There has been an event that just started in my area called "The Countdown To Eternity" which is currently being featured at the Lancaster Performing Arts Center several days a week, all this month. Even though it's not labeled as such, it is an evangelistic outreach of the Seventh-Day Adventist Church. And to quote from the flyers I've been handing out, the purpose of these meetings is to introduce you gradually to the unique beliefs of Adventism and to convince you, by the end of the series, that Adventism is the only true church and they you should become a member.

I just had the most stressful week I've had in awhile, and what do I have to show for it? It's apart of God's refining process for my life. Like a song I hear on 91.9 FM says, "Start a fire in me. Let the flames run free. Burn away the dross. Holy fire of God. Let it begin, let it be new, let me be used for your sake, bringing glory to your name. I can live knowing that you reside in my heart. Oh Lord, you are the fire."

My aunt grew very ill in 2007. I had to spend a week in San Diego, and I wanted to go to church while I was there, but there weren't any Vineyard churches that met on Wednesday nights. Michele told me "Calvary Chapels are good too". I looked it up and found Calvary Chapel Escondido, but due to me not having a ride, I wasn't able to make it.

In summer 2008, my mother and I went on vacation to Las Vegas. She went to Vegas for the gambling, but I was underage and didn't even have an interest in gambling. It was a Wednesday, I wanted to go to church, and I remembered Michele's statement the previous year, "Calvary Chapels are good too". I read on wikipedia about how they teach straight through the bible instead of topical teachings. This concept intrigued me. I also read that Vineyard grew out of Calvary Chapel. Vineyard came about because John Wimber had differing ideas about the Holy Spirit than Calvary Chapel founder Chuck Smith. John Wimber's ideas were that shaking and uncontrollable laughter came with the filling of the Holy Spirit. The shaking I have experienced personally, but not the uncontrollable laughter.

I looked on Google Maps and the only Calvary Chapel that had Wednesday night services was Calvary Chapel Green Valley with Pastor John Knapp. My mother and I went, and it was a different experience. The teaching was on the tabernacle and the worship was unique but amazing. After the message, they had communion and an alter call. The overall experience was intriguing, and gave me an appreciation for Calvary Chapel. After I graduated high school in June 2008, I began looking at colleges. Originally I had planned to attend Vineyard Leadership Institute at the Desert Vineyard, but I felt a need to get away from the Antelope Valley because I started to get into hookah with friends and I felt that the hookah would only be a gateway for worse things. I came across Calvary Chapel Bible College in Murrieta, CA on wikipedia. I applied there and was accepted, and would start there in September.

Later, my grandmother left her church Resurrection Lutheran Church in Quartz Hill because they took an unchristian way of getting rid of their pastor, and completely ruined his career. I wanted my grandmother to have a church home, so I figured I'd direct her to Calvary Chapel Antelope Valley. She had previously gone with me to Desert Vineyard, but she didn't enjoy the service so much as to want to go regularly. After a night getting lost in Indio on the way home from Anaheim (due to a combination of GPS error and driver error) I left at 9 AM on a Saturday and got back into the Antelope Valley at 7:30 AM, just in time to get to Desert Vineyard's 8 AM service. I attended the 8 AM service and fell asleep during Dr. Eric's message, after the service I had planned to go with my grandma to check out Calvary Chapel Antelope Valley. I need to stay awake, and more than that, I needed a shower. I ordered a coffee drink with 8 shots of espresso from Desert Vineyard's coffee shop, along with drinking a cup of black coffee and a can of Lo-Carb Monster Energy Drink. I was wide awake for Calvary Chapel.

My grandma and I arrived at Desert Christian High School, the meeting place of Calvary Chapel Antelope Valley according to Living Proof 91.9 KWTD, we went in the door and were greeted by several people. We were given a first time visitor's package with all sorts of stuff, I don't remember what was in it. We went into the sanctuary, which was actually Desert Christian High School's gymnasium. The band sang a few familiar worship songs as well as a few that I had never heard before. Pastor Mike came up to the pulpit after worship, I had listened to him on Living Proof Radio every Tuesday and Saturday for quite some time, and I was excited to be able to hear him live. The sermon lasted a total of 1 hour and 15 minutes, which was longer than my grandma and I were willing to endure. Considering I had no sleep the night before, I wasn't fully mentally present. My grandma didn't care for it, so she didn't return. I already had a church home at Desert Vineyard, so I wasn't interested in returning either.

I started at Calvary Chapel Bible College in September. I rented an apartment on Winchester Creek Road at Hilltop Apartments instead of moving into a dorm. Being at Calvary Chapel Bible College started off as a nice experience, I was learning a lot. As time went on, I really wasn't making any friends. This was partially, unfortunately, because I came from a Vineyard church. I returned to Lancaster every weekend to attend Desert Vineyard, and while I did that, I wasn't able to make it back for Wednesday night "Terra Nova". Instead I started attending a local Calvary Chapel in the area known as Calvary Chapel Bible Fellowship or "The Barn", the reason I chose that one was because they were the only church to answer the phone when I called asking about Wednesday night services. I learned a lot from Pastor Clark, I was there for the latter part of a study of Ezekiel and when they started the study on the book of Daniel. I also had a class with Pastor Clark, Pastoral Epistles, which I also learned a lot from. However, that class taught something that Calvary Chapel teaches that I had difficulty with, this topic was women in ministry. I was raised in the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod, which does not ordain women as pastors. Then in 2007 I started attending Desert Vineyard which does ordain women as pastors, the idea didn't sit well with me at first but over time I just accepted it. Now, at Calvary Chapel, they taught that it isn't biblical, at this point women not being ordained as pastors didn't sit well with me. As I told people that I came from a Vineyard church, it seemed to be a conversation killer and the very mention of it made people not want to build a friendship with me. This saddened me, and I wanted to leave Calvary Chapel Bible College, so I started becoming very critical of every little thing they taught in the classes. When I had class with Jeff Christianson, he taught things that pissed me off to the point that I called up the registrar and withdrew from that block class and all the upcoming blocks as well. I withdrew from them even though I wouldn't get a refund for the tuition. After Pastoral Epistles (an afternoon non-block class) was finished, I moved out of my apartment and moved back in with my parents in Lancaster, intent on starting at Vineyard Leadership Institute in the spring.

Calvary Chapel taught the Bible in such a way that I learned so much in my time there. After returning to Lancaster and only attending Desert Vineyard, I started feeling stagnant and unable to be fed. Almost every Sunday morning on my way to church, the thought crossed through my mind "go to the service at Calvary Chapel Antelope Valley". Lately, several people have told me that they think it was the Holy Spirit instructing me to. This thought came every single Sunday. However, I promised to give Michele a ride to church every Sunday morning so I didn't. Over time, this feeling of stagnancy just kept becoming worse. I didn't feel like I was growing anymore, like I had hit a wall that was impassable. I applied at Vineyard Leadership Institute, figuring that being in school again would make me feel better. The application I was given last semester didn't contain a reference form, so I figured it wasn't necessary this semester. I filled out the application and turned it in to the receptionist at Desert Vineyard's office, and it didn't make it to Barry Galloway until after the deadline, but Barry assured me that I could still get in because they were desperate for students, they only had 6 at the time. A few days later I received an email from a guy by the name Randy McClure from Vineyard Leadership Institute's main campus in Columbus, OH saying that he needed a reference form from me in order to complete the application process and he sent me one in PDF format. I printed it out and gave it to Dr. Eric and he filled it out and put it in Barry Galloway's box Sunday afternoon with the deadline being that coming Wednesday. Barry Galloway, being out of town in Dallas, didn't get the reference form to send to Columbus by the Wednesday deadline. I sent an email to Randy McClure explaining what was going on and he didn't reply to me.

