MySpace

View ]|I{•------»•£ëwçìfêr™'s Blog - Most Recent

Select A Blog Category To Browse:


-=[Subscribe to ]|I{•------»•£ëwçìfêr™'s Blog]=-
-=[Isa]=- made this, to get yours go here


Get my banner code or create your own banner


Pwn* Dee Strongfist™

Dee Lewis


Last Updated: 12/3/2009

Send Message
Instant Message
Email to a Friend
Subscribe

Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 23
Sign: Virgo

City: Generic shithole
State: Indiana
Country: US
Signup Date: 7/11/2005

My Subscriptions

Blog Archive
[Older      Newer]
 /  / 
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 

Current mood:  handsome
Category: MySpace

So, uh, I gotta write 10 random things about me.

1.) I sleep far left side of my bed...no matter what.

2.) In addition to having a varied taste in music, I find myself listening to video game remixes as well as anime theme songs.

3.) I've only cried twice watching movies.  The Lion King, and Click.  Yes, I cried watching Click.  I was laying on a couch, next to my pregnant then-girlfriend.  It was the scene where he dies or some shit.

4.) I really.....really fucking hate talking about myself sometimes.

5.) I've been shy most of my life.  It all stems from low self-esteem.  A turbulent childhood, maybe?

6.) I learned to read when I was 3 years old.

7.) I save Koolaid containers to later use as sugar holders.

8.) Whenever I eat White Castles, I pick every onion off of the burger, until I get to the 3rd.  Then I'm sick of doing it.

9.) I'm the type of guy that would never approach a girl.  Yeah, so odd, considering my outgoing, loud (somewhat rude), and funny personality.  Guess I never quite felt that confident with women.

10.) I scream like a bitch if I think there's a bug crawling on me.  It's funny, considering I'm a fairly large black guy.  Ah, the ironies....they're endless.

 

I'm supposed to tag someone, but my brain hurts.  If you wanna do this, then leave a comment going, "LOL! I got tagged!"

Er...or something to that effect.

Currently listening:
Y34RZ3R0R3MIX3D / [CD/DVD Combo]
By Nine Inch Nails
Release date: 20 November, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007 

Current mood:  ninja
Category: Life

Ok...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Will Smith dies after he finds the cure in the end of I Am Legend.  There, I saved you nearly 2 hours.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007 

Current mood:  creative
Category: Writing and Poetry

The air was cold, and he just felt compelled to go on.

He had this deep sense of regret inside, knowing that something was amiss, but instead ignored his gut feeling and pushed past his mothers house. His name was Jeff, and he was a heroin addict. For so many years, he'd felt like he was slowly losing himself, and it was true. His family all but ignored his existence, he lost all he had. His mother was the only thing that kept him sane. And for some reason, he felt something was off...

He had promised her that he would change himself, that he would get clean. This got harder, day by day, as he hadn't really had the urge to stop. His skin was pale, and his health was fragile. His mother knew whenever he came, he either wanted money, food, or just a safe place to sleep at night. She gladly obliged, just happy to see her son alive still. He knew she loved him, and he was her world. She was the same to him. But he had bigger priorities--getting high.

As he prepared to walk up to her, he had this sinking feeling that something was wrong, and turned around. "No, I can't go in..." he quietly uttered to himself. Just then, a cloaked figure across the street spoke up, "why don't you just walk in there?"

As he glared at the unknown figure, he was instantly taken back. He gave off this eerie aura. "Who are you??" Jeff said, almost yelling.

"Oh, I'm not anyone important," he replied, now moving towards Jeff, "but you really should go see your mother.."

Jeff now stood face-to-face with the cloaked man, who now appeared to be familiar, but no so much. He wore around his neck, a gold chain, with a half of a broken heart.

"What do you know about my mom?" Jeff asked.

"I know she's heart-broken."

"And how do you know that?"

"These are things that some people can just observe.." he replied, now pointing at his mothers house. "Go, she needs you."

Jeff turned and looked at his moms house, and spoke, "but wait--"

The man was gone.

Jeff knew that was too odd to be just mere coincidence, but he instead walked to his mothers door.

Before he could even knocked, a familiar face opened the door. It was his older sister. She had a grim look on her face. As he stepped inside, he saw his younger brother, as well as his oldest brother, the eldest sibling.

