Bereaved Mothers Wish List
I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had him back...



I wish you wouldn't be afraid to speak my child's name... My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear that he was important to you also...

If I cry and get emotional when you talk about my child I wish you knew that it isn't because you have hurt me... My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief... I thank you for both...

I wish you wouldn't "kill" my child again by removing his pictures,or other remembrances from your home...


I wish you knew the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I wish you wouldn't compare it to your loss of a parent, spouse, or a pet.

Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn't shy away from me... I need you now more than ever...
I need diversions, so I do want to hear about you; but, I also want you to hear about me... I might be sad and I might cry, but I wish you would let me talk about my child, my favorite topic of the day...

I know that you think of and pray for me often... I also know that my child's death pains you, too... I wish you would let me know those things through a phone call, a card or note, or a real big hug...

I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months, six years or sixty years... These first years are traumatic for me, but I wish you could understand that my grief will never be over... I will suffer the death of my child until the day I die...

I am working very hard in my recovery, but I wish you could understand that I will never fully recover... I will always miss my child, and I will always grieve that he is dead...

I wish you wouldn't expect me "not to think about it" or to "be happy." Neither will happen for a very long time, so don't frustrate yourself...
I don't want to have a "pity party," but I do wish you would let me grieve... I must hurt before I can heal...

I wish you understood how my life has shattered... I know it is miserable for you to be around me when I'm feeling miserable... Please be as patient with me as I am with you...

When I say "I'm doing okay," I wish you could understand that I don't "feel" okay and that I struggle daily…


My child's birthday, the anniversary of his death, and holidays are terrible times for me. I wish you could tell me you are thinking about my child on these days, and if I get quiet and withdrawn, just know I am thinking of my child and don't try and coerce me into being cheerful.


It is normal and good that most of us reexamine our faith, values, and beliefs after loosing a child. I will question things I have been taught all my life and hopefully come to see a new understanding with my God. I wish you would let me tangle with my religion without making me feel guilty.


I wish you knew that all of the grief reactions I'm having are very normal... Depression, anger, hopelessness and overwhelming sadness are all to be expected... So please excuse me when I'm quiet and withdrawn or irritable and cranky...

Your advice to "take one day at a time" is excellent advice... However, a day is too much and too fast for me. I wish you could understand that I'm doing good to handle an hour at a time...even after five years...

Please excuse me if I seem rude, certainly not my intent... Sometimes the world around me goes too fast and I need to get off... When I walk away, I wish you would let me find a quiet place to spend time alone...

I wish you understood that grief changes people... When my child died, a big part of me died with him... I am not the same person I was before my child died, and I will never be that person again...

I wish very much that you could understand; understand my loss and my grief, my silence and my tears, my void and my pain.
BUT I pray daily that you will NEVER understand.

For those of you who don't have my page on your myspace...and don't know what's going on with me...

I am leaving January 4. I'm moving to Jacksonville, and I wanted to ask ya'll a favor. For those that know where Brian's grave is, and go there regularly... can you please make sure there aren't weeds or cig butts or beer bottles littering his grave since I won't be able to come down as much as I would like too.

I would appreciate the help. Thanks.

Amanda

Broken heart...Shattered soul...A vision of life...That once was whole...

Today is 4 yrs since Brian passed away. I miss him dearly each and everyday and wish he was here to share with me all that is going on. I know he is with me emotionally but I wish he was here physically.  He's in my thoughts! RIP Bri!

All my love,

Manda

Ok a couple of us are looking to have a get together in rememberance of Brian.. let me know if ya want in and if ya have any ideas on where and when.... also if you know anyone else who would want to attend let me know... ty

 

Ok edited version:

My friend Kyle has a summer home up in the panhandle. We might be able to get it for free, its booked up the rest of 07 but if we can set up a date quickly we can see about getting it for a weekend next spring. It's gonna be a cpl hour drive but if ya'll are up for it... its on the beach, has a private pool.. all that good stuff. I figured we could have a weekend bash in rememberance of brian... I don't know if we can get it for free cuz they rent it out but we should be able to get it reasonably priced. I don't want to sound tacky but if people are willing to chip in for food and drinks and well rent.. for the place lol, that would be appreciated. Let me know whatcha think and start comin up with dates..

 

<3 Manda

Mom doesn't have a myspace so she asked me to post this until she gets one set up. Here ya go mom....

To My Son, Brian

If tears could build a stairway,
and memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to heaven
to bring you home again.

No farewell words were spoken
no time to say goodbye
you were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.

My heart still aches in sadness
and secret tears still flow,
what it meant to lose you,
no one will ever know.

I love you forever,
Mom

If anyone wants to write up a story about anything here's your place to do it.....

Amanda