I don't think I've posted a bulletin since I got on Twitter, but for anyone who has an account on there and wants to follow me, my URL is as follows:
www.twitter.com/kidrockgroupie
The picture you should see is the same one of Kid Rock and me that is on my MySpace. If you don't have twitter yet, get off your butt, get out there and get it done!

Kid Rock should read this article! Think I'll keep it and print it for him next time I meet him. He wouldn't have to look very far if he wanted to find out that there could be some truth behind this. :) Go out today and find a blind person near you! LOL. :)

Blindness and Sexuality: Researching Myths and Facts Summary Report: Distributed by: National Data Distribution Center (NDDC) April 1, 2009 Atlanta Georgia

The two hundredth anniversary of the birth of Louis Braille is being celebrated by the US mint with the production of a silver coin commemorating the man who created the modern reading system used by many blind people. Unfortunately, although blind people work and live normal lives, they are still different in many ways and their experiences are a matter of curiosity amongst the sighted population. For most of us, the question, "What is it like to be blind?," has entered our minds more than once.

Research, some of it useful and much of it not, about how people who are blind perceive the world, abounds. One of the more interesting topics of study is sexuality among the blind. The story, goes that blind people are incredible sexual partners--somehow being extremely sensitive to their partners and, being able to stimulate them far more than the average person.


Masters and Johnson were so intrigued by this subject that they collected data over several years from those who had had sex with blind people. Surprisingly, what they thought would be myths, turned out to be true. The results were stunning. On average, women rated their blind partners 9.1 on a scale of 10. The average rating was five for sighted partners.

"This research has been duplicated several times," says Author Mary Roach, author of, 2008 best seller, Bonk: the Curious Coupling of Science and Sex. The data hasn't attracted much attention because blindness is such a low incidence event. "We usually print things that have broad interest. And, even though this indicates that blind people are incredibly sexual, there aren't really enough of them to go around."

Comments from sighted partners were astounding. "He seemed like he knew my soul," from a 23 year old female. "Her tongue knew just how to touch every part of me if you know what I mean," from a college male. One woman commented, "The things he could do with his fingers were beyond description in this survey. It's not that he was built bigger than other men, it just seemed like he touched me inside with it all over," she said with a shy smile.

When William Masters was asked, in a 1971 interview, why he didn't draw more attention to these findings he said, "I didn't know anything about blindness. We were publishing information of general interest about sexuality and this just didn't fit that mold. Perhaps some day researchers will help us understand why blind people have such incredible sexual capacities and we'll be able to use that information to increase the abilities of others. Until then, a very few lucky men and women will experience the phenomena of sex with a blind person."

There is a down side to this research. When interviewed, blind people generally expressed frustration about sexuality. Broadly speaking, they divided sighted people into three groups. First is the group who simply want to have sex with them for the thrill and experience of it. "We feel used," was the most common thing reported. second, was the group who simply couldn't see themselves with a blind husband or wife. "They want to be with us, but don't see us as fathers and mothers, for example," was often heard. the third group were those who "get it" as one blind man put it. "They can see beyond blindness and except us for who we are. Blindness just fades into the background and becomes another characteristic."

The sad truth is that although blind people work, raise families, travel independently and generally speaking, live normal lives, the public perception is the opposite. The image of the helpless beggar still lurks in our minds. Sighted people report that the fear of blindness overwelms their rationality. "I know that I shouldn't let blindness interfere with how I think about my partner, but, I can't help it," said a young college student engaged to a blind physicist working at NASA. "Yes, he has money, and yes, he's sexy, and oh, my god, can he please me, if you know what I mean. The hardest thing is getting over this image of him as a helpless blind man. We sail, bike ride and horse back ride. I can't think of anything he can't do except drive, but, I'll admit, the image of a helpless blind man still haunts me. People look at him with such pity and I just want to scream, "You don't get it you fools."" But she admits that making the decision to mary is difficult.

