What is your gift to the world in return for what it has done for you? Think of all of the wonderful things that you have experienced and forget all of the pain for just a moment. Think of the beautiful sunrises/sunsets that you have sat and watched with someone special, or even with just yourself. Think of the glory of walking outside in the morning and having the cool wind engulf you, stimulating all of your senses simultaneously. Think of the times you have just sat and held someone, or the times that you were thirsty and that thirst was quenched. Think of the beautiful people you have seen, not just on the outside, but those truly uniquely beautiful-on-the-inside people. Think of anything that you want; I can't tell you what to think about, and that's the beautiful thing of it. Because I don't know what you love, what you have experienced, the truly epic things that you have seen, I can not tell you what you should remember when I implore you to remember something special. I can only ask that you scan your brain for those times when someone you love has kept you warm, or when a family member stopped being distant and was there for you for once. Think of whatever you would like to think of, and just meditate on it for a minute, please.


Just think.


Isn't it beautiful?


Doesn't the beauty of life, when you think about it, keep you waking up in the morning?


Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things in this world that are not beautiful.


Death.


Fighting.


Pollution.


Hate.


Famine.


And countless other things.


But that's exactly what they are: they are just things, and they can be countered.


Giving life to a child of your own.


Calling that person that you stopped talking to for some reason that neither of you can remember.


Choosing to walk to the corner instead of drive, taking in the view along the way.


Hugging your friends, or even just shooting a smile to a random stranger.


Giving food to your local charity, or donating that $10 you were going to buy a new CD with to a homeless person instead.





Every problem in this world is ready and willing to be solved, we just have to want it bad enough. You have to want that universal love so badly that sometimes you will have to make a step out of your comfort zone. You have to want that man to not go hungry, or to be able to give his child a toy for Christmas, so you must go without for a week. There will be people who will laugh at you in your efforts, but as they laugh at you, just smile. Show them that whatever they say or do to you, you will not get down on your chances of making a positive change in this world, just because they have given up on it themselves.


So when you walk outside today.


Smile.


Because you are alive.

What is it? Well, it's one of those things that you can't just nail in a sentence, kind of like a mix of how you feel when you're just finished with sex and how you feel when you see someone you haven't seen in a long time. I'm in a perpetual state of deja vu when I see her; my heart is a humming bird whenever she walks through the door, even if it's just from walking out into the kitchen to get a snack. I feel like Orion spotting the most beautiful prey in the world whenever I see her, and I gladly hunt her with my touch and shoot her with my words of care and affection. What I can't say (which is a lot) I do my best to turn into actions. If it says something about me for you to know this, I think she is most beautiful when she has just woken up in the morning, even with they eye crusties and bad breath; I enjoy the natural beauty of things (she is the pure green grass to the every other woman's astro turf, if you know what I mean). She's been in my dreams for years now, so much that I've often thought of calling her and asking her to pay rent. All it took for us to come together was a simple "I've always liked you," and from there it spread like the best outbreak I've ever heard of, infecting first my heart, then my body, and finally my brain. She is my everything quite literally. I am leaving a life of comfort to be with her, and I couldn't be happier about it. I love her.

Just thought you should know.

