Diane writes,
Dear Bubba,
As we are all aware that the Right is the wrong ear when guys get their ears pierced.....Now does this theory hold true when a girl gets a nipple pierced? Is there a wrong one or a right one?
Thanks!
Not at all Diane, piercing either nipple is fine and there is no stigma attached to doing one side over the other. However piercing both nipples add balance and doubles your pleasure, just be careful if you ever wear a mesh or knit tube top , because some piercings can get snagged during hasty removal and have been known to ruin the moment, well unless you are one of those fillies that enjoy a little pain, in which case we should hook up.
One benefit of piercing both nipples was shown to me by my Granny, she has hoops attached to each of her nipples and she attached a small chain with a alligator clip on each end that she wears around her neck and attaches to the hoops. In that way she adds lift and separation to her breasts which drive all the men folk wild at the bingo parlor.
Christie Wrote,
Bubba, looks like I fought the 'law' and 'the law' won...but,
maybe you can tell me...WHY ME????
~Christie~
Well Christie, that depends on how you fought the law. I needed a bit more detail, So I hope this answer will help.
One night I was getting all liquored up at my favorite watering hole, me and another musician buddy were arguing over who was the better NASCAR driver and that soon lead to whos sister was bigger whore. (everyone in town knows its mine hands down)..Any ol way..
Well next thing you know me an Sparky are kickin the shit out of each other and tearing up the bar. The bar keep, Tiny knew better than to get between us, even with the equalizer (a baseball bat) so he called the cops.
Due to the reputation of this bar half the cops in the county showed up an ol Sparky an I decided to fight them instead. The words "don't taze me bro" come to mind as we were quickly subdued and then beaten with night sticks. The long an short of it is, I had a court appointed lawyer an Sparky could afford to hire himself a fancy big city attorney, He got probation and I did 90 days.
The moral to this story is, if you must fight the law, make sure your not out numbered and if that fails at least give some before you get sum which in this case was 50,000 volts. Or if the law has you by the short hairs you best be able to afford a damn good attorney.. Bubba..
Mommy Dearest wrote,
Ok, why can't you be single...that's my question
A great question and one of the easier ones I had to answer so far, I am never single for very long and I suppose the reasons for that are many as they are varied, but I'll just list three of them below.
1. The Skullet : Unlike the Mullet that many of my redneck buddies sport, I have long hair and a shinny dome, its shinny because I have always believed that the way to a womans heart (especially if you aint got no money) is through extensive foreplay.
2. Word of Mouth : No matter how big of an a-hole loser I may seem to be to all of my ex ol ladies. You know y'all like talk to your friends about anything, hell everything about your husbands and boyfriends in detail! So when woman talk about my skullet and other special sex god-like abilities that I reputedly posses, eventually most of them have to "see" for herself if this dog can hunt.
3.The Band : Being the Bass player in Diesel Finger has kept me from staying single for to long or for that matter in any kind of committed relationship, because hoards of women want a piece of us at every show we play. The boys in Motley Crew would be jealous if they knew, but I suspect that by now they have heard the whispers and are crying in the vitamin waters like the little bitches they have become. Hell Brent has to go on MTV to get any action these days! You know the ol saying, If the dog cant run with the pack he should stay on the porch.
I hope this answers your question and I have one for you. So what are you up to this Friday night? Bubba
Reservoir Dog Wrote,
My wife's 5 mos pregnant. When should I get her off the pole? lol
Great Question R. Dog, I called my mom and asked her answer that question for you. She said "when she was knocked up with me, that she was able to ride the pole for about 8 months and was able to keep her figure mostly by not eating, only swallowing $10 dollar protein "shakes" with champaign shooters and snorting her energy powder".
My advise is to keep her on the pole for as long as she can bring money home to daddy, also now is a great time to take advantage of having her make some money doing fetish porn on the side. I have some contacts in the industry if you want to hook her up.
Dan wrote,
Dear Bubba, hey man, i got one ferya man... see, here'sa deal, frienda mine gotimself ina bituva perdikermint. See, he wus cheetin' onhis ol'lady, anhis ol'lady endid up gitin' pregnint. Now here'sa triky part Bubba, how long shudhe wate 'fore he tell'ser it ain'ter kid??
Well brother, I aint to sure where to start, this question reminds me of something that my ex wife's cousin Earl would ask me, now Earl used to be fond of buggering his mule, well that mule didn't take to kindly to Earls affections, so one day the ol mule up an kicked him in the head . So now that boy just aint right anymore, now mind you, none of the folk around these parts would have ever accused Earl of being some kind of light bulb scientist before he got his head caved in.