Chad, a young blind college student says he finds the whole sex thing a bit distracting. "Sure I can please women more than my sighted friends can, and frankly, it's because they just don't pay attention to women and what their bodies and hearts are saying. Women will tell you everything you need to know if you just listen and feel."

We give you all of this information with the caviat that perhaps only one in six thousand people is an eligible blind man or woman, so, happy searching.

You never know what kind of people you'll meet while waiting to see the doctor. LOL. I had an appointment to see my pediatrist on Friday. For those who don't remember or those who may be new to reading my blog since last year at that time, I have something called a tailers bunion. I had my left foot operated on in June of 2008 and will have the right one operated on in February. Anyway, I was sitting there with a friend of mine and we were talking, and this old lady starts trying to make conversation. Everything was going normally, she asked about my dog, etc. She mentioned to us that she was 77 and was talking about her foot problem and why she was there. She told us she was filling out her medical history paperwork, and a few minutes later, just as loudly as she had been saying everything else, she asks, "Can anyone tell me what STD stands for? It's on the medical history section of my paperwork and I'm trying to figure out if I've had it before." LOL. There were only three others in the room, aside from the staff behind the counter. So I paused for a moment, and then I said, "It means sexually transmitted disease." She said, "Are you sure it doesn't mean standard?" I said, "If it's used in a medical context on a medical history form, and in any other way I've seen it used, it means sexually transmitted disease." She laughed and seemed a bit embarrassed and went about the rest of her business that afternoon. LOL. It was some great entertainment for what was a long day that day.

My gosh how time flies! I just looked and realized that I haven't done a blog post since October 7. Wow. To be honest, I have been busier than normal the past few months and haven't had as much time as I would like to be on here. I appreciate that you all continue to check out my page and that you haven't given up since I've practically fallen off the face of the earth, ha ha! I will try and start commenting back when people comment me and try to comment people even when they don't, I'm really slacking in that department, sorry. I do try and get around to answering messages though as much as I can. If anyone wants to e-mail me off MySpace so I will respond to you sooner than a year later, LOL, you can do so at

chasityvanda@charter.net

Anyway, on October 20, I went to New York from that date until November 9 to get my second guide dog. I wanted to post about that because a lot of you had asked me and that's cool. I ended up with a feisty little golden retriever named Hadley who has a mind of her own. She was raised by two separate families in the Cleveland, Ohio area. I was surprised because I always thought the guide dog schools chose raisers who were within driving distance to their area, but I was informed that they had puppy raisers in a variety of states as long as those states were within their region, whatever that means. LOL. So seeing as the puppy raisers Hadley was raised by lived in Ohio, I figured they wouldn't show up to the graduation where it is customary for graduates to meet the families who raised their dogs. But I was pleasantly surprised to have met them that day. They drove nine hours to meet me and attend the graduation so they could see Hadley one last time. They hung out for about three or four hours and took me out to dinner that evening. They gave me several bags of gifts such as a scrap book that contained over a hundred or more pictures of Hadley, a DVD of Hadley throughout the raising process, a couple toys Hadley used to play with from the time she was a baby, etc. After I got home, they mailed me two more DVD's, one was of us hanging out after meeting and the other was one of Hadley and her litter mates when they were all babies. They also mailed me a ton more pictures that I don't even know what to do with. LOL. These people are definitely into pictures and recording events on DVD. In the four hours we hung out, they took over three hundred pictures and filmed a lot of it on DVD. I constantly heard cameras going off and it reminded me of an event where there would be paparazzi or something, LOL.

You can read the bio they did of Hadley and me at the website below. For all my fellow Kid Rock stalkers and fans, LOL, definitely check it out because it mentions him. Once at this website, click on a link that says meet more graduates, and then go to the October 2008 class link, and of course my first name is Chasity, so look for that. I will give that URL at the end of this post.

