Sadness is like being trapped in a hole, and not being able to get out.
And optimism is your shovel-hold on lets start at the beginning.

     When you're born, you're given the choice to be an optimist(shovel) or a pessimist(shoes.)  The thing that most people would grab is the shovel, so you can always assume the best out of every situation.

     Now look at everyone you've encountered in your life, every time you're ever trusted someone with anything, look at is as being told if you dig straight down, you'll find some gold(happiness) the farther you dig.  Nine times out of ten that person will turn their back on you and there won't be gold, yet you still trust people, so you dig and dig and dig until you're hundreds of feet down before you find that gold.  But by the time you're that far down, the people that told you about the gold (the people that you think will make you happy) have forgotten about you, so you're stuck in that hole, with your gold.  But knowing that you can't get out, you stop caring about the gold because you would rather be back on level land.

     That's where i am, and that's where I've been, numerous times.  The only difference is that when i find my gold the people that tell me about it lower a bucket down and tell me that they'll bring the gold up first, then they'll drop a rope down to get me out of that hole.  Since i have faith in people, i put the gold in the bucket, they bring it up, then leave me in the hole alone, and sad.  The problem with me is that when someone else walks by and says there's more gold farther down, i dig deeper, until the same thing happens to me.  I always end up sad and alone.

     But not any more, I'm starting over and grabbing the shoes.  I can now walk away from these encounters and when i walk away i may end up alone, but I'll never be disappointed so sad.  I won't get my  "gold" taken away and i can be content.  Never happy which isn't the best, but I'll never be sad.  I'm sick of laying my heart out on the line, and putting in all of this effort only to be disappointed, every single time.  i won't have to worry about heartbreak, rejection, or fear, because i won't encounter any new experiences.  UNLESS the new people in my life chase after me and prove they're worth my time and effort.  There is a fragile person underneath this "tough" exterior that i portray.   The people that don't get that should not be involved with me, unless they are willing to learn.  Don't lie, don't lead me on, don't stab me in the back, don't be a bad person, and we'll get along swimmingly.  Prove your worth, i need to know you're a good person.

Since i was younger and my Grandpa died i've always thought that the worst thing that could happen in life is to have someone you care for die, but i realize that's not the case.  Even worse is that you care for someone, and you'll be 30 minutes away, but not be able to see them for a long time.  Sure eventuall you will, but you will have a blank time in your life when they're not around.  You can't grow up with them, and you have no idea what will happe in their life.

Over the last few months i've been trying to find out who i am, and who i want to be.  I've realized that now that i hate who i am, and who i'm turning into.  I want nothing but to change who i am.  I want to be less like who i'm turning into, and into what you've become.  The last 8 months that we've been hanging out i've seen all sides of your personality, from happy to sad, and everywhere in between.  I'm going to miss you more then anyone that has left that i've ever come into contact with.  You've impacted my life in such a huge way.  You've taught me things i will never forget.  You can guarantee that in a year and 9 months i'll be at your place.  i love you buddy, and dont worry about a thing.  I WILL NOT let ANYTHING happen to her.  Your last request was to make sure she stays safe.  I will do anything to keep that true.  you'll make it through this, nothing will happen.  I promise, i will do what ever it takes to make sure everything stays where it is.  The rest of my life i'll remember what happened and keep it in my heart.  i love you, i'll see you when i can...