"There are...some things one cannot do without, at least not without deep suffering and the diminishing of one's nature. Among these is the love and approbation of at least a few of one's fellow beings. Lacking these, one seeks the semblance of them in the form of feigned affection, pretended deference, awe, and sometimes fear. It is astonishing that these counterfeits will so often do, will even seem to give significance to people's lives...Another need that cannot be destroyed or left unmet without great damage...is the love for nature and the feeling of our place within it. Without this we become machines, grinding out our days and hours to that merciful end when death imposes the peace we have never been able to find for ourselves. Children easily think of themselves as things apart, virtual centers of reality about which the whole of nature turns, to whose wants everything ministers. One who loves nature rises above this paltry conception of his own being and becomes sensitive to his identity with the whole of reality, which is without beginning or end. This partially explains the difficulty many persons have in fathoming metaphysics. It is not that it is so difficult, but that it is approached from the wrong point of view--from a childhood mentality, from the standpoint of one who finds oneself always at the center of the stage, all else being a vast thing without a spirit or soul.
What, that this boundless world cannot give even to the richest and most powerful--that it seems, in fact, to withhold from these more resolutely than from the poor and the humble? The reward is wisdom. Not boundless wisdom, not invincible truth, which must be left to the gods, not a great understanding of the cosmos or of man, but wisdom, just the same; as precious as it is rare.
What, then, is so good about it? What is wisdom worth if it does not fulfill our deep cravings, such as the craving for freedom, for gods to worship, for a bit more of life than material nature seems to promise? What makes it worth seeking at all?
The first reward of such wisdom is that it saves one from the numberless substitutes that are constantly invented and tirelessly peddled to the simple-minded, usually with stunning success, because there is never any dearth of customers. It saves us from these glittering gems and baubles, promises and dogmas and creeds that are worth no more than the stones under one's feet. Fools grasp, at the slightest solicitation, for any specious substitute that offers a hope for the fulfillment of their desires, the products of brains conditioned by greed and competition, no matter how stupid, sick, or destructive these may be. Many persons, in response to the deep need to be loved, of which we have spoken, have felt themselves transformed by a mere utterance--such as, for example, "Jesus loves you!", an assurance that is cheaply and insincerely flung at them by ambitious evangelists. The instant conviction that such blandishments sometimes produce is uncritically taken to be a sign of their certain truth, when in fact they signify nothing more than a need that demands somehow to be met, by whatever means. Again, many persons can banish at will, even before it is really felt, the dread and the objective certainty of their own inevitable destruction. For this comfort they need nothing more than the mere reminder of some promise expressed in a text of ancient authority, or some holy book, or even the simple declamation of a clever and manipulative preacher. In this way does the religion of faith, perverting everything and turning the world upside down, serve as the cheap metaphysics, not of the poor, but of those impoverished in spirit and wanting in wisdom, some of whom bask in a blaze of worldly glory. Such religion, substituting empty utterance for thought, is not the religion of the metaphysical mind or of those who love God and nature first and themselves as a reflections of this.
What am I? What is this world, and why is it such? Why is it not like the moon--bleak, barren, hostile, meaningless? How can such a thing as this be? What is this brain; does it think? And this craving or will, whence does it arise? Is it free? Does it perish with me, or not? Is it perhaps everlasting? What is death--and more puzzling still, what is birth? A beginning? An ending? And life--is it a clockwork? Does the world offer no alternatives? And if so, does it matter? What can one think about the gods, if anything at all? Are there any? Or is nature itself its own creator, and the creator of me; both cradle and tomb, both holy and mundane, both heaven and hell?
The answers to such things are not known. They never will be. It is pointless to seek the answers in the human brain...But they will be sought, just the same, by everyone who has a brain, by the stupid as well as the learned, by the child, the adult, by whoever can look at the world with wonder. False and contrived answers will always be abound. There will always be those who declare that they know the answers to these things, that they "found" these answers in some religious experience, in some esoteric book of "divine" authorship, or in something occult. They do not find them; they find nothing at all except the evaporation of their need to go on asking questions, and of their fears of what the answers to those questions could turn out to be. They find, in other words, a comfort born of ignorance."


Now, if you've gotten this far, thank you for staying with me. That was the first couple of pages of a book called Metaphysics. It's been something I've been reading a lot of lately and I just felt as though I had to share it with my friends, namely those intelligent enough to sit through that and come out without smoke climbing out of their ears.

So, to all of my friends, religious and non-religious, keep asking questions. Don't take any one person's answers for the truth, because chances are (and the chances are about 100%) that they are wrong and are just trying to lead you into a comfort born of ignorance.

To me there is no god and there is no subjective reality, but what do you think?

Take some time, embrace your local park, and try to ponder your place and beliefs in this large, chaotic universe.



Also, ponder another fun question:

"Why is there matter instead of nothing at all?"

October 23, 1939 Headlines

None

Other News:

Murmansk: A German crew steers the US ship City of Flint into Kola Bay.

Can you die from insomnia?

No, you can't die from insomnia...


















Maybe I'll create my own self-image named Tyler Cox...

just been postponed.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF:
1. I died from natural causes:
2. I kissed you:
3. I lived next door to you:
4. I started smoking:
5. I stole something:
6. I was hospitalized:
7. I ran away from home:
8. I got into a fight and you weren't there?:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
9. Personality:
10. Eyes:
11. Hair:
12. Family:

WOULD YOU:
13. Be my friend?:
14. Keep a secret if I told you one?:
15. Hold my hand?:
16. Take a bullet for me?
17. Keep in touch?:
18. Try and solve my problems?:
19. Love me?:
20. Date me?:

HAVE YOU EVER:
21. Lied to make me feel better?:
22. Wanted to kiss me?:
23. Wanted to kill me?:
24. Broke my heart?:
25. Kept something important from me?:
26. Thought I was unbearably annoying?:

~*::And More::*~
27. Who are you?:
28. Are we friends?:
29. When and how did we meet?:
30. Describe me in one word:
31. What was your first impression?:
32. Do you still think that way about me now?:
33. What reminds you of me?:
34. If you could give me anything what would it be?:
35. How well do you know me?:
36. When's the last time you saw me?:
37. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?:
38. Are you gonna put this on yours to see what I say about you?:

I tested negative for HIV. That's good.

Northern LA is all in Spanish, and I've heard that guys spit in front of you and then pat you down and say that they're sorry and pat you down probably trying to steal your wallet.

Neg and Kathleen on Saturday with Die Hard.

Neg on Sunday.

Neg and Kathleen with Scene It and other activities (oh, you know).

.

'I want to find you so bad/and let you know that I'm miserable up here without you'

.

Fuck I'm so bored.

Patton was an awesome man.

John's tomorrow instead of 0 period.

Bought a bunch a bunch a bunch of books today.

Time to start reading.

I require your assistance now more than ever. I need you to keep me away from Chelsea. Either find me someone else or keep me busy or check my myspace or phone log or something just please I need your guys' help on this I can't let myself relapse one more time.