(sorry for my english)

http://www.youtube.com/wat..ch?v=52PvOj_E25Y

... I am sitting all alone in my apartment, smoking cigarette and listening to one song. Its pretty a long time i wanted to write about my situation. And now i dont know where i should start...
Oh how i want to fell in love again!!! To feel something, to burn the coldness in me with a fire..! But... I cant... I cant feel anything anymore...... I am so empty, its like i am already dead. Writhig entrails in my chest are making me crying all the time and its the only strong passion i have.
I was watching the pictures of one girl with her boyfriend. They are so beautiful, innocent,.. So truly in love with each other and thats taking my breath away. And thats making me feel unvalued and unnecessary... And i have that memories with Syndy everywhere i go, whatever i do, i have her in my head.... Her eyes..... And then i remember how i was saved for a short time with one boy. And then i remember how he let me fall down again...... How i was trying to pic myself back up and be glad for things i still have, for my amazing friends, for Šalamún somewhere there waiting for me, for my parrents, for my beautiful life full of abandoned pain... And that song is playing again and again and i see those things everywhere. It make no sense to try catch my tears because its just too much to handle. I am missing it...