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Mouldie

James Moulton


Last Updated: 12/21/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 20
Sign: Aries

City: Hillsboro, Plymouth
State: New Hampshire
Country: US
Signup Date: 7/17/2005

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December 9, 2009 - Wednesday 

Current mood:  aroused
Category: Romance and Relationships
Okay so I have to rant about how my really great sex life turned into, well, I think she turned into an old woman and I'm like a teenager who still first discovered how both the pieces fit. Why is it when a relationship is new that you have sex more times than you have actually hung out with that person, and those days the sex is amazing it feels so spontaneous and it doesn't matter where or when or who is around you just go for it. Somewhere along the line it slows down. Why the hell is that, I mean shit one day no lie had sex 3 times and it amassed to 6 hours total. Last time it... well to be honest I can't really remember the last time. Okay back track, did I just say, yes I did mother fucker I don't remember the last time. The next thing that really annoyes me is how it always has to be when the girl wants it, never when the guy wants it. When the girl wants it turning him on is okay but god forbid a man trys the samething with out her getting pissed. I mean for fuck sake for a guy to hopefully get a little nookie at the end of the night you need to make dinner get a lovey dovey movie get flowers, by the end of it I mean shit why bother does she ever put that much effort into making the evening for you two special. The correct answer to that is NO! If she wants it she pulls down your pants gives you half a brush by and then there you go and shes the one expecting you go down on her. I shit you've locked that thing up for over a month and now all of a sudden I have to give you pleasure, you're lucky I don't grab your face and make you try to fight for air, but we don't well most of us don't. Know what sucks the most, being the romantic lover because if I was an asshole I'd get it whenever I want it. Instead it has to get peciled in and hopefully nothing goes wrong on that day or else you won't see any action for another two weeks. Well that''s all I have to rant about right now. Look for more of my exciting segments on how great sex lives go bad.
November 8, 2009 - Sunday 

Current mood:At my end
Category: Life
In the nights embrace, sadness cloaks my eyes
I stare into the cold empty space up above
From deep within I hear a cry
Forming with my voice, a wish to die
Lost is my past,
Shrouded in haze
No future I have
In this hollow shrine
Have my deeds
Caused our downfall
From Gods grace
Into this Gehenna
My birth,
Worlds demise?
All I've lost
Everything is gone now
Damned I stand
Alone until the end
My God
Forgive me!
Blinded by my tears I retire into a shell
Close my eyes to the truth,
I curse the day I was born
Lost is my past,
Shrouded in haze
No future I have
In this hollow shrine
Currently listening:
Silent Ruins
By Isole
Release date: 2009-03-03
May 27, 2009 - Wednesday 

Current mood:  okay


During this time the world is silent. How many people wake up just the way that I do each day? Most don’t have a clue, they have no idea that some people awake when they are finally going to sleep after a night of partying. I start my days at three o’clock in the morning. It’s a sad time to be awake. When you realize that you are the one who gets things ready for those who are getting ready for work. You wonder who gets things ready for you. You can’t easily drive to some fast food joint to pick up a coffee like the people I serve do on a regular basis. No, rather you have to make it at home or drive to some twenty four hour shop whose coffee has been sitting for the past twelve hours because the rest of the world went to bed a long time ago. I wonder if anyone else walks with the same sober stumbles that I do. The only other people awake at this time walk with drunken paces. Our grunts may sound the same but theirs are groans of a soon to be hang over while mine are of a tired angry soul.

Aside for the occasional weary traveler driving his car fast around the roundabout, there are not too many sounds. Not even the sound of a cricket can be heard. The campus is much like a ghost town at this time at night; rather this early in the morning the campus is like a ghost town. It scares me to think that I am the only one purposely awake at these hours. It saddens me to know that when I was in bed at six there were others laughing and enjoying their freedom in college. That freedom is something more of a luxury that I am unable to obtain. Summer will be here so, maybe in her bosom I may enjoy the day light that she brings earlier in the mornings. The students in this University may never know the joy of sleeping in until nine o’clock, for so many of them that is a time they would see as having to wake up early. I miss those naive days where your only focus was on the day at hand rather than helping a company becomes more than twice its worth. Stress is something that illuminates from me. Oh how I wish to hear the University as I first remember her instead of being treated to her cold back side.