Anyway, the puppy raisers asked if I would keep in touch with them and I agreed. I definitely understand them wanting to see Hadley throughout her life as it takes a year and a half to raise a guide dog, and they obviously devoted a lot of time to her and have their own attachment to her. The guide dogs are raised by the puppy raisers for a year and a half to two years, and then they go back to the school for four months for intense training from instructors. By the end of the whole process, it costs fifty thousand dollars to fully train a guide dog before they are matched with the person they will guide. The person receiving the dog does not pay a dime, the entire expense is picked up by the school. They are a non-profit organization, and I was astounded when I was told they must raise seventeen million dollars a year just to keep the school going for one year. They give out approximately a hundred and twenty dogs a year and each dog's training is fifty thousand dollars, plus the rest is to pay the employees to train the dogs, etc. I was shocked! I plan to go to Cleveland sometime in 2009 to see Hadley's puppy raisers. They joked with me and said if Kid Rock ever came to Cleveland, they would watch her while I went to the show. LOL. I may take them up on that in the future. I will be giving another site at the end of this post that also has several pages of pictures of Hadley on it from when she was a baby until the graduation where they met me, so look for both of those links. Now that Hadley and I are home, it will take a year for our bond to form completely and for us to get to work together really well. It is common and expected in the first year for guide dogs to be distracted or test the new people they are with. Even though they have had their intense training, they still test their new owners because they are new people and in new environments, and they want to see if maybe this new person will let them get away with things the other trainer wouldn't go for. Hadley is very young and wild and has a mind of her own sometimes, so I will have to work extra hard to make sure she is properly disciplined so she will work well for years to come. When I went there and they asked me what I wanted in a dog, I told them, "Give me the dog you have with the most feisty personality, I want the dog with the biggest attitude that really has a mind of its own. I want a spitfire." They must have asked me ten times or more if I was 100% certain that was what I wanted, and I said yes, I want a challenge! So they matched me with her and said out of all one hundred sixty dogs they currently have, and of the ones that were ready to be guide dogs, she was the one that had the most attitude. Whenever we would really have to work with her on a particular problem she might have during our training in class, my instructors would jokingly mimmock me and say, "I want a dog with a really feisty attitude. Give me the dog that has the biggest attitude problem." LOL. When we were on the plain coming home, I had to use the bathroom, and anyone who has ever flown knows how small those bathrooms on planes are. I asked the flight attendant to hold her leash while I went in, and I explained that she could not play with her or pet her since she was a new dog. When I came out, she said that Hadley started kicking her and batting her with her paw while I was gone. LOL. She was just as happy as she could be about it too, just laughing her ass off. Hadley is a very fast walker, and the people at the airport who were helping me find my friend Rebecca who came to pick me up were catching their breath trying to keep up with Hadley and me.

Since I've been back, I've just been extremely busy and haven't had time to update sooner. In February of this year, I had a friend from Detroit come visit me who is also blind. While he was here, his living situation back home changed and he could no longer live in the place he was living in because the other people moved out while he was here visiting me. He said he didn't want to move to the new place where they were living because there were too many people in the house. I don't mind him living here if he pulls his weight and pays his share of rent and expenses. Anyway, he has emphysema and it has never been treated. He hadn't been to a primary care doctor in a few years, let alone a specialist. I just kept pressuring him to go. He was diagnosed with emphysema in April. For some time, he didn't want to do anything about it, but his breathing has gotten worse. On the last visit, his primary care doctor strongly recommended he see a pulmanologist (lung doctor, however you spell it, LOL). So his records were faxed to this new doctor earlier in the week and they are supposed to call us this coming week to let us know when his appointment is. I had to take him to the emergency room at 3am on Christmas morning because his breathing was really out of control. We were back by 6am. I have another friend who has the same thing and he has been giving me advice on what to do about the friend who currently lives with me and what we need to suggest to the lung doctor during his appointment. So I have just been busy trying to help him out too. I've learned that it's not at all easy to help someone when they aren't sure whether or not they want the help and when they do nothing but throw a pity party for themselves. He always talks about how he's gonna die one of these times, and gets to feeling sorry for himself, and I have gotten to the point where I say, "Yeah, you're probably right." I really don't have very much respect or tolerance for people who sit around feeling sorry for themselves, yet do nothing about it. To me, it's just a game they play for attention.

