http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU

It made me cry

I thought of you today
  and a smile spread across my lips, turning them red
like I had just eaten a sweet berry

My stomach was full of butterflies and flip-flops
  I blushed, I felt my face warm
just like when we first came to be

The pounding in my heart, so intense
   a million possiblities
waiting to be explored

Your hand on my face
  as I breathe in your sweet smell
Waiting and trembling

Then succulent lips grazed mine
  for a breif moment
leaving me aching for more

So shiney and nice
  the steele as cold as ice
and it all comes melting down again

A warm embrace, familiar face?..
who says blood can't be a friend.

Warm and welcome, safe and secure
  at least you know what you get
from the warm, bloody cure

No surprises or betrayal

 just something that is able to make you sleep

 warm and safe
 at least for tonight

you take comfort in her voice
    when it used to be mine
driven apart by indifference
  through the last months of time
I want to be there for you
  but you won't let it be me
remember our begining
  our destiny?
You put up walls, but then broke through
Why am I still waiting?
  What can I do?
                 and we cry together
                            in separate rooms
     

    So if any of you have seen SLC Punk there is a shop owned by Elisabeth Gish's character. In real life it was, way back in the day, a real place, Cosmic Aeroplane. It was the 'naughty' store to visit. It was rumored to have tobacco pipes and accessories in the basement (a secret basement, you couldn't ask where it was, you just had to find the stairs and go down) on the main level  it's wares consisted of books and music, both LP's and cassette tapes and possibly a laser disk or two.
 
Being a good MORmON girl at the time I did not partake of tobacco nor anything else that would need a pipe (let alone wine glass) but I was always  embracing of new places and experiences. Which is what lead to my visit of said, book, music, tobacco accessory shop. My parents did NOT know I was visiting such a den of iniquity, I was riding along to bring an exchange student to the airport as it was time for Lena to go back to Denmark, and I had bonded with her and  back then you could walk someone to the gate.

 With my tummy dropping to my shoes, I followed our 'fearless' driver into THE store. He had been there before. He know where the stairs to the basement were. I felt my face flush as I grabbed the stair railing and determend I could do this ....and cautiously took each step down, carefully peeking over my shoulder, step, down, "does that look like a cop?"  step, down. "Does anyone here know my mom and dad?" "Is that my bishop?" step, down. By the time I was half way down, I was trying not to vomit, the absolute terror was so great.
 
 But, I had to go see that this kind of thing really did exsist in Utah. (I had moved from California, most of my friends smoked pot there, I didn't. It really wasn't a big deal, but in UTAH you are breaking the Word of Wisdom, hard core buddy!)
 
  I got to the bottom of the stairs took a glance at the tobacco accessory case and bolted right back upstairs and out of the building, to wait outside, for the driver. I was sure that jesus would strike me dead with lightning, or I'd be arrested, or MY parents would happen by... none of that happened. I had survived, but I was oh, so bold and had narrowly escaped 'god's' wrath at my visit visit to the only store of it's punk rock, nature in Utah at the time.

   Now check this out! My new place is actually the upper level of that building! I never thought about what's in the third floor? (apartments now) I didn't know the 'naughty store' I visited would end up being in an iconic movie about life in SLC, and I sure as hell didn't think I'd be living upstairs, not frightened at all, but quite at home.

 Kinda reminds me of that time Kevin Dubrois (however you spell it) the lead singer for Quiet Riot wanted to take a picture of me and my ex-husband, yeah, never saw that coming when I was in high school 'banging my head'........

Why does every man I'm with, go psycho, crazy and possessive.... and every ex whom I try and sincerely still want to be friends with (they obviously were someone I connected with and I wish the best in life for them) be an absolute dick?? Really are people that bad? Can't we 'just play nice' and 'get along'
 I am so lost............ 

Our kisses, so intense
  my head starts spinning
as kisses become more passionate
our love song is just beginning.
A sonata so intense....
   but it does start slow and sweet 
as we explore each other
and savor every inch of flesh
every taste, scent and sound
Suddenly I'm lost... and need you to complete me
   fill my thirst
               with your lust
   enter me
                with your thrust
as our love song crescendos......
 and we are lost and found again!

Spit on me, piss on me
    I'm not going anywhere-
Just like that big wad of gum
    stuck to the bottom of your shoe
Bitch at me, shit on me
     I'm not going anywhere
Just like that big wad of gum
    stuck to the bottom of your shoe
Drag me across the sidewalk
  rip my soul to shreds
  just like that big wad of gum
    stuck to thebottom of yor shoe
You're stuck with me-
                  So there-

June 30th 2003