Currently watching:
Repo! The Genetic Opera
Release date: 2009-01-20
May 27, 2009 - Wednesday 

Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

The Man who Looked Like Me

Flames scorched the heavens as they burnt the place where he called home. Tenets of the building ran out screaming. He walked out slowly head down, he looked as if he had been ready to cry but he didn’t weep. He looked a lot like me, but the likeness was mainly in the way he wore his hair and clothes. Fire and police officers reached the scene; they wrapped women and children with tan blankets while they chatted with the men over coffee. The roof of the building collapsed sending ash into the air as if it were snowing in the middle of spring.  As the man who looked like me turned away from watching his home burn, a police officer yelled murderer and arrested him.

The dream jumped ahead to the man, who looks like me, slamming his head on to a court room desk. The judge convicted him guilty of murder, and gave him a life sentence. The attorney looked at the man who has dark hair as I do, he apologized that he couldn’t get the sentence shorter. Somehow within the dream I know that the man who looked like me was innocent of the murder he was convicted of, somehow everyone within in the prison knows it too.

The dream jumped ahead again, five years that time. The man looked less like me his facial features have been worn. He was more wrinkled and his eyes had very dark circles around them. His hair was much longer now, but his beard for some reason was nothing more than a five o’clock shadow. Where he walked with in the prison reminded me of a hull in a pirate ship. To go along with the pirate theme the men who were down there with him were very lawless and looked like haggard pirates. Two of the men who look like pirates stood up. One was black and the other was very tan. The black man was smoking a cigar and the tan man was holding a big broken pipe. Some words were exchanged that I don’t remember, or maybe in the dream it just look like the spoke to one another. After the words were spoken the black man tired to shove the cigar in to the eye of the man who looked less like me.

The cigar didn’t make it to his instead he grabbed the black man’s wrist and broke it. I guess that wasn’t enough of a punishment because he snapped the black man’s forearm was well making it easier for the man who was looking less like me to shove the cigar threw the man’s skull. When the tan man with the large pipe snapped out his daze he tried to hit the man who looked less like me with. It was less than attempt to hit as it was more like an attempt to impale. Where the tan man failed the man who looked less like me succeeded. The man who looked less like me spun out of the way when the pipe hit the floor. He snapped the tan man’s upper arm in too a second elbow, the pipe was now loose in the tan man’s hand. The man who looked less like me grabbed it and broke the tan man’s leg with it. The tan man put his unbroken arm up pleading for mercy. I guess the man who looked less like me had forgive all that he could because he drove the pipe through the tan man’s hand and right into the back of his throat, exiting into the floor boards below.

            More time passes and eventually the man who looked less like me was released. They found the guy who had done the murderer that the man who looked less like me had been earlier convicted of. Over six years had passed in that prison and the only thing the man wanted to do was go back home. His home burned down almost all the way to the first floor, but that didn’t bother him to much because he lived in the basement, or that’s what I thought before he opened the doors to it. The dream leaves the focus of the man for a little bit, and looks at these very large metal sliding doors. They open and light floods threw only allowing the silhouette of the man to be shown. He says something along the lines of hello my children daddy has come back home.

            The view slowly rotates and we get a very good view as to what he was talking too. Hundreds upon thousands of corpses cover the walls and floors of the basement. Some are hung from the ceiling and others are on tables with butcher knives cut into their flesh. The dream ends there. I woke up and thought to myself, wow that’s going to make for one hell of a story, man convicted of crime he didn’t commit only to find that he is a butcher of carnage and death.