So anyway, sorry to ramble on, but I haven't updated in a while and wanted to let everyone know what was up lately. Other than that, I've just been going out with friends, making sure Hadley gets plenty of practice since she's new, etc. Will try to be on here more in the coming year!

Here is the link for the bio:
www.guidingeyes.org

And here is the link for several pages of pics of Hadley
http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8FZsWLlq0USZw

Hey all, Check out my show today. The URL to listen is at: www.blinkbangradio.net I'm on from noon-3 central, 1-4 eastern. Anyway, everyone check out the show if ya want. Chas

Hey everyone, I will be broadcasting on the Q Online today starting at noon central, 1 eastern. For those of you who don't know, my show is a variety show. The station is licensed, so I can play whatever I want. I cannot play bootlegs though, but anything else is fine. I play all genres of music from country, classic rock, oldies, hip hop, Christian, R&B, and as little rap as possible. LOL. I don't like most rap, but will play it if someone requests something. I have an eclectic style of music and it shows in my show. I am actually filling in for someone today. Since I'll be going to NY 2 weeks from today, I wanted to go overtime a bit. So instead of a 3 hour show, I will be on longer. I don't know how much longer, the station owner said I could go over however long I wanted, so I will just say I'll be on the air until I feel like I don't want to broadcast anymore. LOL. I will probably do a 4 or 5 hour show. People can make requests. Feel free to distribute this if you would like and have anyone listen. The address to tune in is: www.theqonline.net The e-mail address to write to me during the show is: americanbadasschas@theqonline.net My DJ name is American Bad Ass Chas, but don't let that fool ya! It was just a catchy name for radio and American Bad Ass is the title of a Kid Rock song, for those who aren't familiar with his music. LOL. And being the HUGE Kid Rock groupie / stalker / fan that I am, ha ha, of course I would incorporate something having to do with him into my show. But it is a good time, I don't play any of that music where you can't understand half the shit the artist is saying, I don't like that. The music played is uncensored though, but I don't intentionally play a lot of songs with F bombs in them, but they're definitely there. LOL. But just wanted to warn everyone that I do play an adult content promo at the beginning due to the music in the show being uncensored. Most of it is not a worry though. So please listen if you can today and let others know about it. I will be on another station tomorrow too, but will advertise that later so not to confuse anyone. If you are listening, feel free to drop me an e-mail at the address given above, so I can say hey to you on the air and play a request or requests if you have any. God bless and have a great week! Chasity aka American Bad Ass Chas

