- By My Side -

Day will break upon tomorrow's skies.
Will you be there to look into my eyes?
By my side.
By my side.
The leaves have fallen...
...to their demise.
Will we do the same?
When everything else dies?
By my side.
By my side.

By my side.
That's where you belong.
I'll never do you wrong.
By my side.
When all else is gone,
Your my strength to go on.
Stand by my side.

Family and friends.
'Til the very end.
The only thing you need in this world.
And sometimes love,
If you're lucky enough.
To find someone to stand by your side.
Winter's grip grows tight around my wrists.
Leading me toward the cold.
But with your warmth we can raise our fists.
And together we'll both die old.

By my side.
That's where you belong.
I'll never do you wrong.
By my side.
When all else is gone,
Your my strength to go on.
Stand by my side.

It's like an addiction.
Rendering me helpless.
You blind me with your radiance.
(The antidote to atrophy.)
My safe haven from the world.
Perfection at it's finest.
Like an obsession of mine.
(The antidote to my atrophy.)
I will remain by your side.
Thick and thin,
Good and bad,
In you I confide.
I will remain by your side.

By your side.
That's where I belong.
I know you'll never do me wrong.
By your side.
Catch this fall and be my wings.
Hold my hand and lead me to Spring.
By my side.
When daylight dies,
Make me feel alive.
By my side.

(Solo)

Day will break upon tomorrow's skies.
Will you be there to look into my eyes?
By my side.

I can eat pussy better than your man can.
We can 69 while you do a handstand.
I'll give you a night that you"ll never forget.
Leave you on the bed shakin' and drippin' wet.
Make ya head spin, grippin' up the bed sheet.
I ain't stoppin' cuz I'm hungry and I gotta eat.
I'll be lickin' you from ya head to ya toes.
Kissin' up and down your neck before I get low.
Oh!

Throw that head on back.
Orgasms like no other, nearly givin' you a heart attack.
But don't worry, you won't die.
Just spread open your legs and let my tongue between those thighs.
So close your eyes, or look me straight in the face.
Cuz soon I'll fuck you so hard, you're gonna need a neck brace.
You don't know what I do with my tongue.
Big fuckin' ring in the middle, and we gonna have some fun.

I can eat pussy better than your man can.
We can 69 while you do a handstand.
I'll give you a night that you"ll never forget.
Leave you on the bed shakin' and drippin' wet.
Make ya head spin, grippin' up the bed sheet.
I ain't stoppin' cuz I'm hungry and I gotta eat.
I'll be lickin' you from ya head to ya toes.
Kissin' up and down your neck before I get low.
Oh!

Time for orgasms 2 and 3.
I ain't stoppin' lickin' to you're screamin' "FUCK ME!"
I can go for hours.
I'll do this everyday.
That pussy I'll devour.
Leavin' you in disarray.
I'll be startin' with some foreplay.
Then I'm off the deep end.
Eatin' pussy like a buffet.
You can't even comprehend.
I probably like this shit as much as you do.
I'm a fuckin' fiend, and you're lookin' overdue.
I ain't just here to go and try and fuck a bitch.
Imma make love while you work them fuckin' hips.
This shit is passionate.
This shit is love makin'.
Should I make you cum a 4th time?
I'm contemplatin'.

I can eat pussy better than your man can.
We can 69 while you do a handstand.
I'll give you a night that you"ll never forget.
Leave you on the bed shakin' and drippin' wet.
Make ya head spin, grippin' up the bed sheet.
I ain't stoppin' cuz I'm hungry and I gotta eat.
I'll be lickin' you from ya head to ya toes.
Kissin' up and down your neck before I get low.
Oh!

I sit here and think of the ways in which I have chosen to live my life. Sure, there are regrets. Likewise, there are things I wouldn't change for the world. Though much of the world does not deserve the gratification of knowing it's ability to change me anyways. We all make our mistakes. We all have done wrong, and yet I do not look at my past as a mistake, nor as having done wrong. I look at my past as the building blocks to where I am now. I look at my present as the key for the doorway that opens up to the room that is my future. What the future may hold, I am uncertain. Yet day by day I am always living in the future, rather than the past, and day by day I grow stronger and more intelligent. I have learned to open my mind and not to judge people by what I hear, but instead by what I see myself, and then come to my own conclusion. If you judge someone and then tell me about them, that is your opinion. Who's to say your terrorist isn't my savior? Or that your God is nothing but a mere coward in my eyes? I hope that those who read this appreciate it and understand truly where I am coming from. I also hope you will continue to join me on this journey through my life. For those who are close to me, I wouldn't rather have anyone else live my life with me but those few close people. So join me, stick by me. Tell me your views. Comment me. Message me.Ttell me how you feel. The real you. Think for yourself. Be your own mind, and stray away from the constant relaying of what you are told my media and society.

So yeah, this is my year (actually starts late last year...)

November 2007: My grandmother's Cancer got very bad and she went into the hospital again. This really bothered me, while I was in college and I had difficulty concentrating on my schoolwork and ended up failing so I dropped out of college.

