Greetings lovers, haters, and masterbaters,

It's been some time since I have ventured back into the 'scene' as we like to call it.; almost two years, in fact. In those two years, I have been recooperating. Sometimes if chemistry just isn't right, the thing that you love most drains the most out of you. Such was the case in my life. So I stopped. I focused on other elements of my life. But like a moth to the flame, I crave this. I crave THIS. Welcome to Elle Driver.

Sometime late last year, I called up one of my best friends, Mike Money, on the phone and let him know I wanted to write with him. Since we have such similar ears and tastes, it seemed only natural. Plus - Money and I have been in bands together dating from Brilliant Zero in 2004 to jamming with Martin Johnson and Boys Like Girls in my basement, to most recently Gone Baby Gone.

I have seen what it's like to play in front of thousands of people. I have also seen what it's like to play in front of 10. But it's not about that anymore. It's not about politics. It's not about money. It's not about your spot on the bill or "...where's my guarantee?!"

I remember what it was like to play just for.....fun. To release the stress of everyday to those willing to listen, and if you're lucky - sing along. I remember when Ice Nine Kills was a ska-band, and I booked their first show. I remember when The Drive was FakeID, and then Ben joined TREOS and Martin came to sing for them. I remember when VFW Halls would get jam goddamn packed every Friday and Saturday night. And I miss those times.

Although we all mature over the years and call it"growing and expanding", I am the same person I was when I started playing drums at 16. I just hope you can welcome Elle Driver with the same open ears and open arms as you have for my aforementioned projects. I'd love for you to hear the past 2 years of my life summed up in four-minute intervals. I'd love to see you at one of our shows. I'd love to re-connect with friends of old. I'd love for you to meet my four new brothers in Elle Driver. I'd love for you to take the next step in my musical journey with me. I miss you all.

See you soon,
*Frenzy

Hate Scale VERSION 3.0!

Back by popular demand, I've made a Hate Scale Version 3.0

I don't know if people are getting fatter, more stupid, and lazy - or maybe I'm just getting old and cranky; Alas, I have seen some recent unfoldings and I've fucking had it.  Point scale of DOOM three point oh:

1. Text messaging has gotten out of control.  It seems as if no one under the age of 25 can use a fucking telephone anymore.  When did interpersonal communication go the way of the buffalo only to be replaced by droney and sloppy internet shorthand and text messaging.  I have a bad feeling that these lazy pieces of Generation Y/Z shits will be running the country via Facebook in the not so distant future.  Develop a voice you faggots and use the phone for it's intended use. (-5)

2. OK...I think those of you reading know my stance on bulletins.  However, it has gotten to a point where people aren't satisfied with mass texting their entire phonebook with their drivel, posting your gay bulletins with 367 questions about your fav. ______.  No, instead they have to infect their 4,000 friends with faulty subject line bulletins to tell us that your pizza came, your favorite song just came on the radio, or that you just smoked a bag of pencil shavings thinking it was pot.  I hope you try to smoke your computer one day so that we can kill two birds with one stone.  Retard. (-3)

3. Listen to me real good.  If anyone invites me to their "Mafia Wars" application family from here on out, I will murder your whole fucking family.  In fact, this goes for any MySpace application.  Get an XBox you bored shit. (-3)

4. I am as guilty as anyone falling for these 'hot chick' profiles which turn out to be nothing but a low-grade pr0n spam attempts.  These cats are getting smarter by the day and making their profiles "private" as to entice me into possibly thinking..."Wow!  This 21-year old Moroccan Swimsuit Model really wants to talk to me?!" Say it ain't so, spammers. (-1 for public profiles, +1 for private profiles)

5. Wow, do I get pissed when your picture albums contain nothing but your art or photography.  If you think you're too ugly to put at least one picture of yourself on the internet, then you probably shouldn't be on the internet.  You should probably be either looking for a good plastic surgeon, or buying instruments of death to take your own life. (-2)