Hello: This Friday, October 3, a new movie will premiere in theaters across the country. The movie is entitled Blindness and it reflects the book of the same title. Many of us in the National Federation of the Blind find this movie an abomination because of the stereotypes it presents about blindness. There is already ignorance in society regarding blindness, and we feel that this movie adds to societal misconceptions and stereotypes. As a result, affiliates of the National Federation of the Blind will picket and protest at theaters across the nation. I strongly encourage everyone to read the thorough explanation below and please distribute this to others as widely as possible so they understand how poorly this movie will stereotype blindness and what a truly awful message it will send to the already uneducated public. Our societal impression of blindness comes in large part from what is portrayed by the popular media. We all know that major movies can form the opinions of millions. This coming Friday, October 3, 2008, Hollywood releases Blindness, The Movie. This movie confirms the worst stereotypes of blindness and puts on the level with the most depraved in our society. Below you will find a draft of a "Frequently Asked Questions" document that we will be distributing next week. It describes the movie and anticipates questions we will receive. We are an organization of action and now we will act. Next Friday, we plan to organize informational protests at movie theaters all across the nation. We want to do at least two such protests here in Colorado. We will, of course, conduct one right here in Denver and we will do another in Colorado Springs. These will likely take place in early evening. Please stay tuned and come out and join us on the picket lines. We have to send society a much different message about the capacities of the blind. As I say, details will be forth-coming on Monday. Frequently Asked Questions Q: What is the premise and plot of the movie Blindness? A: Blindness is based on a novel of the same name by the Portuguese writer José Saramago. The premise of the movie is that unnamed residents of an unnamed city in an unnamed country suddenly and mysteriously go blind. Those who experience the blindness see only a white glare, so the blindness is sometimes called the "white sickness." Fearing that the blindness is contagious, the government quarantines the victims in an abandoned and dilapidated mental asylum, with orders that anyone attempting to leave is to be killed immediately. The prisoners are supposed to be given food and supplies, but food deliveries are inadequate and increasingly become irregular. The asylum also becomes filthy because the blind inmates, as portrayed in the movie, cannot find their way to the bathroom and simply relieve themselves on the floor or in their own beds. Some of the inmates die from infection, disease, or from gunshot wounds when they try to escape or simply become lost and wander too close to the guards. One group of inmates, led by the wife of a former eye doctor who can still see but is feigning blindness to remain with her husband, fare slightly better than the rest; this is solely because the doctor's wife assists the blind, who are portrayed as being unable to do anything for themselves. As food supplies dwindle, one group of blind inmates, whose leader has acquired a gun and dubs himself "the king of Ward Three," begins to terrorize the others. The armed clique in ward three hordes all the food, extorting money and valuables from the other inmates and eventually demanding sex with the women from other wards in exchange for allowing the rest of the inmates to eat. One of the members of this clique, who was born blind and is not a victim of the white sickness, knows how to read and write Braille and is given the task of taking inventory of the valuables stolen from the other inmates. Rather than helping the other inmates adjust to their blindness, he uses his knowledge of how to function as a blind person to assist the criminal gang. When the women from the ward where the doctor's wife resides go to ward three to exchange sex for food, one of them is beaten to death as she is raped. The doctor's wife later kills the King of Ward Three, but the man who was born blind takes his place as leader of the armed gang and threatens to avenge the "king" by killing the doctor's wife. Being blind, however, he is unable to shoot her and she escapes unharmed. The rest of the inmates finally decide to do battle with the gang in ward three; during the fight, someone sets a pile of bedding alight, starting a fire that soon engulfs the entire asylum. During the ensuing confusion, the man who was born blind shoots himself. When the surviving inmates, including the group led by the doctor's wife, escape the burning asylum, they discover that no soldiers are standing guard and therefore they are free. Outside the makeshift prison, everyone has gone blind and the city has descended into total chaos; no government services or businesses are functioning, and nomadic groups of mostly naked blind people wander through the streets, squatting in abandoned houses and shops for shelter and taking food where they can find it-including in rubbish heaps. There is no electricity or running water, so the streets and buildings of the city are as filthy as the asylum was. Dogs that people used to keep as pets have gone wild and roam in packs, feeding on refuse and human corpses. The home of the doctor and his wife, however, is intact, and their group sets up permanent residence there. Just as this small "family" is beginning to make a life for itself, people begin to regain their sight just as suddenly and mysteriously as they went blind. Q: Have you seen the film? A: Yes. Members of the staff of the National Federation of the Blind were permitted to screen the film. Many other members of the National Federation of the Blind have read the novel, and according to the filmmakers themselves, the movie is "true to the book." Q: How will this film harm blind people? A: Blind people already suffer from irrational prejudice based on ignorance and misconceptions about our capabilities and characteristics. This prejudice-which is based on ignorance and low expectations but is no less harmful than prejudice based on ethnicity, religion, or sex--is the cause of the overwhelming majority of problems experienced by blind people, including an unemployment rate that exceeds 70 percent and the lack of proper education for blind children. This movie will further entrench myths and misconceptions about blindness and blind people, thereby contributing