December 2007: I go on anti-depressants because my depression/anxiety was really killing me. The pills made me even worse and I started losing my mind and doing crazy things and getting in lots of trouble.

January 2008: My girlfriend at the time Amanda couldn't take all the arguments we would get in, which got even worse when I started my meds so she dumped me even though I NEEDED her because of failing college and my grandma being sick and me being on meds it was the worst time possible to be dumped, but w/e. She ended up doing shit with some kid the week after she dumped me. I was so fucked up from everything going on, and from being on medication, that I starting doing even dumber things and ended up fucking my best friend at the time Justin's ex girlfriend (LIKE AN IDIOT) and I really don't know what the FUCK I was thinking, but it happened unfortunately. I was ashamed and never told anyone.

February 2008: I started dating this girl Kate I liked and she was a complete bitch and made my entire month a living hell, then stole my cat, and $100 from me. I got mad and ended up going over my ex Amanda's house and asked her back out and we dated for a day and fucked, then I felt bad because Kate apologized and showed she really loved me so I took Kate back and dumped Amanda (BAD IDEA), then Kate dumped me again at the end of February. I later fund out she was cheating on me the entire month with her fiance of whom she said she left months ago. I ended up getting so depressed that I overdosed on my meds and got wicked sick. I decided to get off medication completely because I just couldn't take it, didn't trust myself, and didn't trust the meds.

March 2008: I took Amanda back, even though she was hesitant. We still argued that she could never forgive me for what I did to her by dating Kate. These arguments continued along with our general arguments that most couples get in after being together for 2 years.

April 2008: Amanda starts getting shady and hanging out with people I didn't know and going over guys houses by herself without me, and guys who I didn't know. I got word that she had cheated on me (Just like EVERY SINGLE ex I've had) and I got pissed and stopped talking to her and did shit with this girl Jill.

May 2008: I start talking to Amanda again (We really never broke up...) and found out she didn't actually cheat supposedly and I couldn't tell her about Jill because I felt just horrible about it.

June 2008: Amanda finds out about the whole Jill thing and bitches me out. She has completely lost trust for me, can't stand our arguments, and still hasn't gotten over me dating Kate in February.

July 2008: On July 4th Amanda dumps me and less than a week later, fucks TWO guys one after the other. I decided I would never talk to her again and that was the end of our relationship AND friendship. The next day Justin finds out I slept with his ex-girlfriend and befriends me. I now had become single, and lost my best friend within the same weekend. I was a fucking mess. By the end of the month me and Justin patch things up and become friends again.

August 2008: I have a good 21st birthday and shit and start liking this other girl I met. She fucks me over and plays mind games on me so I get pissed and give up on looking. Justin gets mad about the Tonya thing again, but simply expresses that it still bothers him, and we remain friends.

September 2008: Justin gets mad at me because he thinks I wanna get with the girl at Auntie Anne's and he stops talking to me. Less than a week later this girl he liked months back starts talking to him again, and says I was trying to get with her and tried to fuck her which is bullshit because she was hitting on ME and I told Justin she was hitting on me and that it pissed me off and I hated her. He believes her over me and REALLY hates me. Thus ending our friendship over 2 girls neither of us really know, but that is his decision, so it will be his decision to apologize which he'll never do, even though I honestly didn't want either of the 2 girls, lol. I spend two weeks bored out of my mind, but still hanging out with this kid TJ who I have become closer friends with and seems like he may be my new best friend very soon. He teaches me card tricks and I am now his apprentice and he does tricks working at Spencer's in the mall. I get in a good mood again. Then a few days later, my bent rim gets a flat, and the tire rips off the rim, and I lose a lugnut.

October 2008: I lose my job of 2 years and no have no cash flow what-so-ever. Right during the U.S. Financial crisis also so there are virtually no jobs out there unless you have years of experience and get lucky.

November 2008: I finally get a new job and think everything is finally going back on track. Things with this girl Cassie just started fucking with me and I once again started getting depressed at the lack of love in my life. Things were getting better, but at the same time the bad was still trying to take me over, but I kept on trucking for once. Unfortunately, it got bad when my bestfriend Justin decided to stop so close of a friend because he was reminded of the whole Tonya thing when she came back into his life this month.

December 2008: Cassie was out of my life by this point. I started associating myself with my ex Amanda again and became good friend again. However,I had found out that come the end of January I would once again to unemployed which put a huge damper on my life. Then my bestfriend Justin officially stopped being my friend which upset me. So I had basically nobody the whole month except Rob, TJ, and Amanda. But I was gaining great friendship with TJ, starting hanging out with Rob alot more for once, and had started chilling with Jill again whom later became my girlfriend from Jan09-Feb09.

2009 Brought extreme change and I refuse to ever live a year like 2008.

- Ripped -
~ 08/07/08 ~
____AE____

As I read off what I've written,
About the love that I've been given.
It's stolen from my grasp,
And placed into my past.
And now I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to pursue.
Am I supposed to start off new?
Or should I just come back for you?
I'm still sitting here confused...
I still feel like I've been used...
Thrown around throughout this hell.
Then cut off and forced to dwell.
In this illusion of happiness.
This solitude of sorrow.
Dealing with all this stress.
Don't even want to see tomorrow.
I throw the pen against the wall.
I now let my body fall.
Stuck at this rotary of life.
Stabbed in the back by every single knife.

