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Dynamite D



Last Updated: 11/18/2008

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Gender: Female
Sign: Leo

Country: US

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Friday, August 24, 2007 

Current mood:  crushed
Category: Life
Hello all, I am writing this blog with a very heavy heart. Yesterday, Jacob, Jeremy, and I found our little chihuahua, Cookie, by the side of the road. He had been hit by a bike or a car and he was killed. Digging his grave to bury him was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It was over 100 degrees and I could not stop crying. You may think that I am over reacting to this tragedy, so let me explain to you what roll Cookie played in our home. You see, I have some severe health problems. Cookie played a BIG part helping me control myself as i delt with these problems! Cookie was my calming influence when I was way up in a manic phase, and my comfort when I was down. He helped me make it through Todd's many absences with the military and all the ups and downs of life. He was my lifeline when I felt all alone and he loved me when I felt I didn't deserve love. He ALWAYS wanted to be with me even when everyone else did not! I buried one of my BEST FRIENDS yesterday and a beloved member of our family. It took me 4 hours to dig his grave through roots and hard TX clay. I couldn't see through the tears and sweat that stung my eyes. We wrapped him in his yellow blanket and I almost dug him back up today because I forgot to put his slipper in there with him.  I guess I will keep that with me as a memento of one of the sweetest spirits I have ever known. I have felt horrible knowing that he was hurt and I was not there comforting him the way he ALWAYS comforted me. He was always there for me and I was not there when he needed me the most. I find comfort in the fact that his spirit does still live on and hopefully, I will be able to see him again and say Thank You for being there for me and I'm sorry that I was not there when you needed me!
 
Cookie, you will truly be missed!!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007 

Current mood:  thoughtful

Here I sit among unpaid bills and lists of chores that sill need attention and I wonder why. Why clean the kitchen when it will be dirty before I will see it again because of the breakfast mess that I know my boys will make as they rise with the sun to watch their cartoons. Why clean the TV room when it will just get cluttered with Kessie's toys again as soon as she wakes up and scoots all over the house? Why do the laundry when the hampers will be full again in two days? Why cook dinner when it just makes another mess and it is gone in 20 minutes? Why take care of this months bills when I know I will get new ones next month. Why care? Why try? Why go on? Well, beacuse others expect me to? Becasue if I don't take care of these things, who will? It's becasue I love the people I take care of and I want them to be happy. It's beacuae I am worth it!!

I like the sense of accomplishment I get from a job well done. I like knowing that my baby can crawl around on a clean floor that won't give her some strange disease or ailment. I like seeing my kids in clean clothes so they don't have to go out into public looking like street urchins. I like knowing that I could walk into ANY store that I wanted and be approved instantly for a line of credit. I like being able to take care of myself. I like the warm fuzzies I get after solving a tough problem. I like learning from my trials, and I like the hard times because they make me a better person. Would it be easier to go through life without having to worry about the bills, wash the dishes, clean the clothes, mop the floors, mow the lawn, hurry the kids off to school and help with the homework when they get home, wipe runny noses, take care of owie tummies, or change dirty diapers? Well, of course it would! But would it be as fulfilling or as rewarding?

NOT ON YOUR LIFE!

So, as I sit here tonight and worry over how the bills will get paid this month; or how much I still need to do to organize my new home; or how tired and worn out I feel just keeping up with the day to day chores, I know in my heart that I cannot give up or give in! I know that others are counting on me to do my part! I know that I am needed and loved and that no matter how much I don't get done today, there is always tomorrow! I know that as long as I have hugged and played with my baby, read to my boys, laughted with my daughter, and told my sweetie how much I love him that the day has not been wasted and that my time has been well spent. In short, I keep going because of love. If there is anything in this short life that is worth the effort, LOVE IS!!!

Saturday, August 11, 2007 

Current mood:  lazy

 

Well, we are now in Texas and doing well. We ended up renting my Aunt and Uncle's house and we LOVE IT!! It is very nice with huge yards and a pool!!! YEA!! Both dogs have lost weight and they love being able to run around again!!

We hope to be in Texas for at least 4 years. (So that Larissa can complete high school here!) I still can't believe that she is going into High School this year! The boys (Jacob and Jeremy) will be starting middle school! (6th grade) Boy, where does time go?

Kessiva, aka Kessie, is doing really well. She is finally crawling, but she only crawls on one knee, or she scoots around on her bum. She doesn't like to put her knees on the stone and hardwood floors here, but she loves sliding around on them. She gets mad when we put her on carpet and she can't scoot herself forward on her bum! She started playing the "SO BIG" game with us the other day and she loves sticking out her tongue. She was 8 months old on July 21st!

The boys just turned 12 yesterday! I can't believe that they are that old. It is insane! They will be going to Young Men's Sunday at church. It just blows my mind!

I am doing well. Just trying to get settled here and get all unpacked and moved in. My bathroom is FINALLY done, and there in only ONE box left in my bedroom! YEA!! Kessie's room is the temporary tornado room for now. Don't worry Kessie, I will get to it!!

Todd is in training right now in Oklahoma. He is going to be doing a Captain's job and he is still a lieutenant. So this could be a really good move. He drove home this weekend because he is speaking in church on Sunday. (I get to speak the last Sunday of the month!) Neither of us have calling yet, and this is the longest that I have been in a new ward without a calling. It has been kind of nice to just "go to church"! I like listening to others for a change!

Anyway, got to get back to work. The yard needs a touch up! Thank goodness Uncle Darryl left us his riding lawn mower!! THANX!!

Bye for now and Keep in Touch!!