"Where's mom??" Jeff inquired.

His oldest brother spoke up, "in the hospital..."

"What??!?" Jeff exclaimed, almost screaming, "What happened???"

"She's dying, the doctors don't know what from."

"Take me there, please!"

As they all drove in silence, Jeff began to silently weep. He knew this would happen. He knew what was killing his mom.

She was dying from a broken heart.

As they arrived, his siblings sat out in the hallway, as he stepped inside.

"Mom?"

"Jeff? Honey?" his mother weakly spoke, "I missed you...."

"Mom..."


"Jeff," she began, "Don't regret your life.... You, your sister, and your brother have made me happier than I've ever been."

Jeff began to cry.

"I spent so many years clinging desperately to the hope that you'd change, that you'd clean yourself up. Not only for me and the family, but for yourself.."

"Mom...I'm so sorry..." Jeff whimpered, "I never meant to hurt you, mom..."

"No...you gave me the will to keep fighting. After your dad died..."

Just then, Jeff noticed his mothers necklace. It was the other half...

"Mom!" Jeff nearly yelled, "Your necklace!"

"I know...Jeff..."

"Mom...I'm so sorry...."

"Don't...please....I...love.......you......"

With that, his mom quietly passed away.

Jeffs heart sunk to the deepest depths...and he felt lost. But suddenly, he heard his mothers voice calling him.


"Jeff...please wake up.." he heard her, almost crying.

As he opened his eyes, for the second time, he saw his mother and siblings standing over him.

"Jeff, your sister found you half-dead on my doorstep. She ran you to the emergency room as fast as she could."

"Mom...." Jeff spoke weakly, now realizing what was actually happening, "I'm sorry for leading you down this beaten path with me. I won't regret my life. I want to change mom. I want to see you happy...."

Just as she spoke up, Jeff flat-lined.

He had been dying from HIV for 6 years now. It turned to AIDS a few weeks earlier, and his health rapidly began to fail. His time was limited.

As quickly as he decided to change, his life quickly ended. And with that, his mom held her sons hand for what seemed to be an eternity...

Currently listening:
Sonic Firestorm
By DragonForce
Release date: 11 May, 2004
Sunday, October 14, 2007 

Current mood:  blank
Category: Writing and Poetry

As I lay there, I slowly begin to drift off into a dreamy state.

I reach up into the vast, star-filled sky and I grab my imagination.

I explore the darkest part of the sea and I find my consciousness.

I look into the deepest of canyons and I find my fears.

I search my soul and...

And I....

And I...

And I..

I find myself.  Afraid of tomorrow.

Afraid of what's to come.  Afraid of the future.

And yet....I can't wait.

Currently listening:
Peeping Tom
By Peeping Tom
Release date: 30 May, 2006
Friday, September 28, 2007 

Current mood:  depressed
Category: Life

As I check her page for the 10th time this week....I see that she hasn't logged on in weeks.

And I feel safe writing this....

 

Back in October...I was confused.  I was a lot younger-minded.  I didn't feel the need to please anyone, and yet I felt the need to have someone to make happy.  Then she....came into my life.  I remember the first time I actually saw her...waiting outside of her apartment, smoking a cigarette.  We stood and talked for a few minutes...and I knew it.

I had to have her.  And that's exactly what I did.  I devoted all of my spare time to winning her.  What was even worse, was the fact that I can't (still can't stand) deal with smokers.  I overlooked that fact.  Well...she let me come over to see her one morning after work.  I was happy to be able to hang out with her again, and I exposed myself as being a computer nerd by fixing her shitty PC.  Then things got awkward.    We sat there...in silence for a minute, then before I knew it, she was kissing me.  I was caught off-guard, as I thought she probably would've been turned off by my apparent nerdiness.  Heh, I guess not.  However, this did weird her out, as she recently had a string of bad relationships (go figure).

After that morning, I didn't see her for 2 weeks.  She never picked up when I called.  My only way to get to her was...Myspace.  What was even worse was the fact that I lost my keys at her place.  Good thing I had another key...

