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BlackBird



Last Updated: 11/24/2009

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Status: Single
City: Brooklyn
State: New York
Country: US
Signup Date: 7/12/2005

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Thursday, November 19, 2009 
3:07 AM 
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Tuesday, June 16, 2009 
And I had already lost the race
At the point when the POP went off,
And the contractions started,
I was already doomed to this,
To become less than I could be,
Not standing a chance.
I feel like I just started over
And hit reset at 23, and god knows I should be there by now,
I mean I had every reason to become something great
And yet I’m late, as early as I was.
While you poets and singers are talking bullshit,
I’m talking 13 years in this game,
Too many times at the cusp of fame,
Stories I dare not tell,
Cuz they only remind me of how fucked up life is.
And sometime I wish the mission was aborted,
And the battle never had to be fought,
And you would have used thought,
Before I happened…
And how do you think I feel being thrown out of a situation I never asked for.
It wasn’t my idea,
But I was your burden,
And so I lost the race before it started.
And oh the potential was so potent you could pop it with a pen in the air.
And to be honest I just want to die,
Die so I no longer have to try,
And no longer have to hide,
From what I could do,
And the one thing I have no control over,
For neither do you
My sad sad destiny
5:00 AM 
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Thursday, April 23, 2009 

Mind... Stay... Open...Dead
Mind... Stay.... Open..Dead.....

Stop....
React....
Be....
Quiet....
To just do without thought.
Impulse,
Neuron,
Nuclear Reactor,
Human Contractor
Emotional Distractor,
Painbody satisfactor,
Unattained laughter.
How about you let yourself go and find the joy or the pain that may come.

Timid,
Creature,
Second thinker,
Moment jinxer,
Love loser,
Friend chaser,
Trail blazer,
Lonely Racer,
Colliding with should and should not,
Life as a have or have not,
Being a wrong or right,
And how about being.

Much as fruit hanging from the stem of a tree.
Or ants that form colonies,
Or sand below the sea,
Organisms on your seat.

If i didnt have thought,

Stop....
React....
Be....
Quiet....
To just do without thought....
Thoughtless...

I use no remedy,
Lose no energy,
Only momentary,
His place in history.
A sparkle of gold dust on the mural of life.
When its done, it happened.
Still deciding what to do,

Confused,
Reused,
Recycled,
Redone,
Returned to being lonely
Give love a chance.....
Second guessing,
Double stepping,
Covering my tracks,
Recovering my tracks

5:25 AM 
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Saturday, April 18, 2009 
Its me,
Touching You again,
Holding it in my hand
And I can feel the energy from my fore-arm to the stencil as you release...

The pain, the joy, the love, the wrath. Whatever i choose to let go.
With no insecurities, and without limitation.

How dare we be so brave to do it infornt of mankind.
Men, Women, Children, and Dogs alike, like I give a damn.
I get it popping whenever, whereever.
Just us,
Just cause we can.

Cradled some place between sun set and water, and earth.
Oh earth as we all become one grasped deep within the pulse of this moment.
I love how you let me do whatever i feel.
And baby I'm hitting it.
AND KEEPING IT RAW,
NO PROTECTION, NO BOUNDS.
I AM LETTING MY THING GO.

Current currently running up my backside, sending chills up my spine.
And oh how you handle me,
And GOD how do I have grip.
I know this shit is tight.

I'll be your bust it baby,
you get in my soul, in my gut, like no other.
Yeah baby,
You and me,
Outwardly,
POETRY.....
10:54 PM 
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Friday, April 17, 2009 
Twisted Dementions..
You're all I need...
Bagged up Emotions,
Words just escape me...
Letting this moment,
Digest me...
I come out unspoken,
Silently
Eyes catch,
I'm open to what words cant speak.
(Words i dare not say)
Inside the oceans
All the rivers of blasphemy
I crossed the hudson,
For feelings that were less than temporary
Would it have killed you just to hold me for one second baby...
After we were done.
Would you leave me if i told you that i liked it just a little baby...
After we were done.
Or would you chew me up and spit me out into the morning son
After we were done.
We were done.
I tried to hold it,
(My dignity)
You saw an object,
For conquering
Played like you meant it,
honesty
Persistant,
Demented,
Oh how i wish you really really meant it.