Currently watching:
Repo! The Genetic Opera
Release date: 2009-01-20
May 27, 2009 - Wednesday 

Current mood:  tired

 8 Ways to See my Angel

Her heart is kind and caring

As she watches over those

that need a helping hand

 

Her anger is furious

And can bring you to your knees

 

No other can compare

Her beauty is something that only

Goddesses can posses

 

Weakness can overcome her

Self-esteem can be a hard thing to obtain

She’ll never show it but I know her pain

 

A smile that can light up a room

So warm is the touch

Cold souls turn warm

 

Dreams of what’s to come

The wife of a first born son

The mother to his son

 

Exciting and silly

Her world is innocent

The bed room is another story

 

Like a rose she is beautiful

Like a rose she is dangerous

Like a rose she smells really nice

 

She is my heart

She is my soul

She is my angel

Currently watching:
Repo! The Genetic Opera
Release date: 2009-01-20
May 27, 2009 - Wednesday 

Current mood:  bummed

            The notes that you read are ones that may shock you. My tale is true and yet I myself find it hard to believe. It all happened during my first graveyard shift. I had been failing at every opportunity given to me, the only one I could seem to do well was ding graves by candle light. A job that I utterly despised but it helped me get through the weeks of hunger pains. To clarify the job gave me money to buy food, I didn’t eat the dead bodies. I was warned of the temptation, apparently the grave digger before me had a taste of young girls who were freshly decomposing. The idea of human cannibalism at that time was something I could conceive of nothing greater. How I was mistaken.

            During the darkness around midnight, I saw a figure. The bastard was digging where I had just finished filling in hours before.  Instead of running over and decapitating him with my shovel I watched him. He was searching for something. A grave robber I thought at first and how I laughed the son of a whoremonger would never find anything valuable unless he searched my pockets. To my dismay he was not looking for any type of valuable item from the carcasses, instead he had a hatchet. Another fucking cannibal I thought, oh how that would have been a dream. He was not there for eating he was there for parts.

            Parts for what are probably your thoughts, as so were mine. The man was looking to create. At that moment I could not figure out what, but I knew that it was for something ungodly. He lifted his hatchet and drove it into the armpit of soldier that had caught a bullet between the eyes. The first hit only entered the flesh. The muscles were dead and cold but still strong and the coagulated blood made the blade stick and hard to pull out.

            I watched in horror as he put the parts into a sack, talking to himself along the way saying things like I will show God that he is not the only one who can create life, and He cannot choose who I will love.  To me these ramblings were nothing more than a madman lost to the hand of Satan. What I saw next drove me into a world of horror and disbelief. He pulled a head out of his sack of human parts and looked at it. He had his hand up inside of the neck. The man moved his fingers through the decapitated’s hair, tilted the face and kissed it on the lips.

            The haunting realization hit my stomach like a bullet to the gut. This man was creating a creature to be his beloved. How one could think that such and act would not open the gates to hell was sadly mistaken. I became disgusted but I had to keep watching. It was like a public execution that I could not move my eyes from. The man whispered into the ear of rotted head, things that I could only imagine to be sweet nothings and started to leave the grave yard.

            I followed the man that night and wished I had not.  His travels took me behind the homes of those who were a little more well off than I. What came next really wasn’t something that I was expecting. His home was not broken down. His windows did not have broken glass and the paint was not peeling off the sides of the very high walls. Why? I asked myself. Why would a man of such a high stature go around digging up corpses? These questions were answered of the nights of following him after long shifts at the grave yard.

            Each night he would bring his sack and his hatchet, taking parts for his creation. At first I thought that maybe he was only collecting parts that would complete one human being but no rather I believe he was searching. Yes searching for specific parts. His process was like that of a cook looking for the best produce at the grocery store. If something was to bruised or over ripened he would go to the next. This man was a little different in terms of what he would take. If he thought the part looked like something he could use he took it. If the part was not to his liking he would return it the next night.

            This trend continued for weeks, why I couldn’t bring myself to let some authority know about it I’ll never understand. Had I done this I may have saved myself the endless nightmares that I had suffered since the day I first saw the man kiss the decapitated head. By some unrealized force of nature I watched this mad man work at his craft.  It was strange how easily I let the idea of grave digging and necrolove become a daily desensitized cinema. It had become something that I looked forward to watching. Fuck if it wasn’t for the strange actions of the man I would have probably lost my mind working with dead bodies. Something about having another live body around made me feel safe. How unbelievably naïve that thought was.