I figured that I was out of luck for VLI, and looked into Antelope Valley College but found that I was already passed the deadline for registration for the spring semester. My only other option was to return for another semester to Calvary Chapel Bible College in Murrieta, but I didn't have the apartment anymore so I would have to commute every day. It is a 2 and a half hour drive from Lancaster to Murrieta. I called the office since that day I thought of it was the deadline for tuition payment. I called and they said since I'm an off campus student, I could pay my tuition at registration, which was a turn of luck in my situation. I registered for classes and paid my tuition, and the very next day I heard back from Randy in Columbus asking if I was still interested. I had to explain that I had to enroll at Calvary Chapel Bible College again because he didn't reply to me in time. He said that he would hold my application and check until fall, but later I received the check for the application fee back along with a letter saying that they weren't going to hold the check until fall, and to send the check back in August if I was still interested.

After this situation, I was quite irritated with Desert Vineyard. Christmas had just passed, and all I wanted for Christmas was DVDs of Joel Osteen, Bob Coy, and previous series from the Desert Vineyard. My parents paid $150 for the DVDs from Desert Vineyard, and most of them didn't play on my DVD player. I returned them and they said that they would fix them and return them to me the next week. Well, the next week arrived and Frank, the media guy, said there was nothing wrong with them and sent them back to me the way they were. One of which was the wrong DVD for the series, he crossed out the name on the DVD label with a pen and wrote what it actually was, but that didn't change the fact that it still didn't belong with that series. That wednesday night, I knew that I was through with Desert Vineyard. It was the church that changed my life, but it suddenly became something different. The environment had changed, and some people began giving off the impression that they didn't like me, like I was an annoyance to some of them. Perhaps I was, but I couldn't figure out why.

Music was my life; every aspect of my life was influenced by music in one way or another. I was really into Rock, Metal, Industrial, Dance, Electronica, as well as some Hip Hop, Punk, and Country. My favorite artists included All That Remains, As I Lay Dying, Skinlab, Trivium, Cannibal Corpse, Gwar, Motorhead, Rob Zombie, Killswitch Engage, Dream Evil, Cradle of Filth, Ozzy, System of a Down, Slipknot, Green Day, Social Distortion, Mad Sin, CKY, Tiger Army, Staind, Sevendust, Puddle of Mudd, Saliva, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, Depeche Mode, Marly, Robbie Rivera, DJ Tiesto, Daft Punk, Armin Van Buuren, Benny Benassi, Gabriel & Dresden, Prodigy, Ian Van Dahl, Crystal Method, New Phunk Theory, The Chemical Brothers, Lil John, 50 Cent, The Game, Lloyd Banks, and Johnny Cash. When it came to most music, I drew a line at music that was blatantly anti-Christ, because I was raised a Lutheran. Usually, I didn't mind music that talked about worshipping satan, the only thing I wouldn't listen to was music that spoke badly of Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, or The Holy Spirit. The common response to my abstinence from this kind of music was "Why can't you just like it because it's good music? Why do you let the words ruin a song for you?".

My good friends Jacques and George from Lancaster Baptist Church constantly felt the need to remind me that all of the music I listened to and all the horror movies I watched were against God, there was no "neutral" ground, and this would ultimately keep me out of heaven, but I disregarded what they said. However, the concept of completely dedicating my life to God, like they had, crossed my mind many many times after I heard what they had to say. I did want to have a kind of relationship with God that was personal and intimate, but I wasn't willing to give up anything in order to have it. Even though my lifestyle didn't always show it, my faith did affect my life in some ways. I was always a bit more "religious" than the average person my age, but what I had was too much of Jesus to be happy in the world, and too much of the world to be happy in Jesus.

I was raised in the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod, I attended Grace Lutheran Church from 1997 (age 7) until 2007 (age 17). From the age of 12 I did a lot of volunteer work for my church, such as being an acolyte (alter boy), usher, sound technician, reader, crucifer, etc.

In 2004, after I was confirmed, I realized that I had a calling to be a pastor. It seemed like there was some sort of divine peer pressure, because I really didn't want to be a pastor, I wanted to be a Scientist, or a Movie Editor, or a Radio Engineer, or a Radio Program Director, or the next Steve Jobs (founder of Apple), or a famous electronica club DJ, a Metal vocalist, or even a Bus Driver. There was something that I felt a deep longing for, I didn't quite know what exactly for, and I knew it had to do with God, but I just couldn't figure it out.

Grace Lutheran Church was your typical traditional church; stained glass windows, organ-led worship, responsorial liturgies, and a sermon follows with what's going on in the church calendar, but does deliver good messages.

While still attending and volunteering at Grace Lutheran, I had a desire to explore different churches and see how different people worshipped God. I wasn't quite sure what I expected to accomplish, but there was something I was looking for, I knew that there had to be something more to life than just living however we want, going to church on Sundays to get forgiven, and repeat this cycle until we die.

The Latter-Day Saints were all very nice to me, but I just knew deep down that God didn't want me going down that path, their Jesus and my Jesus are totally different. I also looked into the "Community of Christ", which is a Mormon denomination which leans more towards Christianity than towards Latter-Day Saints. The local Community of Christ congregation ended up having to sell their building due to their numbers diminishing. My exploring the Mormon denominations somewhat seemed to upset my family, plus a guy I met online pointed out all the contradictions between The Book of Mormon and The Bible.

When I started in high school at Paraclete, Father Joe and my friend Christian a.k.a. Pronto introduced me Catholicism. I attended the optional morning mass at Paraclete almost every morning during my freshman and half of sophomore year. 9 times out of 10, I was the only student at mass. I rarely attended a Catholic church on a Sunday, because I attended Grace Lutheran on Sundays, but Monday through Friday I attended mass every morning at 7:20 AM. I didn't share much about my interest in the Catholic church with my parents at first, but after I told them I was considering joining the Roman Catholic Church, they didn't seem to have a problem with it, my dad even seemed to encourage it. I was almost convinced to participate in RCIA (which is the process of becoming a member of the Roman Catholic Church) when I would turn 18, but one of the handymen at Grace Lutheran Church, Aaron Hicks, explained to me in a very convincing manner about why praying to Mary and the Saints wasn't biblical, and reminded me about Solus Christus ("In Christ Alone") and Sola Scriptura ("By Scripture Alone").