After a while, I caught her online, on a Saturday evening.  I bitched at her, "Why have you been ignoring me?"  She was scared.  I understood....I guess..  She said she'd come over here to me.  And well....that was the first time that we had sex.  I thought it was a good night, for the both of us.  Apparently not.

She avoided me for another 2 weeks.

At this point, I wanted an answer.  What are we doing?  Where are we going?  I was recently going through my old Myspace messages, and I remember seeing some conversations we held with each other.  We were so cute...  But I was an idiot.  I spent more time trying to mess around while waiting for her, that I sorta lost perspective--focus on her, if you will.  I had finally gotten her, and what did I do?  I kept at my stupid-ass shit.  I even had her thinking I would cheat on her.  I never had intentions, but she knew what she saw and observed.  Doesn't help that I can't stay away from my PC.

I also learned that she likes attention.  And that she got pregnant a week later (3 weeks after she got done ignoring me).  Things went from slowly crawling, to OMFGEWTUIGHSFSWTF?!!??!!?

And well...I was still stupid.  I hid behind my PC, cause I couldn't face reality.  If I was in a virtual world all of the time, when would I have to deal with my own problems?  I'd work, sleep, and play on my computer.

Sounds fine to me.

I neglected her.  I did it way too much.  I caught myself looking at other females.  But never, not even once, did I attempt to touch a female while we were together.  It didn't matter though..

I lost her...

I lost her, like so many things I've lost over the years....so many things that made me sane.  Things that made me feel wanted, loved, and most of all needed.  I squandered her trust.  I fucked up the love we shared.  Now I sit back and dwell on the past.  I've tried so much to let it go, but I'm in such a rut right now.

Recently laid off, poor health, unable to find another job.  It's so bad...

Even when I find myself becoming attached to someone, I freak out and turn to a supreme dickhead.  I don't want anyone else to get close to me.

I'd fuck it all up again.

Currently listening:
With Teeth
By Nine Inch Nails
Release date: 03 May, 2005
Friday, August 17, 2007 

Current mood:  happy
Category: Life

There are few....very few things in life that mean more than my own happiness to me.

Well, I have one definite!

My son....

Marcus Xavier _PENDING_ (most likely Lewis).

7 pounds and .09 ounces.
19 and 3/4 inches.
Born 5:05 am August 17, 2007

Currently listening:
Lateralus
By Tool
Release date: 15 May, 2001
Saturday, August 04, 2007 

Category: Life

It's been a while....and yet, I've been here before.

I haven't actually talked about what I've been feeling or thinking for a while now.  I guess I learned to keep to myself after a while.  Well, I suppose I could quit beating around the bush.

I'm sad.  I'm confused.  I'm scared.

Sad, because I, apparently lost someone I wanted, because I let her hang too long.

Confused, because I don't know why I'm hurting over it.

Scared, because my son is mere weeks from birth, and I'm so fucked up like this.

It's pathetic, actually.  I was considering running away last week.  Being a father from long distance.  I slept on it.  Then it all became clear...

Would I want to be like my father?  Who wasn't too damn great of a father to begin with?  Who spent most of my life high, drunk, or just not there?  Who wanted to be a dad when it was convienent?  Just there to give me the illusion that I was loved?

I'm lost.  I'm fearful.

 

I need guidance.  I just need help.

Currently listening:
Lateralus
By Tool
Release date: 15 May, 2001
Monday, July 23, 2007 

Current mood:  confused
Category: Life

I'm waiting...

On her.

I'm waiting on some kind of confirmation.  If she says what I want to hear, then I'm off.  I won't elaborate, but life is going to change.  My computer will be here still.

But I've decided to refocus myself.  And for the first time ever, I'll admit....


I was completely wrong.  About everything.

Currently listening:
Origin of Symmetry
By Muse
Release date: 20 September, 2005
Thursday, July 19, 2007 

Current mood:  energetic
Category: Art and Photography

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, I'm retarded, but these are funny!

Currently listening:
Hail To The Thief
By Radiohead
Release date: 10 June, 2003
Sunday, July 08, 2007 

Current mood:  curious
Category: Music


 

Ok...

Listen to this song.  Then tell me what you think it means.  What it makes you think of.  I really need to know this.  Please add your opinion.

Currently listening:
Lateralus
By Tool
Release date: 15 May, 2001