My car has been in the shop so I've been renting. I was suposed to pick it up friday....but it got late and I recheduled to pick it up Sat morning....well the shop closed early without calling me and they're closed on sundays. My computer caught some kind of virus and wont start up...so I can't get to a really important peice I wrote for a book I'm working on. I wouldnt know how to begin to re-write it.

SO....no car, no phone, no computer....I'd seem pretty fucked if I didn't know better. Fortunately I DO know better and this is nothing. It's telling me someting...and I'm listening very carfully for my instructions in all of this. So instead of being pissed, I'm actually excited. This is just to prepare me to truly appreciated the joy that's coming...without this experience I would probably take it for granted.

....love of one's self that is. What is love? True love? I don't think anyone has ever been able to come with a definition that you can pick up and truly examine. Maybe this is because love is an emotion and probably should stay as an emotion instead of being explained using logic. True love is an undying bond that cannot be supressed....does not evaporate and cannot be contained.

My take on it is that "falling" in love is not love. Love is a conscious decision to care for someone as you would yourself.....not less than you would yourself. To me, falling out of love implies you were never TRULY IN love.

Our eyes, ears and hearts are at constant odds. Though it is possible for our eyes and our ears to agree with one another....the heart is quick to disagree with both of them. Love allows the heart to take over....makes us vulnerable to inner pain. This vulnerability is a way of saying "I trust you with my heart to do as you wish". Kind of scary isn't it?...especially when one person's heart is wide open and the other is still protecting themself from harm while hurting the one who loves them.

Love is NOT blind...on the contrary...it sees only what it WANTS to see...and ignores that which doesn't fit into it's intended reality. Loving yourself is good practice for loving someone else...but when we fail to step outside of ourselves....we may say we "love"....and this maybe true,...but the love is more for ourselves than the one worthy of our love.

Learn to love

Energy cannot be created or destroyed....only passed from one host to another. This goes for positive energy as well as negative. If someone with a negative charge cuts you off on the freeway and you react to this....well you have now become the new host of negativity....while your alleged offender has released it an now feels accomplished in doing so. (hence the passing from one to another)

When faced with negative energy it's important to remember that you don't have to accept it. You can allow it to stay with it's current host. This usually results in the host either finding another outlet for it's negativity or retaining it which inturn can potentially consume an individual.

Don't let it happen. You are not weak or soft for avoiding bad energy. Anyone who believes this is most likely a current host.

More love

Ok,..so I'm on this extra health kick I guess. But at 8am when I need to be pickin cotton at the plantation, I'm tired than a mug!....so what I do...I try to avoid the coffey, and fuck with some tea right?...green tea. The fresh shit in the foile-like bag ya heard?....from china....got the chineese writting on it and ALL that shit.

So I'm thinkin to myself,.."self,..tea is better than coffey for you...so drink tea instead" right?...man!...howcome none of the chineese homies told me that green tea got MAD,..(no,..west coast) HELLA CAFFINE in it mayun!!!??

Here it is 829pm. Why am I still grnashing my teeth??

Knowhutumsayin?...all I can say is,..if you like hot green tea, go easy on the shit in the foil-like bag wit the chineese writing on it man...on dawgs.