Would it have killed you just to hold me for one second baby...
After we were done.
Would you leave me if i told you that i liked it just a little baby...
After we were done.
Or would you chew me up and spit me out into the morning son
After we were done.
We were done.
Oh and how can i blame you,
When I did this to me,
I had the choice to leave,
But you, and me, and we, and I, and God, and bed, and sleep, and car, and right, and wrong, and safety....
(Heart listen to soul, soul listen to heart, mind stop talking once, brain cause the reaction, to fight against this action)
(Heart listen to soul, soul listen to heart, mind stop talking once, brain cause the reaction, to fight against this action)
(Heart listen to soul, soul listen to heart, mind stop talking once, brain cause the reaction, to fight against this action)
4:15 AM 
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Wednesday, April 15, 2009 
Dark cold nights,
Love sleeps and breaths in my Ear.
Nest to you.......
Rain Drops on window seals,
Wind blows kisses in through my white curtains.
And rain drips on my body.
Beds too close to the window
And i am too tired to move so i
i...... slide deeper into you.
Moving into you for protection from small cold drops that touch my back,
And you... you blanket me with those arms.
Those arms that seem to hold me oh so right when i need it.
And god knows i want it,
But i am too afraid to rush,
And feel and touch and let loose only because i wasnt raised that way,
And god i wish i was.
I wish i was daring enough to make that first move.
To be man enough, to be brave enough, 
Savage even, to dominate like so many antediluvian anthropoids.
Wish i would dare,
And i wish i didnt know that i would regret it if i didnt,
and that i'll live with what i didnt do,
but if i could.
And if you could open me up with that grip that you have on my heart,
and let the rain moisten my soul...
But these are just wishes.
And i wish you would.
I wish i could,
And i wish i wouldnt,
And i wish i didnt have regrets and could forget....
truth be told i could have anybody here but you fit the mold.
The one i should have broken years ago, but hold on to.
One would think that i would learn that those old methods dont work,
But until i define what it means to loosen up for myself,
i'll probably be here by myself covered in my blue blanket and grey bed sheets waiting.... waiting.... waiting....
But baby its 1:30 and the cd is over... so its time for bed...
Hope i see you in the morning
5:38 AM 
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Saturday, April 11, 2009 
If i could cry and say something
It would sound like thunder beating my mother
If i could cry
If I could cry
If I could cry and say something
Maybe it would be "baby i am sorry for the fighting, the lying to get you here to fight you, the trying to kill you, the fighting your ex who never hated me, the destroying your things and memories
If I could cry
If I could cry
If I could
If i could
I would say sorry to all my fans i have deserted,
to the voice i neglect
to the friends i dont make,
to the love i dare not stare into the eyes of at the train platform.
If I could cry
If I could cry
If i could
if i could
I would say sorry that i am so sorry that i cant let you in,
that i knew you for all 22 and a 1/2 years of my life,
that we never were friends,
that you found out this way,
that i didnt tell you when i was ready,
that i didnt have the opportunity to tell you when i was ready,
that i never came out,
that i wasnt strong enough to come out to represent the scared boys of brooklyn,
 
If i could cry
If i could cry,
If i could
if i could say,
Sorry that i didnt whoop your ass for callin me " fag"
that i didnt let you beat my ass
that i didnt get stabbed,
that i didnt wind up on the news,
that i didnt commit suicide
that i didnt hide,
that i didnt run,
that i didnt cry
that i didnt lie
that  i didnt hide
that i didnt bend to make life easy for you WHEN YOU BROUGHT ME HERE
that i didnt meet my father
that i didnt go crazy,
that ididnt NOT not research pschizophrenia
that i did not die a fetus
that i exist
that i aint afraid
that i am so much better
that i need a man
that i want love
If i could cry and say something,
It would say ... it would say... it would say
Sorry it took me 4 years to sit and write something new
Sorry it took so long for me to come back
That i held it inside,
that i didnt share it,
that i never fealt it
That it took this long to find my music.
Sorry babys ;..... sorry to my fans... sorry to my friends
Sorry Sorry Sorry.
Sorry that you became my best friend and then deserted me
Sorry that I was around too much
Sorry that i was always availabe..
      Maybe i would have acted like i wasnt near my phone a bit more
Sorry I loved you more than me
Sorry i gave my advise for free
Sorry i gave away good ideas
Sorry i spoke to you sorry ass artist
Sorry Sorry
If i could cry sorry,
If i could cry..
If i coul
If i could...
Sorry i didnt punch you in ya face infront of ya mother
Sorry i let you grab my neck
Sorry i let you kick me in the head during that dance move
Sorry i was so loyal
Sorry i didnt stab you in the back
Sorry i was a professional
Sorry i didnt sing loud enoug.
Sorryy

