All ya'll,

I wrote this tonight to get it out of my head.  Don't read this if you don't like being depressed I guess.

Man:

.. ..

Welcome home and where have you been?  It doesn’t matter but it’s time we talked.

Take off your coat and pull up a chair, you may want to keep your shoes on.

You know I’m not a fan of exposition.  I like to cut to the heart of things.

So keep in mind that what I’m going to say may be hard to hear but it’s necessary.

.. ..

We haven’t spoken heart to heart in ages.  Communication in our lives has died.

And every time I see your face there’s so much to say but never any time.

I don’t think that this marriage is working.  I think it’s time you got out of here.

Take your ring off and walk out that door, you’ve got a month to pack my dear.

.. ..

It’s been five years and that’s four years too long.  I think this ended all that time ago.

We’ve been prisoners instead of lovers and it’s time to let the convicts go.

You forgot that I had real emotion.  I’m not a paycheck or a place to stay.

And I forgot that you were something special.  It all got torn along the way.

.. ..

Woman:

.. ..

Every birthday you forgot to be here.  Every time you left me home alone.

I remember every sleepless night the kids and I were on our own.

I don’t disagree with your conclusion.  In fact I think it might be overdue.

You selfish bastard it’s just not that easy.  Life isn’t all about you.

.. ..

Have you forgotten about your children?  Where will they go and what will you say?

You think you can just walk out on us; well you’ll pay like hell if I get my way.

Everything with you’s a big production.  I’m tired of catering to all these moods.

If we’re over then I promise you, I’ll take all that you have to lose.

.. ..

Man:

.. ..

That’s what I meant when I said you don’t listen.  Take my money and get out of here.

As for the children well I just don’t know but they’re your job now well ain’t they dear?

You started seeing me as just a figure.  I’m still a man though not the man you knew.

I can’t believe that you made it through life without learning that all people grew.

.. ..

You think this is my fault, well it’s not.  It’s both of us and it’s killing me.

My pain is just as real as yours my dear, for all that it means anything.

The kids will understand this someday.  Until then well I just don’t know.

Go live with your parents, dear, I don’t care where but you have to go.

.. ..

Together:

.. ..

You never helped me through the bad times.  I always felt so lost with you.

All those times the pain was just too much and I wasn’t sure what I should do.

I had to learn to keep my thoughts to myself.  You didn’t care and it cut me deep.

All the dark things that we went through were just secrets that I had to keep.

.. ..

I only wanted you to be there; to say you loved me and to tell the truth.

Now it’s over and I feel like I’ve been wasting all my precious youth.

Maybe someday I could forgive you.  Maybe someday these wounds will heal.

Until then I want you out of my life to minimize the pain I feel.

Woman:

.. ..

You’re not welcome here anymore.  In fact I think it’s best you leave.

Don’t expect to see my tears for I’m not sure that I can even grieve.

.. ..

Man:

.. ..

Get out of my life and get out now!  I don’t have anymore to say.

I think it’s time to find myself and you and the kids are in my way.

.. ..

Woman:

.. ..

Just remember what I tried to tell you.  Nineteen years of child support!

You’ll never be a part of their lives; they’re my kids now they’re yours no more.

You thought you were so gifted; you’re a pig and that’s all you’ll ever be.

Now get out of my sight and don’t forget the money you still owe me.

Something I've written up to help people avoid heartache when buying a new car :). It's actually part of a bigger study of mine on methods of deception in society at large, but I felt this section was most applicable to everyday living.

Willingly allowing oneself to be deceived has myriad root causes.  For many, a need for recognition or validation will open them up to false authority.  In others, a feeling of low self worth or lack of confidence makes social pressures awkward; they will gladly give out their money to make the sales pressure stop.  Yet others seek to avoid blame and responsibility but can’t resist the finer things in life.  Used car dealers are notorious for exploiting both of these facts, and we’ll explore some of their methods below:

.. ..

Provide free coffee

-Coffee and sugar are stimulants, and will increase the level of agitation in a customer.  Agitation has the effect of amplifying emotional states and decreasing careful and logical thought.  “Can I get you a soda or a cup of coffee?”  Notice that there is usually not food served at dealerships or near dealerships.  If you’re trading in a vehicle, expect to have your keys and license taken from you; you can’t leave to get food during the negotiating process.  Hunger, mixed with sugar and caffeine, is a recipe for poor decision-making.

.. ..

