God Heals

Remember when you heard the words -
and your mind went blank - you were in another world
God heals
Remember in your darkest hours -
when all that surrounds you is pain and sorrow
God heals
Remember friends' prayers - and family's encouragement
- glimmers of hope from everyday angels
God heals
Quiet...you can hear Him now -
always there - yet never this close
God heals
It's just another day -
yet everything has changed - and you hear yourself say
God heals
Birds are singing -
the sky is a beautiful blue - flowers are blooming...
God heals
Truths that you knew as a child -
awakened again with new understanding
God heals
Remember when others can't -
that life is a gift - each day to treasure
God Has Healed

I came across this poem, and I just really like it because my dad has Pancreatic cancer and its really hard to deal with sometimes, and this poem just kinda reminds me that no matter how tough it gets my family and my daddy will get through it. "Dont fear tomarrow because God is already there." Hes on our side.

Love is supposed to be one of the greatest feelings in life...So how can it feel so bad? A person can only be patient for so long. It gets to point where you give so much and eventually need something back. I've hit a point where I have given all that I have, and if I walk away, then I am left with nothing. Its crazy when you get to point where you feel like you need to just leave, but are to scared because thats all you've known for the longest time. A loss is the worste kind of pain. So I guess what im confused on, is what are you supposed to do when you cant stay, but you cant leave?

Letting go is probably the hardest thing anyone could have to do. But I was reminded today that even good things come to an end. That may not sound like good advice, but when you take it to heart, it can change alot of things. Over the last year and a half my heart has been through just about everything you could think of, and untill today I was sure it was going to stay in pieces.

I had gotten myself so wrapped up in how I can be happy, what I wanted to be happy, who I could be with to make me happy...but that is so selfish. I was so concerned about my own happiness that I completly forgot about another persons. And that is the worste thing I feel like I could have done. All this time im blaming him for my pain. When really, I played a big part in it  myself.  But nobody ever wants to blame them selves for heartbreak right?  It just seemed easier to blame the other person. But thats not right.

They say there is one person out there for everybody. But what happens when you meet that person, and you arent that one person for them? Then what are you supposed to do? I always used to think about that.  Love is the key to happiness, but that doesnt mean being "in love" is the key to happiness. The love that comes from having family and friends is just as good.

Alot of people tend to take life for granted, and sadly I was one of those people. But now, that will change. I can start over. Instead of looking at everything that has happen as pain, I can look at it as strength.

I dont understand why you would do this to me. I stood by you through thick and thin for the last year and half. You are my heart. And you still put me through this. Everything I have ever done for you means nothing now. I put everything I had into you and into our relationship and you tell me im the cause of your pain? I would never ever wish the kind of pain that has been put on me, to ever come near you. All I have ever done was love you. Is that so wrong? You know I would have done anything in the world for you. Ive been there through so much shit with you, and stood by you no matter what the situation was, because that what you do when you love somebody. How can you look me in the face and tell me you care about me and then do the things that you do? How could you leave me the night I found out the worst news of my life, to go be with somebody who has never done anything for you. Who would most likley flake on you at the first sign of trouble? You have no idea what you are giving up. Or what you have done. How could you do something like this to me? You promised me you would never hurt me. You told me I could have your heart. Why would you lie to me? Even after everything we have been through, and things both of us have done, you were always still my heart. I gave you mine, and you took yours else where. How could you possibly be okay with walking away? I have never been so dissapointed. You turned your back on me. The one thing I thought you would never ever do. How could you?

I dont need you to teach me about life or if something is more important in life than another thing is...All I needed was you to be there for me when I needed you the most....Is that to much to ask? really? But its okay. Its out of my hands. I have said what I felt was neccesary for me to say. Take it or leave it. I made my choice over a year ago. And apparently you have made yours. So I have no other option but to leave it at that. You know where I am, you know where to look for me. If you dont look for me, then the answer is clear.

Isnt it funny how the people you thought would have your back can suddenly turn in an instant...Its crazy because the one person you think would never let you down, is probobly going to at some point or another. And when it happens, God does it suck!!

No body will really understand the point of this blog, unless you are involved in it...Ya know, I  didnt even do anything wrong!! Yet no body wants to take the time to find out the truth about what really happend...they just want to go off of what they "think" they saw. and thats bullshit!! and if you hate me now because of somethin you didnt even fuckin see with your own eyes, then fuck you, you obviously werent any kind of friend in the person place...

I dont know wether to be mad, or sad, or laugh about it or what..all I know is because somebody opened their mouth about something that wasnt even true, I may have lost the most important thing to me...So I hope you have  accomplished your goal by making a big deal out of something that never was even true.

All I have to say now is if you really think I am such a horrible person, then fuck you. You really never knew me at all.

Yesterday you opened my eyes,
you had me beleive that you were only telling lies.
As my heart fell to the ground
and the tears begin to roll,
It made me feel like i was never whole.

This pain i feel i try very
hard to forget.
But yes i am scared of what will happen next.
I have forgiven you as my day has went on.
my heart it bleeds as we spoke on the phone.

The tears they rolled down my face,
and every little evil thought
had to be erased.
I knew i wanted to forgive you and i did it so fast,
I wondered if our relationship will ever last.

But here....here is my heart
i will leave it with you,
If you feel you can not protect it
just tell me and please be true.

I dont want to hold on to something that is not there,
And my heart has no more room to share.
If you ever have the thought that we have no future together.
then let my hand go, let me mend and make this better.

Let me accept you as you are,
lets not make false dreams
that we both know are by far.
For the first time in a long time my heart has been torn.
and pain no more is what i have sworn.

Let us try and start a brand new day,
and please never again hurt my heart that way.