The moral of this story, you ask? Always hobble your live stock before engaging in sexual relations with them, and to answer to your question..
I don't see no good reason to tell her, but if she should ask where this child came from, always answer her with the story about my ex wife's cousin Earl. Come to think of it, she would always tell me that story when I would remark on how tan our baby was.
Jerry Writes,
How do I start this. Well I think my nephew is a lil rope smoker! I want to go kick his ass but that might not go over well with the fam. He is posting all kinds of stupid shit on the internet and I just wanna whip his ass. What the fuck???? He is just a dumb ass that took after his dad! Any thoughts?? Other than a rope or tar an feathers?
That a tough one, well I would have answered this question a hell of a lot differently 10 years ago, but now I just go by " live and let live" and I am much happier for it. I don't have any ass jockeys in my family that I know of, well that's if you don't count my ex wives uncle Earl though I'm not sure having anal sex with farm animals technically makes him gay.
There are a couple of ways to look at this, One he may parlay his life style into some kind of money making vocation like becoming a hair dresser, clothes designer, decorator, porn star or the next host of American Idol.
Or if he tends to be as stupid as you say, he may end up becoming a criminal, in which case being gay will come in handy, he will make a lot of friends in prison and will discover how many packs of smokes he is worth in trade.
Look there aint nothing you can do that's going to change the boy sort of a brain transplant and whooping his ass would be like throwing rocks at a hornets nest, more trouble than fun.
Maureen asks Diane, who then asks Bubba..
My friend on here sent me a message yesterday, and I thought "Bubba" might be able to help.
Here it is:
Wow sounds like ill be living at your house over the summer too!!! OK, I know I am "somewhat" blonde and maybe a tad naive, but please tell me these lyrics don't mean what I think they do, I've known the lyrics as long as I've known the song but never asked anyone, so anyway here they are, they are some lyrics to Rock you Like A Hurricane by the Scorpions......
THE BITCH IS HUNGRY SHE NEEDS TO TELL SO GIVE HER INCHES AND FEED HER WELL!!!
Diane, I'll take a shot at answering your friends Maureen's question.
This is what I think ol Klaus is saying, that the woman in question, is hornier than a stray cat in heat howl'en on your fence at midnight. But in this case you don't need to chuck your boot at it, or pull out your 20 gauge from under the bed to pepper it with some bird shot. You need to scratch that kitty..
Klaus understands that the only thing this woman needs is some good ol USDA man meat to feed on until her hunger is gone. Then again some of those Germansare really'out there', if you know what I mean. Then Klaus might be saying something all together different..
But in this case I think he is referring to the kind of hot, stormy, mindlessly animalistic passion you can achieve when the both of you are so totally in sync.
That your a perfect storm.
That you two have become one being, of one mind.
A state that is known as pure ecstacy.
Rocked like a Huricane!
Xodic writes,
Dear Bubba,
If my son's mother is no relation to me... then is he my half son? And why do most folks in Bands 4 Bands also seem to have parents that are kin folk? Is that why the shows ain't got no draw? They is too inbred?
Knock 'em Dead at Johnny V's....they ought to have about 20 fuckin' Mother Climax stickers on the walls of that place
yer Pal
Xodik
Dear Xodik,
I think he could only be your half son if.. Your mother is your sons mother or if your sons father is someone else, now here's where it get's all complicated, but I'll try to break it down for you.
If your sons father is a blood relative of your sons mother that would make him your inbred step son.
If your sons fathers is a relative of yours that could make him, depending on which relative it is, one of the following.. A half brother, cousin or uncle once or twice removed.
As for your question about Bands4Bands, it's a fine organization especially if you're a bunch of younguns just starting out and trying to figure out how the music business works...
The main idea behind B4B's is power in numbers and "networking". If there are say 50 bands in that organization and once every other month they put on a show case where all the bands show up, well if there are 3 people in each band you have 150 people at that show, now if those 150 people each get 1 person to come out to that show " hell even I have one fieind that will do that for me" then you have 300 people at that show. Then add to that, however many people come out that are fans of the bands and booze and half nakid women and you gots yourself aone hell of a party going. Plus you could book a show at all most any venue you wanted to.
So the short answer to your question is the member bands, don't do what they are supposed to do in B4B's.
The reasons why this doesn't always work are many, but here are a couple of big ones, as I see it.
1) Being a organization that welcomes all styles of music there are going to be shows that some bands wont want to support or get there sorry ass's out to attend let alone get 1 that one person each to attend the show case each month.
2) Not all band members or bands are motivated to do what needs to be done to promote those events if they arnt playing in them, hell even there own fuckin shows and that isnt just the case in the B4B's organization but everywhere in the music scene.. Bubba.