to the barriers to equal participation in society that we face. Q: What is wrong with the way blind people are portrayed in the film? A: Blindness falsely depicts blind people as incapable of almost everything. Even accepting that most of the characters are newly blind and thus have not learned certain skills needed to function effectively as a blind person, their complete and utter incompetence is simply not credible to anyone who has had even casual contact with actual blind people. The blind people in the film are unable to dress or bathe themselves; they usually go about naked or nearly naked and relieve themselves on the floor or in their own beds. The doctor's wife is shown helping him dress by holding his pants so that he can step into them, and he comments at one point that she even has to clean him after he has defecated. In reality, even newly blinded individuals do not experience this level of incapacity; they do not forget how to dress, wash, or use the toilet. The blind people in the movie are portrayed as perpetually disoriented and having no sense of direction or ability to remember the route from one place to another; in fact, blind people regularly travel independently using white canes or guide dogs. The blind people who are not completely helpless in the novel and movie are depraved monsters, withholding food from the others in exchange for money, jewelry, and sex. One of the worst of these criminals is a man who was born blind and has adapted to his blindness, yet he sides with the criminal gang of ward three, participating in brutal rapes and attempting to kill inmates from the other wards. Thus, all of the blind people in the film are portrayed either as helpless invalids or degenerate criminals. The movie suggests that blindness completely alters the human personality, resulting either in total incapacity or villainous evil. The movie also makes it clear that blindness is cause for complete and irreversible despair; one blind man comments, "I'd rather die than stay like this." Blind people, in fact, do live happy lives once they have learned to accept their blindness and adjust to it. The movie also suggests that the blind must always defer to the sighted; when the doctor's wife leaves him outside a supermarket so she can attempt to find food, he says, "I know my place." The dignity, worth, and individuality of blind people is constantly denigrated in this way throughout the movie. The National Federation of the Blind objects to this portrayal of the blind because it simply isn't accurate. Blind people are simply a cross-section of society who happen to share the physical characteristic of being unable to see. The blind are employed in almost every profession imaginable, have homes and families, raise children, do volunteer work in their communities, and generally lead normal, productive lives. To the extent this is not the case, it is not due to blindness but rather to the misconceptions and stereotypes that society holds about blindness and blind people. This film will further those myths and misconceptions and deepen public prejudice against the blind. Most members of the public do not know a blind person and may therefore assume that this portrayal of what blindness is like is accurate and true. It is not, and the falsehoods in this film will damage the prospects for equal opportunity, productivity, dignity, and happiness for blind people throughout the world. Q: Isn't this just a matter of political correctness, or a difference of opinion with the novelist and filmmakers? A: No. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion, but not his or her own facts. Even fiction has an obligation to be somewhat accurate and realistic, just like any other art form does; otherwise it bears no relationship to the world as we know it. If an artist were to create a painting called "Elephant," but the picture in fact represented a giraffe, a camel, or a creature from the artist's own imagination, than any art critic-or any layman-would point out that the picture does not, in fact, represent an elephant, and the person pointing out the inconsistency would not be accused of "political correctness" or a "difference of opinion" with the artist, but would be recognized as having good common sense. The portrait of blind people in this movie is simply wrong; artistic license does not permit a writer or a filmmaker to make false assertions about an entire group of people. The stereotyping of blind people is just as inappropriate as the stereotyping of African-Americans, women, Muslims, or any other group of individuals who share common characteristics. Q: Isn't blindness being used as a metaphor in the novel and film? A: Yes, and this is one of the movie's main problems. Blindness is simply the physical characteristic of being unable to perceive things with the eyes, but the author and filmmakers want it to be a metaphor for everything that is bad about human nature. At the very least, blindness represents lack of insight or perception in this film; arguably it represents even worse traits, since many of the blind characters engage in rape, murder, and other forms of criminal behavior. Blind people, however, are not stupid or incapable of discernment. Although we cannot see with our eyes, we are aware of the world around us through our other senses and through the alternative techniques we use to learn about our environment, such as traveling with a white cane, reading and writing Braille, and using technology. Blindness is no more an appropriate "metaphor" than other physical characteristics, like hair color or ethnicity. Movies in which all of the villains have dark skin or a foreign accent are rightly criticized as employing racial stereotypes. If a movie were to be made in which people's hair suddenly turned blonde and all of the characters with blonde hair were vapid idiots, then people with blonde hair would rightly be outraged. In today's society, it should likewise be unacceptable for blindness to be used as a stand-in for depravity, incompetence, and lack of understanding. Q: Doesn't your protest violate the First Amendment rights of the filmmakers? A: No. The First Amendment protects the production and screening of this film, but it also protects our right to protest its production and screening and to tell the public that it portrays blind people in an outrageously false manner. Q: Have you brought your concerns to the attention of the filmmakers? A: Yes. We sent letters to officials involved with the production of the film but received no response. We can only conclude that the makers of this movie chose to ignore our concerns.