My math tutor Jacques invited me to Lancaster Baptist Church, and it seemed like an excellent church, it was pretty cool that a full orchestra and occasionally an acoustic guitar backed their organ. Their messages were very insightful (except for the ones where the pastor spent an hour talking about how the church needs your money), but they didn't seem to accept me or my friend Vaughn because we listened to Rock and Metal music, they also believe in rebaptism if you weren't originally baptized as a Baptist. I attended Lancaster Baptist Church for 2 months regularly, and my attending Lancaster Baptist Church didn't seem to upset my parents at all, again my parents seemed to encourage me, but eventually I decided to stop going altogether because the Lancaster Baptists wouldn't stop trying to get me to give up basically my entire life.

My friends Brian Sheffield a.k.a. Brian Misled and Brent Schacher a.k.a. Brent Menace invited me to come to Central Christian Church's Higher Ground service. That church had a completely different kind of atmosphere than anything I had ever seen before. They had a table in their foyer, which sold those bottled Starbucks frappuccinos as well as various pastries, which you were actually allowed to bring into the sanctuary. The worship music was awesome but the message, in my opinion, just wasn't firm enough. Although I really did enjoy the series "Building Blocks of Healthy Relationships", that series was awesome. This church originally struck me as a kind of church for people who didn't like going to church, and I didn't feel that I could grow in that type of atmosphere.

I wasn't sure what I expected to find, but I knew that I just wasn't finding it. I figured that my religious life would be fine if I just stopped tinkering around in other churches and just stuck to my church home Grace Lutheran. While this hole inside still wasn't being filled, I sought fulfillment elsewhere and looked to partying, radio, and mobile DJing.

I started a radio station in December 2000 called FRS Radio Station DPI5, on FRS Walkie Talkie Channel 8 in West Lancaster. Later, I became affiliated with the Russian radio network "Europa Plus" and expanded to Quartz Hill on FRS Channel 3, Rancho Vista on FRS Channel 10, and East Lancaster on FRS Channel 14.

When I was 12, my persona as DJ Whammy was born. As Europa Plus Antelope Valley became more popular, I started to get a sense of what it was to be locally famous. On May 7, 2003; the AVARC (Antelope Valley Amateur Radio Club) came and tracked my station down in order to report it to the FCC to have it shut down. When my radio station came to an end, I attempted to slit my wrists 3 times, each time I planned on committing suicide, but each time I just couldn't go through with it and instead I began using food as a way to relieve my pain, as a result I gained more than 150 pounds and quickly became at high risk for diabetes. I also got into Lycanthropy (don't ask) and Tarot Cards for however brief a time, but that's another story.

In my confirmation class I learned about the concept of giving my burdens over to God, and if it weren't for that concept I never would have been able to press on. Unfortunately, nearly all the people I explain this concept to think that their pain is too great even for God to help them. I was never able to understand this mindset that people had.

I found something else to keep me occupied while I tried to find a way to bring Europa Plus back, I got into mobile DJing and composing instrumental House and Drum & Bass music, and produced 3 albums. I was eventually going to get signed with NSoul Records, a Christian Dance record company I was sort of working for at the time, but I decided not to. I spun live at several of NSoul's events, including the Urban Youth Workers Meeting at Azusa Pacific University in 2004. I later reopened Europa Plus Antelope Valley as a streaming Internet radio station.

In my last year at Grace Lutheran School, 8th grade, after Europa Plus Antelope Valley started gaining popularity again, I became the guy who threw parties every weekend where I would let people go on air. People also brought XBoxes and we played Halo. I also ordered lots of Pizzas for everyone. Then there were the people that did "the naughty" (although I was never one of them).

In the middle of 8th grade, Vaughn and I became best friends. Vaughn and I knew each other since the 5th grade, we weren't really that good of friends during the 5th, 6th, and 7th grade, but in 8th grade he started doing a radio show on Europa Plus Antelope Valley called "Mandatory Metal (For True Headbangers)", which featured the best in Death Metal, Black Metal, Thrash Metal, Grindcore, Metalcore, Hardcore, Hard Rock, and Gothic Industrial. When Europa Plus flipped to Radio 1 then to Zed Radio, Mandatory Metal became a very popular metal show on SHOUTcast. Vaughn started spending the night on Friday nights, and he did his show on Saturday nights. A few months later, he started staying Saturday nights too. He was also a Lutheran, and we both went to the same church. However, we had a set of different morals and values.

When I started high school, I gained lots of friends and became popular, just because of the fact that I had my own radio station. I was well known in the Rave and Metal scenes under my "DJ Whammy" persona, the guy that half the Ravers and Metalheads in the Antelope Valley listened to each night at 8 PM from 2002 until 2007. There were lots of people at Paraclete High School who considered me to be a geek, that was until they found out that I was DJ Whammy, and then I had instant respect when they found out who I really was.

My heart and soul was dedicated to my true passion, this passion was Zed Radio, the latter incarnation of what originally was "Europa Plus Antelope Valley". I spent the majority of my time working with Zed Radio. It became very popular; I became a very popular online radio DJ. I was the right hand man, so to speak, of Yegor Veklich, the guy who ran Zed Radio. However, everything wasn't all good and nice, Yegor and I had a problem staying in contact and even while we were in contact we just weren't able to be honest with each other and that ultimately lead to Zed Radio's demise. Yegor and I lost all that we had worked so hard to achieve.

I later started a pirate radio station, Surge Radio 96.3 & 102.1, transmitting at 5 watts on 96.3 from West Lancaster and at 2 watts on 102.1 from Quartz Hill as well as around the world via online streaming. It wasn't the most popular station in the Antelope Valley, but it was satisfactory enough in my opinion to keep it going. Although having perhaps the weakest signal of any of the other Antelope Valley stations, according to a friend at XRQK there were hundreds of listeners via the FM signals and quite a dedicated following, while the internet streams rarely got higher than 10 listeners. Surge Radio was associated with One Louder Radio, a world famous online Metal station, and we aired all of their interviews and a few of their shows, like Stacked Up and Brutalism. A lot of the elements on Surge Radio (logo design, website layout, parts of the music format, parts of jingles, etc.), I copied from a radio station in Washington called Pulse 1330 (mainly because it was my favorite radio station other than my own). Eventually, they caught on and asked me to "be unique". You can learn more about Surge Radio at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surge_Radio.

I had a lot of friends at Paraclete High School, and a few of these friends worked with me at Surge Radio, these friends were Christian a.k.a. Pronto, Torey a.k.a. Howie, Cruz a.k.a. CM3, Josh a.k.a. Smog, Angela a.k.a. Ang, and Kaylyn a.k.a. Kay. There were also some other people that worked at Surge Radio that weren't from Paraclete. These people were Brendan a.k.a. Stoner, and my best friend Vaughn a.k.a. Zombie.

Angela went out with a guy named Steve-O for awhile. Steve-O Lavendier was a really popular guy in the Metal scene, he was also popular in the Rave scene even though he didn't consider himself apart of it. Angela brought Steve-O over one day, and not too longer after Vaughn and I were introduced to the world of partying. Steve-O also gave Vaughn another nickname "V-Man".

