I'm utterly done with thinking of my ex girl friend. Jodi Karpman.  She was a girl that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  4 years we spend together.. 2 weeks later, post break up.. she is dating and fucking my Best Friend.. Adam Arnison.  He as well stopped talking to me.  This was 4 years ago. I know.. I know.. get over it people say.. Well... when you don't find that person that makes you feel like she made me feel.. It's hard to get over it.  We met up, and starting hanging out again... Pronouncing our love for each other.4 years later.. not.. 3 months ago... and pretty much.. without a goodbye.. That is that.. I'm way over it now.. I never thought I would Be.. But.... I am... I truely am... :)  She wants me back later in life.. I can tell her no way. .. I know I will find a girl that is way better than her.  I girl that makes me fly inside every time I'm with her. Like jodi did. 

Tylar     

Well... I was taking care of baby boy .......... (Have to leave blank.. CPS kid)  So.. It was the norm today.  Baby boy only wanted me to hold him today, and no one else.  Cry and cry untill I would.  Day went well untill about 4pm.  CPS came to get him.  They asked me if I would carry him down to the car cuz he fusez so much with everyone else.  I do.  It seemed like a long walk... Really made me think about my future.  How one day I will have a son as beautiful as this one.. that will hold on to me ingolfing the comfort the falls apon him as he puts his head to my chest. Not wanting to let go realizing there are good people in this world..

 Holding him tite to just be taken away, I tear up.  Yes I took care of this baby boy for 3 days.  But he loved me for me.  As I fell for him 2.  Trusted me as the carring man every kid should have.  A comfort that stops the tears, when feeling un-loved. and unprotected.  

Putting him in the car seat, he starts to scream.  Realizing I can't be with him on his new Journey somewhere scary.  I wish I can hold him where ever he goes untill he finds new parents.  Parents that wont beat him up, and show him this ugly world.  He is gone, but not forgotten

Tylar 

So.. I have 2 sad stories for this month..  Hopefully no more.  But.. couple days ago.. I was working on Peds.. And there was this little girl that was in for sepsis (Infection of the blood)  and She was a DNR. (Do not Resesitate)  and She pretty much died in my arms.  I was so sad about it.  I mean.. We as medical people are there to help others, and suposed to not let things get to us.. But. man. when that happnds... It' hard.  Second.... I was working with 4 kids today in one room that were part of CPS.  and there was this little boy that just fell in love with me.. He is a year in a half..  Would just cry, and cry if I wasn't holding him.  I spoiled him today.  As it was time to get off work.. The next person on shift was holding him.. his little eyes full of tears, and reaching out for me.  I almost started crying.  He wanted me so bad... It's heart breaking...  I wanted to take him home with me.  :(   I will see him again tomarrow. 

I will make a good father one day.. I know it.

Tylar