I haven't updated in quite some time because I've been away a lot this week. But here is what's going on. On Friday, I got a call from the vet who diagnosed her with the gastric carcinoma. He informed me of a study that was taking place at the University of Missouri which is here in Columbia, MO. He gave me the contact info for them and I started talking to them. They are doing a study to put dogs on chemotherapy pills and the study is to find out if they have the right dose to treat dogs. They have done this study on other dogs with other cancers, but not on a dog with her rare type of cancer, so they have no proof it will definitely work, but the doctors were very optimistic it would give me even a short time with her. I am not getting my hopes up because I realize it may not work at all, it's in the experimental stages. But it may even give her a couple extra weeks or they said it could even give her another six months.

I did not tell anyone until now about the study because they were afraid it was too late in her cancer for her to qualify. My aunt and I spent all day Wednesday there in Columbia at the vet hospital, and they ran tons of tests on Vanda to see if she'd qualify. They were extremely surprised at how normal her blood work came back, and they did lots of ex-rays and said the cancer had not spread anywhere. Her liver and kidneys were still fine too. They said this is a very good sign that it may not be too late. She is still not eating because it bothers her stomach to do so, but they gave her this food called A/D in a can that has a lot of calories in it. I mix it 50/50 with water and feed it to her through a syringe. They doubted she'd take it in and said she might try and spit it out at me. She hasn't vomited it up and she hasn't spit it out either. So it's digesting in her and giving her what she needs. I was also surprised to learn that her weight hasn't gone down anymore.

A lot of people are concerned that I am not letting Vanda go and I won't know when and if she's suffering. Stomach carcinoma is mainly nausea. They said I will know when it's time to let her go because she will refuse to move or perk her head up, and if it becomes sudden, she will throw up blood. So I will not let her suffer or get to the point where she's repeatedly vomiting blood. But she's not even near that right now. She still has energy to go outside and she wants to play with other dogs and walk around everywhere.

I gave her her first round of chemotherapy yesterday. It was four pills yesterday, and three for the next four days. So she has five days on chemo and three weeks off, and five days on again and three weeks off. Besides the chemo, she's on three other medications. She's on Prilosec to help with the nausea, Cerenia to help with the nausea, and Sucralfate to help line and cote her stomach. So I give her the chemo in the morning on an empty stomach. An hour later I give her the cerenia and prilosec. An hour later I feed her through the syringe. An hour after that I give her sucralfate, and I repeat the sucralfate every 6 hours and I give the prilosec two hours after the sucralfate. The cerenia is given once a day and so is the chemo. I feed her half a syringe twice a day. My best friend Becca came yesterday and watched me do all this for the first time and she said it went very well. She is coming a lot to help out with Vanda. I love my Becca! She's helped Vanda a ton in the past and I feel very comfortable with her. There was a time when she skipped 3 days of college and sped here to St. Louis from Columbia because Vanda needed to be given fluids. So we stayed awake with her all night and Becca gave her the fluids through a needle that we stuck in her scruff.

