Is there ever a point in life when you stop worring about what others will think and feel, and make yourself happy? I've always been told think for yourself and make my own decisions. Honestly, that is the best thing anyone could do, but then again you also have to think about the people around you, and what could happen to them or what could happen to your relationship with them. I guess its just human nature, or maybe my own, to evaluate the whole situation and the effects on others before thinking of myself. I'm not one hundred percent sure thats a positive or negitive qualitiy. I'm begining to belive that there is something in my life completely true and pure. However there is also a side belive that the same thing is wrong and a game, something to not even worth a thought. I'm not sure which way to go. I don't want to miss out on this kind of oppertunity. I always meet people who have to ask the question what if this happend or what if that happend....and either way i guess im going to wonder. Give up or try?

wrote something.

Waiting for the fall

I'll be sitting here waiting
watching the change in the trees
wondering what true love will bring
waiting for a chill in the breeze
or for the phone to ring

in the fall
i will fall for you
all over again
in the fall
i will fall for you
only for you

Maybe one day we'll see
and the time will come
we'll figure out if were ment to be
true love shouldnt end like this
without one last kiss

in the fall
i will fall for you
all over again
in the fall
i will fall for you
only for you

as the sun sets everynight
i crawl in my bed without you
wishing you were still holding me tight
i fall asleep gazing at the stars
wondering if your gazing too

in the fall
i will fall for you
all over again
in the fall
i will fall for you
only for you

my heart is bruised and my eyes have lost their color
from thinking of you dreaming of you
and maybe...one day i wont have to sleep, or dream,
only to wake up next to you

in the fall
i will fall for you
all over again
in the fall
i will fall for you
only for you

Been thinking alot lately.
A little to much sometimes.
I dont know what im supposed to do from here..
like whats next with my life.
I feel like i could do so much
and im not.
I've reached a stoping point.
At every point in my life i was trying to
complete something...or better myself some way
and right now...i dont know what im doing
i dont know who im living for,
if im doing the right things,
and if what i am doing is correct.

I just feel like, i could be more.
I could have more.
I could create more.
UGH

*10:23pm edit*
 There has to be a point in everyones life where they want to advance thereselfs, where they want to move on to the next thing. They want what is best for thereselfs and the people around them. I know i've reached that point, but i dont know what to do with it. I don't know if the people around me are ready for the advancement of my life. I know that sounds corney...but its how i feel. I want soo much for myself, but for some reason i cant seem to reach what i want.
I'm almost 20 years old, and i feel like ive gone absolutly nowhere.
The only thing i have is my job, my boyfriend, friends and family.
Im lucky, i have and amazing support system. I couldn't ask for anything better. My boyfriend is my bestfriend, he is absolutly irreplaceable. I love him more then anything, hes been one of the only people that have absolutly been there for me when i didnt deserve the time of day. Hes absolutly amazing. My friends, wow. They keep me sane, they are amazing. They have all done soo much for me and i dont think they realize how much i value each and every one of them. Some times i want to strangle my family, but i love them wayyy to much! ha! Expecially my mom, shes been more then amazing.
It's just hard knowing that the people closest to me dont want the same things i want, or aren't ready for the things i am ready for.
It sucks it really does.
Im afraid of doing the things i need to do,
i dont want to lose any one that is close to me. I've always said if a person is true and loyal to you, they will support you no matter what and if they dont then oh well. But, i dont want to lose what i have with anyone or hurt anyone that i have. UGH...this is soo confusing. for real!

<3sonya

Take off my shirt,
Loosen the buttons and undo my skirt,
Stare at myself in the mirror,
Take me apart piece by piece,
Sorrow decrease,
Pressure release,
I put in work,
Did more than called upon,
More than deserved,
When it was over did I wind up hurt? (Yes!)
But it taught me before a decision ask this question first.


Who am I living for?
Is this my limit?
Can I endure some more?
Chances are given, question existin'.
Who am I living for?
Is this my limit?
Can I endure some more?
Chances are given, question existin'.
Take off my cool (take off my cool),
Show them that under here I'm just like you,
Do the mistakes, I may make me a fool,
Or a human with flaws,
And if that I'm lost,
Round of applause,
Take the abuse,
Sometimes it feels like they want me to lose,
It's entertainment is that an excuse? (No!)
But the question that lingers whether win or lose.

Who am I living for?
Is this my limit?
Can I endure some more?
Chances are given, question existin'.
Who am I living for?
Is this my limit?
Can I endure some more?
Chances are given, question existin'.