Vaughn was truly my best friend, and we did everything together. We hung out all weekend every weekend from the middle of 8th grade until the summer after 11th grade. Though we were very different people at heart, our personalities were superficially identical, although I had a shorter fuse than he did. Him and I also enjoyed going to house parties, raves and shows at the Cedar Centre. I considered myself to be "straight edge", I never drank nor took drugs nor smoked, I even abstained from reading horoscopes and using foul language, meaning anything beyond "darn", "crap" or "fiddle sticks". The sole reason that I came to these gatherings was to get laid, but it just never happened.

Later, I went against my instincts and transferred to Lancaster High School, and within a few weeks I started hanging out with a group where I seemed to fit somewhat, 2 of them even did shows at Surge, but they later decided to cause hell in my life and I stopped hanging out with them. I spent my breaks and lunches either in Mrs. Pierce's room or aimlessly wandering about the campus.

Returning to the subject of radio piracy, originally I tried bargaining with God, amongst the secular Hard Rock, Death Metal, Electronica, and Liberal Left-Wing Talk programming on Surge, in exchange for playing Lancaster Baptist Church's "Daily In The Word" program every morning along with "The Lutheran Hour", Church of the Open Door's "Growing In Grace", and Kuba's "Full Armor of God Broadcast" every week, I asked God to protect my radio station from the FCC. Well, eventually something happened where I couldn't air Daily In The Word anymore, plus my dad was losing sleep over the whole "pirate radio" thing although we never heard from the FCC, but I decided to shut off the FM signals anyway. After I did that, the listeners didn't migrate to the online streams, and most of my friends left the station. I started to grow apart from my friends at Paraclete, and soon after I started hanging out with another group of people at Lancaster High that seemed to really appreciate me, one of the people in the group was a former acquaintance from Grace Lutheran School.

These people were my true friends and we spent a lot of time together. They persuaded me to let my hair grow out, and eventually it grew out past shoulder length. It seemed like our group had a bond that would last forever, our group consisted of myself (Ken a.k.a. Whammy), Ali Pursley a.k.a. Morningstar, Erin Vanquekleberg a.k.a. Quickie, Max Matta a.k.a. Brain Dead, Corey Windfrey a.k.a. Huggy Bear, Brian Sheffield a.k.a. Brian Misled, Michael Littlejohn a.k.a. Malice, Noah Gelman a.k.a. Annex, and several other people that hung out with us occasionally. My sophomore year ended on a happy note when Mr. Mayton asked me to be apart of next year's Eagle Vision crew. I was an anchor, editor, and I did the graphics and edited the music for the show. Except for the fact that most of my teachers were the strict type (excluding Mr. Mayton, he's the world's most lenient teacher ever), my junior year was going great, that was until the VP Mr. Kelley confiscated my Helio Hero and when my parents retrieved it, the camera button was broken and camera lens was jammed. There was also the fact that with the confiscation of my Helio, it put a mark on my spotless record, which was devastating to me. At that point, I wanted to leave Lancaster High School and transfer to Desert Sands Charter High School, but my parents wouldn't let me. Instead, in an attempt to make me feel better, my parents took me on a road trip to Phoenix, so I could listen to my favorite radio station Energy 92.7 & 101.1. My dad also bought me the new Helio Drift.

In February 2007, I went to an indoor rave party at Steve-O's house (located near Avenue E & 160th Street East), little did I know it would be the last rave I would ever attend. My friends Vaughn and Corey came too. The party was supposed to last from 9 PM until 9 AM. That night I finally had the opportunity I was waiting for, this girl that I met was pretty much willing, she even licked the stick of butter I was eating (don't ask). I made a gesture with my head, basically making the suggestion "Lets go upstairs". She got a huge grin on her face, and she nodded, implying "Sure, let's go!". Within about 3 seconds, Vaughn appeared out of nowhere, and yelled at the top of his lungs "WHAT'S UP WHAMMY!!!", he had gotten so drunk that he was bumping into everything and everyone. He couldn't even walk straight. He almost fell through Steve-O's front window several times. I was just moments away from accomplishing one of my life's dreams, but I chose to help Vaughn instead. I chose to set my selfish desires aside to be with my friend who had done something stupid. I had to ask him several times, but he said that he drank 3 light beers, 3 shots of Watermelon Vodka, and 3 shots of Jack Daniels. For the next 4 or 5 hours, I was forcing Vaughn to drink water, and slowly he started getting normal again.

After Vaughn was back on his feet I tried to find that girl again, instead I found Steve-O angrily walking past me with a mob people following him saying, "Don't worry, man! Everything's going to be okay!". I found out that the party was coming to an early end at 2:45 AM due to the fact that a drunk guy answered Steve-O's house phone with Steve-O's parents being the ones on the line. Steve-O's parents then decided to come home early and sent the police. I wasn't given priority for a ride out of there because I wasn't A) Carrying Drugs, B) High, or C) Drunk and under the age of 21. I franticly called my Dad and he came and picked up Vaughn, Corey, and me. We also rescued Mat a.k.a. Creampuff and his brother; they crashed at my house that night. The whole rest of that night, I was awake thinking about how I had missed yet another opportunity to experience the joys of the female anatomy. Never before had I come so close, usually at parties I had no luck whatsoever.

It's really interesting to be at a party and even the drunk girls think you're ugly. There have been some sober girls that are attracted to me, but any girl being attracted to me at all is very rare occurrence. Bobby a.k.a. Charmander explained it to me that when a girl gets drunk, any body fat you might have, as the girl gets more drunk it all turns into muscle in their eyes. I weigh 350 pounds, and about 225 pounds of it is lean body mass (meaning organs, muscles, etc.), but in a drunk girl's eyes it seems that there is an opposite effect with me. Instead of the fat turning into muscle, it was like my muscle turned into fat. It seems like a foul mouth and a lack of respect for women is required in order to have success, and if that truly is the case, then I don't want any part of it.

So there I was, still a virgin, and to this day I am still a virgin, still never dated, still never kissed, still never had a girlfriend. I've been rejected/blown off 37 different times over the course of 5 years, by 37 different girls. When you get turned down like that, you tend to keep track and with each "no" the confidence level keeps dropping. The girls that actually are attracted to me, and there are some but it's far and few between, I somehow find a way to screw it up, most of the time it's due to inaction. I'm still not exactly sure how to "flirt", nor do I know how to take hints. I apparently make it seem like I'm speaking badly about myself even though it's not my intention to do so. People keep assuring me that one day I'll meet the one that I was meant to find. I went through all of high school without any women in my life who are more than just a friend; perhaps I'll end up like the guy from the movie "40 Year Old Virgin" without the ending.

Spring break came around; I went on another road trip to Phoenix just to listen to my favorite radio station Energy 92.7 & 101.1. I have a rather interesting hobby, locating and photographing radio towers. My dad and I kept going up and down Rimrock Road looking for the turnoff to get to Energy's tower site, and eventually we found it and took pictures of it. It was difficult because my Helio didn't have reception in that area, so my GPS application didn't work. I stopped by the engineer's office in Payson, after the engineer finished his rant about how he didn't appreciate me snooping around the tower site, he explained to me that the trailer on the left was KAJM's backup transmitter (Mega's 104.3 signal) and the trailer on the right was KNRJ's main transmitter (Energy's 101.1 signal). After we stayed in Phoenix for a few days, my dad and I decided to proceed to Santa Fe, NM so I could check out Blu 102.9, which was awesome (I had a thing about traveling places just to check out radio stations).

