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Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Masters Of The Raft

There are droves of people out there who claim to be really good at stuff. The gloved, missing nose man, whose now running around Arab Nations with "his" children, was once declared the "King Of Pop". P. Diddy (aka Puff Daddy, aka Sean Combs, aka who gives a fuck, crowned himself the "King Of New York". Madoff was considered a financial genius until he "made-off" with billions.

Now, let me give you an example of true greatness...

Dylan is an unassuming man. His demeanor is unpretentious and engaging at the same time. He is at the core, a lover of life. He is also a raft master.

A few days back the boys from Egress took a wild, wet ride. (no ladies this has nothing to do with you unless your name starts with L and ends with aurie). This ride was down the rapids of the Arkansas River. The 2 hour white water adventure was majestic. The class 3 to 5 rapids kept our pulses racing and loins yearning for more. Dylan, and the crew from Raft Masters made our trip incredible. If you or anyone you know is ever in Colorado and wants to have a blast call Raft Masters..or call us and we'll set you up on a special Egress style tour.

Overall Colorado kicks major ass. The crowds at every show were enthused and sweat soaked, and rich. (thanks for buying our stuff).

The highlight of the CO Leg of the tour was the wrestling extravaganza that went down between members of team Egress and members of team 40 ounces to freedom. Blood was shed, bellies were bruised, and once smooth foreheads are now knotty.

Dazed and Crazed,

Egress

8:53 PM

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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Land Of the Ports

It is my duty to report that Portland in absolutely, without even a small person's toe nail clipping of doubt, awesome. The show was slammed and the people there were welcoming on every level (yes, read into that).

I can't name names, because the parties involved threatened to off my black ass, but lets just say we got kicked out of a motel 6, assaulted by Portland's finest, and played baseball fueled only by smiles and budweiser.

Quick shout out to Jane's family who put us up and hooked us up with some northwest hospitality..we appreciate you.

The venue was super bad (that's bad meaning good)...its more than 80 years old and has hosted everyone from Marvin Gaye to My Chemical Romance. You can smell the history in the walls.

Overall we're doing allright..A few runny noses and bruised bodies, but I think we'll survive.

Cold as a mosquita's peter in antartica,

Egress

2:50 AM

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Sunday, April 26, 2009

Seattle Ain't Bullshitin (Thank You Mr. Mixalot)

Oh sweet, sweet Seattle.
The land of Starbucks, Enviro-friendly everything, and kurt cobain, treated us exceedingly well. The trip was rather uneventful. We needed it to be that way after our run in with the mounties in Oh CANADA.
The show rocked and the crowd there definetly shows us some mad Northwest Love.
BTW, for everyone out there who wants from free shit listen. We are assembling street teams all over the country and need your help. Basically, if you help us put up a few flyers and spread the word about our shows we will hook you up with free tickets and some free merch. We've allready heard from a lot of you who are interested but if anyone eles wants to get down with the funk mafia hit us up at thefunkmafia@yahoo.com.
Hanging out in Portland (on the same stage that Marvin Gaye Played),
Egress

2:35 AM

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Thursday, April 23, 2009

Remember That Time We Didn't Go To Canada

It was a perfect plan. We had 3 days off in the northwest and Canada (specifically Vancouver) was close enough to smell. The approach was initially without incident. The van slowly rolled up to the checkpoint, our dreams of legally partaking in scrumptious Canadian greenage would soon be realized.

In a flash, calm turned to chaos. A not to be named member of the posse was cuffed and sent straight to the slammer. The charge....Smuggling. As we sat in the holding cells visions of 3 squares and Butch the backdoor man came slamming into our reality. As investigators ripped the trailer apart, we prayed and waited.

After hours of searching those crazy canadians let us go. No charges, Huge Hassle, and a warning to stay out of "OH CANADA" for at least 24 hours. The trip home sucked...Vancouver, YOU MISSED OUT..BIG TIME.