            My curiosity began to grow, I wasn’t satisfied enough to just watch him dig up the bodies and bring them to his home anymore. No rather I wanted so see what he was doing with the human remains. My speculations were correct. I found a tree that over looked his work quarters. In the room he had a steel slab attached to wires and coils. The room was something out of science fiction. I watched him work all night. He took large stitches and worked them together to connect body parts. Every now and then he would come to place where the parts would not connect in a correct manor. In these cases he would try to cut the materials into fitting parts. It was like making a puzzle piece fit into when it didn’t belong. These trials would lead to endless mess and frustration. At points the man would get so irritated that he would rip the freshly sewn corpse part from the stump he had forced it to connect to.  Who was this man, a scientist, a doctor, voodoo god? I had to know.

            I spent all night in that tree and waited for him to leave for the day. He never left. He would spend all day curled up in the arms of his creation. They were cold and decaying but he found a sense of solitude form them.  Nothing about the day I spent in that tree could tell me anything about the man that I had come to see as a distant friend. That was until a knock came from the other side of his creation quarters door. It was a woman who knocked on the man’s door. She called him Victor. The woman was like nothing to him. He told her to leave and when she insisted on seeing him she would become angry and violent. Though she could not see him I could see the anger and hatred he felt for her. He would cut his own body to release it, the blood from his cuts he put on the lips of his creation and let it flow into his mouth. As I watched this his eyes caught a hold of me. Where his eyes met were not my eyes but rather my lively hood.

            I was disgusted in myself, how could I let something so ungodly make my sexual fantasies run wild. I jumped from the tree and began to run. I ran all the way to the squalor of my home. I decided the best actions would be to hide my notes and wait until the morning to show them to the town constable. If I had been able to these last notes would not have been written. I’m slowly starting to black out from pain.

            A horrible thing happened when I found my way home. Victor found me and he brought some things with him, a sack in one hand and a tool for castration. I write these last words bleeding out in a closet in Victors working quarters. He told me as he ripped my genitals from me that he only needed on last piece and that mine should do just nicely. Along with that he cut of my eye lids and forced me to watch as he tested out the last part of his creature. In a sick way the idea of being dismembered and raped sent shivers down my spine…. The pen slips in to scribbles after the last line.

Currently watching:
Repo! The Genetic Opera
Release date: 2009-01-20
April 13, 2009 - Monday 

Current mood:  tired

Once upon a time there was a terrible man. Those who looked upon his face would shudder in disgust. He lived in a small village alone in a cabin. Oh and what horrific things he did in that cabin. You see he used to collect small children. He would sneak out into the middle of the night while all of the other town’s people were fast asleep and hide under beds in closets. Children would scream when they thought they saw something, but their parents told them that there were no such things as monsters and that it was their imaginations playing tricks on them.

            The trick was on the parents that would do nothing about the child’s screams, because there are monsters in this world and some do hide under beds and creak in closets. The man would take the children away. He was trying to stay youthful and that he did. For hundreds and hundreds of years this man stayed living thanks to the gift of innocent blood.

            One day the man slipped up. He went out like every night and found himself a victim. While he hid under the child’s bed he thought why not try to take more than one child for this house did have many. He waited after the child’s father came in and told him there was on monster under his bed, but what the man under the bed didn’t know was that this father knew of the man’s horrible deeds. The father walked out of the room and stood behind the door for two hours until he heard the man under the bed start to work.

            As the man under the bed threw the child in a sac over his shoulder he opened the door to head down the hall, welcomed to a butcher knife to the side of the head. This was not the end of the man though. Years of living had turned him into what we know now as the boogey man. So when you have children make sure you do look under the bed and in the closets because he may very well be hiding there.