After I got back, on the first day back at school after spring break, one of my best friends, Erin, let me know about how a few guys, whom I've mentioned above as the ones who "later decided to cause hell in my life", planning to "get me back". Two of those guys had vowed to find someone to beat me up before the end of junior year, but Erin said that they were planning to hire a hit man. Erin told me not to get her involved and I promised her I wouldn't. This whole thing starting up again was freaking me out and I called my mother and let her know about what was going on. My mother immediately called my father who immediately drove home from Canoga Park in order to arrange a meeting with the VP.

The VP assured me that they wouldn't know how to find a hit man, but I myself had connections to find and hire a hit man. I gave the VP the names of these guys, and my dad also told me that I needed to give him Erin's name, which I did, even though I promised I wouldn't get her involved. After the VP meeting was over, I told my dad "You do realize that I can never go back here again, right?". My dad kept me home the next day, and he went and spoke with my guidance counselor. My guidance counselor put me on independent study, and said that I didn't have to come to class until the appointment date for meeting with my new independent study teacher. Later that day, Erin told me about how angry she was with me because I had gotten her involved after she had asked me not to. We didn't talk for a few weeks after that, and even then none of my other friends said a word to me. Pretty much all my friends from Lancaster High School had abandoned me, they felt I was being irrational because I didn't want to tell them anything about what was going on. Erin told me that she deserved to know everything that was happening, but I told her "YOU DON'T DESERVE TO KNOW SH**!", her next message said "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" (that was the shortened version, her actual message said "I HATE YOU!" at least 20 more times). I was shocked at what I said, because I never ever used foul language, but it seemed like the only way to get the point across because she wouldn't stand up for me when I needed her to.

As an incentive to do well on independent study, my dad bought me the new Helio Ocean, which was the world's first dual sliding wireless device, with both a numeric keypad and a full QWERTY keyboard.

I received a letter in the mail saying that I was accepted to attend Quartz Hill High School for my senior year. I knew that this was a blessing from God, because it seemed like this transfer program was only for kids with lower grades, who came from lower income families, etc. I had high grades and came from a upper middle class family.

My good friends Vaughn and Malice were the only ones who didn't have anything against me at that point. Tim from Mr. Mayton's class started coming over and hanging out at my place too occasionally. Ben from Mr. Griffin's English class (before Independent Study) came over one night because Steve-O was having band practice in my garage, him and I became really good friends, he started hanging out at my place almost as much as Vaughn was. I still had a handful of other friends, but they were the kind of friends that you don't have much in common with so you don't hang out all that much, although you still do care about them.

I got invited to a church called the "Desert Vineyard", and I had put off checking it out for quite awhile, but I finally did in March 2007. I looked it up online and found out that they had services at 12 PM on Sundays. My friend Vaughn and I went, and when we got there we were a bit lost. We walked into the southern building, as we were walking down the hallway, we saw a prayer room, then a quiet room, then an arcade, and then a Starbucks. We were quite confused but then we saw a sign that said "Cafe Sanctuary", so we went inside and the screen said "Desert Vineyard Latino", so we turned around and went across the hall to where a man with a shaved head and very long goatee was standing. The man said "Howdy gentlemen!", and I told him that it was our first time here; the man introduced himself as Pastor Jason Grundy, and he was the first Pastor I'd ever seen that looked like that. Pastor Jason was very nice, and invited us to come to the youth service in a few minutes. We went and got some Starbucks coffee and we were drinking it outside of the youth sanctuary, but Jason told us it was okay to bring it in, so we took a seat and a few minutes later the band, known as the "Seth Green Orchestra" (instruments used: guitar, bass guitar, drums), started playing and sang 4 worship songs, then we played a game where we had to guess who the photoshopped bald celebrities were. Pastor Jason delivered a message about different levels of closeness to Jesus and why eating your boogers is a good thing. Vaughn and I both agreed that it was a fun experience, but when we left we wondered if it really was a church we had been to, it was way too irreverent for our taste and it didn't really have the kind of church atmosphere that we had come to expect, like Grace Lutheran Church did. It seemed a lot like Central Christian Church, but less serious. So we left, never to return again.

Vaughn decided to pursue his love for running, and for weeks he didn't show up to his air shift on Surge Radio. Vaughn was the last remaining local DJ in the lineup because everybody else was gone, and with Vaughn not showing up to his air shift, Surge Radio transitioned to a station that replayed Format Lab's Nitro Rocks (which is a DJless Modern & Classic Rock or "Active Rock" format station which exists solely for the purpose of bringing content to radio stations that have little or none of their own content) almost full time along with airing the syndicated "Bear In The Morning", "Full Armor of God Broadcast", "Brutalism", and "EZ Talk" shows. Looking back, Surge originally was a fully staffed internet radio station with pirate FM signals, it had its own playlist along with various syndicated and local shows running half the time, but now Surge had dwindled down to a Format Lab simulcast with 3 syndicated shows.

I started running into financial trouble because of the radio station, and when I thought things couldn't get much worse, the Lancaster High School Aerie (yearbook) came out and had a picture of Erin a.k.a. DJ Quickie playing her guitar in Surge's studio on page 26. On the windowsill there was an empty bottle of Diet IBC Root Beer, and an angry mother by the name of Lisa Newhouse saw that empty bottle and immediately thought it was Beer. Lisa Newhouse's daughter was apart of the girl's softball team, and Cesar, the yearbook editor, lost the pages for girl's softball. So, girl's softball not being in the yearbook along with the supposed beer bottle prompted her to write to the AV Press about "the girl with the beer bottle". I was pretty bummed myself about Eagle Vision not being in the yearbook either (Cesar lost that too), but I didn't feel the need to slander someone because of it. With the credibility of Surge Radio diminished to nothing, keeping Surge alive just wasn't worth it anymore. It didn't seem that Surge Radio had much of a future anyway, so I just gave the rights to Surge Radio to an independent radio company based in Neenach called XRQK.

To take my mind off things, I went to a LAN party by myself at David Straw's house but partying just wasn't any fun without my best friend there with me. I was happy that Vaughn made the track team and found something he was passionate about, but at the same time I was sad that we weren't hanging out as much anymore.

I was on independent study for the rest of my junior year, and I finished my junior year a full 3 weeks before the rest of the school, but I was mentally disturbed; I was barely myself anymore, and I spent many many hours in psychotherapy. I developed an extreme case of paranoia, thinking everybody is out to get me.

Due to the "straw that broke the camels back" so to speak, my parents banned Vaughn and Tim from hanging out at my house. Vaughn and I went our separate ways, but we were still friends. Malice wasn't allowed to hang out with me anymore because he claimed that his mother thought I was a pothead, even though I was straight edge. The only time I was ever high was an accident. I was in my B Block in the Eagle Vision studio at Lancaster High, a girl I knew brought a cake to school and I asked if I could have some, she said "Sure, just don't eat it all.", so I stole the cake, took it into the back room and ate the whole thing. Apparently the cake had reefer in it, needless to say I started getting messed up. I was grabbing stuff in the air that wasn't really there, I had a "stoned" look on my face, and I edited Eagle Vision 3 times faster than I usually could with equal quality. After I realized what was happening, I spent $14 on buying water, I ran the machine out of water bottles.