If i could cry sorry,
If i could cry..
If i coul
If i could...

Sorry I fucked up on rent after paying ahead of time for 2 and ½ years

Sorry I got in this situation

Sorry It got me this apartment

Sorry I didn’t have time to look other places

Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry for being me…

And even more sorry if you don’t like it…. lol

 
 

1:29 AM 
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Saturday, January 12, 2008 

yo so i am sitting in my apartment just listend to lauryn hill, and i am thinking how much her music once inspired my life, my voice, and my state of being. i just watched the youtube interview she did in germany, and in it she mentioned something vague about releasing an album, and about how the fugees served its purpose for its era, and it made me think of Hallim Sulliman...

    Back in the day i was "the one to beat" in high school for Debate/ Forensics (public speaking)... and for a full year i didn't do it because i fealt like it was genuine, or that my heart wasn't in it.

looking back i realize that sometime it doesnt matter if you're feeling it... but that you need to do it because someone in this world needs to hear it and needs to see it and needs to feel it, and to sum it up.... if you ever feel like i dont want to do it because, at the moment, its not genuine...  YOU'RE BEING SELFISH. and Hallim Sulliman taught me that when artist hold back and dont release what they were given that they are depriving the world of themselves. people go all out this year and dont stop until you drop.

this past six months i have worked like a dog... if it wasnt a show it was bartendind, it was working at the pharmacy, it was trying to find time to write a new song.... alot of my friends say i move too much, that i need to stay still, but i love waking up in the morning and thinking of all that i have to get done and accomplish in my life. it really drives me to stay focused and move forward. I cant stop.... I'M ADDICTED TO HARD WORK....  and if nothing in my life gets to the top,,,, if i never get to the top.... i will always be thankful for the fact that i tried.... thats all that matters is that you give your best and your all... 100 and 10,000 percent every time...

I live by these two quotes
" WORK HARD AND PLAY HARD"
"I'LL REST WHEN I'M DEAD"

life was made to be celebrated.. dont waiste time.... get moving.... and most importantly

NEVER FORGET WHO YOU ARE

9:36 PM 
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Saturday, January 12, 2008 

Current mood:  peaceful
Category: Music
12:49 AM 
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Monday, June 11, 2007 
So as most of you know i organized, booked, promoted, and everything else-ed s string of shows in late April and early May. I  dedicated my night and my day to these shows for a span of about two and a half months straight. I.E. Very little sleep.

The amazing thing is when the last show wrapped, i began to sleep... for days on end.... And about a week after i got really sick. I was suffering from exhaustion. So the first thing to hit me when I came through was  " you need a break" and i realized that for the past three plus, music and "making it" has been my only focus.

With my twenty first birthday approaching July 4, 2007, I believe it is of importance to build something substantial for myself, so that five six years down the road i am not a tumble weed in the field. SO MY FOCUS RIGHT NOW IS ON ME!!!!

I know it sounds a bit selfish, but i have been giving and selling myself for a minute, and have met and worked with some phenominal artist along the way(QueenGodIs, Baron, Itsreallight, Devin The Poet,Purple-Haze, Santogold, James Spooner, etc... and the list goes on).

So after July 4 week passes, i will resume with doing shows, and recording. But not at such a gun ho pace. I am taking my time. The next set that i intend to do is late August around the 28. Until then stay tuned to my page for small sets that i will be rocking....


Peace and Love..
BlackBird
2:00 PM 
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