone else to tell them what their purpose in life is. They believe it must fall into someone else's plan.
What do you see yourself doing? What drives your passions? What is the ultimate goal you would like to achieve? Think way beyond money...that is just a tool. Think bigger, clear, specific dreams that you hold for yourself. Now ask this. How many of those dreams relate to your body or this physical plane of existence? Telling isn't it? We want what we see around us and not what is within us.
This past year, I wanted to chase after something called "The Lotus Sutra" which was written by a Buddah named Human. It was a text that is supposed to be the ultimate Sutra, because I wanted to study it, to see through the chants and past the other 'roadblocks' to get to the heart of what these texts mean to me.
I tend to look past all of the dogmas to get to the heart of the messages. I always kept in mind that people were kept in the dark, literacy was not commonplace, ignorance was cultivated, and therefore the church was the government. The governments was the church. We are in an age where we can ask questions, look at inconsistencies, and come to the realization that we are far beyond what is rendered in any of the teaching to define 'god'.
However, what I have discovered, being the skeptic that I am...and like some sort of cosmic joke...was the deeper hidden truths of the things hidden out in full view of the world. The symbolic third eye. The pineal gland. Whatever you want to call it, that has been dormant for many, and for some awakened.
I want sure you understand. I am not religious. I do not believe that these teachers strove to become something that was mass marketed to the public. Christ would throw up, and most certainly did not want to be put up on some cross...whatever the stories were...frankly we don't have the truth. We have what was manufactured after his death. Ladies and gentlemen...the facts are...things were written long before the time of Christ...and the ability to record existed back then...why wasn't anyone writing during that time? Just a minor detail.
As far as the Sumerians texts...I find them incredible. They are first source information...the oldest source documents on this planet and yet the museums handle them with such disregard, the military extracted many of them from Iraq...and yet...so much is supressed, and so few have the ability to deceipher the texts. Such a rich history and prehistory that seems too hard for even this age to comprehend. A side plug for the work of Zecharia Sitchen's work...a historian, an acheologist, that had devoted well over 30 years to this study.
My main point is, the pineal gland does not recognize religious thought or belief to be active...it is within all of us.
So, what does this mean? People have sought many ways to activate this function within the brain, to include drugs. DMT, LSD, etc. etc. etc....
None of that is required.
This is the curious thing. I don't profess a belief, I am by all accounts, a very worldly woman. I had to separate past from future...and be in the "NOW"...and I began to meditate.
How do you meditate? This is going to be simple and hard. You be still...and just be.
Once you eliminate all hope...all fear...you transcend them.
You let go of your ego. DO NOT HATE YOURSELF...or tell yourself you are bad...no, love yourself...forget the image, forget the past, and forget about the worries of the future...
and realize....what you begin to unleash within...is just the beginning.
I wanted to write about this for some time, because I see so many people thinking this is just some huge thing that they can't do, and other masters coming along fleecing people and making them pay for an experience of the Kundalini...no people...it is kind of like seeking a teacher to give instruction on how to breathe.
Remember, in the absence of all hope...all fear...and just an openness...you encounter yourself.
This will scare a lot of people.
But if I can do this...anyone can. If anyone can...then we have the power to turn our lives around.
Scarey thought...the god we were chasing was within us the whole time.
Greeting Divine Ones...we are Divine.
All of us...
Now let's see what we can do.
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December 5, 2009 - Saturday
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Category: Life
Today I drew the "Fool" out of a tarot deck and I smiled. I finally arrived at zero. The journey of a fool is often what many fear. The fears and hopes of the unknown. Real freedom comes from releasing all hopes and fears. You can cling to security through a job, title, position, degrees, a relationship...all of these things and relationships to somehow give you a security blanket in life to protect you from your fears.
What happens if you release your hopes, your fears and let them collide with each other? In taking the steps without realizing where they may lead, you summon an inner courage, a knowing, a trust that comes forward to reveal that it isn't about knowing all.
The fool, is at absolute zero. Total nuetrality of all. In the absence of all things the beginnings of wonderous events can happen. To move, stand still, to create, to destroy...in the span of the present.
For years I have focused on staircases..and tried not to think too far ahead. The discipline has been a hard one for me to realize. However, the results have been more firm footsteps that have opened my inner eyes to see. There is something to going with the flow. There is also something to stepping out of the flow of life.
You see the forest clearly when you are outside of it, and then go right back in with a clearer picture of what it is to find your own unique path. All you have to ask is, 'Where do I want to go?'