Ben and I started hanging out every Saturday night at Brunswick Sands Bowl for many weeks, which I enjoyed a great deal even though we mainly played pool, played games in the arcade, and tried to "hook up" with random girls. Ben got all the girls but of course I never got anywhere. Most of the time we didn't actually bowl unless we were meeting friends there. We occasionally saw our friends there from AVR and DC if there wasn't a party going on. AVR stands for "Antelope Valley Ravers", they're like a big family that attends raves together, most of them listen to a lot of Electronica and Dance music, but over time the AVR family sort of lost their cohesion. I don't even know if there even still is an AVR today. DC stands for "Death Crue", it was founded by Steve-O and Swiper, I'm not quite sure as to exactly what they are about, but I do know that all or most of them are metalheads, and they attend parties together.

Each Saturday that Ben and I hung out Brunswick, he spent the night and most of the next day at my house. Since Ben considers himself to be Atheist/Agnostic (who believes in Evolution), I stopped going to church altogether mainly because he didn't want to go, I didn't want to leave him by himself at my house and I didn't want to force him to go to church.

I got a new personal trainer at 24 Hour Fitness a few months before and her name was Laurie Irwin. She attended the Desert Vineyard, and she had been quite persistent in trying to get me to come to her church, and I explained to her about my experience before and why I didn't want to come back, but she kept insisting that I should give it another chance and go to the service at 10 AM in the big building across the courtyard. It took awhile, but she finally convinced me, and I decided to check it out.

I arrived for what was a divine appointment. I walked in and asked the greeter if this was a traditional service, and she said that it was "the" traditional service. I stepped inside the sanctuary and found a seat towards the back across the aisle from the sound booth. I sat there waiting for the service to start, since the greeter said it was traditional, I expected it to either have an organ and play some familiar hymns or to have a nice orchestra like Lancaster Baptist Church. From the looks of their sound system, it was very unlikely that this would be a traditional service. The lights dimmed, the 3 screens went black, then a video started... A guy gets in a mini cooper (popularly known as "Itie Bitie" because of the license plate ITIBTEE). Palmdale City Limits, the AV Mall, the Lockheed Martin hangar, the Quartz Hill water tower, the AV College, the AV Courthouse, the AV Fairgrounds, Cinemark 22, Lancaster Performing Arts Center, all familiar sights for people who are residents of the Antelope Valley. As the sights passed, the song played "Reparation leads us here, leads us here. Liberation meets us here, meets us here. Jubilation brings us here, brings us here. Higher elevation frees us here, frees us here." Challenger and Avenue I, arriving at the Desert Vineyard, coffee, cream, a chocolate muffin, and friendly faces. "Time To Worship!", the screen read. 10, 9, 8, 7, Dancing Alarm Clock, 5, 4, Mysterious Digital Tunnel Thing, 2, 1. This one word repeated in the song over and over "Revolutionary!", it was one word that stood out to me, more so than all the other lyrics. "Revolutionary!"

Since I was raised in a church where everybody actively participated, I did just that. The worship band started and I stood up with my hands folded and sang along with the songs, the music was incredible, and as I was singing I felt an indescribable joyous sensation which brought tears to my eyes, a feeling that I recognized from when I had my first communion on Confirmation Sunday 2004 at Grace Lutheran. I also felt it when I visited Nidaros Domen, a Lutheran Cathedral in Trondhiem, Norway. It was God! He literally was present and doing something wonderful in this place. I could literally feel His presence as if it were something tangible. He had always seemed so distant but I knew He was right here. This feeling was, for lack of a better word, "Revolutionary!".

Pastor David delivered a message that was so enthusiastic and full of life that it held my attention nearly the entire time. It was almost like this sermon was uniquely crafted specifically for me, because absolutely everything Pastor David talked about pertained to me. He started off by saying something that quickly caught my attention. He said, "We're trying to find real faith, and that is what we want, we want the real deal. We don't want a little religion, we don't want a touch of spirituality that makes us feel more balanced, we don't want to have a regular reminder of moral teaching to keep us from being totally corrupt. We actually want the real deal. We want to have real faith, real trust, real confidence, a true sense, a healthy sense of dependence on the real God, the true God, we want to have the relationship with God that we were meant for, that we were created for, and Jesus Christ, God's only son, came to redeem us, to give His life that we might have that back, that real relationship with God. If it's not about that, we're wasting our time, we're spinning our wheels, we're playing some kind of religious drama, but we want the real deal. .... It's very difficult to have real faith, it's so easy have something less than what is real."

Pastor David went on to talk about how life is full of dead-end directions where we decide to do things in our life that only lead us to emptiness, and he talked about how most believers play a "percentage game" with an attitude thinking that they're okay as long as their good choices outweigh the bad ones. The part that really spoke to me is that even though we go down dead-end directions and play the percentage game, there is an option of having a whole-hearted full-life adventure with God, and it was this concept that I had been searching for when I was a few years younger. After the service, I left with a sense of fulfillment which I never before felt after leaving a church service. I couldn't wait until next Sunday, because I genuinely wanted to pursue this whole-hearted full-life adventure with God...yet at the same time I didn't want to change my way of living.

I attended the next Sunday and experienced the same feeling during worship and I heard Dr. Eric Sandra's message "How To Be A Bonsai Believer". In this message I learned that so many choices I made in my life were constricting my faith, similar to how you have to constrict a tree's growth in Bonsai gardening. The next Sunday there was a guest band, Soul Survivor from England and guest speaker Mike Pilavachi. In Mike Pilavachi's message, I learned that the our culture we live in today can have a damaging effect on our relationship with God, and that as Christians we need to be strong in the Word so we can stand up against the pressures that our culture puts on us. These first 3 messages altogether planted seeds for my future growth in my walk with Jesus.

The next 2 weeks, I didn't go to church because Ben started coming over again. After that, the time had come for my long awaited road trip to visit an online friend, Handy Andy, up in Washington. I also owed an apology to Charlie Harger at Green River Community College; I said a few unkind things about the format flip from Pulse 1330 to KGRG1. I also had to explain about how it wasn't me that posted the thing on wikipedia about him being the "anti-Christ". I also got to visit C89.5's studio in Seattle, KGRG 89.9 FM and KGRG1 1330 AM's studios at Green River Community College, and I also tracked down 1330 AM KGRG1's tower site in Enumclaw and took pictures of it. The lady who lived across the street from the tower stepped outside her front door and asked "What are you doing?", I said "I'm just taking some pictures of 1330 AM's tower", she said "So that's what that is?". The trip was very exciting and full of many fun adventures.