Anyway, that's what's going on right now. So we're just taking it day by day and seeing what happens because it's completely unpredictable at this point. I'll update when I know more.
Chasity

The vet called today and said Vanda has carcinoma in her stomach. She
could have a few days or a few weeks, at the most. We're going to my parents
house tonight and staying a while. Because I want to spend as much time with
her as I can, I want to be ready when it's time. I want her to have
transportation right there available to her if it's too painful to bear. My
mom and dad thought about that and told me "What if she starts screaming in
pain in the middle of the night?" And so I want to be there as close to
transportation as possible and not have to wait for a cab to pull up or have
to take her on a stupid bus in the middle of the night or anytime for that
matter. So she is just going to live out the last of her life there at their
house where it began 8 years ago. There is no treatment for this at all
because it's carcinoma. Her puppy raiser called and wanted to talk to me
and I can't even compose myself enough to talk to him right now so I will
try and call him back later. I'm leaving tonight and not sure when I'll be back.

I'm going to do the same thing I did last time and just copy here what I put in an e-mail earlier. Thank you all for your comments to the last one. I will update when I know more.

On Wednesday, Vanda had an ultra sound done. They found blood in her stool and they found that she had an irritated stomach. At that point, they thought it was just her IBS acting up. But she had an endoscopy done today and it showed that her stomach was extremely bumpy and inflamed. They took a ton of biopsies and sent them off, and they say they will have them Friday or Monday. They have suspicions that she has lymphoma of the stomach. If she does, they said she will be lucky to have three more months left if I decide to treat it. If I don't, she would have weeks. I have already made up my mind for sure that I will treat this to give me as much time as I can have with her and I won't be convinced otherwise by anyone. What is ironic, is that two or three weeks ago, my parents found out their Rottweiler has cancer and he has a year left to live. I was very attached to him as well. So now we're all going through this. They too are treating it. They are giving him chemo every week. But his is called external lymphoma, so the expectancy for him is longer because his lymphoma is in a different area than Vanda's potential cancer. The other thing they said it could be is a stomach disease called Hypertrophic Gastritis. But their suspicions are leaning more toward cancer. Let's just hope they're wrong and it turns out to be the other thing because that other stomach disease is not fatal. Either way, Vanda is now retired, even if it is the stomach thing.

Last year, when Vanda had the cancer in her toe and had it amputated, I actually had some sons of bitches who are so-called friends recommending that I put her down because of that. If anyone recommends that I put her down if she has lymphoma, I will not think twice about telling them where they can go, what they can do, and not talking to them ever again in my life, I swear to God. It's my choice if I want to treat it or not, and it's my time and money that are being affected, no one else's, so it's not anyone else's place to say what they think I should do because it's not their dog. I'm not trying to sound like a bitch, and I'm not referring to anyone who is getting this e-mail, I am just saying in general, that I think people open their mouths too much sometimes and talk shit just to hear themselves talk and give advice. But those of you who are getting this have been extremely supportive and I think that's awesome!! So I'm not aiming that attitude towards anyone in particular, I'm just thinking out loud. I know a lot of people who would put their dogs down if they found out they had 3 months left, and I'm not knocking those people one bit because that's their decision, but I don't want people to try and convince me that I should put Vanda down either.

I was supposed to go Friday and get my dressing taken off my foot and get my dissolvable stitches trimmed down and get back into a tennis shoe, but I am rescheduling that. Hopefully it has no bad impact on me if the stitches don't get trimmed right then, but if it does oh well. I have to stay home and wait for this call and I'll have to deal with my foot next week.

The papers have been in for some time now for me to get my next dog. I don't even want to think about that right now, but it's something that will come up sooner or later. The only thing I need to do now is fax over my medical form for my doctor and everything will be in and I can hopefully get into a class this fall. I will wait until everything has been dealt with concerning Vanda before doing anything though. If she has the non-fatal stomach disorder, I'll wait till she's stable on medicine. If she has the cancer, I will spend the rest of her life with her and not go until everything is done.

Someone asked me today how long I had her. I told them 8 years. Actually, Sunday, will be 8 years exactly that we met. So they said, "Oh, that's sucha long time," and I said, "In my opinion it isn't long enough."

So that's where we're at now. It's just a waiting game, but I'll update again when I know more.