Dylan John Camacho,
you've been my right hand man through my whole life basically.  you've benn there through EVERYTHING; School, grades, girls, bodily injuries, parents, and even bullshit with people.  You're always going to be one of my best friends, until i die -before you might i add.  You were there for my first show, and showed me why local music kicks ass.  you're basically the reason that i am who i am.  If you didnt exist i'd probably be a self-conceided Jock asshole that people only pretend to like.  brothers forever, basically you're a mexican version of me, only musically talented.  Thank you for being there for me, through thick and thin.  i love you buddy. (in the straightest way possible)

Brandon Brooks Chapin,
well since right hand man is taken, you can be my left hand man.  Thats okay, im ambidextrious.  you're always there to talk to about ANYTHING.  no matter what, serious or not.  and thats why you're such a great friend.  you are the one person i litteraly pass EVERYTHING by before i make a final decision.  we have our fights, but its because im an idiot, so it's okay.  you always welcome me to your house with no questions asked, you know if something's wrong, and you'll get it out of me.  I can tell you anything and everything, and i KNOW you wont tell anyone.  you truely are my BEST friend and nothing can change that.  we honestly are the same person only you're fat, haha jk your not fat.  i love you buddy, and nothing will change that, brothers forever.


Brylan Bron Camapin
^^^^^clever=]^^^^^

You two will always be my best friends, i am your brother, and you are my brothers, people may think they have the connection we have, but they have NO idea, we are the same person in 3 different bodies, and its awesome, i lvoe you guys.


P.S. we need to stop hanging out for a few months...
its getting creepy how well we know each other.

85 things you probably don't know about me.

1. My full name is Zeke Carl Gustafson. My birthday is June 25th 1992

2. I was born in Wheat Ridge Colorada

3. You will never see me without Dylan or Brandon

4. I'm in The 3 muskateers=] Dylan, Brandon, Me.

5. I'm a Junior At Golden

6. I love metalzz

7. I'm probably one of the coolest people ever.

8. I'm not really friends with assholes

9. My family is different

10. I love to hang with My Friends

11. I'm always listening to Music

12. There is a crazy side of me that only the CLOSEST people have seen.

13. I've lost one of my best friends.

14. I'm stronger than you think.

15. If I think I have a legit point, I'll argue it until you agree.

16. I have an EXTREMELY fun life.

17. I really do, do what I want. haha doo-doo.

18. I'm almost never home.

19. I don't shut people out unless im in a REALLY bad mood

20. I'm very easy to talk to, and I care about a lot of people

21. I try to always put myself in other people's shoes.

22. My best friends are Dylan, Brandon, Josh.

23. I hate people that say/do shit to be cool.

24. I'm a hypocrite. I will admit it.

25. I'm terrible at schooland music.

26. I live to have fun.

27. I smoke cigarettes

28. I don't care what people think of me.

29. I never have money.

30. I Don't to Drugs.

31. I've never had a Solid Relationship

32. I've done some things I'm not proud of.

33. I words like pistachio, and guacamole

34. I will always be wearing jeans

35. I don't like people that have my name.

36. I look up to my dad

37. I love who I am.

38. I know who I am.

39. I think that almost everyone's relative is hot.

40. I Don't believe in what i say i do.

41. I always use correct grammar.

42. I want to be a teacher.

43. I'm Extremely outgoing.

44. My favorite movies Monty Python and The Holy Grail, transformers, 300, and Across The Universe.

45. i hate people that wear things that make them look disgusting

46. I LOVE Captain Crunch.

47. i have turned my life around a lot since 8th grade.

48. I cuss a lot.

49. I'm pretty close to my dad.

50. I love fishing.

51. I'm a republican

52. It's hard to get my attention

53. My sister is MY best Friend..

54. i hate it when people say mean things about my friends

55. i only dring with my Family

56. i bite my nails

57. I'm extremely accident prone

58. I hate crying in front of people.

59. I cried at my sisters Graduation

60. I love spell check.

61. I sleep about anywhere.

62. I snore.

63. My biggest fears are love, and needles

64. Im a cheerleader

65. I find humor in the smallest of things

66. I love my best friends.

67. I am afraid of commitment

68. Im really good at lying

69. i dont like half the concerst i go to.