April 10, 2009 - Friday 

Current mood:  calm
Category: Romance and Relationships
How do you express the pain that comes with heartache? Is it by the days you go with out eating, or the hours lost without sleep? Do you meassure it in the good times or the times that first started to tear you apart? Love is a strange thing; it can create such joy but at the same time make you curle up hold your gut and cry. When did it all go wrong? Do I really want to know the answer to that question? I miss her so much and yet I can still taste her on my lips. Where did the heart go? Is there still pieces of the world I knew alive inside of her chest? I wish her nothing but happiness. I wish that this was easier for me to handle, if we hadn't been so close if we hadn't been bestfriends I might beable to sleep. All I want is to hold her, but how that tears me apart at the same time. How can one love someone so dearly while the other loses the love over time. Who will call me superman now? Who will call me thier love, their baby, thier husband? How can anyone ever fill the void that is left from such a crushing blow? I feel like no other ever could. This time things are different because I actually love her. Every time I spoke those three words they fell right from my heart. I know that things may never been the same. I know our friendship has suffered because I can't handle being away from her and I can't take the pain. Who do I turn to? Do I turn to her when things have passed? Will she ever love me again? Can I take it if she ever loves another? All these thoughts bounce inside my head between fits of crying. I can barely stand to be in my own room because of all the secrets told and promises made. Am I failing her as a friend by not wanting to let go? How could I let go? The only thing I truely know is that I love Chelsea Lynn Calderara with all of my heart, even if she does not love me the same way. I love you my angel, and how I wish I could have saved you from falling. My greatest fear has come to be. I can not cry anymore. Thank you to my friends who helpped me when I needed it. Thank you for making me laugh and shooting the shit with me. I still pray that someday we both walk along the same path, but until that day if it may ever come I will always be there when you need me. You are my world, my heart, my soul, my goddess. You don't need to say sorry anymore, I'd forgive you but you never did anything wrong. Thank you for making my life brighter and for helping me be a better man. I love you Chelsea from the very depths of my soul. Take care my darling, and my life guide you to a life of bliss and never ending happiness. Who ever you end up with will be the luckiest person alive. I hope they see the angel that you are, I hope that they treat you like there is no other woman who could ever come close to what you are.
March 26, 2009 - Thursday 

Current mood:  distraught
I feel alone and I don't really understand why. I feel like another month alone will kill me and I'm staring down the barrle of whole lot more than just a month. I just wish it could all be simple and not hurt so much. I wish promises were mearly words that sounded pretty and held no real sense of wishes and dreams. How am I supposed to feel joy when what was keeping me motivated and going seems to ripped away and pushed so far into darkness that I can't really make out the figure. The past few months have nearly drowned us, can we make it through more months of the same? Don't worry about the future I hear as a whisper, but how can I not worry. My dreams are of what time will be like then, a time when I don't feel alone. A time when I roll over in the morning I'll be able to smile and taste the joy. Worthless is the word that I hear screaming in my head... the feeling that I'm not loved worrying that in time she will no longer be mine. I don't ever want to love another and right now I feel that it is unfair that we can love so much. So much to the point of spending another day with out her makes the idea of bleeding out in a bath tube poeticly just. I just wish she new, I wish she knew that why I want her here isn't because I want to control her. It's because I don't want to live another day with out waking up to her, but she wants something and I'm not going to get in the way of that... hopefully I don't get pushed so far out of the picture that I no longer exist. Only time will tell, until then my heart fills with fear of losing her. I love you Chelsea.
August 9, 2008 - Saturday 

Current mood:  luminous
Category: Religion and Philosophy

God....

All I'm asking is for something simple.

I don't want the world and I don't want to be rich.

I don't want eternal youth and I don't care about being handsome.

You can keep all the gold, land, and women.

What I want is to be happy with the one I love, forever.

I want to be able to wake up to her smile every morning.

I want to be able to look into her eyes when I am old and gray.

Hers are the only lips I want to kiss and hers is the only skin i wish to touch.

I think what I want in life is simple enough so please give me this one break.

Please let every thing stay rather than letting it burn to ash.

Amen.

Currently listening:
Deadmeat Disciples
By Deathchain
Release date: 2006-08-09