I feel truly blessed in my life. I feel at peace with so many things. God has truly taught and shown me things about myself and other people. I feel within this last year I have truly grown and changed as a person. I like who I am now...even if some people don’t.

Its funny how things occur in your life and you feel you have soo much support, and one day those same people you have been there for are no longer there for you. I was sad about it, but if these people were really down for me...they would be there.

I can’t worry about those things anymore. I have bigger things than myself to worry about, like the life thats growing inside of me. I have to nourish his body and soul and raise him like the gentleman I know he will one day become.

I’m going to be someone’s mommy. It still seems a little surreal, but we’ll see what happens. God please continue to bless me and guide me in the right direction. Thanks!

Love is a funny thing.  When it comes to love sometimes my heart and my mind don't feel the same way. I may know in my mind what I should do, but my mind can't tell my heart how to feel.

And it's funny how everyone always has advice on what you should do in regards to love.  People always know what they SHOULD do with their minds…it's just a different story when it comes to their actions. That's why I try not to shell out any advice and I never solicit it either…because I know what I HAVE to do, but most of the time I might not listen to my mind, but listen to my heart instead.

That's why love sometimes makes people crazy.  I think love is the only emotion that can provoke other emotions. You can love someone but at the same time be angry, sad, or happy.  It can also be like a drug.  For instance when you are happy in love, it can be a feeling of euphoria.  But adversely love can be destructive as well.  It can bring on feelings of jealousy and violence in some.  Or the loss of love can be like coming down from a drug and you can go into a mode of depression.

I always happen to love the wrong ones.  I am never interested in the men that will be dedicated and devoted to me…that would be too much like right.  It's always the ones that are opposite that I am attracted to, and vice versa.  The worse I treat someone, the more drawn to me they are. 'Like a moth to a flame burned by the fire'.  Love is a complicated game. 

Don't get me wrong, I am glad to have had the opportunity to have loved.  What is it they say 'it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all"?  There is some truth to that.  I am glad for the experience, but dang if it doesn't hurt when you loose at the game of love.

I guess that is why I am so guarded with my heart.  Sometimes I wonder if I will ever love again.  Only because it hurt so much the first time.  That's why I have been so callous in relationships I have been in since my first love. If I have a 'what the F***" attitude, then maybe I won't get hurt.  It has actually worked for the most part.  I say for the most part only because it is natural to develop feelings for someone the more time you spend with them.

But like someone told me, love is about taking risks.  I agree with that.  But it's hard to let your guard down, when someone has their guard up too. Like I tell men I have dated…I am not all the women in your life who has caused you pain.  But at the same token I am not willing to let my guard down for fear that I will get hurt. So we both want the other to give in, but not willing to make sacrifices. 

That's the thing about love.  Love is about sacrifices. I want someone who is willing to sacrifice for me and in turn I will do the same. I don't just want someone who is "IN LIKE" with me.  "IN LIKE" will usually fade away but LOVE is forever.  Well it should be anyway.  Love should be unconditional.  Even though you may not always like that person, you will always love that person.

Like Monica says "Hell Nah!".  I am getting rid of everything bad in my life. I guess since it is only the beggining of the year, its a good start. Just get rid of all the trash and baggage in my life that has been holding me down. I'd like to say that it has been men that have been holding me down....but then I would be telling a lie. It is I! I whom allowed these men to grace my presence. I have been consorting with the wrong type of man whom I have allowed to de-value, de-motivate, and de-stroy the very essence that is me. So to that I say HELL NAH. 

I need to get back what is me. Being that it is the beginning of the year I am cleaning out house. Cleansing myself and ridding my life of all the negativity.  Do you ever notice how negativity begats negativity?  It really does.  And when you around people who are positive...it helps you to be more positive too? I have been depressed about a lot of things in my life...but dwelling on my depression does nothing, but bring me down even more.  That ain't nothing but the devil. So again I say HELL NAH.

For the last couple of years I have been unproductive in regards to the visions and dreams I had laid out for myself.  I would initiate something and never complete the project I set out to complete. This year for me will be about transition, change, and improvement. 

Beginning with relationships, I will no longer lower my standard or accept less than what I am, just to be with someone. I no longer want the "casual" relationships I had come accustomed to, just to avoid developing feelings.  Because the last time I had one of those type of relationships...I actually caught feelings and ended up getting hurt in the process. Oh and I will try to stay away from having "physical" relationships until I meet that "special one". I'd like to say I would wait til I got married....hmmm could I do that? Well thats something I can work on.

In regards to my career, I would like to either get into a field that I enjoy or start a new business concept. Either way I want to do something that I enjoy doing. I want my work to be fun. So I will begin focusing on the things that I really enjoy doing and see if I can make a career of it. I guess I better get started and do the necessary research :0)

Most importantly, I would like to get right with God. Cleanse my spirit. I know I haven't been walking in the way of the Lord. Its soo much easier to do wrong. So I have been praying and reading more. I know there is a lot more I could and should be doing, but I gotta start somewhere. At least I realize the changes that I need to make.

No Title

I have given of myself: mind, body, and spirit. To which you did not deserve.

All you gave to me was a broken heart.

Now I'm feeling hurt.

You say you don't think you can love again and we can be "friends"

Well I don't want that in my life

So BABY think again!

You have too much baggage, in which I have none.

You have kids, ex-wife, and baby-mamma drama…

I should have just run!

Now looking back, I know you weren't meant for me.

Wish I would have known sooner,

But now I see clearly.

Just know that I am not messed up about you.

And I'll not be crying.

Over WHO???

Linda J. Lange

THE GAME

There are men that say that they are not about game…you say that and I'll reply the same.

How about those that say: I am not like the rest…you'll soon find that I AM THE BEST!

I roll my eyes because you spit out them lies and tell me in your stomach you get butterflies

When you see me.

Of course all men aren't the same, but somehow yall are playing the same game.

What is it? Do you guys read from the same book? If that's the case, I'd like to take a look.

What about those men that say lets just be real, and are quick to run when you tell them how you REALLY feel?

I've met guys that said I could be their wife, all I could say is first let me see if you're my type.

Then there was another one who said he wanted me to have is baby, all I could do was look and asked him if he was CRAZY.

I think sometimes you tell us what you think we want to hear.

Because that way you think we will allow you to get near

To our hearts.

I'm not saying that I am perfect, just want to let you know that I AM WORTH IT!

So keep on thinking you can play me, at the same time calling me your baby.

Because more than likely I am doing the same thing

Cuz baby there is no RING

On this finger.

Eventually I will grow tired of these charades and your playeristic ways.

It was fun while it lasted but now I think I can get past it.

Once you were my lover

Now all I can say is GAME OVER!

Linda J. Lange