70. I feel like killing half the people i know..

71. I'm very lazy.

72. I love working out.

73. I listen to classical music A LOT.

74. I will adore you if you remember everything on this list

75. I love meeting new people.

76. I love watching court tv

78. I golf.

79. I dont like it in Colorado.

80. I wanna live in Minnesota.

81. I'm always eating, or hungry.

82. I get my license on June 25th 2008

83. Ineed a job!

84. I want a girlfriend.

85. I shop at good wIll.

From the moment i saw you
I swear there was a spark.
I thought you were pretty
So i took a shot in the dark.

For some weird reason
You liked me back.
In that moment I swear
My heart was attaked.

Not by a bullet
Or a knife
But by a feeling
I've wanted all my life

This feeling was different
I was happy, but scared
At that point i KNEW
That someone cared.

This person wasn't family
She was definatlely new.
I have this strange feeling
This person was you.

At 1:11 we met every day
I saw you sitting there with your friend
And i dreaded the days
your time with me would end.

I knew it was coming
From January on
It made me sad
You were gone=[

The days of hanging out
and laughing were over
it makes me want
to find a 4 leaf clover

I would wish for you
to come back to me
and together, finally
we would be.

Sounds good to me
How about you?
I'll give you my heart
What will you do?

Hold it forever
Keep it safe
or throw it to the ground
and make it break?

The first one sounds great
The seccond not so much
Cuz im pretty sure
I like you a bunch

You'll like me to
I'll bet you on that
Just give me a chance.
im really Phat.

Take my hand
Hold it tight
Because baby if you say yes
i'll treat you right.

girl friend application ;)

about you:

Name:

Age: 

Height:

Hair color:

Favorite color:

Tattoos or piercings?: 

Where do you live?

 

Drink/smoke/do drugs?: 

Would you care if i did drugs?:

Would you care if i drank?: 

Are you a virgin?:

Are you looking for sex?: 

Would you take my shirt off if you wanted it off?:

Would you leave it if i said no?

 

Would you kiss me anytime and anywhere for no reason?: 

Do you like to cuddle?:     

Do you like to go out?: 

What if i wanted to stay home and watch a movie with you?:

Would you make out with me in the rain if i wanted to?:

Would you hold my hand walking through the mall?: 

Would you push me up against a wall and kiss me?: 

What about random kisses?:  

Would you sleep over at my house and hold me all night?: 

Will you only call me sexy if you meant it?:  
Would you tell me if i didn't look good?:

 

Do you like to make out?: 

Do you like hickeys?:

Have you ever cheated on someone?:

Are you spontanious?: 

Willing to try new things?: 

Do you lie?:

Do you like your picture taken?: 

Do you drive?: 

Go to school? - what grade?:

 

Three favorite bands:

1. 

2. 

3.

 

Three favorite movies:

1.

2. 

3.

 

What do you think of: 

-ferrets?

-little dogs?: 

-gore?:

-spiders?

-snakes?

-scary movies?:

-messy rooms?: 

-playing/dancing in the rain?:   

-just hanging out doing nothing?: 

-talking about completly usless and random things for hours?: 

 

What do you think is my best feature?: 

What do you think is your best feature?: 

Am i hot?

Are you hot?

 

Any last words?

1st impression of me.

no matter when or how we met.

and tell me what you think of me now.

I'll Miss you.

Never to see your perfect self

running through the feilds of green.

 

your skin so soft, hair so perfect.

i'll love you forever.

as you once loved me.

 

i will miss the way

you walked by my side.

ever so gracefully.

the way we walked

hand in hand.

Your heart beating with mine.

 

I dont know what happened.

you seemed ever so happy.

i feel it was my fault.

 

I see you lie there.

With the cuts on your wrist.

your perfect body lying there.

a shame;

your life was way to short lived.

but lived to the fullest.

 

I feel the tears

running down my cheek

as i gently lay.

a single white rose.

on your chest.

then softly kiss your cheek.

 

i always thought.

the next time

i would be at this church.

was with you.

not FOR you.

i thought my funeral

would be way before yours.

 

slowly i drive home

and soon enough.

i'll be with you.

again.

soon enough.