Build Confidence/Secret Sharing

-The salesperson uses this technique to create a personal connection with you.  She may tell you about how long she’s been working at the dealership, what a great work environment it is, etc.  She may also tell you an item of personal interest, in confidence, in order to gain your trust.  Example: “I have a lot of friends who ask me how I can get by with this job.  I have two kids at home, and a husband to support, but I always do really well.  I guess it’s just because I love what I do so much.”  By telling you about her past life or current circumstances, she has gained a lot of return for very little investment.  Another common technique is for her to contrast her sales attitude with other salespeople, and tell you how lucky you are you got her.

.. ..

Isolate the customer

-Many car dealers will allow the potential customer to wait for extended periods of time.  This solo period allows the customer to become more emotionally involved in their purchase.  Studies have shown that the more time spent in a store, the more likely a purchase will be made.   Good car dealers will use the “Higher Authority” method to isolate their customer and to build trust.  This serves the added benefit of placing the dealer in the position of advocate and confidante.  See below:

.. ..

Consult with a Higher Authority; “I need to talk with the Manager about our deal”

-Using a closed door method to fix a price on a vehicle, putting the salesperson in the role of a purchase broker.  This is a false position for a variety of reasons.  First, a good dealership will have already done the math in advance on every car on their lot (that’s been there for 24 hours, at least).  They know exactly how much they’re invested into the vehicle, the cost of the services they usually provide to make the vehicle ready for sale, the cost of storing the vehicle, the likely cost of salesperson’s commission, the amount of profit they’d like to make, and thus the minimum amount they can sell the vehicle for.  Second, the salesperson works for the dealership, not for you.  He is not your friend or business partner, and will not fight for you to get you the best deal.  His commission depends on selling you the illusion that he is your advocate.

.. ..

Create Scarcity

-This technique is about forcing a decision/contract on the customer.  Sample speeches follow this pattern: “Well, I talked to the manager, and he said we can do $20,500 instead of $18,000.  After all, this is a [Model Name] and they’re always in high demand…this offer is only good for today; if you come back tomorrow I can’t guarantee you this price.”  A seasoned salesperson will then take this opportunity to point out the features you mentioned liking in the vehicle, while feigning disinterest in your decision.  Alternately, he will give an emotional appeal by telling you how hard he fought for you, and what a great deal he got you on your trade-in or payment.  He may mention the Blue Book value, and what a good price you’re getting.  He may also use this common line:  “Just yesterday I had someone come in and make an offer on this car.  There’s a lot of interest in this car, but if it’s not right for you we can look at something cheaper.”

.. ..

            With apologies to car dealers, I must point out the obvious: You don’t need to buy a car from a dealership.  There are many fish in the sea and there are many new and used cars out there.  The moment you start feeling overwhelmed, ask for your keys and leave.  Until and unless you’ve signed a full contract for the vehicle and provided payment information, you can walk away.

            The First Dilemma:  Not wanting to hurt the feelings of the salesperson.  This is the point where all of the salesperson’s confidence-building pays off.  By expressing hurt and disappointment/confusion, a good salesperson can turn a reluctant customer into a sale.  The Solution?  Walk.  Tell the salesperson you are not ready to purchase this vehicle.  Hint, this is where he will throw the “Limited Time Offer” spiel at you.  Say you understand, get your things, and leave.

.. ..

            The Second Dilemma:  Not wanting to have wasted your time.  This one can be a big problem for people who fancy themselves as efficient.  The Solution?  Prevent this by doing your research in advance and creating a budget for yourself.  What do you want in a car and how much can you afford?  Present your payment needs to the salesperson as inflexible and have him work for your custom.  If you haven’t taken these steps, just consider your experience at the dealership a paid lesson.  The cost of the lesson was four hours of your life, but learning from it will save you thousands of dollars in the future.

.. ..

Personal experiences of the author:  I have been burned many times while buying a car, and slowly learned some painful lessons that I would gladly share with you!  I have bought cars under time constraints several times, and each time walked away unhappy with my purchase decision (I bought the car).  The ONLY good buying experience I have ever had was at a dealership where I set the terms and rules.  I drove away in a car that I was happy with, at the price I wanted to pay (less than the private party Blue Book!), and was in and out in less than two hours.  My experience was dumb luck, but you can learn from it to develop your method.

.. ..

            How it worked:

.. ..

