the balance of life...

i miss my friends!  i miss the ones i had until new years eve, the ones up north, the ones i don't know how to talk to anymore, the one in cameroon...

with every gain is always a loss... we can never really have it all, and if it seems that some do, it's what's behind the scenes that matters...

i'm tired of petty and hurtful.  i just want to go out and have a beer and a deep dish pizza and go see a band and have some laughs.  i don't want to hear anymore about obama being a muslim racist terrorist who hates america or the differences between insurgents and extremists from a four letter country that may start with I.  i officially don't care (as long as hillary doesn't win) and i'm tired of being not "christian" enough or liberal cool enough or economic enough or green enough.

i want to be happy in my relationship that's completely legit and by which i came through no actual wrongdoing or harm to others, and not have others feel that i should feel guilty about it.  (I don't.)

i want people to drop their egos and for once pay attention to what they really care about besides of themselves and their image... and possibly recognize in doing so that the people they've abandoned might just be the friends they needed in the first place.

--------------------

in all this dream chasing and history making we worry about within our lives, the years pass quickly, devoid of foresight or hindsight or any kind of sight at times.  my past 6 years have been flown blindly on the whim of what my heart is saying.  sometimes my mouth says what my heart's thinking and i have to face the consequences of being all too honest and all too sensitive.  if only i could be a professional advocate, but even so i don't like people that much.

all i know is that growing up reading james herriot, and being the chief animal maintainance person in my family, and having horses...... the list continues... i'm finally trying to face the truth i've probably always known about myself:  i need to be a vet.

i only wish that in chasing my "heart" i'd have stopped being stubborn about school and listened closer. 

it's not just that i wanted to help *somebody*, i want to help animals.  large animals.  cattle.  horses.  dogs.  snakes.  i like them all.  i don't have an "eww" moment with anything animalian.  people, on the other hand, are gross.

so, facing this, and owning this all too late... 30 hours of school that i've already had, now staring me in the eye to repeat again because i couldn't get my hard head out my my ass and go back to school within an appropriate window of time.  6 years now, instead of 4.  i'll be 33 for chrissake. 

then what?  start a business or start a family?  at the same time?  pick one and not do the other?

as always, a work in progress...

i miss my friends from back home.  i miss dekalb.  i miss the Grove.  i miss the simplicity of bring drunk at buffalo wild wings or out in the country with my farmer friends.

the shootings at NIU have broken my heart and i'm not entirely sure why.  i didn't closely know anyone associated although my friend from grade school was in the class as well as several of my mom's former students.  and yet thinking about it gives me the chills and reading all the schools who "are all huskies today" makes me cry.

mostly i miss my friend and roommate carrie, who was a cornerstone for me through out my great transition from special rec to farm hand and back again.  i doubt she'll ever know the impact she had and continues to have on me and how much i miss her friendship.  i hate that i missed her marriage and everything that has made her happy the past year, although i celebrate her happiness.

i am happy right now.  i have found that person that makes me feel like the world makes sense, the figurative "the one, "  and i am happy with my life working in the hospital and making attempts at taking care of the 3 horses that depend upon me for food and love.

i only wish happiness for those around me.

that, and carrie, call me sometime.  i miss you.

amy.

i went to new mexico.  kit rocks!

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?Uc=45o2zv7.5ghjolrj&Uy=9w13d9&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0&mode=fromshare&conn_speed=1

i'm buying a house.  i also rock.

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?Uc=45o2zv7.8k9zrwj3&Uy=84djlq&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0&mode=fromshare&conn_speed=1

(bear in mind that an older lady currently lives there.  paint and coolness yet to come...)

(we salute you)

just wanted those who want to be in the know to know that i'm moving to alabama officially - for real now, no joking, no delays, ifs, ands, buts - maybe an unless or two, like "unless i get hit by a mack truck" or "unless..." (well, why tempt fate and list them?) - over memorial day weekend.  it is most likely that i will be driving down overnight wednesday the 23rd for physicals at work on the 24th.  i will officially start work - as a cardiovascular technician - in training - at a medical center in birmingham on tuesday the 29th.  so yay me, moving down right before a holiday weekend :)

third time's the charm.  thank god for forgiving housemates (and hopefully, forgiving sisters, friends, etc).  i'm sorry for the mass chaos that this move has been in a way, but i feel really good about being able to resolve things up here "like an adult" with regard to my business (training a replacement rider for my horse clients and getting a replacement apprentice for my farrier) - not to mention being able to pack up my life in a more organized fashion.

one black horse to follow sometime in mid-june.

and hooray to my chicago friends (all two of them that i actually see) - we get a few more grey's anatomy nights and mojo nights :)

see y'all in alabama...

and for those elsewhere- maybe you can come visit.  i'd say keep in touch, but we all know how that goes - i've done this move once already!  there's always myspace.

this summer... scratch that.  from here on out, i will live like i am dying.

sometime in may or june, i want to do this.  would love to have someone go with me, but am not afraid to go it alone either!

will be rafting the ocoee.  i need 5 volunteers to find a weekend and $90 to go rafting the entire course - upper and middle.  it's only $5 for camping.  they give you lunch between the two segments.  c'mon, it's only a day.

i don't have much money, but it's ok.  time to do something fun.

at least one weekend this summer, i will be going to the beach.  any compatriots?

"i ain't spending no more time wasted."

Meet my crazy cowboy uncle (who btw was a bounty hunter for the feds and is an ex marine.  he has first dibs on approving any prospective boys!), his baby horse, the desert, a lute-ar player, a lippizaner show.

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?Uc=45o2zv7.87sp9ik3&Uy=-xa9bwk&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0&mode=fromshare&conn_speed=1

Thanks to everyone who came out to the "surprise" party at the Grove last Friday - especially Chasidy, Billy, and Charissa for making the long and dark trip out to the sticks :)  Good times, good times...

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?Uc=45o2zv7.6ko2npwb&Uy=o7hz3l&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0&mode=fromshare&conn_speed=1

http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?Uc=45o2zv7.b7u37hyj&Uy=mieqzz&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0&mode=fromshare&conn_speed=1

Bulls and Broncs Saturday January 27 in Rockford.  Broncos were awesome; bulls were either too good to see much or the riders really sucked -  none of them made it 8 seconds!

feeeeeeegaro...feeeeeeeeegaro..... my 3 year old "kid."  he's a cut up.  he makes me laugh.  and every morning, he and killian make my day.  (if the rest of the day has to be bad, at least these two start it off right!) and my trip to alabama.  belated posting, i know.  (harv, i put em up for you in case you need to show off your curly hair in africa!)  miss y'all, love y'all.... http://www.kodakgallery.com/Slideshow.jsp?Uc=45o2zv7.5bh4t7ir&Uy=-dbtihl&Upost_signin=Slideshow.jsp%3Fmode%3Dfromshare&Ux=0&mode=fromshare&conn_speed=1

 

...because i really have had a bad week! Story: Police: Belvidere man shot into woman's car WOODSTOCK - A 72-year-old Belvidere man accused of firing two shots into a vacant car parked in Marengo might have retaliated against the wrong person, police said Thursday. Rudolph Marsili, of 8829 Poplar Grove Road, drove to the 1600 block of Deerpass Road ab-out 9:30 a.m. Wednesday and shot twice at a 2005 Scion xA, damaging the car's front and rear windows, McHenry County Sheriff's Lt. Don Carlson said. For more of this story, click on or type the URL below: http://www.nwherald.com/articles/2006/10/06/news/local/doc45261d3b7ea15140503481.txt