Dear diary,
It's Robyn,
Entertainin' is something I do for a livin',
It's not who I am,
I'd like to think that I'm pretty normal,
I laugh,
I get mad,
I hurt,
I think guys suck sometimes,
But when you're in the spotlight,
Everything seems good (oo yeah),
Sometimes I feel like I have it worse 'cause,
I have to always keep my guard up,
I don't know who to trust,
I don't know who wants to date me for who I am,
Or who wants to be my friend for who I really am,

Who am I living for?
Is this my limit?
Can I endure some more?
Chances are given, question existing.
Who am I living for?
Is this my limit?
Can I endure some more?
Chances are given, question existing.

the days are getting closer and closer
and im getting more and more excited...
.....and kinda really scared
ONE more thing i need to to before i can leave
and it should be done in a the next 2 weeks!
whoot!

I never in a million years thought i would ever be at this point in my life.
Expecially with Tyler, when i met him i didnt expect to fall in love
and spend 3 years together...
wow.
its amazing.

I honestly cant wait to get outta this town
its sooo ugh

Fully alive
More than most
Ready to smile and love life
Fully alive and she knows
How to believe in futures

I love how people claim to be my friend
when really...they're just two faced fuckers.
Well...im completely done
with all you fake people.
The people who,
just talk to me when its a good
time for them.
Or just talk shit about me behind my back,
then all cool to my face
when they need something. 
 The people who dont care if im happy or not.
Its a real shitty deal.
I thought that ya'll we're real friends,
but i guess i was wrong.
I'm done with everyones bull shit drama,
not caring if im happy or not
not caring about me.
I've bent over backwards for most of you.
All i have gotten is shit from most of you.
I dont care anymore..sorry.
Im done with you guys.

I have real friends. Who treat me with respect.
Who understand me and my actions.
Friends who will be there for me
even if they dont agree with what im doing
they still support me anyways
And guess what?? They are all i need.
peace.

<3sonya

life = perfect
Im back with tyler
things are good
I love him more then anything
im so lucky, you have no idea
hes perfect
i will marry him one day
and i cant wait

If all goes well
i plan on moving down there
maybe being a roomie
with Brittany
I just have to get a few things
figured out and organized
so hopefully after the holidays
everything will start pulling
in that direction

<3sonya kaye

So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.

Just to set the record straight.
I dont care what anyone thinks.
Actually...rephrase that..
if i care what you think,
i'll ask you.
If i havent..
please keep your opinions
to yourself.

If any of you were my true friends
you'd want me happy.
Not misrible.
Im sorry that your friend didnt make me happy.
And that you cant understand that.
Im sorry that i dont want to be with him.

Right now im the happest ive ever been.
and if you were my friend
you'd respect that.
You'd want the best for me.
Im sorry that you cant see that.
There are very few people that are seeing that
and..i love them.
They are backing me 100% and
i couldnt ask for better friends.
so keep your opinions to yourself

Im happy, thats that....
if you dont like it get over it.
Cuz if you think your words hurt me
they dont.
sorry.

The other night i was sitting outside
thinking.
Which i havent really been doing
a good job of that latley.
lol.
My life is finally falling into place.
I feel like the luckest girl on the planet.
I wrote this for him.

It all starts out the same
we suddenly put away all the pain
replacing the "i wont ever"
and the "i donts"
with "i miss you"
and "i love you"

You the one
i cant get out of my head
I dont want you out of my head
You the one,
i cant get out of my head
i never wanted you out of my head

Lets hold our tears
and take a breath
lets forget all the things we swore we ment
when you thought id leave
you were wrong
ive seen us die way to many times
and i wont quit holding on


Your the one
who owns my heart
I wont stand to see us apart
Your the one who owns my heart
and we wont be apart

Been thinking alot.
a little to much.
i love quotes
i promise im not 12

*perfect* would be cuddled up on the couch with you,
watching Disney movies & you always telling me
that you'll be my prince charming.

She may be confused about many things,
but the one thing she knows for sure is
she's happiest when she's with him

Sing in the rain;;
And dance in the shower.
Build a sandman;;
And a snow.castle.
be UN IQUE

 i wouldn't have to bring up my so badly broken heart
and all those months i just wanted to sleep
and though spring, it did come slowly, i guess it did its part
my heart has thawed and continues to beat

i thought about my true love, the one i really need
with eyes that burn so bright, they make me pure
they make me pure
they make me pure
i long to be with you

im happy.
and if you dont like it.
get over it.

life in general pretty much sucks
so many young people are dying
and i cant handle it
at all
this is all soo much to take in at one time

me and my mom actually sat down and talked
ive had such a rough year...senior year has been ugh for me
rawr!!

my friends are my world. I dont care what anyone says...im closer to my friends then i am my own sibilings...i hate having to go through this...but....its something that life hands out...and you have to hold your head high and grow stronger

<3sonyakaye