I knew that I wanted to spend around $7,500 on a car.  I walked up to a salesperson, smiled, and told him I was willing to buy a car from him for $7,500.  I didn’t care about the make/model, as long as it was German or Japanese and less than five years old.  He first tried to sell me a Chevy Cobalt and a Ford Focus.  I reiterated that I didn’t want an American model and started to leave.  He quickly found a Volkswagen and tried to sell it to me for $10,000.  I thanked him for his time and started walking away.  I told him that the car he showed me was too expensive and that I would just shop elsewhere.  He stopped me and asked me to wait while he put in an offer for me.  Moments later he returned with a price of $7,999.00 and told me it was the lowest he could do.  When I looked skeptical he started frantically assuring me that it was the absolute rock-bottom price.

.. ..

I knew that $8,000 was more than I wanted to pay, but I felt that everything had gone according to my plan, and decided to buy the car.  Had I held out, I may have been able to get a lower price, but I may not have.  With taxes, I paid $8,400 for the VW.  The Blue Book value at the time was $8,700.  When I sold the car to a private party, I received $6,600, for a difference of $1,800 / 21%. (I was under time constraints to sell the VW, otherwise I probably would have gotten closer to $8,000).  All in all, this was a very positive experience for me.  The salesperson wasn’t very happy, but his happiness is not my job!

.. ..

By staying disinterested and sticking to a price, I was able to get a decent car for slightly more than I wanted to pay.  I wasn’t afraid to walk away, and that saved me time and money.

There was never a reason to cry, it was a lie that they told you to bring you down.

There is always a reason to smile, but every while a frown can find its place upon your face and that's okay.

All the times that we had shared are memories that I'll keep.

They're what help me smile when all I want to do is weep.

Knowing that we count upon each other in this way.

Gives me an incentive to get up and face the day.

There was never a reason to die; it was a lie you told yourself so you could feel.

There's a place inside our hearts for you, but every now and then we want to scream at you to face the truth.

Every day without you here's a trial we must face.

Running in a neutral gear it's hard to win this race.

But seeing how you lived your life's a message to us all.

If we forget to smile then we are surely doomed to fall.

There was never a reason to hurt, it's just a shame that you had lived your life that way.

We couldn't always take care of you, we wanted to but sometimes you just have to spread your wings and fly away.

Once I held my breath until I heard that fateful news.

I was so distraught in learning that I too could lose.

Always isn't long enough and never's far too soon.

To ask of me the time when I have had enough of you.

There was never a reason to choose, what do they mean that they had asked that choice of you?

The moon isn't as bright without the sun, it's one and one, the light can't shine the way  without the shadow in its place.

Once I thought I understood what you had meant to me.

Only now that I am blind have I begun to see.

I will still go on though I forever have been changed.

I am still the bird that sings though I have lost my cage.

Snow falls white on black roads.

Cars drive black on white roads.

Brake lights red on black cars.

White spray black smoke red fire.

Sound in the snow, metal tearing.

Snow drowns the sound, screams and cries.

Fire on the snow, red on white.

White ice black from car tires.

Smoke black on the white sky.

Red black white this winter world.

Still snow falls, still we burn.

Young girl in a crimson dress, standing at the dance. 

Smiling, aching, beautiful, waiting for romance.

Wrapped in arms and lifted up, light and free she laughed.

World seemed bright that winter night like starlight caught in glass.

.. ..

‘Til the moon dropped down men danced, the e’er protesting deer.

Gloria’s fifteenth came and passed with roses, gifts and cheer.

To the cold at last they went and issued their farewells.

Still hard to forget that night, the sights and sounds and smells.

.. ..

Young man in a suit and tie, lovestruck through his heart.

Red dressed girl had won him and from her he dared not part.

Close entwined that winter night for minutes more than friends.

Yet she walked away from him and left him in the end.

.. ..

‘Til the break of dawn that day the young man felt her touch.

A simple gesture for the girl yet for him it meant so much.

Walking proud he went that day to fill his head at school.

Yet in his mind she lone resided as he played her fool.

.. ..

Young girl in a crimson dress, this time a summer dance.

Watching, waiting, regal, disdaining all romance.

Black gloves coating white arms, she walked away from him.

What man hopes to understand a woman’s every whim?

 
Tell me the truth dear, or lie to me.
Either way just as long as we talk.
Give me a sign, send a message to me.
Stay with me now or just get up and walk.
Nothing is sacred as long as we're here.
Whatever you want is the price that I'll pay.
Take me for everything, nothing I'd fear.
Let me be there for you, what do you say?
Legacies, broken, of long lonely nights.
Just help me through this time and place.
Repairing my soul, setting my heart to rights.
Gazing in wonder at your lovely face.
Dreams that I had while we walked on together.
Wishing for time to give me more with you.
Feeling your joy reaching out to forever.
What would you ask of me?  That, would I do.
 