6. Attention idiotic MySpace patrons.  I'd say 90% of you know nothing about politics, let alone specific policies or their impact on you directly or indirectly.  Keep your political views to yourself, and stick to watching the Daily Show.  Newsflash, you're 15 years old and posting a "Sweet, Obama did it!  Yes we can!" or "McCain lost, you all suck!" bulletin.  And now your moment of Zen: 8===========D~~ shut the fuck up.  (-1)

7. If you are under 16 years of age, why the crap are you fucking around on MySpace?  How about going outside and getting some goddamn exercise?  Don't say I didn't warn you when your metabolism catches up to you at 22 years of age, and you look like the Fun House mirror image of yourself.  You have the rest of your life to be lazy and obese, don't waste your youth scouring social networking sites.  You're just gonna wind up with a dick in your ass and your likeness on every milk carton within a 50 mile radius. (-2)

8. Since when did "Top Friends" mean half of your fucking friends list?  Hey sweet!, Bobby has me in his top 80 friends list!!  Be jealous!  Shiiiiit. (-4)

9. And do you seriously still have "Tom" in your Top Friends list? ...Seriously? (-2)

10. You sneaky son of a bitch bands that put out bulletins entitled "Really Important!" or "We're Breaking Up!" and BAM...your stealth media player starts playing your shitty music, in turn, falsely padding your plays for the days. I know if you entitled the bulletin "Our Songs Here!" you'd garner -10 plays, but seriously...quit duping your 13-year old fanbase.  Bastards.  (-3)

Results:

-1 to -3 : The sexual harassment starter kit.  Some uncomfortable touching in your bathingsuit area, perhaps.  Nothing too inappropriate.  Just enough to let you know I CAN.

-4 to -8 : I will make a cheap homemade amateur porno with a female family member of choice.

-9 to -11 : I will make a cheap homemade amateur porno with you and a female family member of choice.

-12 to -15 : I will enter you into the next BME Pain Olympics. [if you're not familiar, Google it]

-16 and up :  I didn't know pieces of shit could walk until I met you.  Do us all a favor and put a plastic bag over your head and inhale.

Feel free to post your scores below...IF YOU DARE!

Back by popular demand, I've made a Hate Scale Version 2.0

With all the advances in technology, and the apparent decreasing number of brain cells in the average MySpace patron - I've come up with yet another point scale of DOOM:

1. If you are a girl, and refer to a group of your male friends as "your boys/bois", newsflash you idiot...they're not YOUR boys.  Hell, the only reason they let you hang around them is because you give them all oral sex.  You fat lard. If you are a boy and you refer to a group of male friends as "your boys/bois", newsflash you idiot...you're gay. (-3)

2. No one honestly gives a shit about your long-ass fucking surveys.  Do you REALLY think I care what color your toenails are right now.  Or what shitty band you're listening to at this very second?  No.  I don't.  Retard.  Go take the MENSA if you want to waste your time filling out pointless drivel.  At least that way I won't have to read how much of a shitball you really are. (-5)

3. I believe it's well documented that if you you use the word "RAGE", you better be preceding it with "ROID", or "Streets of", or else.  Just in case you hadn't read my previous blog, here's a quick synopsis: "If this word is currently in your vernacular and you hereby define it as "to party ferociously", you...are a faggot. And I hate you.  Raging isn't a bunch of ridiculously dressed scensters complete with shield of sorrow hair-do's packed into a run-down house drinking Twisted Tea and doing keyblasts of coke like they were Don Johnson in skinny tie 1985. Get a hobby. Try dodging cars. I should kick your eye off, you dildo. (-5)

4. So I just learned what "PC4PC" means.  For those of you not "in the know", I will enlighten you.  It means "picture comment for picture comment".  Now, I don't know about you, but this is as close to begging for attention aside from posting stupid hate scales about how the internet sucks.  But seriously, don't beg for comments.  If you're not hot, people don't want to comment on you.  If you're ugly, just live with the 1 or 2 comments your family has given you commenting on how much they like your "beautiful eyes".  PS you troll, "nice eyes" means you have no other redeeming physical attribute.  Pig. (-4)

