http://www.the-iss.com/2009/02/twitter_better.php

You could end relationships with virtually no consequences.

In regular life, ending relationships (friendships, acquaintanceships,
business relationships, etc.) with people, even people you really don't
like at all, is hard. There's all that explaining and apologizing and
re-explaining and, in some cases, murder. But in TwitterLife, it would
be as easy as a click. Following, not following. Done.

Read six more here.

Available here.

A taste:

The Thing

Catchphrases:

"It's clobberin' time," "Wotta revoltin' development this is," "the
ever-lovin' blue-eyed Thing," "Aunt Petunia's favorite nephew"

Why they're a problem:

They're highly impractical.

I mean, what sort of battle tactic is it to stomp in and clue in
your opponent to the fact that it is, indeed, "clobberin' time?" Kind
of ruins the element of surprise, and wouldn't they be aware of that,
you know, after the clobberin'? And why do your Aunt Petunia such a
disservice as letting everyone around, including your enemies, know who
she is? That could really put her in danger. And as for the "revoltin'
development" line, that's just pessimism. Way to drag everybody down,
Thing.
Read nine more here.

We have a brand new forum for anyone interested in evil.

It's right here.

There are spots to discuss comics, movies, TV, web comedy, general villainy and the ISS itself.

Join in, in infamy.

Read the whole thing here.

Morgan Freeman

Qualifications: The amazing power of narration. Whatever Morgan Freeman says, it happens. So we'd really like to arrange it so that wherever we go, he's just above us in a helicopter with a bullhorn, saying that we just escaped or stole all the money or vaporized The Flash.

Liabilities: Could you believe this guy as a villain? No, you could not. You saw "Wanted," right? See what I mean?

Bottom line: We don't need him to be evil, we just need him to say evil things, so that they'll come true.

Nine more here.

..
..(Read the whole thing here.)

Directions: Answer the following questions to the best of your
ability. Use a No. 2 pencil for all answers. Make your mark heavy and
dark. When you are finished, bring your papers to the front and place
them face-down on Craig Finn’s desk. Once you have completed the test
you may leave.

Complete the following analogies:

She:Him::

A. Us:Them

B. Yours:Mine

C. His:Hers

D. Elton John:Kiki Dee

Hercules:Love Affair::

A. McFadden:Whitehead

B. K.C.:Sunshine Band

C. Peaches:Herb

D. Earth,Wind:Fire

E. Kool:The Gang

See all five here

The Smurfs

Whats cuter than a mouse and the Blue Man Group put together? Why, extremely small little blue people who live in mushrooms and partake in a communist-like society, of course!

The Smurfs spent most of their time thwarting Gargamel, who for some reason deduced that tiny blue people who live in mushrooms have got to be tasty as all get out. (Editor's note: They are.)

How they fucked us up

It's no big surprise that a show with the premise that somebody is constantly trying to eat the main characters might give children nightmares. All the smurfs ever wanted to do was live in their little utopian-esque society and be left alone, but things always turned to shit when "the man" showed up.

Which makes us wonder if perhaps our fear of big government might stem from the fact that we fear people who try to constantly mess with us or eat us.

Then there is the fact that, apparently, there is only one female smurf to every 30 males. Yes...yes, I know...before you start sending in hate emails about how horribly inaccurate this is, and that Smurfette was actually created by Gargamel, I ask you this...exactly how were they reproducing BEFORE the lone chick showed up? It doesn't take Brainy smurf to figure this shit out.

Papa Smurf was cloning them. Which might explain our penchant for that very practice.

Lasting effects

Well, again we get back to the whole "fear of the man" deal. Add in the fact that we actually look at Papa Smurf as the closest thing to a philosopher and guru that our generation has had and it's pretty obvious why we've become a generation of big business hating, mushroom loving freaks.

Read the rest here.

Voting
Don't overthink it. If you suddenly get very nervous while in the voting booth, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you're not a citizen, anyway, you were illegally registered by ACORN, and your name is Mickey Mouse.

If you see a race on the ballot that you're unfamiliar with, simply mark your ballot or pull your lever at random. If you don't know about it, it must not matter, right? What the fuck is a U.S. senator, anyway? Or, you could mark all the candidates' names, because, really, that's the only fair way to do it.

More here.

The store is open:

http://www.cafepress.com/hyperirony

And ISS merch is here:

http://www.cafepress.com/the_iss

If there's a shirt or a piece of merchandise that you want and you don't see, let us know at treachery@the-iss.com and we'll make sure your money gets to a bad cause.

Up here.

A preview:

Mario

In games: He's a plumber who got sucked down a drainpipe which magically sent him to a world where eating a mushroom makes him double in size and and touching a flower allows him to shoot fireballs out of his hands. Also, he fights a dragon and routinely saves a princess who is often kidnapped due to a horrible security force. He has over time gained the ability to fly, turn into a being made entirely of metal and alter gravity itself.

But if he was real...: A plumber with a drug habit would probably not get a whole lot of work, especially if he was often falling into the very pipes he was meant to fix. Likewise, falling down said pipes would by all indications not send one to a magical world where people had mushroom tops on their heads. Instead, it would likely send the plumber in question to a sewer main, followed by a river and finally, jail.

Read the rest here.

We're not messing around on this one. Read it here.

A preview:

They are taking money away from people who don't know any better.

This is the old argument against states enacting a lottery or legalizing gambling — that getting people to pay for the promise of a reward is a way of taking advantage of those who don't understand that there's little chance they will win.

But at least in gambling and lotteries somebody wins. At least one person hits the jackpot, and a number of other people get small payouts.

With Friedberg/Seltzer movies, no one wins. All the money spent on tickets simply goes down a hole, never to return. Those idiots who think that that joke in the "Meet the Spartans" trailer where Spider-Man pulls Donald Trump's toupee off is going to be so worth it in the theater get nothing but disappointment and scorn for the price of their ticket.

They are the true victims in our society.


Four more reasons here.