Untitled
When you know that no one loves you
When you see that no one cares
When you want to kiss the sunrise
Weakness is your heart’s despair
When you cry and when you suffer
When you fail to make it through
When you want to love the woman
God is laughing, mocking you
When you fail to make her love you
When she turns her face away
When you want to own the heavens
Black the sun and dark the day
Freedom lies without attachment
Freedom doesn’t love or care
Freedom is the sound of laughter
Mocking beauty everywhere

Dawn
Smoky glass the sky is slow to light.
Fractured moonshine hazy in the night.
Black to gray to blue to red to black.
Night to day to night, now forth and back.
Shapes on the horizon of the bay.
Faded silhouettes, black on gray.
Truth is truth no matter what you see.
A rock is still a rock, a tree a tree.
Reaching arms to heaven from the soil.
How the trees and rocks must daily toil.
Beauty is a gift to all who know.
Where horizons come from whence they go.

The Sea

Velvet night and diamond stars are all dressed up for me.
The moon a polished shining jewel set into the sea.
The perfume of the grass and flowers sinks into my skin.
The waves get into rhythm and the concert night begins.

The gulls sing out a warning lest I drift off into sleep.
The pelicans have gathered and the tide begins to seep.
The roaring sounds the winds produce are something to behold.
The crabs hold up their claws in praise (at least that’s what I’m told).

The grassy dunes begin to sigh as night progresses on.
The concert will continue until dusk fades into dawn.
As light breaks on the bay the seals begin a song their own.
The lighter tenor chorus and the sea lion’s baritone.

A famished and exhausted concertgoer rests his head.
The dune that was my seat becomes my pillow and my bed.
The memories of night I will hold with me all my days.
Even as the light the burns within me fades away.

Jealousy

That jealousy should rear its head seems quite unfair to me.
I’ve done my time in love with you, why can’t it let me be?
I see you and my heart it leaps until you look away.
I thought that I was over this, but not, to my dismay.

Years now I have cared for you and years I’ve been alone.
In years to come I quite expect more lonely years to go.
That I should be in love with you I cannot comprehend.
You’ve done nothing to gain my heart, my soul yet years to mend.

Slaves to our desires, pawns to passions that we keep.
False hope is the chain that binds us, rusting as we weep.
The sweetest courtesy of all would be for you to fade away.
To brighten up another’s sky, the sun that lights their day.


Lonely
I sit alone and wonder why their laughter I can’t hear.
I left them but an hour ago, their thoughts should still be near.
I wonder why I contemplate the darkest in us all.
I dread the phone and yet I wonder why you do not call.

I breathe a mournful sigh to let out all the pain I feel.
I can’t believe I put my faith in something so unreal.
I lean back in my chair and all the strength I had, it dies.
I fade away by seconds, minutes hours while you decide.

I find myself alone and wishing I were by your side.
I look around me see my keys and want to take a ride.
I had a resolution to defeat my aching thirst.
I try so hard to wait it out but it takes over first.

I hear the ice it’s tinkling in the glasses in my head.
I see the liquid shining dark like feelings from the dead.
I wish it wouldn’t taunt me every time I feel this way.
I want to face the world and smile and laugh about the day.

I have to think about the reason you weren’t there tonight.
I don’t know if it’s you or me but nothing quite feels right.
I think that maybe you just need some time to find yourself.
I let you know that I’ll be waiting here all by myself.
 
Balance
Flowers fall like raindrops, Soundlessly like snow from the trees. A carpet upon the world hiding everything.  Blanketing the cold earth with beauty.
Still, the tree before the wind, shivering at the scent of storm rising.  Through the lightning, sleet and terror.  Yet there it stands, whole upon the dawn.
All of this above the influence of man.  The natural world disdains our mortal touch.  How many gardens, then, would never bloom had man not wet the soil?
Balance, a dream of gods and men alike.  Whispers of hope drowned out in shouts.  Where can we go but ever onward, resting only when all’s devoured?
Tranquility, fantasy, reality thus become.  When man take only what he needs.  Life is precious, gloried in its impermanence. Only through love are we alive.Yet another poem!

Red like the fire you tangle my mind.
Rip through these walls and leave nothing behind.
Not even knowing the havoc you cause.
Walking on through me without any pause.

White like the cliffs that shine on in the moon.
Your smile showed two fangs when you walked in the room.
A casual toss and you tore out my throat.
You swayed when you entered your feet seemed to float.