Glad to have avoided pokey in the pokey,

Egress

4:47 AM

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Monday, April 20, 2009

Mele Kalikimaka

Mele Kalikimaka..
   Yeah.. I had no idea what the hell that meant until a 400 hundred pound Hawaiian woman (while drinking a dr pepper flavored slurpee and downing pop rocks) informed me that that's how the big island folk say Merry Christmas(Ok, that's not what really happened but it sounds much sexier then the real story.)
    Anyway, there is a point to the 7 syllable madness, we are in the studio in Reno right now recording the tasty musical nugget for a benefit album..Its so nuts recording Christmas tunes in board shorts. We're recording the album for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. Juvenille diabetes is devastating. Our producer, Tom Gordon, told us the story of a freinds 6 year old daughter, who is literally fighting for her life after being diagnosed with the disease. This album will help her and hundreds of other children. As soon as its good to go well reveal it to the world.
    Reno has treated us exceedingly well...we made some major contributions to the local economy here. Han, dealer number 143 from Saigon , got us back for that whole Vietnam conflict thing. She took all our money..Damn you Han...that $11.57 was our bread and our butter. Now we have to sell our bodies....AGAIN.
      By the way, Mark made us dog food and eggs for breakfast. Ask him what the hell that's all about.
    The show here was absolutely rocking. The "Biggest Little City In The World" has embraced Egress.
       Knowing our swagger is absurd,
                                        Egress

4:54 AM

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Saturday, April 18, 2009

Taking You Higher

Dear Mom,
Band camp is awesome. Today Bobby and me and mark and mike and tbone-capone took an agricultural journey. Our exploration into "going green" began in Oakland, California. We made a visit to Oaksterdam University.
Oaksterdam is an educational powerhouse that allows one (if one was interested in green cultivation) to hone their herb cultivation skills. The herbs are quite colorful and lovely. It was cool.
Somehow, perhaps because God was smiling upon us because of our thirst for knowledge, we met the founder of the esteemed university. Richard Lee is really nice. He let us take pictures with him and everything.
We are in the process of putting some of our knowledge to the test. We know it will be a vigorous educational experience but we are willing to put in the
extra effort to obtain out triple masters in herbology.
I can't believe they pay us to come here and play music.

Floating somewhere between neptune and the ice planet they used to call pluto,
Egress

9:03 PM

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Saturday, April 18, 2009

See Ya Cali

Chico, CA. In a word ridiculous. The people are great, the venues are bumping, and the medicina is absurd. Chico is a stoner's paradise. Thousands of young, hippified, party animals who whose the sticky-icky as currency. They literally use it to pay for covers, some, the coolest of the ice cold, give it away.

Our show at Nicks was slammed and we have to make it back to chico country sometime.

We're now in Reno,NV. The drive in was majestic. Snow capped mountains, rolling hills, ice cold streams. It's literally like we are living in the movie "A River Runs Through It". We are looking forward to the blow out tonight and can't wait to hit up the Peppermill casino.
Prepared to loose our 57 cents,
Egress

8:53 PM

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Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Lake Havasu Is Dirty Fun

Yo, Yo, Yo,
      Damn it feels good to be a gangster. We are one day away from blowing the brains off the norcalers (that's northern california for all ya'll who don't know surfer). Tonight we're hitting up Taco Tuesday in Lake Havascrew, AZ (oh yeaaah). Taco Tuesday here is an epic event. They do ticker tape parades, send the ants marching, and wear lavender and cream ribbons on their taints..It's rather invigorating...the parade part not the taint part. Actually the taint part does have its perks. The show is at Jakes. If you live here, bring it.
   Everything around here looks like a postcard. Snowcapped mountains surround a breathtaking desert setting with a big ass, clear lake in the middle. The people are superchill and as we found out last night big fans of jager, booty cutters (those are super, super, short shorts) and "breaking it down".
   Allrighty...the tacos are calling us,
                            Egress

9:42 PM

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Friday, April 10, 2009

West Coast Here We Come
Current mood:

artistic

Greetings,
Sorryo thats its been such a long timeo since I've bloggedo but I've been mad busyo. It's so nice having such a command of another language. El Salvadorians love me.
Lots of news to report. We are about to drop a 3 song ep called "Stealing Your Mind". It won't be officially released until the summer but we will definetly post at least one of the songs on myspace soon.
The EP is sick..Thematically and musically we've taken it to a whole new level.
In a couple days we're going to pack up our q-tips, and baby oil and head to the west coast to play several dates with 40 ounces to freedom. It's going to be sick. If any of you guys want to have pretty much the greatest time of your life you should come out. It will be a road trip you will never forget, and I'll even buy you an ice cold PBR for coming out..
Out like milli and vanilli,
Egress

11:15 PM

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