5. For those of you who maintain BOTH a MySpace and a Facebook account religiously, you seriously need to brush up on your interpersonal communication skills.  There's this thing called REAL LIFE.  Pick one or the other.  There's no need for both.  I don't fucking care if "well, Johnny only has Facebook!"...great.  If Johnny really wants to talk to you, he'll fucking call you.  Get the hint, asshat. (-2)

6. There needs to be some sort of limit placed on how many fucking YouTube videos I have to weed through to find your comments section.  Listen, if you have more than like...3 videos [and that's being liberal], I will trace your IP address, come to your house, and pee RIGHT in your goddamn mouth. (-3)

7. If you are going to a show, then go.  Don't post 40 bulletins about it, and see if you can bum a ride from a complete stranger you met on the internet.  In fact, scratch that....keep posting your bulletins.  Hopefully one day some psycho will offer you a ride and you'll wind up bound and gagged in his trunk for being a complete dickhead. (-2)

8. For Christ sake, if you are a band trying to gain a fanbase, PLEASE have some music up.  Chances are I won't like it, and it'll save me the time of replying to your friend request and belittling you. (-1)

9. Anyone who still has "Tom" in their Top Friends deserves to be shot.  Seriously. (-2)

10. Fuck me in the eye.  The next person who falls for the "Macy's Gift Card" or "Coach Handbag" virus, I will personally repo your computer because you obviously have the IQ of a drunk hamster.  "Hey sweet!  I can get my very own FREE Coach handbagzorz?!?!  How can that beeeeeee???  Let's investigate!!!"  Absolutely mind numbing. (-5)

Results:

-1 to -3 : Alright.  We can't all be perfect.  If you landed this score I'd probably just ask you to grab a bite to eat one day, say I had to use the restroom, and stiff you with the bill.

-4 to -8 : I'd probably get you real drunk one night and cover your entire head with Nair hair removal.  That would show you not to be so much of a fag.

-9 to -11 : How does a 2 girls 1 cup buffet platter sound?  Cuz if you score in this level, I will forcefeed you this concoction. [if you don't know what this is, and scored here...I suggest you do your research]

-12 to -15 : I will find some fucking way to stab people in the face over the internet, and start with you.

-16 and up : AIDS hasn't become an airborne virus...yet.  But God forbid if it does, I will find a way to make you drink a whole fucking bottle of it.  Creep. 

Feel free to post your scores below...IF YOU DARE!

"RAGE"

If this word is currently in your vernacular and you hereby define it as "to party ferociously", you...are a faggot. And I hate you.

"Rage"....remember Streets of Rage? It was a Sega game where you could clean up the streets of New York by beating the shit out of the local riff-raff with chains and miscellaneous car parts and such.

That's what raging should be. It wasn't a bunch of lame ass scensters in a run-down cramped-ass house drinking Twisted Tea's and doing keyblasts of coke like they were Don Johnson in skinny tie 1985. Get a hobby. Try dodging cars.

From here on out, the only time I wanna hear the word "Raging" is if it's followed by the word "Boner".  Otherwise, I will kick your eye off like that dildo in the Jason mask pictured below.  You tool.

<3Frenz

I've been cruising this site and various similar sites (Live Journal, Hot or Not, Make Out Club, etc.) to see what all the rage is about, and things have been getting on my nerves, sooo....I've come up with a point scale of DOOM:

1. If you use the word "homies" and "hotties". And you're not trying to be funny. SHUT UP. (-1/each)

2. PeoPlE whO tYpE LYKe tHiS. You're annoying. (-3)

3. Old skanks who think they can get ass by posting on the internet. While a bit tragic and sad, overall just fucking gross. Like my grandma showing cleve on the internet....(-2)

4. EVERYONE who is way too emo for life. For fuck's sake LOOK at the camera once in a while and stop only listing obscure bands no one's heard of in your profile. Dickweed.(-5)