While in route back to Lancaster, I received a call from Ben and he said that he was moving to Florida to live with his mom because he got into an argument with his grandparents. That meant no more Brunswick when I got back to Lancaster. I figured I should just try and go to some parties and meet some new people, Steve-O said he'd come and pick me up, but he never showed up. Sometimes he showed up, but then left and said he'd come back later to pick me up, but never came back. The info lines for parties and raves wouldn't give me directions or a location. They basically told me "we don't want you here". What was wrong with me? Was my reputation really that bad? My life had become empty, and the last few weeks of my summer were wasting away. My radio station was gone, my social life was gone, and apparently my reputation was shot.

Alone...by myself...in my own technological universe...1 week...2 weeks...alone...sitting in a chair...lying on a bed...staring at the ceiling...nobody there to talk to...the feeling of being completely alone...

"No one knows you anymore, you're lost inside the walls you've built. No one knows you anymore, a prison deep within your soul. There is One who sees it all, He'll give you life you've never dreamed. He can see the pain underneath your skin."
(excerpt from Seventh Day Slumber - Missing Pages)

Being alone is terrible. I never thought it would be possible, me, DJ Whammy, no friends, nobody to hang out with. Just a few months before, I was having the time of my life, but it had seemed like the good days were over, and the best times of my life were behind me.

I decided to go back to the Desert Vineyard the next Saturday night, and I heard Dr. Eric's message about "Discovering Christ as a Revolutionary".

I started at Quartz Hill High School at the beginning of the school year, but I already knew that Quartz Hill High School was going to suck from the first moments I set foot on the campus. I had always been very excited that I would have been able to go to Quartz Hill with all the people from the parties I attended, like people from AVR (Antelope Valley Ravers) and DC (Death Crue). My best friend Vaughn was also at Quartz Hill High, we hung out at the morning break and we had 5th period together. However, most of the other people at Quartz Hill High that knew me didn't have a good opinion of me because I was no longer living up to my previous reputation. I didn't bother to try and restore my reputation, because something inside me had changed. I felt awkward being around all these people. Some of the people I knew had some very interesting views about the Desert Vineyard, one person even said to me, "Isn't that the church that gives whips to their members?". Besides the people at Quartz Hill, there were several other undesirable conditions, like the fact that I had a 0 period, Vaughn and I had different lunches, my English teacher was encouraging people in the class to read a book called "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins among other books, and then the VP at Quartz Hill had a problem with my prescription sunglasses, threatening me about my glasses and refusing to disable the camera flash because I didn't have a doctor's note, causing me to see everything in a haze of reddish bluish yellowish greenness for about 20 minutes. There was also the pointless and utterly ridiculous "Senior Project", where everything is based on quantity instead of quality. The only thing that it does for students is that it gives them a darker outlook on the workforce and the rest of their life. I basically thought to myself "Screw this school!".

I prayed that God would help me survive in this terrible school, then shockingly my dad finally decided that he would allow me to enroll at Desert Sands Charter High School for the rest of my senior year. He said "I was hoping that you'd at least have your senior year be a good year, but it doesn't look like thats going to happen. So if you want, you can go to Desert Sands". Desert Sands is an independent study-based charter high school, and you only spend about 1 - 4 hours per week in school. I had been asking my dad to let me go there since early in my junior year, and 5 months after I gave up trying, he decided to let me. We scheduled an appointment, but they said it would be 2 months before they had an opening. 3 days later, somebody from Desert Sands called and said that they had an opening and I could enroll next Monday. I left Quartz Hill High School after being there for just 3 weeks.

I attended the 10 AM Sunday service at the Desert Vineyard quite faithfully for several weeks, and then came a burning desire to worship more, so I started going on Saturday nights at 6 PM in the main sanctuary too. I still wanted more, so I decided to give the Sunday youth service at noon another try. After attending the main service, the youth service seemed to make more sense to me than it did when I first went. An insatiable appetite for feeding my spirit began to manifest in me. I started attending Wednesday night's "Rush Hour" youth service at first, but I later started attending the "Terra Nova" service instead. After learning about the "Classic Service", which features a combination of classic hymns and modern worship songs; I started attending 8 AM on Sunday in the Cafe Sanctuary as well.

As I was going to the Desert Vineyard, I felt an urge to sing louder and lift my hands. I just lifted one hand for the first few weeks, but as I kept going, worshipping in this manner became more comfortable and more natural, so I started lifting both hands, now it seems strange to worship without lifting my hands. After a few weeks of worshipping like this and hearing the teachings of Pastor David, Dr. Eric and Fireman John, I began listening to more and more Christian music, it was almost like I had a craving for it. One song I heard was "Jesus Freak" by DC Talk. This song made me think, what would people think when they hear that I'm a Jesus Freak? If any of my old friends decided to let go of the past and be my friend again, would I keep growing in Christ or become a "Bonsai Believer", like Dr. Eric spoke of? I really wanted my friends back, but I didn't want to lose this feeling of closeness to God.

As I kept listening to Christian music, the secular songs that I once enjoyed all started to lose their ability to produce euphoric feelings in me, instead they started producing feelings of guilt and fear. I still had all my mp3s on my Helio, and one day I was working out, I listened to a few metal songs that I've always loved, but as I was listening, I paid more attention to the words, and the songs started to make me feel uncomfortable. Soon after, I started feeling the same way about all secular Rock music and any music with foul language. Eventually, I started feeling that way from listening to Dance and Electronica too. Since it didn't give me pleasure anymore, I just quit listening to it. Listening to it also constantly reminded me of how I lost my best friends and how they all moved on without me. One by one the mp3s on my Helio were diminishing, I kept pressing delete on nearly every song that was on there except for a few instrumental Smooth Jazz and instrumental Chill/Deep House songs, and I started loading on more and more Christian songs. Secular music had become a thing of my past. It seemed like I was supposed to cast off the old ways and follow Jesus with my life.

I made a deal with my parents where I would get 6 inches of my hair cut off, in exchange they'd take me to Phoenix again so I could listen to Energy 92.7 & 101.1. When I got there, Energy didn't sound as good anymore. I went to a hair stylist in Scottsdale, my haircut looked absolutely terrible, they cut 10 inches off instead of 6 and it was too short. Instead of waiting a few months for it to grow back, I went to the Barber Shop over on Avenue L and I got a Zero Fade (which basically means 1 inch on top and shaved on the sides and back). It was a very painful thing to lose my long hair; to this day I still miss having long hair.

Ben reconciled with his grandparents and moved back from Florida. He called me up wanting to hang out, so I said sure. He came over, but the person that he came to hang out with wasn't the same person that he left behind when he moved to Florida. Malice suddenly started showing up at my house again, and he tried to get me to go to Raves with him but I politely declined, instead I brought both of them with me to the Vineyard. When they asked what happened to me, I didn't know what else to say other than "I was born again". Neither one of them understood what exactly took place with me; all they understood was that the person they had come to know and love was gone.

I would never be comfortable living a worldly lifestyle again, because I know that God has plans for me, I have seen a small glimpse of what's to come, and randomly getting laid at a party isn't apart of that plan. Everything that I've given up for Jesus has never felt like loss, because I know that Jesus loves me and by giving these things up, Jesus isn't trying to take away from me, he is trying to add to me exponentially.

