okay maybe not completely done... but majority of my blogging will be done here:

www.allibautista.tumblr.com

kbye.

<3alli

ok my brain is feeling a little jumpy right now so excuse me if you cant follow my sporadic train of thought

why do we dedicate days to certain events? like easter? the day that jesus supposedly rose from the dead and ascended into heaven? what?  how does someone die and then come back to life and then how did he ascend into heaven? like, physically? you mean to tell me he FLEW up into the clouds into heaven? does that make heaven a physical place? and how did a bunny get into the mix? and why the hell does he hide EGGS if he’s a mammal? WHO MAKES UP THIS CRAP?!!?!?

they need to start dedicating days to more relevant things.... like INTROSPECTION DAY! look back on your life and the events that took place and the choices you made and reflect on them! yaayyy!!! lol.. that would make much more sense to me.

so. i went out last night.... sophinie ended up sleeping over because i guess she drank too much? for some reason i couldnt sleep after 830, and wound up reading through all my old journals... skimming i should say. i literally spent about 3 hours sitting up in bed reading and rereading some old entries... some that go as far back as 2004... it was very interesting to see how my thought processes evolved over the years.... and thats only over the past four years!!! i wonder what my thinking will be like when i’m 30! or even 50! if i make it that far.

anyway... a lot of my journal entries had to do with my relationship with ben. haha, so many good and bad times. jesus. i wonder how he is.... i hope he’s doing well, i really do miss him being in my life... oh well, maybe one day when we’re all grown up. haha :)

anyway, it set my mind in motion... as far as how and why i am where i am... i know everything happens for a reason but for me, its still hard to let go of the past... i’m slowly getting better at turning my attention to the present and future. i forget sometimes though that i’m only 21 and have so much left to learn. i get frustrated because i make mistakes that i feel like i should have known how to avoid.. oh well. we all eff up sometimes i guess.

on another note, i seriously freakin’ love my life. i have such a warm loving family and they’re so weird and lovely in their own special way... my friends are awesome, they’re silly and smart and amazingly supportive. i have good people in my life! i’m so lucky!

i’m hungry. maybe i’ll blog more later. :) bye!

<3alli

if reality is perception, then.... as our experiences in life have forced and shaped us to be different people (in that we all perceive the world around us differently), could we potentially be living in different "worlds" (so to speak... apart from some, connected to others)? and that the one common thread that connects us all, is what---outside our own personal perceptions, and biases on relevant events---is REALLY happening... once we realize this, and can deeply and passionately empathize with anyone and anything.. perhaps we can finally understand our place, and the role we play in the real world around us.

...does that even make sense? what do you think...

because that means that we have to start taking responsibility for our lives, and that takes work....

..........north american union? have you ever even heard of that? look it up. google it. whatever.... or you can watch this:

http://zeitgeistmovie.com/

two hours long. but i swear to you its worth it......

my blogs and journals are really..... uhmm... one dimensional. and i realize this.. but my blogs and journals are kind of... dumping ground for my thoughts... its kind of my mental junkyard. i just pour it all out and dont really care how it ends up... now, my conversations (with the right people) now, thats where the gold is... sometimes i wish i could record the conversations... or i wish i could document it somehow... but when i put my pen to paper, or my fingers to keyboard... i dunno... it just... doesnt come out the way i want it to.... im still trying to find the right way to express myself i guess.

one day......

good. shit. must. share.


Almost

Officially Missing You

Can't Get Enough

Me

My Last First Kiss



you're welcome! :)

an equal amount of positive and negative movement balances out so that as a whole, there is really no movement at all...

i am a lovely, young woman... deserving of respect and love. what i dont understand is why people think that this attitude is conceited in any way.. why is it frowned upon to value ourselves?

goodness isn't pointing at people and telling them what you think is right or wrong... because who are we to judge? goodness is making changes within yourself to live your life as if setting an example to everyone around you how one should be. its helping someone else improve. and showing other people how to love. its confessing to our own imperfections without feeling embarassed. which is why i think its so important that we master these things early on in life, before we become too comfortable in our ways.

