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read or die
chris shh*lick*ting



Last Updated: 11/22/2009

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Status: Married
Country: US
Signup Date: 7/12/2005

Blog Archive
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Wednesday, August 19, 2009 
Wednesday, July 15, 2009 
Saturday, June 27, 2009 
Tuesday, June 16, 2009 
Tuesday, June 16, 2009 
Tuesday, June 16, 2009 
Monday, May 25, 2009 
now that the weather is nicer, i have noticed a lot of people at parks or parking lots showing off their cool looking cars or motorcycles.  


what is the rule for being involved in these crowds?  do you have to know the people there, does your ride have to have some sort of neon flame on the side, or do you have to have a hot chick on the back of the motorcycle?  well i figure they don't own the park or the parking lot, so i'm just as entitled to be involved, so today i found one of those gatherings, pulled on in, and parked right next to a really tough looking mustang.  i got out all smooth,  popped my hood and then leaned on the side of my ford tempo with my arms crossed.


there was a lot a mixed emotions from the others.  some laughed , but most were just pissed because they thought i was mocking them or something.


they came over with their blades and their chains ready to teach me some manners, but that's when i pressed the magic button on my keychain.  


all they heard was a loud "now hold up cats and kittens."  

and they all stopped in their tracks because no one knew who said that.  their apparent leader (the one with the brightest leather jacket and spikiest hair) demanded to know who said that.

he meant business and knew that i was in on it, so he approached me with his sword.  i remained calm, which angered him.  he said that  i had till three to tell him who said that.


"1, 2....."  his sword moved to my neck before he was interrupted.


"now i wouldn't do that if i were you bobalou."


he turned and is shocked to find out that my tempo was the one who's talking.  the hood was moving up in down like a mouth.  my car continued, "we don't want no guff, we just came to hang ear muff."  


my tempo then went in to an upbeat song  about everyone belonging and everyone being cool in their own way.  by the second verse everyone is dancing in a choreographed way and eventually even the leader of the gang begins to sing, which is like a big deal because he has always been such a jerk.  he sang, 


"i now see the error in my ways,

i accept everyone including the gays.

no more being mean or bossing others

from here on out we listen to our muthers."


they finish the song with a held note and a happy pose and everyone claps and applauds. 

 then my tempo eats the leader and the other members.  some get away, but for the most part my car devours the majority of the gang.  there was blood, and chunks of flesh with crappy tattoos everywhere.  apparently my tempo felt that the message wasn't fully driven home. 

excuse the pun and this blog.







Friday, January 23, 2009 
Did you know that a cockroach can live
for weeks without its head.  But let's be honest, anytime you don't
have a head and still go on living it can't be much of a life. 

I thought of three reasons why I would just want to die if my head ever fell off......

1.  I can't kiss girls anymore (although I suppose I could still neck).

2.  Hats would make me cry, and the worse part is no one would know because necks don't produce tears. 

3.  And lastly,
When street fighting, I couldn't use my signature rapid headbutts.  Only rapid neckstubbbutts, which make the fights incredibly more awkward.








Thursday, January 15, 2009 
Sometimes when I'm bored I fill out job applications, even though I'm not currently looking for work.  As a goof, I always like to  put down "grave robber" for previous employment.  I even put down a fictional "Grave Robber Manager" named Blood Eye Watson for my reference. 

It's all fun and it makes me giggle.  However, this joke sorta back fired because last week Long John Silvers called and they want to set up an interview. 

I'm hoping they just didn't notice my prank because if not, I'm gonna really start to wonder what a hush puppie is......lol.

wait a second, hush puppie.  HUSH puppie, like HUSH keep this quiet.  Yeah, but keep what quiet.....a puppie?  no that doesn't make any sense.  puppie. ..pup-pie...puuuuup-pieee....puppie. OH MY GOD!  PUPPIE SOUNDS LIKE PEOPLE!  THE HUSH PUPPIES ARE PEOPLE!  THEY'RE MADE OF PEOPLE!

THE HUSH PUPPIES ARE PEOPLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!



Wednesday, January 07, 2009 
i'm very afraid of spiders, unless of course they're dead. In that case, i'm pretty brave around them, but their death must be confirmed. i don't want to be all cocky thinking i'm teasing a supposed dead spider when in fact it's just a sleeping spider, as was the case a couple months ago at my friend todd's house. i screamed like a girl when the creepy/drowsy spider yawed. And now todd won't stop teasing me about it.

The teasing is almost as bad as the first time i allegedly got drunk at todd's house after just one zima. For the record i hadn't ate anything all day and i wasn't so much drunk, as i was just coincidentally emotional about a break-up i had with a girl i dated in the 7th grade. And I simply wanted to look her number up in the phone book and see how she's been.
Is it a crime to care?
i'm sorry for having feelings todd!
I'm sorry for being human todd!

todd's lack of support was making me feel embarrased and i knew that i would eventually cry, thus that is why i had the lamp shade on my head.
it was to hide the tears todd, not because i was drunk....
the lamp shade hat was to hide the tears!