Howdy folks! It's been a while and I have a lot to type, but we all know me and know that I will more than likely get sidetracked and totally forget to type half of it. Oh well, that's just me being typical me and would we have it any other way? I think not!

As most of you already know by now, I have a boyfriend. It was something that kind of happened quickly and very unexpectedly, but I'm so glad it did happen. Anthony makes me happy and I love him so much. I couldn't imagine my life without him now. Everything with him happened quick, but everything just feels right with him. Somedays I try to fight it, but then I wonder why fight something that makes me feel complete and absolutely happy? Everything just feels like it's the first time that it's ever happened, so that really makes me question a lot of things about my life and my past. It also makes me terrified and makes me want to run from it. I'm trying my hardest not to because I'm in love with Anthony, but it's difficult for me not to run from things that don't go right, or things that terrify me, or when things get difficult. I just hope I don't run or if I try to that Anthony will somehow manage to stop me. If I do manage to run from him, it'll be one of the biggest mistakes of my life, but as we all know me, I don't always make the best decisions.

So I'm trying to find a job. Yay for me! I need money and people just don't give it to you for doing nothing. Damn the world! Haha! Anyways I need to pay off a student loan from the 2 months I spent in college forever ago. If I pay it off, then I can get financial aid so I can go back to college. I do plan on doing that before I'm 30. I have just over 7 years to get that done. I think that's a realistic goal. I've been wanting to go back, but a lot of things have kept me from going back, but we shall not talk about those right now.

I didn't know if I was going to talk about this or not, but I figured since I was already being somewhat open with my feelings, I might as well be even more open. August and the very beginning of September are always tough for me to deal with because that's when I lost both of my grandpas. I lost the first one September 1, 2001 and his birthday was August 5 and he was the grandpa I was the closest with. Ever since I was born and until the day he died, he always called me Jessie, never Jessica. That name means so much to me because of that. That's one thing that nobody will ever be able to take away from me. Besides family, I only let people who are really close and really special to me call me Jessie. When other people do I'm always like it's Jess. Anyways I lost my papaw August 9, 2002. I wasn't really close to him, but I miss him just as much as I miss my grandpa. Life changed so much after we lost both of them and sometimes I wish so much that they were both still around. If you talk to me and I seem distant or like something is bugging me, it's probably this and I may not want to talk about it and the best thing to do is just be like okay Jess.

I miss Tracy and the kiddos a lot, but it's definitely nice to be home and not getting woke up early in the morning by one of the kiddos, usually Alex, wanting cereal. The good news is that I'll get to see them, Sharon and her kiddos, and my Grandma one weekend in September and that majorly excites me. And what excites me even more about that trip is that Anthony may be there to. That would be the best birthday gift. I want to show him off to my family. Hehe.

Ooh I just realized that it's late and I'm tired. I actually had more to talk about, but I'm tired of typing and I want to sleep. Maybe I'll post another blog later with the rest of the stuff in it, if I don't forget what it is. Anyways good night folks!

Tracy- I miss you soooooo much and I love you sooooooo much! You need to call me more! We have tons of stuff to talk about!
Anthony Noodle- I love you so much and I'm so glad you're in my life. I miss you so much and I can't wait to see you again.
Andrew- You better come see me the weekend I'm in Bowling Green, or we shall fight and I'll win! Hehe!
Chris- Heads Carolina, Tails California?!
Everybody else- Sorry it's late and I'm tired and just because I didn't mention you doesn't mean I forgot about you.

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Jess was listening to: Tim McGraw - I Need You (w/ Faith Hill)
via FoxyTunes   

Howdy folks! I've been meaning to post this blog for a few days, but I just haven't felt like it. My sleeping and my moods have been rather off the past few days. Here it is 11 am and I'm awake. I've been awake since 9am. I feel better today than I have the past couple, but I wish I felt even better.

Anyways I finally found a name for my hamster. Matter of fact I named him a few days ago. His name is Peanut. Thank you to the people who gave me that name as an idea. Peanut just kind of fits him. Now only if he will just stop running in his wheel. It drives me crazy. That's about all he ever does. Today I'm going to the pet store to see what I can find to put in the place of his wheel. Hopefully I can find something good.

