Well, a week ago i could feel my left hand fingertips were slightly numb.  that went on for about 3 days, and then my left toes were a little numb too.  in all it lasted about 5 days.  then this morning it was back.  this time more intense.  its still jsut the left side,  but its going up my calf and up my arm.  and also this time i feel a little in my left ear and slightly dizzy. 

if i am dying i really hope i get to finish my story im writing first or i will be pissed.  maybe my painting too would be nice....oh well....

fuck it

  i love the ghost hunters show....

they are going through the 20 best peices of evidence they have gotten so far,   my favorites are one where they are walking around a edroom, some laying down on the bed, sitting in chairs, etc. but over the course of like 5 minutes, you see a lamp on the table SLOWLY inching across the table a total of like 5 inches. 

in a lighthouse, one teammember was sitting in a lawnchair in the attic, he leaves, it is the only door and its in camera frame, about 15 seconds later you see the lawn chair spin about a 90 degree turn, abouta foot of movement total,  wicked cool stuff,

a mother had a young daughter die, and they caught an evp of what sounds like a little girl saying hello mama,  wicked creepy

the worst so far being a guy in an armory ( in massachusetts of course haha )  and the sound guy was following behind as usual when his big ass camera bag was lifted up by something and hit him under the chin and knocked him on his ass.  what lifted his bag is up for grabds, but it werent friendly.  they got it on film and its pretty creepy.  kind of hard and odd to fake , but im still skeptical, just a very wary and scared kind of skeptical haha...

There have been a few moving objects, breaking glasses and things that were interesting, and a few physical manifestations that were fucking amazing, but my favorite of those was a clip were  they were in a morgue of some hospital or something and the were panning the thermal, they went over a doorway not 2 ft away from them, and a large man was standing in the doorway staring at them, not a reflection or anyhting, and fuckin scary....

i want to be a ghost hunter... id probly piss myself on a regular basis...

  When someone beats you with a flashlight, you make light shine in all directions.

use a stun gun when a person coming at youhas a good excuse.

it is in your self interest to find a way to be very tender.

The beginning of the war will be secret.

The conversation always turns to living long enough to have fun.

What country should you adopt if you hate poor people?

Use what is dominant in a culture to change it quickly.

Protect me from what i want.

You are caught thinking about killing anyone you want.

Its hard to know if yourecrazy if you feel youre in danger all the time now.

you cant reach the people who can killyou anytime so you have to go homeand think about what to do.

the future is stupid.

hide under water or anywhere so undisturbed you feel the jerk of pleasure when a idea comes.

Someone elses body is a placefor your mind to gowhen there is no safe place to sleep.

youre tired from walking all day and exhausted from the night ecause its twice as dangerous then.

its easy to get millionsof people on every continent to pledge allegiance to eating and equal oppurtunity.

go where peoples sleep and see if they are safe.

hands on your breast can keep your heart beating.

turn soft and levely anytime you have a chance.

it is fun to walk carelessly in a death zone.

you live the surprise results of old plans.

let your hand wander on flesh to make possibility multiply.

it is embarassing to be caught and killed for stupid reasons.

shoot into infinitespace to hit a target in time and call it inevitable.

you hover near lovely unconscious life forms that  offer no immediate resistance.

             My heart, received from my mother, my heart, without which life on earth was not possible, rise then not up against me in the presence of the gods in the great day of judgment when human thoughts, words, and acts shall all be weighed in a balance.

The Conqueror Worm..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

Poem lyrics of The Conqueror Worm by Edgar Allan Poe.

Lo! 'tis a gala night
Within the lonesome latter years!
An angel throng, bewinged, bedight
In veils, and drowned in tears,
Sit in a theatre, to see
A play of hopes and fears,
While the orchestra breathes fitfully
The music of the spheres.

Mimes, in the form of God on high,
Mutter and mumble low,
And hither and thither fly-
Mere puppets they, who come and go
At bidding of vast formless things
That shift the scenery to and fro,
Flapping from out their Condor wings
Invisible Woe!

That motley drama- oh, be sure
It shall not be forgot!
With its Phantom chased for evermore,
By a crowd that seize it not,
Through a circle that ever returneth in
To the self-same spot,
And much of Madness, and more of Sin,
And Horror the soul of the plot.

But see, amid the mimic rout
A crawling shape intrude!
A blood-red thing that writhes from out
The scenic solitude!
It writhes!- it writhes!- with mortal pangs
The mimes become its food,
And seraphs sob at vermin fangs
In human gore imbued.

Out- out are the lights- out all!
And, over each quivering form,
The curtain, a funeral pall,
Comes down with the rush of a storm,
While the angels, all pallid and wan,
Uprising, unveiling, affirm
That the play is the tragedy, "Man,"
And its hero the Conqueror Worm.

The Art,...
ok , well after doing some rummaging, i found a bunch of old art venues i attended and people i worked with, 
[ this list is incomplete and in no chronological order ] ..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O />

MindMined.com,
Mindfest 2004,
Space Junkies Magazine, 
Eye Candy Magazine,
The Hippo Press,
Dark Sky at the Sky bar in Cambridge Mass.,
NEDSW Ball 2005 (?),
The Middle East bar,
Convergence 11 in San Diego CA,
Awkwardart.com,
PGM Fest; battle of the bands,
New Hampshire Institute of Art,
Forbidden Fruit adult novelty shop and boutique,
The State Prison Lightshow,
Bill T Miller

The Bands:

Dreamchild,
Seven Sunless Days,
RhythmShip,
Joshua Jones,
The Dirge carollers,
Mass Dirge,
Wysteriax,
Thylacine,
The Tuna Helpers,
The Sob Sisters,
Mongrel,
48 Rooms,
Twink,
Platform One,
Lilac Ambush,
Cheaper than Goodwill,
Pamela Martinez,
Foundation,
New Remorse,
Roots of creation,
Primary Others,
groofus,
Oddway,
2ft Taxi,
and all the other bands from Mindfest 04

        If i forgot anyone i apologize. let me know so i can add ya...

Ive had a few awards, 1 from the State of Hawaii, both the House of Representatives and the Senate.  I recieved an award from the Coca Cola company ( to include a soda machine with my art and name on it, kinda cool i think)  there were a couple others, i dont remember who from tho.