i'm gradually learning how to handle life... learning how to recognize things i like or dislike about things around me, and adjusting myself internally to create externally the world i want to live in. we are the masters of our own universe, afterall.

the fact of the matter is, we are all in the same mess. so why be ashamed of a mistake made, when everyone else has probably made that same exact mistake before? why put up this front of being a perfect person? of course i am not perfect, but my heart is in the right place...

and i could sit here and complain about how people dont see that, and treat me like shit... the truth is half the time people aren't trying to hurt you, they're just trying to do what they think they need to do to make themselves happy.... what's that saying? people wouldnt worry so much about how people see them if they realized how little they even look. i think life is mostly about attitude anway. its about how you handle things thrown in your direction.. like change.

why fight it? changes are merciless... they force their way through your life like a hurricane and toss the pieces of the puzzle back up in the air and scatters them on the floor again for you to put together... when it first happens, putting your life back together is frantic, frustrating, and damn right maddening.. but for those who don't give up, as time goes by, they find that it starts getting easier to piece their life back together after each inevitable storm rolls through.... or how to "roll with the punches" so to speak, for a little damage control...

the reality is, that i cannot control how people treat me or the situations life plops me into... i can however, control how i react. so that's the part im working on the most right now. i mostly know what i am... i think im still discovering new things about myself, and will probably continue to do so through the last days of my life, but i do know without a doubt, what i am not. and frankly, i think that's a damn good start.

....as complex as life is, i get the feeling the answer to all our questions is a lot more simple than we think.

*sigh... here's to late night philosophical ramblings. i should be sleeping.

<3alli

man, i love justin. lol. still!

<3alli

this week just keeps 'em comin!

monday--i went to a basketball game with my sister may and her kids and then went to rocky's in PB to get burgers :) mmmm!

tuesday--i went downtown to Ra Sushi for che's 21st birthday dinner! we had a great time and that feeling carried over to confidential where we danced to incredibly loud house music. ouch. my ears.

wednesday--i went to la jolla to the Melting Pot fondue place for yvonne's 21st birthday! :] it was also extremely enjoyable.. good food, great company.. what else could we ask for? then we went downtown to the house of blues for some dancing... lol

and!

i do have a good story from house of blues... i had just walked in and rosanne and i headed straight for the bathroom. so we're weaving through the crowd when some guy walking in the opposite direction made the mistake of grabbing my ass! (ooh heeelllllll no!) so i turned around and pushed him at first, and when he didnt turn around to look at me i knew he was the guy who did it so i followed him and swung at his head.. hit it successfully, threw a couple words of angst at him and turned back around to walk to the bathroom with rosanne again. a word of advice to all you boys out there: dont touch me unless i give you permission.

lol.

all in all, still a very good night. i had lots of fun and ate well. tonight im going to eat well too! since DTA (dave abella, the executive chef from roy's) will be cooking my family's thanksgiving dinner--YAHOO!!!! i am sooo stoked. SO stoked. because if you know me at all, you know that 1. i love to eat and 2. roy's is one of my all time favorite restaurants in san diego! :]

YAY!

<3alli

was a really good night. :]

1. worky work.
2. home to get ready
3. ra sushi: for che :]
4. confidential! woo!
5. mexican "food" lol

life be good---arrrgh. its so effing late. i really should be sleeping because im going out tomorrow night TOO. aaand. i work all day too-too! yikes. what the eff am i doing up? im delirious as it is.

note: my ears hurt. stupid loud trance music. even concerts havent deafened me like that. confidential was fun tonight though.. that tiny place sure can be entertaining sometimes :]

wait! HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHE! my longtime friend and one of the most fun people to be around. you're finally 21! AAAAANNNNDDDDD! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOPHINIE! my also-longtime-friend and the one person that knows probably a little too much about me--you are 21! AGAIN! yaaay! back to confi we gooo! lolll.. AND and--HAPPY BIRTHDAY YVONNE! who holy-crap. i've known way longer than i am willing to remember. lol. happy birthday also!

im excited to see them all tomorrow night---err tonight, technically.

*shakes head... that's enough. im tired.

gnight!

<3alli