Anyways I really don't have much else to say at this moment. When I get back in from doing my errands I may have some other stuff to say. If not, I'll post some more in a couple of days. I'll try to take some more pictures of Peanut and get them on here. He's already growing some. Anyways that's all for now folks. Have a great day.

Here's pics of the new little one. He's still nameless, so any ideas would be nice. :) I've had a few given to me and a few that I thought up... Henry, Peanut Butter Cookie, Carmel, Carmello, Reese or Nutter Butter.

The first pic is my favorite.












Isn't he just a cutie? I just wish I could finally decide on a name. Please leave comments with what you think his name should be. :)

That's all for now. Have a nice day everybody.

Just a quick update...

- My sister is pregnant with her 4th kid.
- My shirt and earrings from Hot Topic came. Yay!
- I got a new hamster. He's nameless for the moment. I'll post pics later.
- Seems as though my best friend is ignoring me or in an antisocial mood again. It makes me sad.
- I sent in one of my college applications in Wednesday. Yay for me!

That is all. Have a great day folks.

By the way, helping me pick a name for my hamster would be nice. :)

Well my little sweet hamster Oreo died in the middle of the night last night. I knew it was coming. I posted about it a couple days ago. I was having to feed him by hand and give him water with an eye dropper. He was just old, but it's still really sad. I had him for 2 years, 2 months and 3 days. :( I got Oreo while me and Sean were together and living in Florida. I know him being gone is bothering Sean a little too. It's weird how much you become attached to a little animal that didn't cost much. I remember why I got a hamster. It was because I couldn't have a puppy and I didn't want a cat, so I got a hamster. I got him at Pets and Pisces in Zephyrhills, FL. I picked Oreo because the other 2 hamsters in there with him were being mean to him and everything and I have a soft spot for the animals who get left out and everything. Oreo also used to have a part of his ear missing like one of the other hamsters bit a part out of it. He was such a cutie and everything and Oreo just seem like the perfect name since he was black on both ends with white in the middle. I remember Sean always used to tell me he hated that little thing, but while I was gone to work Sean would always get him out and play with him and stuff. It was cute. I'm gonna miss that little guy so much. :( I was supposed to go get a replacement today, but I just couldn't. I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet. Tomorrow I'm going to go look, but I don't know if I'll get one. Anyways I shall go now. Just thought I'd post this.

Howdy folks! How is everyone? Good I hope. I hope everybody had a dandy Christmas and got what they wanted or something just as cool.

My Christmas was good. It was just sad that my parents and I couldn't spend it with my sisters and the rest of the family. Other than that, it was good. I got a new TV with a built in DVD player, some baking stuff, some clothes, some gift cards, some other little things and a little plastic reindeer that poops jelly beans. Hehe. It's actually really cute, but the jelly beans that came with it are gross. I'm going to have to go buy me some Jelly Belly beans.

Tomorrow is the last day of 2005. This past year has been full of drama, secrets, unhappiness, and so much more. Hopefully within the coming year I'll be more open and honest with myself and others. Hopefully I'll find the confidence that I want and need. I'm a bigger girl and to myself that's something bad. The more I talk to people and everything, I realize that it actually isn't. I'm a beautiful girl, but in my own way. No I may not be movie beautiful, but I'm Jess beautiful. We all aren't perfect and we just have to accept our imperfections, because our imperfections make us who we are.

At the end of 2006 I'm hoping to be back in school, have the confidence I want and need, and to stop being scared of the world. It's time I let my wall down and do things and meet people. So some people won't like me and will prolly put me down, but others won't. No need to miss out on the good because of the bad.

I'll write more about the new year later.

Anyways my little hamster Oreo won't be around much longer. I've had him since November 1, 2003 and when I got him he was already full grown. Hamsters don't live forever and I knew that, but it still makes me sad. He's been everywhere with me. I just hope he makes it past tomorrow and into the beginning of 2006.

I'm going to end this now. I'll post another one in the next couple of days.