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November 17, 2009 - Tuesday
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Category: Writing and Poetry
Six Word Memoirs by Smith Magazine is a great concept that a friend of mine introduced me to. What boils down life experience to your six words? For writers out there, like me, who can beat a dead horse beyond death, it was actually like a game. So I went for it. Like writing a headline. You take it and tell it.
Beyond the details of being born, going through relationships, trying to figure out what you want to do with your limited existence, and then one day...you die. The body dies at least. One could look at how futile it all seems. It reminded me of what I told my son, "life is about others."
I still stand by those words.
It is a miserable existance if it is just about you.
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November 13, 2009 - Friday
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Category: Writing and Poetry
Quills of Fire. Published 2009. An anthology of works by Lena Vanelslander and Marilyn Campiz.
This collaboration, which was mainly written out of the sheer desire to create. A poetess in Ghent Belgium and myself, while teaching in Daegu, South Korea came together and just wrote...
Within the span of just three weeks, we put together an anthology that would be driven by a word...with each of us looking within to see what our muses would whisper. In a lot of ways, it was a question of whether or not it had been all done before.
We did this completely trusting each other, sight unseen, never meeting, never speaking, except through our work to create without fear.
What can you accomplish if you just believe?
That was our question...and here is the evidence.
 | Currently listening: Awake By Dream Theater Release date: 1994-10-04 |
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November 12, 2009 - Thursday
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Category: Romance and Relationships
The joys of being back on MySpace...were lost for a moment in time. One of the the things I forgot about was that when you open a door to the world, a lot of interesting people come walking through. Some of those people write me without really looking at who I am. Call it an instant reaction, or laziness. It is kind of telling who fires off premature rounds.
They say you are known by the friends you keep. The type of friends you surround yourself with tell more than your words. There are a lot of people who looked at the tattoo on display and assume tattoos are an invitation or a challenge for sex. I am just being direct, since quite a few men have decided to be direct with me about their personal desires.
Since I am a very direct person, let me cut to the chase for those of you who have decided to contact - right here, right now.
Gentlemen, because, in my heart I know if you were to meet me in person, most of your would be ashamed. You have no knowledge of who I am, so the things you write are out of ignorance because you chose not to be informed. I am informing you right now that I don't know you well enough to have the kind of information you are providing me. I don't want want physical descriptions of your private parts. I know that you darling men do have a sex drive and often look for opportunities instead of relationships. It is your primal urges that you listen to, instead of utilizing your higher channels of communication.
The image I chose was not to provoke your lust. The tattoo is very significant to me. For me, a mission statement of my life. I cannot be bought, sold, or taken. I am not a materialistic woman, but a woman who values and cherishes people. I have no desire for marriage. I have no desire to be someone's possession. I have no desire to cultivate meaningless relationships.
To summarize, I am not interested in you in that way.
My private life is not up for discussion, but I am very happy about it.
Now, change of topic. I am happy to meet people from around the world. I kindly welcome you. It is my hope that we really look and see how we can change the things within our own lives we want to work on.
Value yourselves and the world will value you.
Until next time.
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November 10, 2009 - Tuesday
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Category: Art and Photography
Mnemonic was a project that caught my eye. I don't know how I found them. However, what I felt was there was a sense of validation to doing this work. We like to think we are special and unique...which we are. However, what was great about doing this was it showed how in the tapestry of human experience, many of us experience the same things, though at varying points in our lives. Having this experience illustrated through the use of images already available on the web...made it come alive in a very surreal kind of way. Viewing images from others that became a very personal experience for me and it was only 7 seconds long. 7 seconds that seemed like an eternity to a child.
My memory, known as number 9, which I describe a memory I had at the age of four, of us leaving Chicago IL.
Enjoy.
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November 4, 2009 - Wednesday
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Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
The lines at the movie theater was non-existent in Daegu South Korea last night as I decided to take an early break from my novel that I am penning this month to see "This Is It". With both feet I have jumped into the NaNoWriMo event, to write about South Korea...with my efforts tentatively titled, "An Appearance of Glass".
For those of you who have never been to Korea, when you buy a ticket, you actually get an assigned seat, Row and seat number, as if you were going to a live event. As soon as I walked in, the sensor was tripped and the previews and commercials started. Automated to such a point that I felt "Big Brother" breathing on my neck.
For the moment I was alone...alone with a man who evolved into an icon...even before he became a man. A sparse audience as I had hoped to see what kind of audience would come...to witness with me the rehearsals for a show that was to never be. What I noted as the three others came in was silence. In a way, the celebration of a life had been taken out of the movie. I found myself watching with care every detail. I noted that all of the performers were obscure fans that knew every detail of Michael Jackson's catalogue. It was their chance to shine, and now, they are shining far more than they ever intended.