Black like old blood was the dress that you wore.
You acted the temptress all I craved was more.
A demon in velvet and bordered in lace.
My will knew its weakness when I saw your face.

Bald like a mountain the lies that I told.
I got pity for meekness and hatred when bold.
A cold glance and silence were all that you’d give.
When I was their target I struggled to live.

Yellow like the sun were your cat’s eyes that night.
They shone on so brightly that terrible light.
Scorching the ground where I thought I stood firm.
All through the party and since then I burn.

Blue like the depths of the sea we now feel.
Lost but surrounded by false friends and real.
Dying to find out just which one is right.
We turn from each other walk into the night.


Song 1

Every little time that you feel scared,
don’t hesitate.
To lean upon the ones who really care,
I’m a call away.

And every little time that life is bad,
or you’re feeling lone.
Don’t you wait for a minute dear, to
pick up the phone.  

All the times that life seemed so unfair,
you smiled anyway.
Every little thing that went awry, you
said it’s okay.

All the piled up emptiness inside, could
swallow you.
And every time you felt you died away,
well I felt it too.

Every word I said to you in haste, I won’t
take it back.
All the things that made you feel confused
from white to black.

All the tears and fears you kept at bay,
with your precious smile.
All of it is washed up on my shore, every
little while.  

All the pain and scars that you have borne,
and yet carry on.
Each and every bridge that you have burned.
Flames that feed the dawn.

All the times I bled to let you know, how
alive I was.
Every time I wanted you to feel, but held
my tongue because,

All the crosses that we both have carried,
they grow in weight.
All the times that we have fallen down,
the burden great.  

I realize now that we can’t help each other
more than by being here.
To comfort one and all, and all and one
our single lonely fear.

Dreams

I had a dream today and in it you were there.
In it you were smiling and invited me to share.
A table with our children and your family in peace.
We all laughed over pizza and we healed above the grease.

My boys had wicked grins upon those faces that we made.
We picked over the menu and discussed the make and grade.
Of a dozen different beers and both in fun we took our pick.
Gabe decided Guinness as after much debate did Nick.

You talked about your boyfriend and the new life that you had.
And I bore it all with grace and didn’t let on I was sad.
To know the life we used to have was over gone and done.
We had a fight but in the end I don’t think that we won.

You talked of camping, your new life, how happy you are now.
We shared a bench with both our boys and I can’t explain how.
But we ended up with knees that touched and no one raised a cry.
To tell us that such things are wrong and forbid us to try.

The meal it lasted on and on with piles of empty plates.
The boys had eaten well and our discussions touched on fates.
Of what we’d do now that we’ve all enjoyed this lovely meal.
You looked content but I knew that these wounds would never heal.

I’ve been the monster, been the drunk, husband, father too.
But through it all you made me suffer and only if you knew.
The wounds I’ve bled inside for you over these many years.
A love that’s born in treachery can only end in tears.

But something odd occurred that washed this darkness from my mind.
And over dinner I was able to be sweet and kind.
And being kind it didn’t matter, and I was content.
To hear about how you and boyfriend made it in your tent.

It seemed so real, a fleeting glimpse of what can never be.
For I am not magnanimous and you could never see.
That maybe after all these nightmares I can truly heal.
But false hope isn’t better, and that’s what we know is real.

The meal is over now and that illusion’s slipped away.
Maybe I’ll live through it all, it could be that we all may.
See a time when sitting down to dinner isn’t pain.
And you and me, our boys can all be happy once again.

Opposite Day

....

....

.. ..I’ve hurt more souls through laughter, than I ever have with tears.

I broke a heart with compliments, while hate fell on deaf ears.

I’ve watched the sun both rise and set, and everything between.

I’ve froze by day and burned by night for all that I have seen.

....

A towering cave that’s underground, a black hole in the sky.

A simple answer complicates me makes me wonder why?

A scent of roses on the air disguises our decay.

A sound that’s absent all around of atheists at pray.

....

I’ve been a million miles around the world and never left.

I’ve woken in the east by day and slept the night in west.

I’ve heard a thousand voices singing just a single tune.

I’ve felt the sunlight on my face under a brilliant moon.

....

A question we can’t answer, an answer we can’t know.

A single oar left on our ship yet all we do is row.

A famine grips the world while the world that I know feasts.

A beast controls its master and the masters fear their beasts.

....

I’ve lived as me a quarter century yet know me not.

I’ve been a son and had a son and lost what I begot.

I’ve written words about the truth yet truth eludes me now.

I’d like to love again but it seems I’ve forgotten how.