5. Girls who shouldn't be wearing tight clothing, doing so. Please purchase garments your size.( -2)

6. The whole MySpace mod's are getting out of hand. I can't navigate half the member pages anymore without clicking on videos, not being able to read the text due to the outrageously ugly backgrounds, etc. I mean honestly...if my computer crashes when I visit your MySpace page...you need to take your money, go down to the clue store, and purchase said clue. Butthead. (-2)

7. People who are "looking to have a good time" and "love to party". I hate you. (-5)

8. Chix who are obviously ugly, hence they only post pictures of their boobs or their bum. Fucking butter-troll. (-3)

9. People who post pictures of them and someone else, but scratch out the other persons face....that's kind of annoying. (-1)

10. People who give the "disclaimer" of..."I usually don't do this, I'm just doing this cuz I'm bored" schtick. Give us a break, people. We all know you're a big loser and have been dying to get your ugly mug "rated".......ya friggin'....dummy. (-4)

Results:

-1 to -3 : I'd probably just trip you if you walked by me. Maybe spit gum in your hair or flip you off behind your back.

-4 to -8: If you were getting mugged, I wouldn't help you.

-9 to -11: I'd pee in your gas tank then your mailbox. Probably kick your dog/cat too.

-12 to -15: I'd prank call your house and tell you a relative died.

-16 and up: I wouldn't care if you yourself died. I'd probably rejoice. Maybe even knock over your headstone and kick it a few times. Then maybe take it home, and use it as a coffee table or welcome mat. Ya big idiot jerk....face.

Feel free to post your scores below...IF YOU DARE!

Alright, Lately, I've seen a TON of boys who look like girls, and vice versa. This seems to be a continually growing trend, especially in the city. I'm guessing because the gay marriage bill passed. Now, I have absolutely nothing against gay people. Hell, I wish I were gay. Alas, I am not. But when I have to stare at you for 10 minutes to make out what gender you are, then don't get snippy at me for doing so. I'm just trying to see if I should call you Mr. or Ms. without being wrong. The other night I was walking into 7-11, and this lesbian-train stroll in, and me being the courteous gentlemen I am, holds the door for 'em. About 4 walk-in, and 1 stays behind and waves me through. I can't tell if this is a boy or girl. My better judgement tells me..."Dude, you just saw 50 lesbians walk-by, it's a girl." But this one was so darn convincing. Maybe it was their pimp? I dunno if it was the feathered cru-cut or the Timberland work-boots that had me baffled, yet...I stared at "it" for a good couple'a seconds. Evidently "it" didn't like being stared at, and it returned a sour grin back at me for doing so. I thoguht it would come to blows, but cooler heads prevailed. And by "cooler heads prevailed" I mean: I ran as fast as I could back to my apt. So please...if you are a boy who's trying to look like a girl(no, wearing pink and eyeliner does not count - plus, I get stared at cuz I'M HOTT), anywhoo...I digress, PLEASE don't take it the wrong way, I'm just trying to put the puzzle together on your gender in question. That is all.

Someone please tell me where to find the girl who or boy who re-intrdocued Poodle Skirts back to society so I can kick them in the privates. I've seen 7,000 of them today with no sign of letting up. I hate them. Or do I like them, but I just see too many of them? I don't even know anymore, that's how fucking out-of-hand this has gotten. Solid colors, flower printed, neon fucking green poodle skirts. Poodle skirts made of terri cloth, and poodle skirts made of fucking burlap. Whatever the case may be... I'm gonna go run over a poodle dog in symbolic rebellion against this new trend. 8======D BEEP BEEP!

Now...I may be a bit naive as to how all this works, however...it seems as if people want to be my friend. I'm wondering if some of these "people" are merely robots sent by the MySpace puppet-masters in forms of an esteem booster. However, if there are any real people that want to be my friend...send all applications to me for further review. Some big things that will NOT get you on the list: -A mere invitation if I don't know who you are in real life. (Tell me why on earth you want to be my friend other than: "I want more friends".) -If you have Slipknot or System of a Down in your "music likes". -Anyone who is too punk for life. Hmm...I'm sure there will be others.

On a scale of '1 to I have no idea how to use this'; I...have no idea how to use this. Help. I need friends.