Your words,
Are like jagged glass in my heart.
All this time that I've wasted,
Missing how you tasted.
This life,
Broken down to it's core.
The hours that I've spent,
In love with a whore.
This song,
Is here to make all you see,
That I am no longer me,
I have reached insanity.
This code red lifestyle.
Scream "WHAT THE FUCK?"
Sound the alarms.
I'm not fucking suicidal,
You were the one who caused my harm.
I don't have cuts,
All down my arms.
I'm not fucking suicidal,
You were the one who caused my harm.

And with every last fucking breath.
I tear your memories from my chest.
And with every last fucking scream.
I will finally live this dream.
This nightmare...
And say...
Fuck the way that you were, that you are, that you'll be.
Fuck the happiness inside that you've stolen from me.
Fuck every single time that you opened your mouth.
Except for one,
You fucking whore,
You know what I'm talking about.
Fuck your thoughts,
You'll never win this fucking war.
Apologize all day,
You're still a filthy fucking whore.
You worthless coward.
Yeah, you fucking piece of shit.
Walk the fucking line.
Drop your head, you fucking bitch.

You're nothing.
You never were, and never will...
Be something...
YOU'RE FUCKING USELESS TO ME.
You're nothing.
You never were, and never will...
Be something...
YOU'RE FUCKING USELESS TO ME.

- Confusing Confusion -

Confusing confusion.
Mental Institution.
I've come to the conclusion.
This world's an illusion.
Passing by lies.
Strive for the prize.
The reaching of death.
That one final breath.
So close yet so far.
Yet at any moment.
So far but so close.
The attraction is potent.
Ripped from reality.
Sent to this world.
Suicidal mentality.
Twisted and twirled.
Everyone is dying.
Everyone but me.
I'm left to suffer.
Left here to bleed.
My soul has reached it's winter.
So long ago.
Where everything dies.
Heart loosing it's glow.

-Life-

Rip apart this page and stab my pen into my arm.
While I'm screaming in agony louder than a car alarm.
Two times the speed and three times the charm.
Bringin' you this beat to blow your mind out like a bomb.

Better call an ambulance and sit on back.
Cuz what I say will end up givin' you a heartattack.
Never in my life have I been living for me.
Cuz I'm here for everyone else to a certain degree.

I'm juggaling through 80 tasks a day.
Try to find some light in the skies of grey.
But everything I do and everything I say,
Is bringing me down, taking my sanity away.

Don't give up what you've got so far.
Don't be ashamed and try to hide the scars.
Show the world all the shit that you have been through.
It's time to speak on things that were long overdue.

I've failed at half the shit that I've tried.
I wish that you could see things through my eyes.
How much shit can't be rationalized.
Fall to the floor as my soul dies.

They picked me up and then you threw me down.
They cut my throat and told me to drown.
On my blood thats falling to the ground.
Its hard to think when my mind is bound.

By the restraints that they've put on me.
Open up your ears and listen to my plea.
I'm not the one at fault, I'm not guilty.
Telling me things you can't guarantee.

Is life you live really worth all of the stress?
Why must I clean up what's not my mess?
Has life really been such a success?
When nearly half the population is depressed?

- Given Up -

Every morning I awake to this cold and crazy place.
This world, so hard, so tuff, tears running down my face.
And yet I'm still hear,
and yet I'm in tears,
and yet I don't fear,
if my end is near.
Lying in bed wide awake everynight.
Trying so hard but I can't sleep right.
All this stress in my life's been eating at me.
Waiting patiently for someone to set me free.

Well now I've given up.
This life of misery.
Yeah I've given up.
It's time to live my life for me.
Cuz I've given up.
Now is the time to see.
That I've given up.
What has been, now being, will be.

Working every chance just to make that extra dollar.
And as soon as it's yours, it's spent within an hour.
The bills, it kills, doing anything to get by.
The stress, the mess, not caring if I may die.
I was so close to death once, so close I know.
And ever since then my depression seemed to grow.
And if sometimes I want to die, then god forbid.
What's fucked up is that sometimes I really wish that I did.

Well now I've given up.
This life of misery.
Yeah I've given up.
It's time to live my life for me.
Cuz I've given up.
Now is the time to see.
That I've given up.
What has been, now being, will be.

The life I live...
They tell me that it could be worse.
It's true, I know...
It just seems like my life is cursed.
When you try so hard,
Putting your soul into your life.
Just to have it crushed.
And hear that it will be alright.

Well now I've given up.
This life of misery.
Yeah I've given up.
It's time to live my life for me.
Cuz I've given up.
Now is the time to see.
That I've given up.
What has been, now being, will be.
Well now I've given up.
This life of misery.
Yeah I've given up.
It's time to live my life for me.
Cuz I've given up.
Now is the time to see.
That I've given up.
What has been, now being, will be.