Yes, I got a haircut. I had been growing it out for about a year and a half, and it was getting unmanagable. I went to Phoenix over the weekend and got 6 inches taken off, it was still shoulder length but it looked like crap so I went over to The Baraber Shop by Blockbuster and got a 0 Fade.

I walked into The Barber Shop, grabbed a ticket from the thing and waited...

Finally they called number 26, and I went and sat in the chair and she asked me "How do you want your hair cut? An inch or two off the ends?", and I said "0 Fade" and she was ecstatic. She gave me a bowl haircut...but then she removed it. There was a man in there taking pictures of me while I was getting my haircut, and he MMS'd me the pictures but strangely I haven't gotten them yet.

Anyways, yes, my hair is quite short now...

I had good friends, a radio station, great times at a great school...I had it all, then one day an event happened that SMASHED IT ALL FOR ME! My dad caught wind of 3 guys who were supposedly plotting to kill me, gave their names to the VP, made me turn in the IMs I had been receiving, made me give my friend's name whom I had promised not to get involved and after she told me on it, my parents forbid me from inviting her or her boyfriend over ever again, and from ever talking to them again too...

I go on independent study, separated from all my friends so that I could be safe from those who were supposedly trying to kill me. When I think I'm gonna go crazy, one of them walks by and said "Ken.....chill out, its cool". That got me thinking that my dad had over reacted.

Thinking back even further, I realize that this whole thing getting started was my fault to begin with. I damaged somebody's belongings that weren't mine, they retaliated....making us even, then overreacting I retaliated back again...and again....and again.....then I started getting IM threats/harassment, after talking about it with a teacher (who was also a friend of my family) she forced me to go to the VP and tell them who they were and what they "planned" to do....yeah, big mistake, it made the situation even worse....I probably could have backed out but foolish me, I didn't.

I didn't ever want it to get this far out of hand, but it did. I packed in the radio station after all my staff either got banned from my house or left for other reasons. Then my best friend brought me along to go to the mall, later they said they were going to see pirates of the Caribbean (I absolutely hate fantasy movies), so I went off alone, met up with Ma Baker, bought some shoes, and went home.

Ma Baker got pissed at him for not only the movie, but for criticizing her cooking (a quesadilla) cause he said something like "too cheesy, too greasy, ugh, its the grossest lunch I ever had, I can feel myself getting fat" (which is pretty messed up when you're a guest at somebody's house), as well as him picking on me for being too "physically inactive" or "eating too much"...well thats my business, and not his.....my best friend got banned from my house too. Him and I had a talk a while back, and I promised to treat him better than I had been, I kept my end of the bargain but he started treating me badly and it got worse as time went on, and now I don't even know if he wants to be my friend anymore....I guess I had it coming.

Well, slowly but surely I'm losing all my friends. It really hurts because it seems like it was yesterday that my friends and I were planning to go up to Enumclaw, Washington for KENU/Pulse 1330, now those plans are gone, and it looks like I'm going alone.

I had pretty much all that I really wanted, but its over now....I'm not even me anymore....and in the end its my fault and I have myself to blame for it. Around this time last year was probably the best time I ever had in my life....I miss those days, and I'd do anything to feel that way again.

I got accepted to Quartz Hill High for Senior Year...but it looks like...wow, I think I was much better off at Paraclete, I never should have left. LnHS really didn't work out for me...all I've gotten is a few credits and a lot of heartache.

A little over a year ago, in December 2005 I made a decision that went against my instincts. After the steadily increasing stress of Paraclete High School, I made a very difficult choice. I had always dreamed of graduating high school from the same school that I started with, staying there the entire time...obviously, that wasn't meant to be as I withdrew from Paraclete and gave up all the good stuff I had going for me. I remember sitting in Ms. Wild's Biology class at Paraclete, thinking about Lancaster High, and as I did, a house tune similar to an Alex Gold song kept repeating in my head "LnHS, it's a dream away, just a dream away. LnHS, will you find a way? will you find a way?". As I was about to leave the campus for the day, on my last Thursday there, Mr. Corsaro (my counselor) said "Hey, I heard from Mr. Anson that you're going to be moving over to Lancaster. Well, I wish you the best of luck, and keep in touch, okay?". My last day there, on that Friday afternoon, as soon as I pulled away from Paraclete High School for the last time, I cried, thinking that I had made a mistake.

In January 2006, I went and enrolled at the beautiful Lancaster High School. I saw Eagle Vision for the first time on Day 2, and I instantly fell in love, (well, the next school year I ended up being an editor and anchor). After being at Lancaster for 2 months, I finally found a group where I felt I fit in. Later, I found out that those so-called friends weren't really friends at all, and that I had just been used. I ran into an old...well, acquaintence, from my Junior High...we later became friends, she and her boyfriend welcomed me into their group where I felt I truely was appreciated. That last couple of months before the end of my sophomore year, I think was the best time I ever had in high school...up until, the IM harassment and threats started from the group that "used" me, which eventually led up to me being forcably escorted to the VP to tell my story.

This proved to be a big mistake, as none of this would have happened if I hadn't visited the VP. Toward the last part of my Junior year in high school, one of my best friends told me that this group, whom I had reported to the VP, was out to kill me. My dad freaked out, and immediately drove home from Canoga Park and spoke to the VP, then to my counselor (who then proceded to put me on independent study). My close friends started turning against me, and I began fearing each day I had to be in school. Until finally, they came after me. I ran and hid in the independent study room til the break was over. Then came the prank calls, the visit with Mrs. Krietz, and the dreaded "I hate you" from the onces I once called my friends. Now, I can honestly say I only know a handful people that don't hate me out of all the people that were once my friends.

I recieved a letter in the mail, saying that I have been approved to get into Quartz Hill High School. I will admit that I once had some good times at Lancaster High, too bad it was short lived, but would I have had a better time if I had stayed at Paraclete?

I have less than 4 weeks left at this dreaded place before I move on to better things. I came to Lancaster High from a private school, after never having been in a public school before in my life. Well, now that I have had experience with one public school, I hope that this experience will help me survive at the next.

I am so sorry to everybody I have hurt during my time at Lancaster. I also apologize for anyone I hurt with this blog. I want to move on with my life and leave this heap of pain and misery behind me. I don't understand how high school can be the best years of my life, all i've gotten is pain. What the heck did I do to deserve this?

The only thing I will miss about Lancaster High is working on Eagle Vision. Though most people in the class take it for granted, getting the opportunity to be able to edit and anchor meant the world to me, and I loved every minute of it. Mr. Mayton totally made my year when he said that he wanted me to work on Eagle Vision. Even though I really want to do it again next year, I can't spend another year living in fear or being on terrible independent study.

I know that God answered my prayers by allowing my application to be approved, I honestly deep down had the feeling that it wouldn't go through, but God always seems to help me out in my time of need. I also pray that my final year in high school will be better than the last 3. Now, I will get up tomorrow, go to my A Block, then the next day go to F Block, repeat that pattern, then turn in my packets and take the tests on Thursdays. I will press on each day, in anticipation of what lays ahead for me.

SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT THAT EVERYBODY NEEDS TO KNOW!



...just thought u should know that