Conversation Starters "Psychic Abilities"
by
J.J. Johnstone Jr.
FADE IN
INT: Coffee Shop-Day
Two male i-phone app loving, Twitter updating, Facebook fucking, college students, sit glued to their laptops.
DUDE
Here is something for you to think about.
BRO
What?
DUDE
Say you are with some friends, and they all want to go to a psychic and get palm readings, or do that tarot card thing, or whatever. So you go and Madame Scorpion is giving--
BRO
Who the hell is Madame Scorpion?
DUDE
I don't know, it was the first psychic name that came to mind. You know how all of those psychics have weird names, like Madame Neptune, or Miss. Crystal.
BRO
So the psychics name in this senario is "Madame Scorpion?"
DUDE
Correct.
BRO
Are you sure?
DUDE
Yeah i am sure.
BRO
Last chance to change it.
DUDE
(Offended)
Why would i want to change it? Thats a great fucking name for a psychic.
BRO
I wonder if there is psychic name data base online, or like a free psychic name generator, so we could get our own psychic names.
DUDE
Yeah that would be cool...OK let me finish my story.
BRO
Sorry dude.
DUDE
It's chill bro...So you are out with friends, and they want to get their palms readings, or tarot cards, just whatever you would do with a psychic. So Madame Scorpion is telling Kathy Lee she is going to have five kids, and she is telling Big Kevin he is going to be a quarterback in the NFL. Then it's your turn to get into the hot seat, and you are doing those tarot cards, and you pull the the death card.
BRO
The death card?
DUDE
The death card...So Madame Scorpion is freaked out, she grabs your hand and starts giving you a palm reading, and she tells you that you are going to die a horrible death before you are 30 years old.
BRO
Damn.
DUDE
Yeah, so that puts a damper on your night, because you were going to make it with Lucy J. but she isn't down anymore, because she is afraid you are going to have some kind of brain aneurysm, or you will spontaneously combust while you two are having sex, and she doesn't want to live with that.
BRO
So you are saying I wont ever have sex again?
DUDE
No, you just wont ever have sex with Lucy J. because she was there at Madame Scorpions psychic house, and watched you pull that death card.
BRO
Ok good.
DUDE
But don't plan on getting with any of Lucy j's. friends... You know how girls talk.
BRO
Yeah it's like wildfire.
DUDE
So here is where the question sits in, what do you do? Do you go on living your Facebook addicted, coffee drinking, student loan paying life? Or do you really get out there and do it?
BRO
It? What is "it?"
DUDE
I don't know, "It" is something crazy, something adventurous, something you would have never done if some psychic lady hadn't told you that you were going to die before you were 30. That gives you less than 10 years to do..."It."
BRO
I have actually thought about it before, like what I would do if I knew I was going to die in a week or something.
DUDE
What would you do?
BRO
Maybe go to China and walk the great wall or something like that.
DUDE
Crazy, and adventurous... But would you go walk the great wall if Madame Scorpion told you that you were going to die before your 30th birthday?
BRO
NO.
DUDE
Why not?
BRO
Because, I don't believe in psychic readings or tarot cards, it's all a bunch of carnival bullshit, they are just trying to get that buck like the rest of the world.
DUDE
But what if she is right?
BRO
I guess we will just have to wait and see if I die a horrible death, and kiss this world behind.
DUDE
Ok.
BRO
What would you do?
DUDE
Ehh, probably nothing, I would just keep on living my life.
BRO
So you don't believe Madame Scorpion has psychic abilities?
DUDE
No, every time I think about psychics, or pass one of those psychic shops... Psychic stations? All I can think about is that part in "Pee Wee Hermans Big Adventure," when Pee Wee goes to that psychic to find out who stole his bike, and the psychic takes his wallet or whatever, and gives him a fake reading.
BRO
I love that movie.
DUDE
Yeah it is, but that scene is all i can think about when i hear or see the word psychic.
BRO
I wonder if psychics give hand jobs? Like at those Asian massage places.
FADE OUT
THE END