Michael Jackson made a curious statement, "We have just four years to get it right." We all know he was referring to the December 21, 2012 prophecies...but I think he was focusing on our global environment. Where I believe he got it right was with "Man in the Mirror" and his comments about not seeking to have the governments fix our problems.
We have to be the source of the changes...no matter where you seek improvement. In our history, one thing to be mindful of, is whenever we seek someone to save us, we actual wind up with someone who enslaves us. We have to save ourselves. We have to be our own messiahs and realize the power all have to be creative gods...and godesses. No one should give that power away to anyone else...but are we so weak minded to think that it is impossible?
Michael Jackson, was one man...there are many "one and onlys" in this world...and it starts "with the man in the mirror"....that was his message going out the door. Yes, I watched, and at times, when he held back in his rehearsals...to save his voice, I was struck by the fact that he forgot no one was promised tomorrow.
Life is a daily event...NOW.
 | Currently listening: This Is It By Michael Jackson Release date: 2009-10-26 |
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July 17, 2009 - Friday
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Category: Writing and Poetry
 I have to say that it felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders when I cleared out my page. I do know that I had to get over this feeling that my myspace page had become this self absorbed state of being that was in conflict with my work, and somehow it felt like a distorted view of my reality. But the other thing that myspace became was not a place for friends...oh far from it...it became this idea of networking that had marketing attached to it. The quest for the dollar, the euro...you name the currency...and what that becomes is a state of chasing after an illusion. After all...all money is fake. It is amazing what people do for money. They sell their souls, give up their identities, kill their families, give up their dreams...and bit by bit...the love of being rich...has cost them everything they once held dear. All of a sudden they are a suit...they are what they had hated. The underground becomes the establishment. It isn't anything new...it is catering to the sheep. The herd will chase after the latest, newest shiny thing because they want to park their brains. The rationale is they have been thinking all week and they want to escape their cubicle realities. People will hate me for saying this. But, in the end, it is not about being hated or loved. There are people that can't stand George Orwell. He wrote many things that were inflamatory...and caused a huge debate over the role of government in people's lives, let alone the taboo subject of how religion controls the masses as well. To me, it is simple. It is considered revoluntionary to think and speak for oneself. To love people, but not desire to have a one and only. It is considered pride to dissect the society and how people pick each other apart in our survival of the fittest mentality. It is all a game. When one speaks their mind and their views are beyond societal norms...well...a person is crucified for thinking outside of the established group. This is beyond a personal agenda for me. It is perhaps something that a friend wrote to me..."The poets are the last prophets of this age. When they go silent, there is no more hope." I realized I still have hope. I am opening the door again. However, please be aware...to my friends that are writers...no book ads, there will be no marketing, selling here of any type. If you are asking if I am still writing...of course I am. I am still breathing. I know my strengths...I know my weaknesses. I know that the journey I have been on has been one of deep soul searching. The sense of what my ex-patriot nation is going through, has been something I have been seeing for a long time....the consumming nation that is know for its stuff...and more stuff...and places to store the stuff....when the stuff we accumulate can not be taken with us. We are lent all of this stuff...while we are here...don't love it too much.
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July 4, 2009 - Saturday
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Category: Writing and Poetry
Two Years ago I started this small page...on Independence Day. I didn't expect much, just a place to be creative and have some fun along the way.
I wrote a blog, that evolved into a place for me to write my poetry...and that expanded a circle that opened me up to the world. A virtual world, where I made friends and it grew...and I began to see less of what I wanted to see.
I cut away...and broke into a self created bubble to work on a collaboration that brought me back to the heart of writing again. All I can say is it felt great. It amazed me how much was accomplished, despite the demands of my day, as if everything was written with a sense of urgency.
Now, I feel infused with a new vision for what I want for myself. I am continuing on, working away on another work. For the moment, I pause, and remind myself, that whatever you visualize you can achieve.
I also remind myself to not be so impatient. In time I will hold another book in my hand and it will be just a moment where I am thankful. It was a wonderful collaboration with another writer, and all that needs to be said at this point is thank you...to whatever brought the two of us together.
At this moment, I realize the true meaning of what it means to have an independent spirit. Without regrets...without doubts...just allowing yourself to create.
These words are more for me...than for anyone else...to remind myself of why I stripped everything away.
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